wife says sex in Second Life is porn?

[Love Zhaoying]

On 12/28/2020 at 12:54 PM, Silent Mistwalker said:

Do not want.

Stolen to go with my other Husky memes! 

[Prokofy Neva]

On 12/27/2020 at 6:07 PM, Macy Wezzog said:

My wife has caught me in RP having sex,tying females and she says that is porn and i'm cheating on her when do is she right?

Of course it's porn. Like flipping through a porn magazine is porn. It's no different. The difference in SL is the porn talks back.

[Kitteh Whiskers]

If you have a RL wife and get RL punani, why would you be interested in SL pixel one? Unless the RL one is ..... well ............. uninteresting to you anymore or ever 😂

 

 

Regardless, you got CAUGHT meaning, you were being naughty and hiding from you RL wife. Tsk tsk  

[SpiritSparrow Skydancer]

On 1/1/2021 at 11:57 AM, binder59 said:

not all sex is porn , its about love not lust, and sex should be enjoyed and not treated just as a baby making tool, its in our nature to peform it, and should not be treated as taboo subject, its about the joining of to people in a act of love 

actually, when it is on screen in SL it is porn...  Love or lust has nothing to do with it..

Edited January 4, 2021 by Tarina Sewell

[Orwar]

   I probably shouldn't get iffy about the semantics but no, SL isn't 'porn', and being intimate in SL doesn't make it 'porn'.

   Pornography is a form of adult media in the form of either text, images, video or audio with the intent of being consumed by / sold to an audience.

   Private intimacy is not pornography.

   What a spouse might object to, and generally rightfully so, is if someone uses Second Life to live out erotic or romantic adventures behind their backs. Such behaviour may be regarded as adultery, which obviously is a breach of mainstream convention of monogamous partnerships.

   If you want to 'play around', that should be something that you discuss with your partner. Having open relationships, or specific allowances for doing things online, isn't that uncommon these days - but a relationship is only open with consent from all parties involved; without consent it's plainly cheating.

[Karlee Heartsong]

Jealousy is a very weird thing. It must be talked about between the people involved wether it is real life or second life. The avatars have living, breathing people behind them. Many people, males & females believe that having sex in SL is cheating. It is not porn.

If you were "caught" then, to me, it means you felt like you were cheating too. My advice is to always be up front about SL or any other virtual social community with your partner, wife, husband, girl friend, boy friend, what ever.

My husband and I both are in SL. We have rules for our behavior here. We trust one another and their is no jealousy in our relationship. If either of us breaks the rules, we talk it out. It is a matter of maturity, love, and trust. Trust is the biggest issue. We both know that neither of us are going anywhere. Plus we keep our SL lives away from each other but we do discuss them often.

[Silent Mistwalker]

While having sex in SL is not porn in and of itself per se, it does not mean that porn has not occurred and/or does not exist in SL. It has happened and it does happen. 

IMO, the definition of porn is subjective, just as all definitions mean different things to different people for different reasons.

[Drake1 Nightfire]

On 12/28/2020 at 1:22 AM, Caroline Takeda said:

Hi folks,

A thread with the word porn in the title. One would expect me to answer. So here we go .:-)
A funny thing about our forum: We get a troll and still manage to turn it into an interesting debate. Well done residents.

Back to topic:

Wether or not Second Life sex is porn, is subject to the perception of the person in question. In this (presumably fake, hence theoretical) case, the wife percieves sl sex as porn, hence in this context it is porn. What really strikes me odd here is that watching porn, in whatever shape or form, is theoretically considered cheating.

Seriously?

As most of you guys know, I run a couple of Second Life related websites of adult nature (yes, porn basically). Those produce more traffic than most non-sexual-second-life blogs together (excluding some really outstanding tutorial-style websites such as Strawberry Singh’s and a few others). People do read /watch (respond to/ interact with pornographic content. Fact.

