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Hi everyone, I'm fairly experienced in rping in bdsm scenarios, but I'm open to serving someone long-term. I'm currently studying at HOJ Bdsm school and Triskelion Academy. I've also done some research, reading articles and books about the bdsm life-style.  I also listen to podcasts and watch youtube videos with experienced doms & subs.  Where are places or events where subs & doms can meet? Are there match-making agencies for these type of relationships? I went to a few vanilla dating agencies with submissive and dominant relationship options, but it seemed like the dating profiles  posted there were only interested in few bdsm elements incorporated into their  traditional relationship. I personally identify myself as a switch who is submissive in nature, but loves power-play dynamics. I'm seeking a monogamous relationship only, no polyamory.   I love feeling of being overpowered and resistance , but I'm not your traditional brat either(though I can be flirtatiously witty & sarcastic at times). My kinks lie within physical power-play, for example, wrestling, primal play, and abduction scenarios, making my potential dominant really work for the stability of his top position creatively and sensually challenging him. Sensational play is a very important kink to me and my favorite way of bonding with someone.  I'm also looking for a person who's highly experienced in rping edge-play scenarios, as well prioritizing pre-care and aftercare. Though there is no physical harm in bdsm scenes online,  however there are emotional & psychological risks, especially when things poorly communicated or negotiated properly. That is why I admire people who are straight-forward and honest with their needs. (scenes can be intense for dominates as well.)  I would also like  input from people in the bdsm community, especially regarding my profile.   Please tell me if anything seems contradictory or misleading.

https://my.secondlife.com/shiningstar92

Edited by ShiningStar92
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12 hours ago, ShiningStar92 said:

Where are places or events where subs & doms can meet?

   Practically all over. There are several clubs, auction houses, dating agencies, and communities catering to various aspects of BDSM, or BDSM in general. Many of them hold munches and mingling events, as well as balls of various formality levels. The quality of the venues varies, but since people usually circulate between them, it can be worthwhile looking into a few different ones to see which ones you like.

12 hours ago, ShiningStar92 said:

Are there match-making agencies for these type of relationships?

   Yes. You both have the places where you rent a board with a note card in it, that you can browse and chat with people. The auction houses serve the same purpose, but with a bit of a twist.

12 hours ago, ShiningStar92 said:

I would also like  input from people in the bdsm community, especially regarding my profile.

   In a word, terrible.

   It appears messy, and it feels as if you're so eager to present yourself that it's stuffed with information that mightn't always be relevant, and completely lacks any kind of personality. In the end it doesn't feel as if it presents a person as much as a concept, one that you'll find all over - there are so many subs in SL, most of which put more or less the same stuff in there. If I'd see that profile pop up at a BDSM venue I would see no reason whatsoever to pick you over anyone else in there, I'd gloss it over, go 'meh', an go on.

   Your pictures in there barely represent your avatar either, they're poorly framed for profile shots and in the wrong aspect ratio for anyone who doesn't use the standard viewer - and you won't find a whole lot of kinksters on the grid who don't use Firestorm; RLV muss sein. 

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Thank you so much for your honesty and your advice Orwar. It is what I needed to hear. I’ll re-do my pics (was planning to edit some pictures, but was really busy in rl.) and I’ll focus more on presenting myself as a person instead of writing a list of kinks. Many of this is rather new to me and I guess I have gotten a little too excited with the things I wanted to try.

1 hour ago, Orwar said:

 In a word, terrible.

   It appears messy, and it feels as if you're so eager to present yourself that it's stuffed with information that mightn't always be relevant, and completely lacks any kind of personality. In the end it doesn't feel as if it presents a person as much as a concept, one that you'll find all over - there are so many subs in SL, most of which put more or less the same stuff in there. If I'd see that profile pop up at a BDSM venue I would see no reason whatsoever to pick you over anyone else in there, I'd gloss it over, go 'meh', an go on.

