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How many SL users use the opposite gender for an avi choice than your real life gender?


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Hi, I wanted to bring this up to talk about. Okay so I am a female in real life that uses a male avatar online, I'm bisexual and happy with the gender choice because I feel like females get too many pervs online to a way its uncomfortable to me to be a female here on SL due to past RL trauma. Even though I'm bisexual i don't really have any romantic relationships with males here on SL. I've been called a catfish on iMVU for this gender choice. Now I have a friend who is a male in real life that uses a female avatar online and we do have a romantic connection in a RP way but nothing but other than common interests. Do you think its a problem where people choose a different avi than their real life gender? Just an honest opinion though I don't see it as a problem as long people are honest from the start and don't lie about real life genders. I don't share any of my real life until I feel like its safe for me to do so with getting to know the person better.

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2 minutes ago, FlameGirlHero said:

Do you think its a problem where people choose a different avi than their real life gender?

Hell no! It's SL! Be who you want to be! I would judge anyone who had a problem with it. If someone prefers not to share their RL gender either, thats fine too. It's clear the only people who do have a problem with it are the ones using SL as a dating site and hoping to transition a relationship into RL. Otherwise just enjoy the virtual world in whatever body you feel most comfortable in.

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How many SL users use the opposite gender for an avi choice than your real life gender?

I've heard so many different answers to this question! From 90% of girls in SL are guys in RL, to 50%, to 40%. But the fact is there is no statistical analysis on this so its all complete speculation!

From personal experience I would say there are a lot fewer guys playing as female than people think (I speculate the reason people often think it's more is because they assume any girl who doesn't share a pic or want to voice is a guy, which is completely false). 

And from what I've read on the forum, I think there are quite possibly more RL girls playing as male avatars than people think too.

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Well for personal aspect a lot of female items are hard to find for my taste of clothing since i'm a "Tomboy" in real life and don't really like wearing girly stuff. Nothing wrong with girly stuff but it seems like Male avatars have more taste for what I like to wear. I've been on Imvu since 2010 and been a male on there since 2012 mostly its hard for me to find female items on both chat worlds. In a way i like how my avatar is right now.

 

 

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I am male in RL and I had a male avatar only for years and years. About 18 months ago I bought a female body and flat chest mod to increase the variety of fantasy costumes I could wear. Since then, I've worn my male body exactly twice.

I wouldn't say I'm 100% female in SL though. I think of my avatar as being more non-binary, although that may still change in the future. And if I feel like being in boy mode, which I do now and again, I still do that with Maitreya + flat chest. But I won't go back to a fully male avatar, not now.

 

Edited by Maitimo
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20 hours ago, PixieGirrrrl said:

I speculate the reason people often think it's more is because they assume any girl who doesn't share a pic or want to voice is a guy, which is completely false.

Let's also consider the fact that many women on SL feel more confident to express their sexuality in ways they could not possibly get away with in RL. For example, dressing more provocative than they would/could in RL, or be more sexually active than they would get away with in RL because of sl*t shaming.
These are things usually attributed to men, therefore any women in RL doing these things surely must be men, right? At least some people seem to think so.

Edited by Fritigern Gothly
(Had to censor sl*t because the whole word got filtered out)
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Considering this is an imaginary world  (Your world, your imagination) personally i never cared about the type of avatar that people choose to have in Second Life regardless if they consider it a representation of their real self or just an RP character. Someone can play as a man, a woman, a robot, a dragon, a dog, a cube or whatever they like and since i don't get sexually turned on by avatars, and pixelsex is not a interesting for me, i am cool with everything.
The choice of avatar won't have any affect on my gaming and do not consider it catfishing since it doesn't mix with RL.
Of course if we are to become real friends people need to reveal themselves to me in the same way that i do, otherwise our friendship is hypothetical and SL related only.
(*unless people think that they talk to a real robot because one of my avatars looks like a robot.)
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10 hours ago, FlameGirlHero said:

Hi, I wanted to bring this up to talk about.

not really a new subject, there's even a related subject on this first page of the subforum. (and many more deeper in the next pages)

Concerning your title..."how many"  you'll never know, many won't tell. And you'll reach just a handfull people here on the forums. Think 95% of the accounts never been here. And compared to the amount of regular players.. just a handfull is a regular.
 

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   I generally don't care about what other people want to do, nor do I care about whether others care about what I do. If someone wants to make an avatar of the opposite gender or a different species, that's their business. I have a female alt myself, and whilst I don't use that avatar much to socialise, I have occasionally used her for RP (although never of any romantic sort).

   I don't really demand that people share RL information either, but usually when forming friendships, I'm simply not going to pursuit people who are being actively withdrawn. If someone is so scared of me knowing anything about them, that they won't even tell me their time zone, I'm probably going to consider them a bit too silly and paranoid to find them any interesting - they're simply not on my level, and I'm probably not at theirs.