My educated guess is that not all of my readers are singles. That means statistically there are hundreds of people on my sites cheating every day  -  if watching porn is considered cheating that is (I can see that on Google Analytics).

My take:

No, it is not cheating, it is self-stimulation, nothing wrong with that (especially when he “saves the last dance for her").

 

 

Its cheating, just like a phone sex call would be cheating, or a cam girl would be. If someone other than your partner is getting you off, its cheating.. 

11 hours ago, Orwar said:

   I probably shouldn't get iffy about the semantics but no, SL isn't 'porn', and being intimate in SL doesn't make it 'porn'.

   Pornography is a form of adult media in the form of either text, images, video or audio with the intent of being consumed by / sold to an audience.

   Private intimacy is not pornography.

   What a spouse might object to, and generally rightfully so, is if someone uses Second Life to live out erotic or romantic adventures behind their backs. Such behaviour may be regarded as adultery, which obviously is a breach of mainstream convention of monogamous partnerships.

   If you want to 'play around', that should be something that you discuss with your partner. Having open relationships, or specific allowances for doing things online, isn't that uncommon these days - but a relationship is only open with consent from all parties involved; without consent it's plainly cheating.

por·nog·ra·phy

/pôrˈnäɡrəfē/

noun

printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.

Says nothing about an audience there. 

SLex is digital porn. Unless its all done in chat, then its just a text between two people. When you add in the visuals it becomes porn. 

[Orwar]

3 minutes ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

por·nog·ra·phy

/pôrˈnäɡrəfē/

   Appeal to Definition:

   "Using a dictionary’s limited definition of a term as evidence that term cannot have another meaning, expanded meaning, or even conflicting meaning.  This is a fallacy because dictionaries don’t reason; they simply are a reflection of an abbreviated version of the current accepted usage of a term, as determined by argumentation and eventual acceptance.  In short, dictionaries tell you what a word meant, according to the authors, at the time of its writing, not what it meant before that time, after, or what it should mean."

[LittleMe Jewell]

30 minutes ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

If someone other than your partner is getting you off, its cheating.. 

Only if said partner has not okay'd it. 

There are those folks with very open relationships.

 

[Drake1 Nightfire]

49 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Only if said partner has not okay'd it. 

There are those folks with very open relationships.

 

Well, yes, but in this instance is what i was referring to. His wife is pissed, therefore its cheating. 

[LittleMe Jewell]

1 hour ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

Well, yes, but in this instance is what i was referring to. His wife is pissed, therefore its cheating. 

Yes, but the thread is on page 6 and you were responding to someone else.  Thus the initial context may not have been clear for all who might read your response.

 

[Desiree Moonwinder]

Back before no-fault divorces, one spouse would withhold conjugal visits to drive the other spouse to cheat, and thus obtain a better divorce settlement.  I think this is  still practiced in some high-end divorces.  Its also important for psychological reasons to make the other person the 'bad guy' when explaining a breakup to family.  

What you have to ask yourself is whether she's

(A.) Mad because you didn't come to her for attention, or

(B.) Mad because you found an outlet for your energies that may not be as useful to her--whether in a court of law or the court of public opinion.  

 

[Silent Mistwalker]

20 hours ago, Orwar said:

In short, dictionaries tell you what a word meant, according to the authors, at the time of its writing, not what it meant before that time, after, or what it should mean."

That's not exactly true either. Some dictionaries do keep older meanings. Like Webster's. There is a reason you don't throw out old dictionaries. I regret having lost mine in a move. 😞

[JanuarySwan]

19 hours ago, Desiree Moonwinder said:

Back before no-fault divorces, one spouse would withhold conjugal visits to drive the other spouse to cheat, and thus obtain a better divorce settlement.  I think this is  still practiced in some high-end divorces.  Its also important for psychological reasons to make the other person the 'bad guy' when explaining a breakup to family.  

What you have to ask yourself is whether she's

(A.) Mad because you didn't come to her for attention, or

(B.) Mad because you found an outlet for your energies that may not be as useful to her--whether in a court of law or the court of public opinion.  

