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25 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

I have been pondering how to respond to this, or if I should even bother, and I decided I am not going to bother with a huge one, just make one simple comment.

I find it disingenuous.  You have done nothing but hide who you are behind your kink until this month.  That is 10 months of hiding behind a facade.  I don't know how anyone could get to know you back in return.

I am definitely a member of the @Orwar club of not liking people too much.

Fair. Now if anyone here wants to get to know me, they can. Of course trusting me is a different issue. That's my own fault for what I came into SL for, and not understanding that the forums are different than inworld. Really though ,what difference does it make? The opinions I've stated are still mine, whether or not people liked them or not .I would like to retract a few of course, but I can't. I didn't RP a personality, and I wouldn't admit to that considering how many times I've pissed people off if I didn't mean it. Think about that.. I was advised to delete this account and start a new one. I'm sorry, but I wont. I accept the responsibility of my actions and my words.  i would just end up telling someone who I was anyways, and I don't want to go through that kind of thing in SL ever again.

Edited by Bagnu
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hmm.. when it comes to SL relationships I always start from a position of being suspicious & cautious.  Reason being that a lot of people come here to explore different things that they might neve

No one is in any way offended by who or what you are attracted to. What was appalling, was how you expressed your idea of what a woman is, what womanhood is. Had you just diddled around in private aro

I'm not a huge fan of people, especially crowds of people, in either world. I'm not so much so, to the point that I'm completely socially inept, but I'll pick a quiet evening at home over a night-out

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6 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

Fair. Now if anyone here wants to get to know me, they can. Of course trusting me is a different issue. That's my own fault for what I came into SL for, and not understanding that the forums are different than inworld. Really though ,what difference does it make? The opinions I've stated are still mine, whether or not people liked them or not .I would like to retract a few of course, but I can't. I didn't RP a personality, and I wouldn't admit to that considering how many times I've pissed people off. I was advised to delete this account and start a new one. I'm sorry, but I wont. I accept the responsibility of my actions and my words.  i would just end up telling someone who I was anyways, and I don't want to go through that kind of thing in SL ever again.

What was your kink, if you don't mind my asking. I'm a bit confused cause I thought kinks in SL were supposed to be ok.

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6 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

Fair. Now if anyone here wants to get to know me, they can. Of course trusting me is a different issue. That's my own fault for what I came into SL for.

I would be firmly in the camp of not trusting you, and not because of what you did or didn't do on a forum board.  If ANYONE I had formed a relationship with, friendship or more, and I had opened up and shared aspects of my life with them, trusted and let them into my life (something hard for me to do at the best of times) and then I found out that their whole SL was a lie, they weren't who they made out they were and it was all them living out a fantasy...well the friendship would be destroyed.

That you came into SL and chose to be what you were is not what is at fault here.  We all have the choice and freedom to do that and I do not hold that against you.  Where I do believe you messed up was getting deeper involved with people and not trusting them enough to be honest and give them the choice to bow out or continue the relationships.  That is where you lost any trust people might have in you.

16 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

not understanding that the forums are different than inworld. 

I don't believe the forums are different from inworld...insomuch that people tend to have the same personalities in both mediums.  The difference as I see it is that you come across a wider range of people here that you may never meet inworld, and your words are visible to that wider audience.

19 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

i would just end up telling someone who I was anyways, and I don't want to go through that kind of thing in SL ever again.

I don't believe you owe it to everyone to let them into every little detail of your life, but if you are going to be in a relationship with them, be it intimate or a deep friendship, then yes, you should be honest and open about it.  But you also have to be able to trust them to not use that information against you.  I have shared personal stuff with people in the past who then turned around and used it against me or broadcast it publicly, so now I find it incredibly hard to trust anyone or let people get close to me.  As for me, I have a line in the sand.  What you do and say in SL is fair game.  Personal RL stuff goes with me to the grave...no matter how much I may dislike you intensely.

I hope you mean what you say now and wish you a happy, more honest, SL.

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I can be a great person

I can be an absolute irresponsible ***** -usually due to one of my personal limitations (anxiety, depression, etc). 

I understand the urge to hide behind saying that you're an *****, a horrible person; I've done that. 

Sometimes it's not an unwillingness to deal with one's own issues, but a matter of having blind spots about how and why you do the things you do. I'm very guilty of that, and other problems as well (comitting to more than I can actually do, letting myself get stretched too thin and then ending up paralyzed unable to act). 

I would definately be upfront about my failings -and the fact a lot of people think I'm a horrible person. 

Before judging me on that, however, it should be born in mind that even now I have people who trust me because I've earned their trust over the course of years. 

...so if someone says they're an *****, that's definitely a "shields up" kinda situation, and yes -as often as not you ought to believe them. But depending on what other bonds exist between you and them it might be good to watch them and see if they do try to be decent, perhaps failing to be more than they themselves would like, or see if they just use the ***** card as an excuse to ...well, to *****. 

