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Second Life families issues.


DoctorKatherine1
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1 minute ago, belindacarson said:

That "persona" 😁 can change in an instant.  Reality check: there's a high probability that your "fam" members run about in other circles with ALTs living other lifestyles too, viewing this as just another standard run if the mill "RP fam"

Don't get so needlessly attached to a pretend family, just enjoy the lighter side of it.

 

Well do dear. ❤️

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10 hours ago, DoctorKatherine1 said:

Good question. Honestly at first it’s a roleplay family where we only hang when we see each other online until we decide to make a discord then begin talking more and more. I guess it became Roleplay to OOC without knowing because of the connection we have made. 

Then the issue may lie in a difference of emotional commitment. For you this seems to be an OOC family but if you are presenting it as roleplay to others they may not see it the same way. It sounds like you may need to discuss with the group if it is still indeed a roleplay at all now. 

Like I said in my last post, having a family connection with people through second life is valid, but trying to mix the IC and OOC connection with a larger group is a recipie for heartbreak. 

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On 1/28/2021 at 7:16 PM, DoctorKatherine1 said:

I see lot of people making family names but don't show any values in them and treat their members like nothing. 

Imma say second life family are consider something special and unique. They are like Houses with a name, sigil, and code they go by.

So why is it that most people make families but neglect those who expect love and care from them? 

What's the purpose of having a last name if you not gonna expand it or use it properly? 

What's the purpose of caring for someone but then ignore them while walking out of their life by disappearing?

 

 

I would like to throw in one possibility that I haven't seen mentioned in this thread yet, which I feel is best represented by a quote...

"Ain't nobody messin' with my motha*****in' clique"

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2 hours ago, XShaunaX Blinker said:

"Ain't nobody messin' with my motha*****in' clique"

This, right here, is what turns a whole lot of people off from the "family dynamic", in sl. So many people are all "if you mess with one of us...", "if you mess with..." and take it VERY seriously, to the point that they (as a collective, not just individuals, family, if you will) alienate/annoy/irritate/whatever people around them. That. in turn, gives off a horrible impression on other people in sl, of the individuals involved, of the collective, of the "family". That can also lead to some people choosing not to take such a "family" quite as seriously as others do, or simply not have that same connection you think you have with them.  MCs have the exact same effect, actually, most "collectives" or "cliques" if you will, do. 

It's one thing to joke "oh, mess with, such and such..." but not take it too seriously. But, many "families" (and I am using quotes, repeatedly, because this is defined so widely by those involved, it's hard to seriously call them all family, without the quotes, most are just cliques, lol) take it super cereal, and it's ridiculous, to say the least.

The fact that you feel like someone has been dropped like the proverbial hot potato so easily tells me that you likely took/take that connection with that person, or the connection they had with someone else(or a group) more seriously than they did. Some people think of "family members" more as friends than REAL family, in fact, I'd say the vast majority of people do. Sure you can have actual feelings, actual emotions, actual connections with people, but those can all fade just as easily as they do in rl for most folks without causing nearly as big of an emotional response. For most people, the connection isn't quite as real, for lack of better terminology on my part, as you might think. I have some very good friends in sl that I also know in rl and have for, well, over 14 years in most cases. Only a few of them are "family" per se', but there is still a connection, a bond, with all of them. 

No one is knocking your own personal connection with the collective you've determined as your "family", the defensiveness really isn't necessary. Usually, it's only present because there's some truth in what others are saying and you don't want that truth to exist. I can say, with absolute confidence, there are people within your own "family" that don't take it nearly as seriously, or personally, as you do (just as there is in ALL of them, rl, sl, doesn't matter).  So this whole "we're not like THAT in our family" spit is just that, spit.

Enjoy what you've got, while you've got it. Be grateful you've found what you have. Don't question others and/or their motives, unless you want to be the potato dropped off the back of the truck on the next sharp turn (cuz that's what happens when you start making waves for your general "collective" the way this thread probably will)

Edited by Tari Landar
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2 hours ago, Tari Landar said:

No one is knocking your own personal connection with the collective you've determined as your "family", the defensiveness really isn't necessary. Usually, it's only present because there's some truth in what others are saying and you don't want that truth to exist.

I think you misunderstood my sentiment. I was commenting ironically on the outlook I know others have. I don't personally participate in any family dynamic online :)

Edited by XShaunaX Blinker
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1 hour ago, XShaunaX Blinker said:

I think you misunderstood my sentiment. I was commenting ironically on the outlook I know others have. I don't personally participate in any family dynamic online :)

No, I didn't misunderstand you. Only part of my post was directed at the part of yours I quoted, I was agreeing with it. The rest was for the OP, lol. 