 

I have to say I'd wonder what is going on in the real life relationship that he is seeking attention and sex elsewhere.  I'd assume he's in a sex-less relationship; and, if he's not, he's spending himself here (or alone in his home doing the thang if you know what I mean) that he's probably not interested in sex with her - he's spent already.

If it were me, I'd rather my spouse be on SL than out cheating in real life because of health concerns for one.  I'm not sure a SL entanglement would be a deal breaker for me.  A real life one, most likely would.  

Relationships are work.  If the two don't want to work at it anymore, they should decide that between themselves.    

[Tari Landar]

19 hours ago, Desiree Moonwinder said:

Back before no-fault divorces, one spouse would withhold conjugal visits to drive the other spouse to cheat, and thus obtain a better divorce settlement.  I think this is  still practiced in some high-end divorces.  Its also important for psychological reasons to make the other person the 'bad guy' when explaining a breakup to family.  

What you have to ask yourself is whether she's

(A.) Mad because you didn't come to her for attention, or

(B.) Mad because you found an outlet for your energies that may not be as useful to her--whether in a court of law or the court of public opinion.  

 

This has got to be one of the strangest, although perhaps interesting in a way, replies to this I've seen yet. Ignoring the fact that no one can drive another to cheat (free will and all that) for a moment though....

How about

C-Mad because OP is an inconsiderate sod

D-Mad because OP broke/abused/misused her trust (in OP, their relationship,  honesty)

E-Mad because OP's temporary sexual gratification was, at least temporarily, more important to OP than she was

F-Mad, because OP deserves her being mad because of all the above...and likely more

Whether or not sex in sl is porn or cheating to anyone but the OP's wife, is irrelevant, really. Though I do personally agree it very much can be both, and usually is to at least one party, that's neither here nor there. She says it's cheating, and porn, and she is the one hurt. Anyone that has to ask these questions..."Is it cheating?", "Is it porn", after first describing a life partner that was clearly hurt by the actions, is an (insert your own explicative here, mine are NSFF), and not a very bright one. 

OP, I hope all your sl appendages are bitten off one by one by the sl version of the langoliers, never to be seen or heard from again for your transgressions.  Odds are pretty good, it wasn't a one off (and hopefully it wasn't even an off to begin with, since she caught you mid-off). If you want to salvage whatever relationship you have, get the hell off the internet and go fix it with the one person that matters (which I hope you've done by now, since you haven't returned). 

 

Edited January 6, 2021 by Tari Landar

[SpiritSparrow Skydancer]

On 1/5/2021 at 2:47 PM, Orwar said:

   Appeal to Definition:

   "Using a dictionary’s limited definition of a term as evidence that term cannot have another meaning, expanded meaning, or even conflicting meaning.  This is a fallacy because dictionaries don’t reason; they simply are a reflection of an abbreviated version of the current accepted usage of a term, as determined by argumentation and eventual acceptance.  In short, dictionaries tell you what a word meant, according to the authors, at the time of its writing, not what it meant before that time, after, or what it should mean."

 

SO, Bad is not bad, bad is good because a group of people said it was so. And in 20 years it might mean mild because a group of people will determine bad to be mild and so on and so forth.

 

[SpiritSparrow Skydancer]

3 hours ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

That's not exactly true either. Some dictionaries do keep older meanings. Like Webster's. There is a reason you don't throw out old dictionaries. I regret having lost mine in a move. 😞

I love the smell of a good leather bounded dictionary.

Edited January 6, 2021 by Tarina Sewell
hehe ops

[Orwar]

25 minutes ago, Tarina Sewell said:

SO, Bad is not bad, bad is good because a group of people said it was so. And in 20 years it might mean mild because a group of people will determine bad to be mild and so on and so forth.

   That is in fact precisely how languages work, and how words change meaning over time. 