   The only time it's going to really matter to me, is when someone wants to form a romantic relationship. If I'm to spend a large chunk of time and affection of someone, I'll want to know who's on the receiving end of it - I don't consider that strange at all; if someone doesn't want to share, that's fine, I'll just not commit to being with them. I may not be entitled to getting any RL information about anyone, but no one is entitled to my affection either. 

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6 hours ago, Orwar said:

   I don't really demand that people share RL information either, but usually when forming friendships, I'm simply not going to pursuit people who are being actively withdrawn. If someone is so scared of me knowing anything about them, that they won't even tell me their time zone, I'm probably going to consider them a bit too silly and paranoid to find them any interesting - they're simply not on my level, and I'm probably not at theirs.

See, I don't think I'd phrase it exactly the way you did; but I feel like that's a reasonable attitude.

Going back to my original reply: when I say "no one owes you their RL info" I'm primarily addressing the attitude and mindset I see a lot of people walk around in SL with that we're supposed to wear everything on our sleeve and that SL is supposed to mirror RL 1:1.

Yeah, nuts to that. 

Forming a relationship -any relationship, takes time and mutual growth. My timezone (AKST) is about all I'm guaranteed to share off the bat. But as time goes on, more comes out. Just like IRL, ironically. 

I feel like the demand for immediate and full disclosure all the time, in every circumstance, points to something basic and unhealthy. I distrust it.

Context is important, of course. RL info is only important if you've reached the stage where things need to go into RL. If someone is approaching SL with the intent of bringing things into RL then I think they might do well to fine tune their expectations.

I came here in 2005, left, came back in 2008. One of the things that I kept reading in 08 was these stories about people who bonded romantically even though the woman wasn't a woman IRL; but they overlooked that because their personal connection was so strong. I read that and was like "that's what I want" -I mean that bond. [still cis tho] 

Then I got it (sorta -but in reverse).

Then we broke up and a year later I realized that I'm transgender. 

When I say "fine tune expectations" ...well, I had to expectations myself, right? 

I disclose that in-world not because I feel obligated (I don't); but as a litmus test and as "fair warning". If they have a beef with that or with me, I'd rather know up front so I can block them before I develop any kind of emotional bond.

Edited by Han Held
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Not only can you play the opposite gender but you can switch back and forth constantly between genders. You can have no genders. You can log in several avatars and become a multiple organism of every gender.  You can change species. You can become inorganic. You can become a form of energy, 

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3 minutes ago, Bree Giffen said:

You can become a form of energy

   Every time you have a bake fail in Firestorm! 

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It can be a problem for some people, because it can take on a Jerry Springer quality. I was talking to a nice lady the other day and somehow we started talking about family stuff. I have a SL daughter and she goes, "You know you have to be careful; I found out my son for 4 years is a woman in real life. He had kids with a RL woman and everything! Ouuuuuuuuuuuu!" I guess I was supposed to be surprised by that, so I asked her did it change anything? And she said "No, but I just don't feel like I can trust him. I feel like he lied to me." Some people just can't get over things like that.

I saw a troll video where a guy said he had a female alt. A group of people were trying to psychoanalyze him. That was the whole video. People sometimes like to make a spectacle out of it.

17 years later and some people haven't gotten over the fact that some people aren't who they appear to be in SL. Some people won't be accepting that you are playing the opposite gender, some people will be. Find those people and live your Second Life the way you want.

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56 minutes ago, Janet Voxel said:

It can be a problem for some people, because it can take on a Jerry Springer quality. I was talking to a nice lady the other day and somehow we started talking about family stuff. I have a SL daughter and she goes, "You know you have to be careful; I found out my son for 4 years is a woman in real life. He had kids with a RL woman and everything! Ouuuuuuuuuuuu!" I guess I was supposed to be surprised by that, so I asked her did it change anything? And she said "No, but I just don't feel like I can trust him. I feel like he lied to me." Some people just can't get over things like that.

I saw a troll video where a guy said he had a female alt. A group of people were trying to psychoanalyze him. That was the whole video. People sometimes like to make a spectacle out of it.

17 years later and some people haven't gotten over the fact that some people aren't who they appear to be in SL. Some people won't be accepting that you are playing the opposite gender, some people will be. Find those people and live your Second Life the way you want.

So it was ok with her that he wasn't actually a 4 year old child, just that he was actually a male?  That makes no sense whatsoever.  SL is obviously mostly RP with anyone who plays a child so it should come as no shock if they're A different gender.  Lordy, some people.

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Just now, Amina Sopwith said:

I once received an absolute wall of text abusing me for defending people's rights to 

Yup! I learned not to say anything that actually sounds like a defense and just sort of question their rationale for feeling that way and then leave it at that.

People are ok with someone playing an anthropmorphic animal, or a fat guy playing a buff man with a giant ding dong, but a different gender and it quickly turns into "Ooooooooooh! OMG!"