 

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On 12/17/2020 at 7:47 AM, GoSpeed Racer said:

When someone you like or even admire tells you they are not worthy and are in fact a bad person, believe them. They will ultimately turn on you. I typically try to see the good in everyone I meet, but every so often my naivete gets the best of me. Has this happened to anybody else? 

Yes, it's like a hint of what's to come.. they're going to leave. 

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3 hours ago, Han Held said:

I can be a great person

I can be an absolute irresponsible ***** -usually due to one of my personal limitations (anxiety, depression, etc). 

I understand the urge to hide behind saying that you're an *****, a horrible person; I've done that. 

Sometimes it's not an unwillingness to deal with one's own issues, but a matter of having blind spots about how and why you do the things you do. I'm very guilty of that, and other problems as well (comitting to more than I can actually do, letting myself get stretched too thin and then ending up paralyzed unable to act). 

I would definately be upfront about my failings -and the fact a lot of people think I'm a horrible person. 

Before judging me on that, however, it should be born in mind that even now I have people who trust me because I've earned their trust over the course of years. 

...so if someone says they're an *****, that's definitely a "shields up" kinda situation, and yes -as often as not you ought to believe them. But depending on what other bonds exist between you and them it might be good to watch them and see if they do try to be decent, perhaps failing to be more than they themselves would like, or see if they just use the ***** card as an excuse to ...well, to *****. 

 

Is this a Mad Lib? Knowing if redacted words should be nouns, adjectives, etc. would be helpful.

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33 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Is this a Mad Lib? Knowing if redacted words should be nouns, adjectives, etc. would be helpful.

Blame LL and their mis-guided decision to gamify the forums ...and their choice mad libs as the game?

eef.png

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3 hours ago, Talligurl said:

Do you ever really get to know anyone, or do you imagine them to be someone you like?

Liking means accepting the bad things about them as well as the good.  There is no perfect person, but I do know one who vaguely comes close personality wise in RL.  She bores the living daylights out of me.  I "like" people who have a foot both in heaven and hell  (if I believed in those concepts). To me,  "liking" a person means that the scale is tipped more towards the pleasure side than the pain.  So yes, I really do get to know the people I prefer to spend my time with. It doesn't happen overnight though.

Edited by Bagnu
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On 12/18/2020 at 7:53 AM, Fauve Aeon said:

If someone flat-out told me they were a bad person, I’d believe them and act accordingly, to nope out.

I think if someone tells you that, it’s a blatant warning to eventually expect to see that badness manifest. Also if they have the self awareness to know they are ‘a bad person’ via repeat past bad behavior and haven’t taken steps to correct it and become a better person, that’s a sign of an even bigger problem. I’d feel similar if someone told me they ‘weren’t good at adulting’ ‘aren’t good at people-ing’ etc. and weren’t just joking over a blunder like we all occasionally make...it’s a sign of self-awareness that there’s a big irresponsibility or social/interpersonal interaction problem but a signal of something even more wrong if they are aware but aren’t taking any active steps to fix it. 

Sometimes people try and try and try to fix themselves but they are so *****ing broken they just can't, and the best they can do is to tell people to stay the ***** away. They tell people to stay the ***** away not to be edgy but because they *dont* want to hurt people, but they know they will in the end do what it takes to survive. At least that is the way I am. I mean really  it is best to just *****ing kill yourself but then that causes a lot of damage to the few people who GAF about you, or I guess to just stay away from others, but that is hard too. Not everyone who is destructive wants to be or just is too lazy to do the work to get better, some people just can't get better.

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19 hours ago, Bagnu said:

My kink was to be a female prostitute. Of course kinks here are OK. It ended up complicated, so my kink died.

I know and have known many trans people, who come here because they can be who they truly are without the baggage of how they look IRL, and also people who roleplay being the opposite gender of which they are IRL. Many of the trans women or men playing women I have known here are upfront about it, though that has never been a requirement for me, I take people as who they say they are and what they seem genuine with.

What pisses me off is when some dude who isn't even trans comes in and plays at being the absolute worst stereotype of what they think a sexy woman or a sexed up women or a female sex worker is. I find it sexist, demeaning, and destructive, and damaging to women, though I doubt any person who has lived a female life IRL had any problem making you right away. I have known a few like you, who were all in on the girly or stereotypically sexed up woman or sex worker, even to the extent of having a back story of why they were spending all their time in SL and were orphans in remote areas with no social network and so on, and turned out to be old married men. It did not go well for them when they told the truth, even though people were suspicious of them for years and saw them as very uncanny valley. I have no idea what you are playing at now, but your narcissism has led to a lot of drama and I suspect hurt on the forums, and likely in SL itself, too. My take is that you have a very low opinion of women and no regard for people in general, and it sucks to see you in this thread that IMO has nothing whatsoever with who you are and what you have done.

