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How many SL users use the opposite gender for an avi choice than your real life gender?


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Male. Older.

Always play female avatars in my online games. I state it in my info to make sure if you take a moment, you are aware. Not looking for anything beyond playful flirting in SL anyway, have a partner in game already. But, even if I was and am honest about my RL gender and wanting to play female ... what of it?

As I say, I am "adorably feminine".

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I have a female avatar but it's not my main one and I don't get her out very often. I enjoy the shopping and dressing-up experience much more with Indra than my main avatar - for a male avatar it's all mostly an exercise in frustration and emptying my wallet as fast as possible with the lowest possible gain. But with Indra I can spend a little, or even nothing at all, and still end up with tons of good stuff. There's nothing in her profile to indicate my RL gender but if anyone starts with the chat-up lines, I tell them outright, and they always immediately stop.  Funny that.

The other notable thing is that as well as being a different gender from my RL self, Indra is also a different ethnicity.  Yet, no-one she's spoken to has ever been bothered by that. Or by the fact that I'm in my mid-50s, yet she looks more like 25. It's only gender that anyone is ever bothered about.

Personally, it's age more than gender that bothers me the most when it comes to relationships. It doesn't bother me what their RL gender is but I do care what their RL age is (to within a decade); and specifically, that they are not around the same age as my kids, or younger. Because that is verging towards being little too creepy for my taste.

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9 hours ago, Lewis Luminos said:

The other notable thing is that as well as being a different gender from my RL self, Indra is also a different ethnicity.  Yet, no-one she's spoken to has ever been bothered by that. 

Yes, this puzzles me. I would have thought that, if there were problems to be had with "misrepresentation", people would be more bothered by changing race than sex/gender. But no. In fact, in a discussion about it on here a while ago, there was a very clear consensus that it's fine to use an av of a different ethnicity as long as you're respectful about it. But in conversations about changing gender, there's nothing like such clear agreement. 

 

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2 hours ago, Amina Sopwith said:

Yes, this puzzles me. I would have thought that, if there were problems to be had with "misrepresentation", people would be more bothered by changing race than sex/gender. But no. In fact, in a discussion about it on here a while ago, there was a very clear consensus that it's fine to use an av of a different ethnicity as long as you're respectful about it. But in conversations about changing gender, there's nothing like such clear agreement. 

It doesn't really puzzle me, because I do not believe that this is about "misrepresentation". Its about guys being absolutly repulsed by the whole concept of accidentally flirting with another male user. As if this would make what they did somehow "gay" and that thats the worst possible thing. Its basically homophobia.

Just think about this: There are a milion things that can differ between an avatar and its user. Yet we have this reduction of prefered RL gender = suitable romantic/erotic companion in SL. Yet in reality, that doesn't say anything about how attracted a man would be to the woman he just met in SL, even if you just focus on physical apperance.

Edited by Syo Emerald
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9 hours ago, ballparkdogg said:

 Lets be honest the female clothes are sooooo much nicer than the ones for men

That's the exact reason I started. But I stayed with it because it's actually uncovered some things about my personal identity that I had either not previously recognised, or that I had maybe suppressed. (side-effect of being raised Catholic).

48 minutes ago, Syo Emerald said:

It doesn't really puzzle me, because I do not believe that this is about "misrepresentation". Its about guys being absolutly repulsed by the whole concept of accidentally flirting with another male user. As if this would make what they did somehow "gay" and that thats the worst possible thing. Its basically homophobia.

Just think about this: There are a milion things that can differ between an avatar and its user. Yet we have this reduction of prefered RL gender = suitable romantic/erotic companion in SL. Yet in reality, that doesn't say anything about how attracted a man would be to the woman he just met in SL, even if you just focus on physical apperance.

This is exactly it, I think. There are these homophobic guys who find a female avatar attractive and the moment they discover that the avatar has a man behind the keyboard, it suddenly means that they must be somehow gay. Which is absolute nonsense really, because it was a female avatar that they were attracted to in the first place, which is totally NOT gay, by definition.

The experience Lewis has had is the same as me; guys back off immediately when I tell them I'm male in RL - thus proving that they're solely interested in pursuing a RL sexual relationship. And it's kind of sad really because Second Life is really the WORST place to look for a RL relationship. Guys who need to know that the person at the keyboard is female would be much better off using a RL dating platform instead of SL.

But of course you have to pay for those, and SL is free. 

You get what you pay for, guys. If you want a cast-iron guarantee that the "woman" you're bumping pixels with is really a woman, you need to pay for that reassurance, and be somewhere other than SL.

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5 hours ago, Amina Sopwith said:

Yes, this puzzles me. I would have thought that, if there were problems to be had with "misrepresentation", people would be more bothered by changing race than sex/gender.

   I've had my profile mention 'vampire' for most of my time in SL.

   I've occasionally had people ask me if I were 'actually a vampire in RL'. 

   . . . There certainly are some silly people in SL!

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1 hour ago, Orwar said:

   I've had my profile mention 'vampire' for most of my time in SL.

   I've occasionally had people ask me if I were 'actually a vampire in RL'. 

   . . . There certainly are some silly people in SL!

There certainly are some silly people in the real world, too.  I wonder if they could be related?  🦨

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1 hour ago, Maitimo said:

No-one has ever asked me if I'm an elf in RL. If they did, I would tell them yes, yes I am. 😁

I have been asked if I am a skunk in RL.  I do not take the question seriously.  I will usually respond with a description of some difficulty and my solution, being a skunk using a complex software on a computer.  🦨

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2 hours ago, ballparkdogg said:

Sometimes its nice if you are a male talking to a female and its a female behind the avatar. Even if you will never meet in RL.  Not some guy pretending

Pretending? Pretending what?