   Your pictures in there barely represent your avatar either, they're poorly framed for profile shots and in the wrong aspect ratio for anyone who doesn't use the standard viewer - and you won't find a whole lot of kinksters on the grid who don't use Firestorm; RLV muss sein. 

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14 minutes ago, ShiningStar92 said:

I’ll focus more on presenting myself as a person instead of writing a list of kinks.

   Having a BDSM test score, limits, or specific kinks listed isn't necessarily 'wrong' - personally I'm not a huge fan, but some people find it convenient.

   But your profile shouldn't be a dating site application, it's public and should primarily be an introduction of yourself, whether it's a tidbit of your personal philosophy, mentions a couple of your likes, maybe expressing yourself through a short poem (if you can keep it from being too lofty and pretentious) or limerick (I had a limerick on my profile for years, it may end up back on there soon again - I did a rather lazy rework of my profile recently). But don't just copy-paste a poem off the Internet, even if it appeals to you and you feel as if it describes you, all it signals is that you're unable to express yourself and your own thoughts (this is a personal pet peeve of mine, tons of people do it, I guess most people aren't too bothered with it, but if I open a profile I want to get a glimpse of the person I'm looking at, not read some random poetry that I may well have seen on another profile).

   Other popular things to put in your profile is a link to your Flickr, if you have one, or a wish list (although some people frown on wish lists, viewing it either as begging or prostitution), or your marketplace store (if you have one). 

   It is fine to mention that you're looking for a dominant, and to make a separate pick where you bring up some of your expectations from them. But that should be a small part of your profile as a whole.

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Well @Orwarpretty much covered a lot of it. On limits if your looking for RP only or whatever the case may be and you have restrictions such as no voice and/or no cam and you find yourself getting hit up on that front then I would include those on your limits as well. You don't have to, but if your wanting to keep SL as segregated as far from RL as possible then I would make sure those lines are clearly drawn if nothing else at the beginning when you get to know someone. Make sure your clear on what you want in the long term basically. That way they know exactly what type of long term relationship your looking for. As for the BDSM Test thing it's a trend I noticed on here and some people like to have it in their profiles and some don't. The only real thing I have to say to anyone on that is the aggeplay score I would remove entirely out of it regardless of score and the reason I say that is because I've seen a few people in my anti-griefer groups make requests on reporting profiles with that in it. So best just to remove that out entirely. Good luck mate.😎

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48 minutes ago, Krystina Ferraris said:

@Velk Kerang   One issue I see with BDSM Test and the likes is that, as with any profiling-type test, your answers can be chosen to fit a particular profile... so I would take that stuff with a pinch of salt 😄

Oh I totally agree with you on that. I think they even tell people on the web site it's meant just for fun and not to be taken literally, but I've seen some people act as if it's set in stone. lol 😄

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1 hour ago, Krystina Ferraris said:

One issue I see with BDSM Test and the likes is that, as with any profiling-type test, your answers can be chosen to fit a particular profile... so I would take that stuff with a pinch of salt 😄

   They don't strike me as anything particularly serious. I've tried them a few times for fun, an it almost always suggests I'm a rather high percentage daddy dom or brat wrangler - the closest I'd ever go to brat wrangling would be to defenestrate them if they get too annoying in my presence. 

   To me, it just seems as if whoever put it in their profile don't know what they want and what they don't want, and that they ought to take a moment to consider what they're setting themselves up for. 

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You seem very classy and want to keep it that way. So this not to tell what to do but just a few tips to approach the right one.

So if you're looking for a monogamous relationship/traditional relationship.
Keep burlesque dancers out the Exotic Dancer. What you do is your business.  Traditional guy can get  turned off by the erotic dancer they ether think its a stripper just keep the burlesque dancer keep it classy keep the pigs away also give the right approach .  Just be honest and upfront many want to voice so if you don't voice best of saying you don't voice.

 

Some these auction you may not trust find one where you have more freedom have a choice to decide and meeting the person not anything that is forced.

