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7 hours ago, HelenaNavy92 said:

We had a conversation. I told him how I feel. He refused to accept it. He refused to understand me. I don't want to hurt him but it probably will happen. He really refused to let me go. 

See this is the drama ^^^^^, even though he was cold and emotionless about making a commitment to the relationship and taking it further by saying "we have different time zones, so it will never work" in regards to getting a house together, he still brings up drama.  

I think he's being more manipulative than some say you are or you both are.

You already asked about getting a home together...but it has to be his way only, which is and sounded like a cold and emotionless "no", along with other excuses.  Now, he doesn't want you to seek other relationships.

I think you are seeking a deeper relationship one with romance and passion.  Are you sure, Helena, after eight months, this guy can give you these things now?

Another problem he denies the hot blooded romance and passion to you and it's making you unhappy but then he doesn't want to you to seek and possibly find it from others - thus replacing him.

Don't forget many are manipulative too about their "booty calls", both in RL and SL.  Just try to make sure he doesn't deny you what you need emotionally while keeping you as a "booty call" by declaring "his refusal" to you as he seems to be now.   Just make sure that it isn't a booty call loss he's refusing to except.  This may not be a declaration of love, but rather property.  Just remember you are not property.  For me, the man is too controlling.

And, I didn't suggest an alt to hide, I mean for sanity reasons if you decide to break it off and seek others in your time zone. 

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I think you need to relax and just have fun playing SL while both of you can do that together and not take things seriously. (Pushing each other to the limit simply creates negativity and boredom

I think he already has as much from the relationship as he needs, and he neither needs nor wants to take it any further than it is now.  Trying to make him jealous or pushing his limits will only make

Do not assume any of them would be any better than he is.

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Well I see a lot of different views on this and I am just going to share my personal experience and it may or it may not help. Hopefully it does in some small way. My SL wife and I dated for a while on here and I never asked to move in and neither did she. We simply were just content with logging on here and spending time together. To be honest I think the thought never really actually occurred to us. That being said we were both free to show up at any given time. Out of respect we always messaged first though, but realistically we could just pop in when ever we wanted to. 

We actually didn't discuss it until the day the youngest SL daughter put us both on the spot and asked Mommy when could she start calling me Daddy. lol She literally stopped us in our tracks at the same exact time and we're both like wait, what? lol Now up until two seconds before that my biggest concern was deciding what movie to watch and after that Honey I Shrunk The Kids was looking real good right about now. lol 😁

So sufficient to say we ended up discussing it and the rest is history. Now while our kids may have put us on the spot and indeed they have many many times in the past before, lol I will say I feel like had either of us really pressured the other it would have done the relationship more harm then good.

Now while I am all about pushing limits with in reason in the right way what I strongly recommend against is doing it in the wrong way. Any time someone has tried to pull and tug on my jealous bone the only out come they received was the silent treatment and me walking away from the situation. I'm way to old for that high school crap.

Prime example a very long time ago an ex of mine wanted to hook back up. I told her give me a day to think about it and I'll let you know what I decide. Well that wasn't good enough for her. So she tried all day to do things tugging on the bone. Well I kept working. I was a sim manager at the time for a residential sim. By the end of the day she got quiet all of a sudden. My gut told me she was up to no good. I had a good feeling where she was so I tp'ed straight on over to her ex'es house (A guy she was with before me.) and not only did I find her, but I landed right on top of them both on the couch together. I never in all my SL have I seen somebody hop off a pose ball so bloody fast. lol😂

I typed in local chat, "Well I've thought about my answer all day and you wanted to know what my answer is? My answer is no.". Took a screenshot with her standing on him because it was so funny and TP'ed out like a boss. Lmao!!!!🤣😎

like-a-boss.jpg.a5024c91fd9f9a9a68ed7fd0914ad430.jpg

Edited by Velk Kerang
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20 hours ago, FairreLilette said:

See this is the drama ^^^^^, even though he was cold and emotionless about making a commitment to the relationship and taking it further by saying "we have different time zones, so it will never work" in regards to getting a house together, he still brings up drama.  

I think he's being more manipulative than some say you are or you both are.

You already asked about getting a home together...but it has to be his way only, which is and sounded like a cold and emotionless "no", along with other excuses.  Now, he doesn't want you to seek other relationships.

I think you are seeking a deeper relationship one with romance and passion.  Are you sure, Helena, after eight months, this guy can give you these things now?

Another problem he denies the hot blooded romance and passion to you and it's making you unhappy but then he doesn't want to you to seek and possibly find it from others - thus replacing him.

Don't forget many are manipulative too about their "booty calls", both in RL and SL.  Just try to make sure he doesn't deny you what you need emotionally while keeping you as a "booty call" by declaring "his refusal" to you as he seems to be now.   Just make sure that it isn't a booty call loss he's refusing to except.  This may not be a declaration of love, but rather property.  Just remember you are not property.  For me, the man is too controlling.

And, I didn't suggest an alt to hide, I mean for sanity reasons if you decide to break it off and seek others in your time zone. 

This is much assuming from your side while not having heard his version. I find she is putting pressure onto him, trying to manipulate him, to get out of him what she wants.It looks needy. 

Some people are not made for each other. They just do not fit. She should just split and seek for someone else and make then sure it will work before getting involved into a relationship. Not after. 

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4 hours ago, Leahndra said:

This is much assuming from your side while not having heard his version. I find she is putting pressure onto him, trying to manipulate him, to get out of him what she wants.It looks needy. 

Well, if you haven't read the whole thread HIS reason for their relationship NOT going further after eight months is due to different time zones and then he said "it won't work" because of their different time zones...having a home together won't work because of different time zones but something else is working...I think I can guess what that is.