   "Hussy" used to be slang for "housewife", just as Frauenzimmer used to refer to a woman's room, a hundred years later it referred to the attendants of a woman, a hundred years later it referred to women of low status, and today it's considered a derogatory term for women in general - the Swedish evolution of the word went much the same way, being adapted as 'fruntimmer' which was used as an honorary term for women of status (especially when addressing someone in old timey third person fashion), to being something really quite misogynistic. 

   That's off the point though. No one goes around saying they make pornography with their spouse, or that they go to browse pornography in a strip club or brothel, or that things 'got pornographic' with that girl they hooked up with at the club last weekend. Well, unless they're in a Shakespearean play, perhaps.

   ... ...

   "I tell thee, cousin, t'was most wondrous - I took'th her by t'hand, and ere the sun shone o'er the hills, we madeth such sweete pornography; t'was truly dench!"

[Sprout Evergarden]

It's funny in my culture we have this concept called "emotional cheating" and it's a huge NO in a relationship the moment you fall in love with someone else even if you never do anything else its bad and worse than if you just went out and paid for sex something to think about if your fooling around in second life with a person and developing feelings for them as strong as love you are emotionally cheating if this is the case you and you may want to look at why you are going online to get some form of emotional validation your not getting from your partner. And couples therapy may be needed.

[foneco Zuzu]

Edited January 7, 2021 by foneco Zuzu

[Jackson Redstar]

just say it wasn't even you! it was a alt!

[SpiritSparrow Skydancer]

3 hours ago, Orwar said:

   That is in fact precisely how languages work, and how words change meaning over time. 

   "Hussy" used to be slang for "housewife", just as Frauenzimmer used to refer to a woman's room, a hundred years later it referred to the attendants of a woman, a hundred years later it referred to women of low status, and today it's considered a derogatory term for women in general - the Swedish evolution of the word went much the same way, being adapted as 'fruntimmer' which was used as an honorary term for women of status (especially when addressing someone in old timey third person fashion), to being something really quite misogynistic. 

   That's off the point though. No one goes around saying they make pornography with their spouse, or that they go to browse pornography in a strip club or brothel, or that things 'got pornographic' with that girl they hooked up with at the club last weekend. Well, unless they're in a Shakespearean play, perhaps.

   ... ...

   "I tell thee, cousin, t'was most wondrous - I took'th her by t'hand, and ere the sun shone o'er the hills, we madeth such sweete pornography; t'was truly dench!"

 

Just like No means No.

Just because someone thinks it means yes, does not make it anything more than No.

 

 

[backtoback2]

Porn gets a bad name.   Would she rather you get some from some girl in a bar or a hooker

Edited January 7, 2021 by backtoback2
Add

[Damian Mills]

On 12/27/2020 at 3:07 PM, Macy Wezzog said:

My wife has caught me in RP having sex,tying females and she says that is porn and i'm cheating on her when do is she right?

Let's take this one at a time.  

Is it porn?  Um... not by any normal definition I can think of.  I suppose an incredibly repressed person might think of all sex as porn but.... ewwwwww.

Is it cheating?  I think that's a poor question.  Who cares if it is "cheating" or not?  That's just a buzz word specifically intended to obscure the facts of the situation with a big red flag.  Here's some questions I think are more relevant:

• Does your wife want you to do this?  If not, then whether or not it was cheating before, it certainly is if you do it AFTER knowing that and you hide it from her.  That'd be like the textbook definition of cheating.
• Is it good for your marriage?  And here I'm assuming you value your marriage.  If you do, then who cares whether it ought to annoy your wife?  It does and that's the reality you need to deal with.

I had sex with someone in SL a long time ago and honestly I did not see it as being unfaithful to my wife.  She did.  We had a conversation about it and that was the end of that.  Do I feel bad about doing it initially?  No I do not.  We just didn't see the situation eye to eye.  But after the conversation we DID see eye to eye and so it doesn't happen any more.  I'd feel pretty bad about myself if I did it now.  The bottom line is my wife is important to me and so what bothers her, bothers me.