 

I heard many times Guys are looking long term In BDSM won't do role play. They want the real emotion and feeling from their sub in the scene.

I keep your limits in note cards. Putting in a profile will only prey on weirdo's given to someone as they get to know you grow a bond in conversation. 

Keep the profile to the imagination as class as you don't give out too much let be yet a mystery.

Just say you're in the lifestyle looking for leading gentlemen for long term without saying BDSM.

Take down the Nudity just saying probably should  not use the copyright picture of Dita this not to get on you but find an art one that does have copyright or use your own.  Try to keep the pictures to the imagination, keep clothes on and still be sexy. Save the nudity for the right time. Dita only did nudity when right time she has to be classy every other time don't give people too much let them get to know you give too much your already giving out too much.

Don't chase. Become what you want to attract. let life force energy flow freely through you while you enjoy the process. You are already abundant, remember. All is well.

 

BDSM is bond love and trust not really all sex two people that share the bond. you need consent with communication. if you do find someone take your time don't rush allow the love to grow. Meet in public, not their house  they should be willing to date you.   learn to say no if not for you keep your brain even when you're a submissive you have brain  learn to speak up it's a two way street it's not about just one person.  They need to show the blueprints don't go by sweet words go by sweet effect. Timer and place for D/s you need more than that a connection , attraction , In the soul and mind , chemistry. 

Right Dominant will find you when you not expecting in looking they will find you when your not even thinking it. 

Best of luck to you. Just acknowledgment take it or leave it.

Places.

Chambers

SilhouetteS

The Guild

HOUSE OF V 

corruptions

Fogbound blues

Ministry in trance

Elysium

Garden of Dreams

 

Romance Love and Discipline 

---- OBSSESION ----- Romania

Club ultra

BondagHeavy 

Bondage Clube City

Bondage Ranch

Xaara - Arts and D/s Community

(The Nameless Cafe))

Jungle of Sin

Sensual Delights

Envy Lounge

Angel of pain

the bay

*Secret Life Lounge*

*LUST Ultra-Lounge*

Anaconda Romance in the Clouds

BDSM  Events and Information

Wine O'Clock Jazz House

| ELYSION |

[ the chamber society ]

Sweet Domination Palace

-= Camden =- Jazz n Blues  Bar

Bugatti's

Corruption

The Retreat

 

 

 

Angel of P

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by ArissaDeclaire
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5 hours ago, Orwar said:

defenestrate

This. This right here. lol Never have I had to look up the meaning of a word until today. Never would I have ever imagined there was a fancy word for throwing someone out a window. lol You Sir. totally rock. I have a new found respect for you. Not only did you make me actually have to look a word up for the very first time on these forums, but I do believe you just helped me find my newest favorite word. Thank you. Lmao!!!!😁😎

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8 hours ago, Krystina Ferraris said:

@Velk Kerang   One issue I see with BDSM Test and the likes is that, as with any profiling-type test, your answers can be chosen to fit a particular profile... so I would take that stuff with a pinch of salt 😄

I decided to take it off. I'm new to the scene non rp wise. I'm still figuring out what type of relationship dynamic I want, so I'm avoiding using labels for now, it's just to show people what you are interested in and what sort of things appeal to you. Well that's how I see it. The most important thing I've learned about this posting is that I need to show case my creativity to more. I'm in the process of redoing my profile slowly because of school, but hopefully I will have some projects coming up soon like creating a flickr account and blog that features my poetry and short stories. I'll still go to bdsm classes and discussions though.

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7 hours ago, ArissaDeclaire said:

You seem very classy and want to keep it that way. So this not to tell what to do but just a few tips to approach the right one.