Edited by CaerolleClaudel
typos as usual
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1 hour ago, CaerolleClaudel said:

I know and have known many trans people, who come here because they can be who they truly are without the baggage of how they look IRL, and also people who roleplay being the opposite gender of which they are IRL. Many of the trans women or men playing women I have known here are upfront about it, though that has never been a requirement for me, I take people as who they say they are and what they seem genuine with.

What pisses me off is when some dude who isn't even trans comes in and plays at being the absolute worst stereotype of what they think a sexy woman or a sexed up women or a female sex worker is. I find it sexist, demeaning, and destructive, and damaging to women, though I doubt any person who has lived a female life IRL had any problem making you right away. I have known a few like you, who were all in on the girly or stereotypically sexed up woman or sex worker, even to the extent of having a back story of why they were spending all their time in SL and were orphans in remote areas with no social network and so on, and turned out to be old married men. It did not go well for them when they told the truth, even though people were suspicious of them for years and saw them as very uncanny valley. I have no idea what you are playing at now, but your narcissism has led to a lot of drama and I suspect hurt on the forums, and likely in SL itself, too. My take is that you have a very low opinion of women and no regard for people in general, and it sucks to see you in this thread that IMO has nothing whatsoever with who you are and what you have done.

I *****ed up really badly. I don't have a low opinion of women. My first doctor and dentist were women . Half of the people I went to University with were women.  A RL wife and daughter as well. I admitted who i am, and I'm willing to take the consequences for my actions.

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4 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

I *****ed up really badly. I don't have a low opinion of women. My first doctor and dentist were women . Half of the people I went to University with were women.  A RL wife and daughter as well. I admitted who i am, and I'm willing to take the consequences for my actions.

This seems the misogynistic equivalent of 'I have black friends.' But, whatever, I am nobody and my opinion counts for absolutely nothing even in the smaller picture, much less the bigger one. I am a complete loser and a total POS myself, and the sooner I am no longer around the better for everyone, except perhaps one person, which is why I am still trying to not suicide, been at that my whole life. Honestly I have no basis for judging anyone else, but it really pisses me off when people add to the hate and judgement that women have to deal with already. So just go live your life and try not to make things worse for other people. You for sure dont owe me a *****ing thing, and whatever you do will not make the tiniest bit of difference in my life for good or bad. I really do not care what I face in life, but I hate it for all the girls who have to grow up with all this and for the women who have to suffer with it and work to overcome it in their lives.

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2 hours ago, CaerolleClaudel said:

Sometimes people try and try and try to fix themselves but they are so *****ing broken they just can't, and the best they can do is to tell people to stay the ***** away. They tell people to stay the ***** away not to be edgy but because they *dont* want to hurt people, but they know they will in the end do what it takes to survive. At least that is the way I am. I mean really  it is best to just *****ing kill yourself but then that causes a lot of damage to the few people who GAF about you, or I guess to just stay away from others, but that is hard too. Not everyone who is destructive wants to be or just is too lazy to do the work to get better, some people just can't get better.

Yes. I’m sorry it’s like that too and I wish it wasn’t. I’ve never faced a case where my best or only option was to devastate and hurt other people who genuinely cared for me in order to ensure my survival, much less lived an existence where it was necessary to do it repeatedly as my MO in relationships. But if someone tells me something like that, I’ve also learned to believe them. Or at least to believe that they believe it enough to eventually throw me under the bus in the end over their issues. It’s OK to choose not to have relationships with actively destructive people, there’s no especial virtue in burning with someone as they burn themselves down. 

I believe it’s also never a completely lost cause for people to continue to seek help and try to get better/become less ‘broken’, even if it’s only very slowly and by a little. Some eventually do. I have had some different types of troubling issues of my own at times and it did get better with help and therapy. I wish it could/would for everyone. But I also know that it is different for everyone. 
 

Re your second post: I do know that several of us found that behavior and situation so gross, gauche, insulting and drama-inducing that we have long blocked/pushed away all of the parties involved in it way before the ‘big reveal’. 
No thank you. 

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1 minute ago, CaerolleClaudel said:

This seems the misogynistic equivalent of 'I have black friends.' But, whatever, I am nobody and my opinion counts for absolutely nothing even in the smaller picture, much less the bigger one. I am a complete loser and a total POS myself, and the sooner I am no longer around the better for everyone, except perhaps one person, which is why I am still trying to not suicide, been at that my whole life. Honestly I have no basis for judging anyone else, but it really pisses me off when people add to the hate and judgement that women have to deal with already. So just go live your life and try not to make things worse for other people. You for sure dont owe me a *****ing thing, and whatever you do will not make the tiniest bit of difference in my life for good or bad. I really do not care what I face in life, but I hate it for all the girls who have to grow up with all this and for the women who have to suffer with it and work to overcome it in their lives.

