Friends list - they add you today and delete you tomorrow

[Doc Carling]

That happened to me few times in the last weeks.They added me and deleted me two or three days later. Not hat I did anything to offend them. Well, I will survive. I just think the friendslist in the current form is useless. The only option you have is to add and delete a resident as friend. In my opinion there should be states of friendship which you can offer. Three perhaps. Stranger at first, then friend and on top soulmate/best friend or something similar. That would allow to part random pickups from real friends. Just an idea. 

PS: I just notice that this post  fits better in the "Make friends" forum. Sorry. Perhaps the moderation can move it.

Edited January 11, 2021 by Doc Carling

[MoiraKathleen]

Maybe share your Calling Card with them instead, at first?   And if it evolves into a friendship down the road, offer a friend request. 

[Marianne Little]

If I get a friends request and am unsure if I want it, I accept and then delete it when I see the person is not logged in.

[Doc Carling]

Calling cards are useful, yes. I meant the current friendlist version doesn't give you any options to differ. Soulmates, loose contacts, business partners you want to stay in touch with, they all are listed under the same category "friend". I think, if there were the option to diversify, the friendslist would win perhaps much value.

Edited January 11, 2021 by Doc Carling

[Rowan Amore]

That's what contact sets are for?  I just avoid the whole mess and friend no one.

[Doc Carling]

52 minutes ago, MoiraKathleen said:

Maybe share your Calling Card with them instead, at first?   And if it evolves into a friendship down the road, offer a friend request. 

If someone offers friendship to you and you answer, no, lets exchange calling cards, I fear the reaction will be rather negative.

[Penny Patton]

People take this way too personally. Probably because it's called a "friends list" when it should be called a "contacts list".

For what it's worth, I also believe we should be able to organize contacts into categories and assign different permissions to different categories. Such as determining what contacts can see when you log on/off, as well as being able to hide your login status from your entire contacts list if need be, then revert to your regular settings later without having to go through each individual contact to change permissions.

I'm extremely hesitant to add anyone to my contacts list these days because my list is so large that every time I log in I get bombarded with IMs from people. I had to go through and hide my login status from my entire contact list a while back because I was getting 20 or more IMs every single time I logged in, making it impossible to get anything done without outright ignoring people, which of course they also take personally.

I've been saying this for years but I'll never understand why SL lacks such basic social management tools that other platforms have provided for decades.

[Ren Toxx]

1 hour ago, Doc Carling said:

[...] I fear their reaction [...]

... which is exactly what many of them are counting on. And that, in turn, is why you should stick to your guns. You’ll only get that reaction once, and your Friends list will have less people inclined to manipulate you.

[belindacarson]

More to the point: is it really such a big deal? 🤔

[Alwin Alcott]

2 hours ago, Doc Carling said:

If someone offers friendship to you and you answer, no, lets exchange calling cards, I fear the reaction will be rather negative.

perfect reaction isn't it? You know immediatly why not to add them.

For business things i use a group, keeps my friendslist for what it says: friends... and many friends arent on any list, i know who they are.
A list to see only logging messages isn't very bad to skip.

[Alwin Alcott]

3 hours ago, Marianne Little said:

If I get a friends request and am unsure if I want it, I accept and then delete it when I see the person is not logged in.

i mostly ignore the request, and if they ask didn't you get it?... it's no, lets try again.
Must be a glitch, let me relog ... (=bye bye)

people i meet once... no need to add unless they "feel" very special/potential for any reason.

[Marianne Little]

10 minutes ago, Alwin Alcott said:

i mostly ignore the request, and if they ask didn't you get it?... it's no, lets try again.
Must be a glitch, let me relog ... (=bye bye)

people i meet once... no need to add unless they "feel" very special/potential for any reason.

I have no problem ignoring the ones that come on to me the moment we meet. There are those who are more friendly and civil, that are harder to flat out refuse. But I get an uneasy feeling the next day or the next.

[Rat Luv]

Wow...all this time and I didn't even know there was a difference between the friends list and contact cards. I thought contact cards just appeared in the folder automatically after you friended someone or accepted friendship. I don't even know HOW to send a separate contact card request...

Now wondering how many people on my list thought "We've only just met...why is she offering friendship already?" 