So if you're looking for a monogamous relationship/traditional relationship.
Keep burlesque dancers out the Exotic Dancer. What you do is your business.  Traditional guy can get  turned off by the erotic dancer they ether think its a stripper just keep the burlesque dancer keep it classy keep the pigs away also give the right approach .  Just be honest and upfront many want to voice so if you don't voice best of saying you don't voice

 

 

Thank you for the helpful and insightful feed back. The About Me, tab is rather old I used to be a text dancer for a couple clubs, so it will get taken down.  But I do have an interest for doing second-life burlesque which has nothing to do with strip club stripping or escorting at all. It's choreographed dance, with sets stages and props.  The most I would ever strip down to is a g-string (with pasties or sometimes topless). I do voice, but I don't voice with complete strangers, only people whom I really trust. It is cam and real life pictures I'm against.  It feel like internet is getting smaller, and people's real life information is more accessible now then it's been in the past. I'm really protective of it because one piece of information could lead to people finding out where you live and other private info.  Details about my real life depend on trust above anything else.

As for the Dita pics they were only place holders and will be taken down, and your very right about creating an authentic connection with someone. I will follow in Dita's example, thank you.

7 hours ago, ArissaDeclaire said:

 

 

Take down the Nudity just saying probably should  not use the copyright picture of Dita this not to get on you but find an art one that does have copyright or use your own.  Try to keep the pictures to the imagination, keep clothes on and still be sexy. Save the nudity for the right time. Dita only did nudity when right time she has to be classy every other time don't give people too much let them get to know you give too much your already giving out too much.

Don't chase. Become what you want to attract. let life force energy flow freely through you while you enjoy the process. You are already abundant, remember. All is well.

 

BDSM is bond love and trust not really all sex two people that share the bond. you need consent with communication. if you do find someone take your time don't rush allow the love to grow. Meet in public, not their house  they should be willing to date you.   learn to say no if not for you keep your brain even when you're a submissive you have brain  learn to speak up it's a two way street it's not about just one person.  They need to show the blueprints don't go by sweet words go by sweet effect. Timer and place for D/s you need more than that a connection , attraction , In the soul and mind , chemistry. 

Right Dominant will find you when you not expecting in looking they will find you when your not even thinking it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by ShiningStar92
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You know where your heart sets. People  are looking out  for you . It's your second life.   You don't need to share your first life; they only need to know some things that you feel sharing that might just be only in the second life.    You can even friend be like a key holder protector one you trust to get you out there in an emergency. 

Rlv good to learn the basics don't give someone full rights they should earn your submission before anything that should be talked of before going further.  Only use your own rlv collars and cuffs you feel safe with not old one were hard to get out you have say if they offer you one make sure right kind not a knock off.  Good to study rlv  learn the words to type when you need to get out you can log off turn off rlv and go to different location never have to speak to them again.  A  gent can give you flowers it could be really rlv collar he tells you put it on so this why good to edit things see what it really is never put things on from someone that not grow a trust. 
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11 hours ago, Velk Kerang said:

This. This right here. lol Never have I had to look up the meaning of a word until today. Never would I have ever imagined there was a fancy word for throwing someone out a window. lol You Sir. totally rock. I have a new found respect for you. Not only did you make me actually have to look a word up for the very first time on these forums, but I do believe you just helped me find my newest favorite word. Thank you. Lmao!!!!😁😎

It's a brilliant word and I had not heard it in such a long time! Last time I heard it was 15 odd years ago when a particularly grumpy chemistry lecturer constantly threatened us with "defenestration" in the lab 😂

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10 hours ago, ShiningStar92 said:

I decided to take it off. I'm new to the scene non rp wise. I'm still figuring out what type of relationship dynamic I want, so I'm avoiding using labels for now, it's just to show people what you are interested in and what sort of things appeal to you. Well that's how I see it. The most important thing I've learned about this posting is that I need to show case my creativity to more. I'm in the process of redoing my profile slowly because of school, but hopefully I will have some projects coming up soon like creating a flickr account and blog that features my poetry and short stories. I'll still go to bdsm classes and discussions though.