Excuse me but we have a choice in whether we have black friends or not A totally different issue (my friends cross all races and religions in RL). We don't have a choice in whatever gender we are attracted to, I didn't choose to be attracted to women.

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4 minutes ago, Fauve Aeon said:

Yes. I’m sorry it’s like that too and I wish it wasn’t. I’ve never faced a case where my best or only option was to devastate and hurt other people who genuinely cared for me in order to ensure my survival, much less lived an existence where it was necessary to do it repeatedly as my MO in relationships. But if someone tells me something like that, I’ve also learned to believe them. Or at least to believe that they believe it enough to eventually throw me under the bus in the end over their issues. It’s OK to choose not to have relationships with actively destructive people, there’s no especial virtue in burning with someone as they burn themselves down. 

I believe it’s also never a completely lost cause for people to continue to seek help and try to get better/become less ‘broken’, even if it’s only very slowly and by a little. Some eventually do. I have had some different types of troubling issues of my own at times and it did get better with help and therapy. I wish it could/would for everyone. But I also know that it is different for everyone. 

Then consider yourself fortunate. And I sincerely mean that, I am not being sarcastic. But I am really, really glad that you have learned to believe people who tell you how they are instead of stupidly (no matter how well meaningly) trying to 'save' them, which seems to be a quintessential female endeavor. IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU THAT IT WILL END BADLY IF YOU INSIST ON PURSUING THEM, BELIEVE THEM. There are plenty of non-damaged people out there with whom to form relationships. PLEASE.TAKE.THIS.TO.HEART: "Beware damaged people, for they know they can survive." And some people are unfixable and unsavable. Some continue in life because they cannot bear to kill themselves, and some continue because to do so would cause more damage in the larger scheme of things than continuing to live and struggle through life. Probably other reasons too, like valuing their existence the pain of others, but I can only speak to what I personally know.

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27 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

I didn't choose to be attracted to women.

   No one is in any way offended by who or what you are attracted to. What was appalling, was how you expressed your idea of what a woman is, what womanhood is. Had you just diddled around in private around the grid, no one would be bothered - that's something it appears a lot of people are doing already; but you made it public, and you tried to defend your position that you based on pretense, to the point that you along the way attacked people in ways that are utterly inexcusable.

   The whole 'I'm a sextoy and I'm proud of it' thing was just plain obscene - it doesn't matter whether it had been a man or a woman behind the screen, that behaviour is unacceptable in civilised discourse; that's not a suppression of sexuality or 'shaming sex-workers'; it's simply being decent and respectful of the fact that not everyone wants your (or anyone else's) sexuality or sex-life shoved in their face on a daily basis.

   That you still haven't grasped the core of the issue, continue defending it, making yourself out to be the victim when you without the shadow of a doubt were the perpetrator of the issue, and that you continue pigeonholing it in threads all over - that has nothing to do with you to begin with - it's a display of such narcissistic arrogance that it's completely unbelievable. Your apologies, which have only been prompted when people have called you out for it, just become so blatantly disingenuous when you go right back to doing it again moments later - you're not sorry for having hurt anyone but yourself. 

Edited by Orwar
Grammar.
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2 hours ago, Bagnu said:

Excuse me but we have a choice in whether we have black friends or not A totally different issue (my friends cross all races and religions in RL). We don't have a choice in whatever gender we are attracted to, I didn't choose to be attracted to women.

You excel at missing the point and making it all about you. But, whatever.

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On 12/18/2020 at 7:29 PM, Bagnu said:

It ended up complicated

No it really didn't get complicated until you decided to stop being the person you had been in SL for so long, You brought that on yourself.

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19 hours ago, ClariceRose said:

Yes, it's like a hint of what's to come.. they're going to leave. 

I was going to say something similar.  Although it's usually in real life I've had men say that to me because they are really married but hiding it and may even have no wedding ring on.  I have dated very, very briefly maybe three times in 15 years of SL (on and off in SL, not here the whole 15 years) and then I'd hear a friend of mine would be broken-hearted because she found out he was married in real life or same in SL.  

It's wise to steer clear of married men or anyone who says what was stated in the OP.  I'd say flat out married and they are hiding it.  

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3 hours ago, Talligurl said:

No it really didn't get complicated until you decided to stop being the person you had been in SL for so long, You brought that on yourself.

Yes i did. No denials

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7 hours ago, Talligurl said:

Starting over and being upfront from the start isn't an option?

How would that help anything? I would be upfront from the start, and tell everyone who I was in my past account. It would just be a name change.

Edited by Bagnu
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