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When someone you like or even admire tells you they are not worthy and are in fact a bad person, believe them. They will ultimately turn on you. I typically try to see the good in everyone I meet, but every so often my naivete gets the best of me. Has this happened to anybody else? 

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hmm.. when it comes to SL relationships I always start from a position of being suspicious & cautious.  Reason being that a lot of people come here to explore different things that they might neve

No one is in any way offended by who or what you are attracted to. What was appalling, was how you expressed your idea of what a woman is, what womanhood is. Had you just diddled around in private aro

I'm not a huge fan of people, especially crowds of people, in either world. I'm not so much so, to the point that I'm completely socially inept, but I'll pick a quiet evening at home over a night-out

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hmm.. when it comes to SL relationships I always start from a position of being suspicious & cautious.  Reason being that a lot of people come here to explore different things that they might never have the opportunity to in their RL & you just might be a bit player in their exploration. 

Is that person really a woman or a man ?  Is this an alt ?  That guy who chatted me up last night sounded an awful lot like you ... is this a test ?   You don't have to be here long to encounter many stories where things like this have happened.

So ... if someone in SL flat out tells me that they are in fact a bad person I sure as hell am going to believe it !  Oddly enough I was having a conversation with a woman the other night who was agonising over a bloke she's been dating because he told her he doesn't want anything serious (ie. he won't commit) & she was convinced that if he just gave her a chance he would change his mind. I kept saying to her, "He has flat out told you what he doesn't want,  why won't you believe him?".      

Edited by Horus Salubrius
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Go, as your friend for a minute or two - my opinion is that *everyone* has the  potential to be a bad person and to disappoint.

Bob Marley probably said it best;

 

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

 Bob Marley

 

Unfortunately, the search is painful 😞

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Hasn’t happened to me. If someone tells me that, he’s either telling the truth, or trying to manipulate me into telling him how wrong he is. Neither option I find appealing.

Plus, it just isn’t something I want to hear. If they tell me what they did and didn’t, or what they have, I’m all ears. Then I’ll make my own judgment, thank you.

Edited by Ren Toxx
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5 hours ago, Amanda Crisp said:

 

 

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

b Marley

 

 

Facts. 

But certainly if they come right and and tell me who they are, I do believe them. Does not mean I mute and block them or we can't be *friends* but I look at them with different vision. Always believe them.

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11 hours ago, GoSpeed Racer said:

When someone you like or even admire tells you they are not worthy and are in fact a bad person, believe them. They will ultimately turn on you. I typically try to see the good in everyone I meet, but every so often my naivete gets the best of me. Has this happened to anybody else? 

Interesting, I actually had told this very thing to someone recently. I was concerned that they were on a trajectory that would end up getting them hurt, and I was hoping they would take the hint and change course. It didn't work though.

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11 hours ago, GoSpeed Racer said:

When someone you like or even admire tells you they are not worthy and are in fact a bad person, believe them. They will ultimately turn on you. I typically try to see the good in everyone I meet, but every so often my naivete gets the best of me. Has this happened to anybody else? 

Well I'm one of those bad person and that's why I keep myself to myself. 

You all welcome. 

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13 hours ago, GoSpeed Racer said:

When someone you like or even admire tells you they are not worthy and are in fact a bad person, believe them. They will ultimately turn on you. I typically try to see the good in everyone I meet, but every so often my naivete gets the best of me. Has this happened to anybody else? 

It's always been a mystery to me why people wouldn't believe people who tell them such. I have a lot of personal experience with this from way back in the day, but I am quite sure it still holds.

Once upon a time, I had a lot of women chasing me, and I am a seriously effed up person with a lot of bad traits. I never want to hurt anyone, so I used to warn women off me in terms of any kind of intimate relationship (to be clear, I had a lot of sex, but that is a different thing), I knew at some point it would end badly. But I never had anyone just go, "Wow, thanks for letting me know." People seem to take that as some kind of challenge or just focus on the stuff they like about you, even if that stuff is something you are working at very hard so you have non-destructive interactions with people, and that underneath you are severely broken.

I used to even tell them a saying I heard long ago, that is like the moral or motto of my life: "Beware damaged people, for they know they can survive." Never worked. But it's true. So yes, please, if someone tells you that you will regret getting closely involved with them, believe them. They may be working harder to keep you from getting hurt than you are for yourself.

ETA: Just to be clear, I am talking about SL.

Edited by CaerolleClaudel
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13 hours ago, GoSpeed Racer said:

When someone you like or even admire tells you they are not worthy and are in fact a bad person, believe them. They will ultimately turn on you. I typically try to see the good in everyone I meet, but every so often my naivete gets the best of me. Has this happened to anybody else? 

The way I see it is they're either a bad person, or a liar.

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One of the things I wish I could tell my 17 year old self: "When people you are drawn to insist and go out of their way to prove that they are ‘good’ and ‘not like the others,’ stay away from them. But when they say they are bad, you better believe them. They are telling the truth." Oh well, no one gets out of life unscathed but I would not be as badly bruised if my teenage self realized this earlier in life.