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59 minutes ago, Janet Voxel said:

It can be a problem for some people, because it can take on a Jerry Springer quality. I was talking to a nice lady the other day and somehow we started talking about family stuff. I have a SL daughter and she goes, "You know you have to be careful; I found out my son for 4 years is a woman in real life. He had kids with a RL woman and everything! Ouuuuuuuuuuuu!" I guess I was supposed to be surprised by that, so I asked her did it change anything? And she said "No, but I just don't feel like I can trust him. I feel like he lied to me." Some people just can't get over things like that.

I saw a troll video where a guy said he had a female alt. A group of people were trying to psychoanalyze him. That was the whole video. People sometimes like to make a spectacle out of it.

17 years later and some people haven't gotten over the fact that some people aren't who they appear to be in SL. Some people won't be accepting that you are playing the opposite gender, some people will be. Find those people and live your Second Life the way you want.

I can understand why someone would not trust someone for lying about their real life gender even for an online family it is distrusting even for a romantic relationship for straight people finding out your partner is a different gender can be hard to deal with but it is sometimes hard for people to open up as others have said before in this thread. I see myself even in OOC for RP being my real self even in the male avatar when I am not roleplaying in character. I am honest when I meet new people and when I was called a "Catfish" for playing a different gender I felt like it was irrelevant to the whole RP aspect and the person who called me a catfish made up lies and rumors about me that still go around on a different virtual world.  I don't understand why people make it a big deal for role-players or even non role-players choosing a different avatar for gender choices online.

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8 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

So it was ok with her that he wasn't actually a 4 year old child, just that he was actually a male?  That makes no sense whatsoever.  SL is obviously mostly RP with anyone who plays a child so it should come as no shock if they're A different gender.  Lordy, some people.

That might've been my bad English.

I meant, she had a SL son for four years that was an adult male avatar that had his own family and she just found out he was a RL woman.

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1 hour ago, Janet Voxel said:

I was talking to a nice lady the other day and somehow we started talking about family stuff. I have a SL daughter and she goes, "You know you have to be careful; I found out my son for 4 years is a woman in real life.

   Well. People view the whole family thing in SL very differently. But I mean, if you've had a family member for 4 years and never cared to voice with them, I don't see how that should matter. 

   I know what most of my SL family looks and sounds like in RL, not because we've gone out to verify each other, but because of voice-chatting and social media. Some I even have phone numbers and addresses to, in case anything should happen. To me, that's being a family - we've never done the whole sharing surnames shenanigans, that's RP, and could as well be done in a profile pick with a character introduction.

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1 minute ago, Janet Voxel said:

That might've been my bad English.

I meant, she had a SL son for four years that was an adult male avatar that had his own family and she just found out he was a RL woman.

Nope, I read it wrong.  But really, it wouldn't matter either way to me.  He wasn't actually her son either so no big deal.

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5 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   Well. People view the whole family thing in SL very differently. But I mean, if you've had a family member for 4 years and never cared to voice with them, I don't see how that should matter. 

I don't think it really did, I think it was more of her trying to give some Hot Tea. People love to gossip and for some reason, it's still a sensational topic.

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16 minutes ago, Janet Voxel said:

Yup! I learned not to say anything that actually sounds like a defense and just sort of question their rationale for feeling that way and then leave it at that.

People are ok with someone playing an anthropmorphic animal, or a fat guy playing a buff man with a giant ding dong, but a different gender and it quickly turns into "Ooooooooooh! OMG!"

Whoops, I hit send too soon! I meant to write "protect their RL." Glad the point still went across!

Honestly, this is SL. Gender bending is pretty much the first thing anyone would think of. Almost everyone I know has an opposite gender av; they may not use it in any meaningful way or for sexual play, but it's something that's crossed almost everyone's mind as a possibility. It's amazing how often you get "we can be our true selves, leaving the confines of our RL behind" doing a screeching 180 as soon as someone confesses they've switched sex. We didn't mean THAT!

There also seems to be a belief that we can unilaterally create an obligation on someone else to disclose RL information one way or another by asking them point blank about it. 

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1 minute ago, Amina Sopwith said:

Whoops, I hit send too soon! I meant to write "protect their RL." Glad the point still went across!

Honestly, this is SL. Gender bending is pretty much the first thing anyone would think of. Almost everyone I know has an opposite gender av; they may not use it in any meaningful way or for sexual play, but it's something that's crossed almost everyone's mind as a possibility. It's amazing how often you get "we can be our true selves, leaving the confines of our RL behind" doing a screeching 180 as soon as someone confesses they've switched sex. We didn't mean THAT!

There also seems to be a belief that we can unilaterally create an obligation on someone else to disclose RL information one way or another by asking them point blank about it. 

"You can do anything you want in SL.....except that....and that....."

Yeah, I have a male alt. I don't use him all the time, basically I keep him up to date appearance wise and use him for pictures for some man candy. Surprisingly( or maybe not), I've gotten hit on by women quite often and women can be just as aggressive about verifying as men can.

I don't see anything wrong with it. I think a lot of people male and female do it, it's just a thing no one likes to admit. I've run into quite a few guys that know a little too much about female avatars.

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