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Friends list - they add you today and delete you tomorrow


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Maybe some people treat their friends list like a Flickr followers count balance? Adding people hoping for a follow back, then remove them next day to make themselves look more popular than they are with higher followers numbers than they follow back.  It's all dumb, really.

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6 minutes ago, PermaRuthed said:

Maybe some people treat their friends list like a Flickr followers count balance? Adding people hoping for a follow back, then remove them next day to make themselves look more popular than they are with higher followers numbers than they follow back.  It's all dumb, really.

I don't follow everyone who follows me on Flickr.  I get tons of people who blog that I know do it just for the numbers.  I choose to follow a couple who I enjoy.  I also clean out who I follow there from time to time.  The difference being in SL, no one know how many friends you have unless you tell them.  By the way, I have 10.

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As many have said before me, friends list is a misnomer, it's a contact list. People are sensitive, their feelings get hurt easily and I try to do the least harm to others that I can. I don't turn down requests and I don't dump them on the sly.  However, I do protect my privacy.  Anyone who bombards me with IMs the second I log in doesn't get to see when I log in anymore. Anyone who gets offended because of that can de-friend me if they choose.

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12 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

Don't make me smack you!

   Hey, I could have said 3 instead.

   Wags eyebrows.

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3 hours ago, Anna Nova said:

If I friend someone, the first thing I do is turn off the 'can see when you are on-line' thing.

So that makes it worthless!

Result. 

No log-in 'Hi, how are u?' chorus!

Whenever I bring up social management tools to Lindens they seem to think that the moment we can manage our contacts we'll stop socializing entirely. But the opposite is true. Since we can't manage our contacts we end up hiding our login status from everyone.

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5 hours ago, Anna Nova said:

If I friend someone, the first thing I do is turn off the 'can see when you are on-line' thing.

So that makes it worthless!

Result. 

No log-in 'Hi, how are u?' chorus!

I used to do this automatically, but I rethought it after pissing some people off and I decided that it's better to wait a bit and see if I need to or not.  I am not so paranoid that I don't want anyone to know when I'm on-line.  I just hate it when people don't give me time to settle in, read my messages, change my clothes and do whatever I logged in to do.  I don't like conversations that begin with Hi, followed by a long silence. I especially don't like to see them the second I log in. If someone has something in particular to say to me, then say it, damn it. If not, why not save innocuous greetings for when one sees me in a social context, at a club or event.

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8 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

I have 66.  Not long ago I had over 100...in the before times....before the purge!  

This reminds me that I am due to perform another purge --- noted for when I log inworld this evening.

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When I 1st came to SL I was told never to talk to anyone or offer friendship because everyone was too busy for that so I didn't. I never refused if it was offered to me I always accepted. BUT I never talked to them unless they spoke 1st. I recall asking, if this is a chat platform what is the point of NOT chatting !

Then I found myself at NCI, inc. http://www.nci-sl.info/blog/. I became a helper and taught classes to newbies. I made friends who talked to each other. Then I got a job in SL and added contacts due to business . Forever I added who offered , I rarely offered unless it was business. 

One day I did a huge purge of those who had come and gone. From a couple hundred to 55. My fs list has changed often since day 1. 

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I treat it exactly like a contact list. If someone wants to remain in contact, they should be on the list.

If they haven't spoken to me in weeks or months, it's clear they don't want to remain in contact, and I remove them. Few have complained, and those that have either change their behavior or find someone else to complain to about it.

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Because: Despite having "DOES NOT FRIEND ON FIRST MEET" prominently displayed in your profile,
People still do it.
If I have no dislike of the individual,
I might defriend a couple of days later rather than direct them to read the profile.

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There is this community tab in the FS viewer and I tick "reject all friendship requests."  Along with that rejection I have a typed response  as to why that pops up.  As an alternative I offer a calling card.   If anyone gets offended that's on them.  I never hide my online presence and if I want to contact anyone I can always look them up.  I have five people that are on my friends list and two of those rarely log in anymore.  They have been near and dear to me since the early days of my SL.  If you make it on to my friends list you are pretty darn special.  Don't hold your breath as I haven't added anyone for 5 years now.

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17 hours ago, Cinos Field said:

It's generally too awkward for me to decline friend requests.

You could just ignore the request. And when they later ask you say: "Me? I never got yours. Must be a glitch. Typical SL." lol

Edited by Doc Carling
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I have 70 residents on my list at the moment. With about 15 I'm more or less in touch. The rest are names of friends from former times which left SL. I keep them for nostalgic reasons. 

Edited by Doc Carling
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Nobody "needs" to contact me so badly that they "need" to see my online status when I login or out.  If they do, they can buy or script themselves an object to do it, I won't be complicit.  Lots of people seem to have forgotten that friends know who they are, you know who they are.  I never needed a list before SL and I don't need one now.

Addendum:  In my world you offer someone friendship by just being there for them, nothing more.

Edited by Gabriele Graves
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On 1/12/2021 at 2:52 AM, Cinos Field said:

It's generally too awkward for me to decline friend requests. So I tend to accept and then remove later if I decide we don't really know each other well enough yet.

Really is.

The times I declined a couple people continued asking if they could friend the next day and the next. What the heck. It's easier to just accept the add and move on.

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11 hours ago, Cougar Sangria said:

There is this community tab in the FS viewer and I tick "reject all friendship requests."  Along with that rejection I have a typed response  as to why that pops up.  As an alternative I offer a calling card.   If anyone gets offended that's on them.  I never hide my online presence and if I want to contact anyone I can always look them up.  I have five people that are on my friends list and two of those rarely log in anymore.  They have been near and dear to me since the early days of my SL.  If you make it on to my friends list you are pretty darn special.  Don't hold your breath as I haven't added anyone for 5 years now.

This is what I've done for the last few years.  I've always preferred just running into people I know or have talked to before.  When I'm feeling social, I'm out socializing.  What I hated was people who would IM with, Hey, what are you doing?" the moment I logged in.  Really?  What do you think I'm doing since I logged in 5 seconds ago?   It's as if they know I'm not doing anything yet so when they say, "wanna hang out?" I can't use the excuse that I'm busy.  Those were always the people who offered friendship after one nice chat and why I now have the reject all friend requests turned on.

So yes, I agree with @Gabriele GravesStalker list.

Edited by RowanMinx
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