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9 hours ago, XShaunaX Blinker said:

I would like to throw in one possibility that I haven't seen mentioned in this thread yet, which I feel is best represented by a quote...

"Ain't nobody messin' with my motha*****in' clique"

My response to this kind of quote (aside from wetting myself laughing)... "oh no, please don't type nasty words at me."  *deadpan voice*

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4 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

"oh no, please don't type nasty words at me."  *deadpan voice*

   Aw, but I thought you liked it.

   My SL family don't really do the whole RP thing, aside from addressing and referring to each other as 'mum', 'sister', and 'brother'. I don't have any profile blurb about them because who they are isn't anybody's business - especially since all it does is expose them to potential griefers.

   Besides, as Jordan says, the sort of people who dedicate their profile to aggressively to try assert themselves and their, usually, presumably incestuous cliques of wanna-be-queen-bees and flexi-prim-long-haired, tanned muscle dudes whose only two dress codes are 'topless' and 'wearing an unfitted mesh suit from 2012' are nothing but pathetically laughter-inducing. What are you going to do, expose me to poor taste, illiterate whining, and juvenile cussing?

   A person so void of individual content that all they have to present themselves as, is as part of a rabble of riffraff, seldom get any attention past me skimming through their profile to giggle at them. Personally I don't much care for whether they're trying to be assertive or if they just come off as lost, needy, and emotionally volatile; if one's profile is used to advertise other people rather than introducing oneself, they probably aren't worth the time to utter a passing 'how do you do'. 

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When it comes to roleplay families you will run into issues like any other family (Like real life family) as an example I was in a RP family where people always fought and the family ended up breaking apart for no reason. (Happened not on SL) but in ways of treating others I think each family including an RP one should have rules on respect and what to do when problems occur. Sometimes things happen and there isn't anything you can do but you could always make your own RP family. That is what I do. I hope my response helps you out but don't give up.

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Those are all very good questions,  but unfortunately, you're never going to find a satisfactory answer to them.

To understand why, you need to understand who the player base is. I'm not saying to to be mean, or to try and make myself better than others because I'm not, and I fit right in with what I'm about to say. This is simply something that we need to keep in mind when asking any question this. A large number of people in SL are damaged in some way, especially when it comes to child avatars and the people around them. There is, 90-some percent of the time, a very real reason why people engage with this kind of roleplay, and those reasons can colour their actions later. Again, the vast majority those reasons aren't necessarily a bad thing, but it's important to understand the "why."

Speaking specifically about child avatars for a moment, there are a number of reasons why people play them. I know people who play child avatars because they suffered serious abuse as a child and are trying to recreate a happier childhood. I know people who play a child avatar and do family roleplay because they have a loss in their lives that hasn't be resolved yet. I know people who play child avatars because they were bullied or otherwise had a crappy childhood, and they want the agency to be able to reshape that and experience what could have been. And I know people who play child avatars because of an illness or disorder, like Dissociative Identity Disorder. Unfortunately, it seems like the kid community is made up of a lot of people with some kind of baggage or trauma attached.

The same seems to be true elsewhere in SL, and again, is common in family roleplay. Someone might have similar reasons for wanting a family. They may have loss in their lives, or they may be unable to have a family in real life. Whatever it is, that experience is colouring their actions. Simply put, if you have not had successful familial relationships in your life, you might not have a model for what that is supposed to look like. What that means is that there is a part of the whole SL family thing where people might be longing for a family, but then have no idea how to deal with that because of how their own upbringing went.

This, sadly, can be extended to other backgrounds as well. One of the first "dads" I had in SL had some kind of a developmental disorder, which causes a lot of impairment to his relationships. We wanted a family (children and spouse), but for whatever reason in his background, he wasn't able to deal with that. I suspect the same is true with a lot of "families." If someone lacks the experiences of caring/being cared for, or they lack those skills for some other reason, they are going to struggle with family roleplay because there is going to be a skills and coping weakness present that's going to affect their actions.

With that all being said, I do want to touch on this idea of "houses" or "dynasties." I personally don't like these. They seem to be really narcissistic in nature, don't always involve actual roleplay, and are more about joining a company for the purposes of bragging rights than it is about having a family. While I agree with the OP about the abandonment thing, I disagree that people need to "use" their names. How people choose to play is up to them. If all they want is to join a "house" so that they can say they're a part of it, great. That's just not what I'm interested in personally. I don't care who my dad, or my aunt, or my cousin are in terms of fame. They don't have to be anyone. That's because I'm more interested in person to person roelplaying and the personal relationship, not the name.

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