[BelindaN]

I rarely ask to friend. But after a decent first chat, I accept requests, even though I might get second thoughts soon after.  So I might accept a couple in a week, but it's not many. The worst are those who ping as soon as I log on. I have stuff to do. So pestering will likely mean defriending.

Yeah I defriend people, and people defriend me. It's really no big deal.

Edited January 11, 2021 by BelindaN

[Anita61 Anatine]

Exactly what I use the contact list in Firestorm for. You can add people there that aren't part of your friendlist, customers for instance. Also you can give them different chat colors 

 

[Yuumo Ichibara]

Just exchange calling cards and utilize contact sets. I stopped friend-ing and accepting FRs since 2011. And I lived happily ever after!

[ClariceRose]

11 minutes ago, Yuumo Ichibara said:

Just exchange calling cards and utilize contact sets. I stopped friend-ing and accepting FRs since 2011. And I lived happily ever after!

I suggest that a lot but so many get butthurt that they can't see you when you log on/off. It can be really annoying when I log on and am swarmed with 10 IMs flashing and nothing has even loaded yet. Grrrr. More people need to realize that we are not at their beck and call.

[Dafadilia Wayfarer]

I've always been way too shy to offer friendship to anyone for the most part. I'm also not comfortable accepting friendship requests unless I've gotten to know the person for awhile. It's less hassle this way and I feel if people cannot understand this, they aren't worth the time and effort a friendship takes. On either side. These days I'm rarely open to new friendships. I have a caring family and quite content with the small circle that has been part of my life for years. I'm not a people person though.

I've had others offer friendship over the years only to remove me right after. I find this a silly thing to do, but that is up to them. It isn't any of my business. People are going to do what they will do. The only person you have control over is yourself and your actions. I figure that when someone removes me, I'm more than likely better off for it. From past experiences, this has proven more than true.

I do think a new friendship list layout would be a nice change.  

Edited January 11, 2021 by Dafadilia Wayfarer

[Love Zhaoying]

I would not "delete" someone, but I would hide my online presence if they were too annoying.

If they were always annoying, at times when I reveal my online presence to them, then I would eventually defriend.

[Rat Luv]

So is offering friendship seen as bad etiquette if you meet someone for the first time? I just see it as a way of saying 'let's stay in touch'. 

Personally I don't care if people see I'm online. I find it useful sometimes. Like, the other night when I went to Manoji's gallery... if I'd seen someone online who I knew likes art, I might've sent a TP or LM. And when I was hosting in clubs, it meant if another host dropped out at the last minute, the club owner could see I was online and ask me if I could fill in.

Maybe I'm lucky, I've not had people go mad if I don't reply straight away. Some people on my list might have been people I met in a sandbox in 2012 and haven't spoken to since - but WHAT IF they win the lottery and decide to share it with everyone on their SL friends list? 💲😻

[Orwar]

3 minutes ago, Rat Luv said:

So is offering friendship seen as bad etiquette if you meet someone for the first time? I just see it as a way of saying 'let's stay in touch'. 

   People are very different with how they use their contacts. Some even waste profile space to make an aggressive comment about how they'll get hurt in the feels if someone adds them without asking.

   Those who add me either learn that I'm not available at all times, or sort themselves out. Personally I seldom add people, when I do I usually ask first though. 

   Some people have been on my list for years and years, some without us having spoken for a very long time - I'm not really bothered by it, but I will unfriend people if they never made a lasting impression and I'm bored. I never pay attention to nearby chat to be annoyed by people logging in or out anyway.

[Love Zhaoying]

Offer friendship before, or after "doing it", or just depending on how it went?

[Bree Giffen]

Love, that particular category of friendship is "friend with benefits".

[Solar Legion]

There is no need to have different labeled levels of friend/contact within the main list itself. we have Contact Sets (in TPVs for certain, not sure about the LL Viewer) on top of permissions that can be set.

Just met someone and accepted their request? Leave the default of being able to see you Online, on. Gotten friendlier with them? Allow them to see your location. The final permission should be reserved for those you absolutely trust (among other circumstances).

[Pomeline Pancake]

I don't have enough social energy to be available to strangers and acquaintances. Even the pinging noise and flashing im box produces sensory anxiety. Wish this wasn't the case. Definitely guilty of accepting requests in the moment and deleting them later.

Edited January 12, 2021 by Pomeline Pancake
derp