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  • 2 weeks later...
5 hours ago, Tipsy Vanilla said:

yes every single being in the universe

That would be a lot of friends !  🙂

___________

Okay, this does pop up often in this forum & I agree, it seems difficult to make friends in SL but I have found that it really isn't that difficult after all, but you have to put in the effort & drop some ego.   I'll tell you what has worked for me.  The biggest attraction of SL for me is music so I go to clubs & live music events.  I found a few DJs & clubs I enjoy, I've joined their groups & I go to those repeatedly & get involved in local chat as much as possible.  Regulars & staff will start to greet you personally & often will strike up conversations .. then the friend requests start.   And I have found that this is easier in more quiet venues.   Some people only want to go to places that are busy, but I find those places will often have quiet local chat because people are in IMs (I am guilty of this ) or local chat that is just being filled by gesturebators.

The bit about dropping some ego is saying don't be shy & afraid that you might make a fool of yourself - comment on someone's appearance, say hello, etc. if they don't respond or respond negatively - so what ? their loss, just move on.

Edited by Horus Salubrius
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I have experienced here that making friends is very much like in RL. People are people. Of course in SL it is easier to hop from one contact to another without really investing seriously in a friendship. But there ARE people, also in SL, who are serieus about friendship en relationship (in SL). For me it is easy: I have enough imagination to do things by myself and don't need many contacts. But I HAVE met people in SL who are now friends. One of the I have met in RL. The keyword here is often: shared interests. We are both Dutch writers and have set up a writers group in RL now. It is funny that for us SL en RL are mixed together in a very pleasant way. The second keyword is: investing. Invest in friendship. That sounds obvious, but that's just the thing that is missing in many contacts in SL when I read the forum about friendship. It's also the other way around: when you feel someone doesn't make time for you and isn't really interested, that person is not the right one to be called a friend. The 3rd important keyword is: relax. If someone doesn't live up to your expectations, if someone is an *****, is rude, let that person be. There are others who will be worthy of your attention. I see in these forums here a lot of very nice, helpfull and thougtfull people. For me, when I have a bad experience with someone in SL, I sometimes come here and I see: SL is not entierly full of assholes ;-).

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10 hours ago, Horus Salubrius said:

Okay, this does pop up often in this forum & I agree, it seems difficult to make friends in SL but I have found that it really isn't that difficult after all, but you have to put in the effort & drop some ego.

SL is similar to RL in this respect. The main difference is someone cant go AFK when you're talking to them in RL (although there's numbers of times I've been in conversations when I wish i could have!).

Essentially like in RL you can't expect a friendship to just happen. You need to find and develop connections with people. My tip is, come armed with things to ask people and things to say about yourself! It won't happen with everyone, but every so often you find something in common that clicks, or a talking point that works.

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10 hours ago, Horus Salubrius said:

Okay, this does pop up often in this forum & I agree, it seems difficult to make friends in SL but I have found that it really isn't that difficult after all, but you have to put in the effort & drop some ego.   I'll tell you what has worked for me.  The biggest attraction of SL for me is music so I go to clubs & live music events.  I found a few DJs & clubs I enjoy, I've joined their groups & I go to those repeatedly & get involved in local chat as much as possible.  Regulars & staff will start to greet you personally & often will strike up conversations .. then the friend requests start.   And I have found that this is easier in more quiet venues.   Some people only want to go to places that are busy, but I find those places will often have quiet local chat because people are in IMs (I am guilty of this ) or local chat that is just being filled by gesturebators.

The bit about dropping some ego is saying don't be shy & afraid that you might make a fool of yourself - comment on someone's appearance, say hello, etc. if they don't respond or respond negatively - so what ? their loss, just move on.

That sounds like an excellent suggestion - Don't head for the clubs with large traffic numbers, the music could be good & there will be lots of people there but they tend to be either meat markets or drama festivals sadly...

Look a bit further down the first page for the middle ranking clubs - TP's cost nothing to find out & it has the assurance that folks aren't popping in and out all the time - the people there are after good music & company...

Yes (before anyone says it) - my own venue "ShenaniganS Music Cafe" is one of those venues & we do focus on company, friends and folks talking :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Another tip for people looking to build friendships in SL is shared experiences! Thinking about my closest friends in SL the things that bond us are the things we've done together, places we've been, people we know etc. Again that isn't something that happens instantly, but comes when you put in just a little time and effort to develop a relationship with someone when you think it is worthwhile. Arrange to go shopping, clubbing, to a live DJ set or to the beach, or take pics, do a quiz, play a game together...stuff like that.

There is still no guarantee, and both parties have to be on the same page, but when it works it really does bring you closer. I have quite an established group of friends in SL so its tough for me when new people reach out as (like all of us) my time in-world is limited and they are basically competing for it against my existing friends, my boyfriend and my quality alone-time/me-time/pixie-time! 

Still if you don't try you won't succeed. All this stuff can happen naturally of course! This info is mostly for those who have spent a bit of time in-world trying to chat to people and feel they are struggling to make connections. I hope it helps, cause SL is definitely 100% more enjoyable when you have people to share it with. 🙂

Edited by PixieGirrrrl
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I strongly agree with @PixieGirrrrl: shared experiences are the easiest way. There are many communities around the grid. Arts&Culture, Fashion&Bloggers, Clubs, various activities (e.g. sailing) and so on. I myself am also a person who doesn't want to be on other people's friendlist right away just because we met one time at the same event, or were hanging out and goofing around for 1 hour once. For me, that is not a base for a friendship yet. Apart from that experience which I made too often, that people would add you and never ever talk to you again. Or worse, only "abuse" you anymore for their teleport offers so they can invite you to their DJ sets, or similar occasions. That feels very unpersonal, and I don't want to be just another name on a huge business contact list.

Throughout the years, I noticed that other people feel and tend to act the same. So my additional suggestion is to be patient and give people the space and time they need to get to know you (and don't feel guilty if you expect the same favour in return!). Think of it like joining a sports team in RL where you meet regularly with your teammates but don't necessarily become best buddies over night. Friendships usually need to build up and grow. On a sidenote I may add that from my own experience, if people don't rush into finding new friends in SL, you may happen to find longtime friends on whom you could even count in RL. Good luck 🙂

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