If you're talking about cat-fishing, liars, deceitful players trying to trick you into believing they're female, sure, I dislike those too. I hate all deceptive folks on any platform. I don't need to waste my time with anyone not being open about their goals. If you are deceitful, it doesn't matter to me what skin your avatar is wearing here. Easy to see through most of the "poorly acted women" though, with a few simple questions and overall conversation. Some are good enough to fool most everyone, including GG's (genuine girls), but not many over the long term. 

I, and many others, however, are not pretending anything playing a female avatar. I'm not acting. I am honestly expressing or exploring an aspect of me I can not safely, or have never been able to, safely do IRL. And I'm honest about it when being more than just playfully flirty/adorably feminine. I don't know what percentage of guys-in-female-avatars that might cover, but based on some of the heartfelt and intelligent replies in this thread and others (and my experiences in other online games), I assume there's a fair number of us. The post that @Maitimo wrote above is a perfect example of what I am talking about.

Edited by Katherine Heartsong
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I have several m and f avatars just on my Fauve account and I switch them. I made a new account with a gender neutral avatar at some point and I will be using them more in 2021. Currently they are just wearing the default start avatar I was assigned because I have not decided on whether they will even be a human or just a series of changing avatars that take my fancy with no limitations whatsoever. I’ve been meaning to spend some SL time in an avatar that does not require any ‘styling’ at all, maybe an animesh puppy or a penguin or even just a bling spark, as both a social experiment and a break from any ‘fashion’ stuff, lol. With adjusted camera settings too, a more ‘down in the world’ view instead of looking at the back of my avatar’s head


So ‘gender neutral’ is now a signup choice when you make a new account and has been for a while. I ticked that box and my starter avatar was ‘Chris’, technically designated as a female shape. I edited appearance and there’s still just 2 shape choices, male and female, and you have to wear 1 or the other. So I’m thinking everyone inworld is technically still gendered m or f regardless. 

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I’ve said this in other threads before, for various reasons: Man, Woman, Both, or dancing bear - I really don’t care what gender you are behind the avatar. This social platform is about making connections, and I don’t think gender plays a part in that at all. 
 

I do have a male alt for photography purposes, but my main(s) are female. I’m not in SL for romantic purposes, either. 

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I think it depends on where you go as to how many males playing females there are.  In some sims, almost all the female avatars are being driven by males where others are only %50 or so.  

I think it does matter to some guys because contrary to popular belief, some guys are actually NOT gay and having sexy talk with another guy is not a turn on even if he looks like a girl.  Lets face it, there is a sexual side to SL and  some people still prefer to be with the opposite gender.  

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2 hours ago, TT120 said:

I think it depends on where you go as to how many males playing females there are.  In some sims, almost all the female avatars are being driven by males where others are only %50 or so.  

I think it does matter to some guys because contrary to popular belief, some guys are actually NOT gay and having sexy talk with another guy is not a turn on even if he looks like a girl.  Lets face it, there is a sexual side to SL and  some people still prefer to be with the opposite gender.  

See now I always thought that gay men would prefer to play as a male with another male.  Seems kind of hetero to play a female having sex with a male.  I know there are all types of people who identify differently but that's just always been my thought on it.  Most fembois I've met, although they look more feminine, are pretty upfront about being male.  Now shemales or women with p.e.e.n.s, those I've always though might be males although more and more actual women seem to be wearing that appendage.  Why?  I do not know.

DISCLAIMER:  Just my personal rambling take on who plays what in SL.  Please don't take offense as that was NOT my intention if it seems I have offended anyone of any gender.

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4 hours ago, RowanMinx said:

See now I always thought that gay men would prefer to play as a male with another male.  Seems kind of hetero to play a female having sex with a male.

As a gay man myself - yes, I prefer to play as a male, absolutely.    I recently met a "straight" bloke inworld who has a female alt who is an escort.  He said that he uses her to make $L,  & he uses a voice morph for clients who insist on voice - the voice is really convincing !   He also said he was straight but was honest enough to admit that he himself got turned on by the thought of turning other men on, so maybe he is safely playing out some fantasy of his own.  He's been doing this for years & says he makes decent dosh from it .. so yeah... people who insist on voice or pictures first in order to get their pixels off .... hmm.....   

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On 12/2/2020 at 2:44 PM, Fauve Aeon said:

So ‘gender neutral’ is now a signup choice when you make a new account and has been for a while. I ticked that box and my starter avatar was ‘Chris’, technically designated as a female shape. I edited appearance and there’s still just 2 shape choices, male and female, and you have to wear 1 or the other. So I’m thinking everyone inworld is technically still gendered m or f regardless. 

 

It's kinda the same as it is in RL. Pretty much everyone (rare medical cases excluded) gets assigned "m" or "f" at birth. No-one knows whether a new-born infant is going to be non-binary or trans when they grow up, so a guess is made based on visible physical features. 

I can speak from experience that making a non-binary avatar is MUCH easier on a female shape base than a male one. Particularly now that there are so many options with mods for female mesh bodies, and skin-makers providing androgynous and genderless skins with petite and flat chest options. I've also had success with male skins on female bodies (just need a tattoo layer to hide the male nipples, and another to add female ones, as they're in different positions). But put a female skin on a male body and it usually looks dreadful.

 

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