I think there's no harm in having it in your profile, it's just a bit of harmless fun (if people take it as such!). I hope you enjoy your journey in SL, wherever that may take you!

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12 hours ago, Velk Kerang said:

but I do believe you just helped me find my newest favorite word.

   The best part about the word is that many scholars point to the Second Defenestration of Prague as the spark that set off the thirty year war. 

   The Second Defenestration of Prague. The Czechs are wild.

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On 11/16/2020 at 6:32 PM, ShiningStar92 said:

I’ll focus more on presenting myself as a person instead of writing a list of kinks.

 

On 11/16/2020 at 6:56 PM, Orwar said:

Having a BDSM test score, limits, or specific kinks listed isn't necessarily 'wrong' - personally I'm not a huge fan, but some people find it convenient.

Personally I find those "BDSM scores" to be too unspecific to even be useful, relative to a short description in plain English. "1% rope bunny, 2% masochist" only goes so far.

What I could recommend though, are sites like F-List that are specifically made for listing (and comparing) your kinks.

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On 11/15/2020 at 5:54 PM, ShiningStar92 said:

I would also like  input from people in the bdsm community, especially regarding my profile.   

I'm not in BDSM community but I was first wondering what is with all your tags?  They seem very needy and like you are compartmentalizing things too much.  To me, love and sex rarely fit into neat little boxes.  

But, to keep it short, why do you feel you need to shed your old skin?  Your old skin seems fine to me.  I think you might be putting too many negatives upon yourself that don't need to be there.   I wouldn't recommend losing your self.  You are a unique person.  Much of our psyche is developed by the age of 12 as to who we are and how we are loving towards others.  Your old skin I'm sure is just fine.  Don't fall under too much mind-control that you have to change your whole self.  Don't let anyone put you down in that there is something wrong with you.   You might want to read some books on the human psyche before fully going into this.  Thinking that there is something wrong with your old skin could lead to you being neurotic.  Just be yourself.  

Edited by JanuarySwan
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52 minutes ago, JanuarySwan said:

I'm not in BDSM community but I was first wondering what is with all your tags?  They seem very needy and like you are compartmentalizing things too much.  To me, love and sex rarely fit into neat little boxes. 

I added the tags because I didn't know exactly where this topic fit in the forum. Actually, none of these topics really fit neatly into boxes.. Everyone has different opinions and beliefs on love, BDSM, and relationships. I used tags to attract people with experiences in these areas for their feedback.

56 minutes ago, JanuarySwan said:

 

But, to keep it short, why do you feel you need to shed your old skin?  Your old skin seems fine to me.  I think you might be putting too many negatives upon yourself that don't need to be there.   I wouldn't recommend losing your self.  You are a unique person.  Much of our psyche is developed by the age of 12 as to who we are and how we are loving towards others.  Your old skin I'm sure is just fine.  Don't fall under too much mind-control that you have to change your whole self.  Don't let anyone put you down in that there is something wrong with you.   You might want to read some books on the human psyche before fully going into this.  Thinking that there is something wrong with your old skin could lead to you being neurotic.  Just be yourself.  

Thank you for the encouragement, but these are things I wanted to change. I have no desire in becoming someone else or changing myself to gain people's approval ( I spent some time struggling with that, but I have came a very long way, and coming to terms with who I am.)  I felt like my old profile wasn't  representing me in the way that I wanted, so I've asked people for their first impressions.  I didn't want to ask my friends because they would have been too polite, and would not tell me their honest opinion.  I'm not changing myself to be an "interesting person" for them, because the idea of being an interesting person is subjective. The bdsm tags, likes, and limits are helpful in an rp scenario (or casual sex), but were not helpful in what in I'm looking for. Also the sexuality on my profile was a bit too much, and not appropriate for a general profile. I took the feedback that was relevant to me and my interests and applied it.