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6 hours ago, Talligurl said:

Interesting, I actually had told this very thing to someone recently. I was concerned that they were on a trajectory that would end up getting them hurt, and I was hoping they would take the hint and change course. It didn't work though.

Sometimes it's just worth it, even when we know.

Edited by Bagnu
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19 hours ago, GoSpeed Racer said:

When someone you like or even admire tells you they are not worthy and are in fact a bad person, believe them. They will ultimately turn on you. I typically try to see the good in everyone I meet, but every so often my naivete gets the best of me. Has this happened to anybody else? 

Quite a bit when I was in my teens and early 20's.. Not since though..

I have friends, just not really really close ones, but that's ok.. i have many cousins that I am really close with..

Edited by Ceka Cianci
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20 hours ago, GoSpeed Racer said:

When someone you like or even admire tells you they are not worthy and are in fact a bad person, believe them. They will ultimately turn on you. I typically try to see the good in everyone I meet, but every so often my naivete gets the best of me. Has this happened to anybody else? 

Not since school - some people used to say it to be a bit edgy or hide their insecurities.

But after that, believe them...run for your life! 😲

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If someone flat-out told me they were a bad person, I’d believe them and act accordingly, to nope out.

I think if someone tells you that, it’s a blatant warning to eventually expect to see that badness manifest. Also if they have the self awareness to know they are ‘a bad person’ via repeat past bad behavior and haven’t taken steps to correct it and become a better person, that’s a sign of an even bigger problem. I’d feel similar if someone told me they ‘weren’t good at adulting’ ‘aren’t good at people-ing’ etc. and weren’t just joking over a blunder like we all occasionally make...it’s a sign of self-awareness that there’s a big irresponsibility or social/interpersonal interaction problem but a signal of something even more wrong if they are aware but aren’t taking any active steps to fix it. 

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57 minutes ago, Fauve Aeon said:

If someone flat-out told me they were a bad person, I’d believe them and act accordingly, to nope out.

I think if someone tells you that, it’s a blatant warning to eventually expect to see that badness manifest. Also if they have the self awareness to know they are ‘a bad person’ via repeat past bad behavior and haven’t taken steps to correct it and become a better person, that’s a sign of an even bigger problem. I’d feel similar if someone told me they ‘weren’t good at adulting’ ‘aren’t good at people-ing’ etc. and weren’t just joking over a blunder like we all occasionally make...it’s a sign of self-awareness that there’s a big irresponsibility or social/interpersonal interaction problem but a signal of something even more wrong if they are aware but aren’t taking any active steps to fix it. 

You gotta watch out for people who see themselves as nice and broadcast it and who really aren't. They are worse than someone who tells you they aren't good from the start.  I am always wary of anyone extolling their own virtues. 

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51 minutes ago, Gage Wirefly said:

You gotta watch out for people who see themselves as nice and broadcast it and who really aren't. They are worse than someone who tells you they aren't good from the start.  I am always wary of anyone extolling their own virtues. 

Agree with this too. If it seems like someone needs to try and ‘convince you’ on their niceness, there’s also reason to take heed of it. I’m not generally cynical or expecting most people to be willfully badly behaved...but I am always wary of the people who need to say ‘I’m this or I’m that’ instead of just demonstrating it, walking the walk. I’m a slowpoke to enter into deeper relationships, I’ll test things out a lot with someone and I’m a big fan of waiting to see how someone will behave in a variety of situations, especially in their interactions with others too. There are some generally reliable signs and tells that I’ve learned to watch for to get at least a little better at reading people too...unless dealing with a very deceptive or disordered person. Then it’s much more baffling/difficult. 

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4 hours ago, Fauve Aeon said:

‘aren’t good at people-ing’

   I'm not a huge fan of people, especially crowds of people, in either world. I'm not so much so, to the point that I'm completely socially inept, but I'll pick a quiet evening at home over a night-out at a club any day. Besides I never quite understood how 'clubbing' is in any way anything close to 'socialising' - if you're hindered from communicating due to loud music and people screaming to try to voice over it when talking to each other, it feels counter-intuitive to 'being social'.

   So, to me, that statement is applicable, and even something quite like what I might express if someone is trying to coax me into a social context in which I expect to be uncomfortable (i.e. any gathering of more than a handful of people, wherein I'm not already acquainted with at least a few of them). 'People' stress me out, more often than not I'd just rather not.

   I know this to be true for a lot of my friends, too, and they're perfectly decent folks. 

   Context is important. A person saying such things to appear edgy, or because they're insecure, certainly are red flags. People saying it because they're the opposite of insecure, informed of their own position, and because they think that the information is best served honestly as to avoid issues with what people expect of them, are two very different things - when it's told to you by someone you may not be very well familiar with, it can be hard to know which of the two it is. 