So, I am curious what does she or he think work in their limited time zone time frame they have since they both have different time zones?   It sounds like he had time for 'get down on it' in that limited time frame but not for romance or passion or even a little home together to make her happy but he still wants the booty call part of it.

She needs to observe what he does want in this limited time zone time frame he has put forth as THE reason for their relationship not to have enough time for a home together.

Personally, I think she is being played and I would have been gone a long time ago but on a alt as I said.  I wouldn't want any ex boyfriends around when starting over...it's too much baggage and drama.  

Plus, people really need to read the whole thread before responding...there is other information the OP has put forth in the thread.

The Op said she thinks she will leave...I was just saying maybe do it on a alt because new bf's don't like old bf's showing up, especially IF suddenly after eight months NOW they ARE on your time zone to start spying around.

 

Edited by FairreLilette
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4 hours ago, FairreLilette said:
8 hours ago, Leahndra said:
On 11/16/2020 at 5:03 PM, FairreLilette said:

[...] he was cold and emotionless [...]

This is much assuming from your side while not having heard his version.

It sounds like he had time for 'get down on it' in that limited time frame [...] but he still wants the booty call part of it.

More assumptions / projections to paint as bad of a picture as you can possibly think of.

While what you're saying is possible, it's currently baseless. We have one person telling a story with total authority, regardless of how unintentional it is. I agree that OP needs to pay more attention to what's happening, along with some introspection.

Edited by Wulfie Reanimator
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Bottom line, if YOU aren't happy with the way things are, LEAVE.  Don't expect anyone to make you happy.  You can be happy with someone or you can be unhappy with someone.  Thinking you can make someone change for your own happiness is pointless.  

Don't make an alt, don't lie, don't hide, make a choice and stick with it.  In essence, be an adult.

Coming to the forums to get advice?  10 people.with 10 different opinions when the only opinion that matters is your own.

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25 minutes ago, Wulfie Reanimator said:

More assumptions / projections to paint as bad of a picture as you can possibly think of.

While what you're saying is possible, it's currently baseless. We have one person telling a story with total authority, regardless of how unintentional it is. I agree that OP needs to pay more attention to what's happening, along with some introspection.

Perhaps...but A) they have different time zones...B) they've had a relationship for eight months with very limited time...I'd assume there is something happening during their short time together which according to him is hindered by their time zone differences to have a house, so I'd assume he's making time for the sexytimes.  I mentioned for her to look at just what 'is' occurring during this limited time together for eight months due to differing time zones.   I didn't say this but I kind of implied it...if it's sex, sex, sex and only sex...she might find her answer there.  Just what does he want during this limited time they've had together for eight months?

I might be projecting but I also said I would have been gone long ago on an alt.  However, she knows she cannot be me and I cannot be her.  This is all advice on a forum.  

I suggested she find out who is out there in her time zone...she might find a more fulfilling SL than the limited time zone thing anyways.   

Edited by FairreLilette
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13 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

I might be projecting but I also said I would have been gone long ago on an alt.

   So then you admit that you're the kind of person one should never trust to be in a relationship with, as rather than trying to solve any issues you'd 'long ago' have made an alt to find it elsewhere ..?

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16 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   So then you admit that you're the kind of person one should never trust to be in a relationship with, as rather than trying to solve any issues you'd 'long ago' have made an alt to find it elsewhere ..?

No.  She attempted to talk with him and what did she get "a let's not fight, we have so little time together" (quote from him) as his answer about having a home together.  That's not fighting, it's an adult discussion.  

I'd leave because I'd be unhappy with this arrangement which seems to lack romance and passion and because the time difference cannot give me what I want nor can he.  I'd make an alt to avoid the drama.   It's my SL, I'd want a fulfilling one and that takes time.  I'd look for others in my time zone.  

I also said I would tell him I'm leaving but getting an alt.  That way he wouldn't think I died or something.  But read prior posts before coming to conclusions about others.  I explained all my reasons for getting an alt.  

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Just now, FairreLilette said:

I'd leave because I'd be unhappy with this arrangement which seems to lack romance and passion and because the time difference cannot give me what I want nor can he.  I'd make an alt to avoid the drama.   It's my SL, I'd want a fulfilling one and that takes time.  I'd look for others in my time zone.

   There is such a thing as breaking up without drama, too. Heck, I'm still friends with many of my exes. And all my exes know who my only active alt is.

   If someone throws a fit because you're breaking up with them, just pop them on your ignore list until they've chilled out.

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6 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   There is such a thing as breaking up without drama, too. Heck, I'm still friends with many of my exes. And all my exes know who my only active alt is.

   If someone throws a fit because you're breaking up with them, just pop them on your ignore list until they've chilled out.

He is throwing a fit...it's on Page 2 of what he said.  He said he will not accept the break-up (paraphrasing).

This is why I'd go and find some happiness on an alt.  I said I'd later return to my main when the dust settles.  Plus, why do I need to explain why I'd want an alt when I break-up with someone?  This isn't The Spanish Inquisition.   I'd feel more freer, plus no ex bf drama following me around.  I wouldn't give up my other avatar account completely but I would take at least three weeks out and be on my new account until the dust settles.  

Plus your way isn't the only way.  If I would want to be free on an alt account from an ex bf, what is it to you?  

Edited by FairreLilette
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Hi, in case you're wondering - he said to me it's over and unfriended me. I wanted to talk to him and he didn't respond. Then I offered him TP - still nothing. I said "good bye then" and then he came. I told him I want to be friends, I hope this is gonna work. 

So that's it.

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Helena, is pretty hard what you are going thru. I hope you find every happiness. Times like this I often think of Bonnie Raitt's I can't make you love me

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
 
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
 
 
not that this is any consolation for you at this time. Just that all we have is to put on our sunny day face as best we can and look toward a happier tomorrow
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