 

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27 minutes ago, ShiningStar92 said:

I added the tags because I didn't know exactly where this topic fit in the forum

I see and I was wondering that myself as this whole topics seems rather 'adult' also.  But, too many tags can seem too needy to me no matter who is doing it.  But, your user name seems to contradict the use of too many tags and exudes confidence I think and perhaps build your profile from that confidence in yourself.  

 

27 minutes ago, ShiningStar92 said:

Thank you for the encouragement, but these are things I wanted to change. I have no desire in becoming someone else or changing myself to gain people's approval ( I spent some time struggling with that, but I have came a very long way, and coming to terms with who I am.)  I felt like my old profile wasn't  representing me in the way that I wanted, so I've asked people for their first impressions.  I didn't want to ask my friends because they would have been too polite

Well, again, as I started to think about your user name...your user name seems to exude much confidence in your self, so that's a good thing and perhaps I was thinking you thought there was something wrong with you by saying you need to shed your skin as in a kind of metamorphosis.  As I said, much of our psyche is developed by the age of 12 that is why we are often referred to as "children at heart".   Putting an original poem there that you wrote sounds like a cool idea also.  

Edited by JanuarySwan
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How much do you even know about D/s?

Some people pretend you can't make them.

Here's the thing. I've had that excuse tossed at me and made them.

A sub doesn't just be lead. They also have to guide. We ALL have to give direction and go with the flow. I mean, if you're just a boring roll over and do nothing then it's not going to head anywhere is it?

I can get that to happen even with a sub. To get them to be firm with me and get me to do things. I myself am a sub.

There's certain "tricks" you can do. Playful things. That you can even slip into conversation. Another person I interacted with, I stated... What was it... I gave them my opinion of them. And gave some feedback about myself. It was along the lines of... Hang on, I'm going to need to check the logs here.

*Paper shuffle. Ruffle ruffle*

Nope. Not there. Conversation was in nearby chat. Dang. But basically I went "This is why I'm observant. Here's what I detected about you." I should point out I have a talent for reading people accurately. I'm able to look past your own doubt but will have to point out weaknesses too. You want to be a better person as well after all.

After that I pondered what to add. "What if I said I always do as I'm told".

"Do you?" They asked.

Didn't have to think on it. Already have communication. And we interacted a bit in the past already. "Yes" I replied.

They told me to call them some things. "Daddy. Mommy." Neither of us actually cared for the labels there but they were exploring. Experimenting.

Next thing I know they're taking my leash and we're going for a walk.

Then we end up in bed (not to have sex. They went to bed IRL) we chilled for a min. They said "now say goodbye", which I did. And they logged. A lot of context is missing. Other stuff was said and done, obviously. They actually bent over due to a joke at first. At that point I got into my guard outfit with the gun. A little "role reversal" you could say. After then I used my own collar to get on my hands and knees and one things just leads to another from there. That was before they walked me.

I was discussing "There's a trick to playing" at the time. Simply make the best of whatever situation you're in. No matter how bad it is. They got me to do things. But maybe I was the teacher, hm?

If you want to get someone to engage with you like that... teach them.

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I’m just back to SL after a break, so I haven’t been into the SL BDSM community for a while - but if you want a dominant PERSON, you might go get involved in some kinds of group discussions and pay attention to who says what.

Look for those people to can take charge of the conversation without being a jerk, who can make their points and be assertive without rolling in the mud to do it. When you locate one, go through their profile looking for things that might disqualify them. If you don’t see anything, chat them up and offer them the opportunity to perhaps take charge of YOU.

Personally, I don’t think someone who knows how to BE in charge really HAS to have a lot of BDSM knowledge; you can polish them up if they want to learn. 

What you can’t do is teach a non-assertive person to be Dominant, no matter how many scripted toys they have and whether or not they have “Master/Mistress” as part of their name or as a group title.

SL used to have many more Submissives looking to be taken-in-hand than there were Dominants to do the taking. Identifying your own out in the virtual wilds might get you a diamond in the rough; but thats still a diamond.

 

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