   I have spent such a large portion of my life trying to figure out who I am and what I want from life, and such a large portion before it suffering because I was uncomfortable with finding myself in situations that stressed me out, depressed me, made me insecure, instilled me with social phobia, caused a panic disorder, and drove me to places so dark I feel cold just thinking about them. It's just not for me, I'll never be that kind of person again, I can never allow myself to get so lost - if people interpret it as me 'being edgy', fair enough; I'm well aware I'm not 'everyone's cup of tea'. But there's no pretense or charades, I'm not 'acting up' for attention as much as I'm already filtering a lot to appear presentable, to avoid causing unnecessary offense (which leads to confrontations that are utterly pointless), but I have a view of life that many think morbid, I have a sense of humor that many think offensive; being aware and open about how I may well not be everyone's cup of tea is just a measure to avoid wasting my own time on people whose expectations make them incapable of accepting me for who I am. 

   As an aspiring bookbinder it's with some dualistic hesitation that I swing the old saying - don't judge a book by its cover. But I would also caution anyone from being too quick to offer out their heart to anyone, we're a cruel species, and trust is something that should be constructed over time and consistently reassuring actions, not based on the mercurial fancies of our libidos or capricious emotions.

   TL:DR: not all people are people-people, not all people-people are good people, and not all people who aren't people-people are bad people.

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38 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   I'm not a huge fan of people, especially crowds of people, in either world. I'm not so much so, to the point that I'm completely socially inept, but I'll pick a quiet evening at home over a night-out at a club any day. Besides I never quite understood how 'clubbing' is in any way anything close to 'socialising' - if you're hindered from communicating due to loud music and people screaming to try to voice over it when talking to each other, it feels counter-intuitive to 'being social'.

   So, to me, that statement is applicable, and even something quite like what I might express if someone is trying to coax me into a social context in which I expect to be uncomfortable (i.e. any gathering of more than a handful of people, wherein I'm not already acquainted with at least a few of them). 'People' stress me out, more often than not I'd just rather not.

   I know this to be true for a lot of my friends, too, and they're perfectly decent folks. 

   Context is important. A person saying such things to appear edgy, or because they're insecure, certainly are red flags. People saying it because they're the opposite of insecure, informed of their own position, and because they think that the information is best served honestly as to avoid issues with what people expect of them, are two very different things - when it's told to you by someone you may not be very well familiar with, it can be hard to know which of the two it is. 

   I have spent such a large portion of my life trying to figure out who I am and what I want from life, and such a large portion before it suffering because I was uncomfortable with finding myself in situations that stressed me out, depressed me, made me insecure, instilled me with social phobia, caused a panic disorder, and drove me to places so dark I feel cold just thinking about them. It's just not for me, I'll never be that kind of person again, I can never allow myself to get so lost - if people interpret it as me 'being edgy', fair enough; I'm well aware I'm not 'everyone's cup of tea'. But there's no pretense or charades, I'm not 'acting up' for attention as much as I'm already filtering a lot to appear presentable, to avoid causing unnecessary offense (which leads to confrontations that are utterly pointless), but I have a view of life that many think morbid, I have a sense of humor that many think offensive; being aware and open about how I may well not be everyone's cup of tea is just a measure to avoid wasting my own time on people whose expectations make them incapable of accepting me for who I am. 

   As an aspiring bookbinder it's with some dualistic hesitation that I swing the old saying - don't judge a book by its cover. But I would also caution anyone from being too quick to offer out their heart to anyone, we're a cruel species, and trust is something that should be constructed over time and consistently reassuring actions, not based on the mercurial fancies of our libidos or capricious emotions.

   TL:DR: not all people are people-people, not all people-people are good people, and not all people who aren't people-people are bad people.

This was a lot of information suddenly given out. Thank you for having the faith and trust in us to do that. 

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1 hour ago, Orwar said:

I'm not a huge fan of people,

(And acting accordingly...but still with thought and intent)

thank you for that post, I think understand your reasoning and you are articulate and well-considered, you’ve done a lot of self reflection and work. That’s a considered decision and application, not simply being ‘bad at people-ing’

I probably was not as clear as I should have been - what I meant by ‘being bad at people-ing’ are the ones who have no considation for others; don’t care anything at all for self-reflects, for adjusting their behavior to reflect who they are and what they want and who just treat people ‘however’ ...they will often self-excuse this complete disregard for others as ‘oh, I’m just not good at people/social stuff’ and continue in the same vein. I was thinking on the example of a RL ex-friend who never had any money for her part of group things yet always could buy herself her own new things...expected others to take up the slack of her portion in group work projects several times when she ‘just didn’t have time’, was always late and keeping people waiting to meet up, who did not return calls ever...did not return things she borrowed unless nagged, etc. etc.

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54 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

I like the people i know even more when I get to know them.

I have been pondering how to respond to this, or if I should even bother, and I decided I am just going to make one simple comment.

I find it disingenuous.  You have done nothing but hide who you are behind your kink until this month.  That is 10 months of hiding behind a facade.  I don't know how anyone could get to know you back in return.

I am definitely a member of the @Orwar club of not liking people too much.

Edited by Jordan Whitt
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