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Not sure how long you know each other but love takes time to build over time can not be rushed or forced it has to be bound with exchange of energy or time.  But he might need time to grow on his own and figure out what he wants. It's not your job to fix him; he has to do inner work.  Can't really force a relationship he might like if the company does not want to go any further.   Your feelings might be in to him but if not the same for him not going to be the same. ”Without Communication, There Is No Relationship Without Respect, There Is No Love. Without Trust, There’s No Reason To Continue” .  Yes its second life  getaway don't rely on  to be your dating date  effect your emotions and feelings to being drained if its not right. But yes you can find a connection but never force it this will only make someone walk away. love can not happen overnight; it has to build over time.  It's about balance and two people go by effect, not sweet words just show the blue prints.  yes some people love to be alone they are happy that way they might just want a friend and the company you really have your answer your running every where to find the answers but its all ready their fall in love with yourself first . Just say wish you well. 

As opposed to looking for the right person, you should work to make yourself the right person for you, and the right person will be drawn to you based on the work that you've done for yourself. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Christina Mysterious
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I think you need to relax and just have fun playing SL while both of you can do that together and not take things seriously. (Pushing each other to the limit simply creates negativity and boredom

I think he already has as much from the relationship as he needs, and he neither needs nor wants to take it any further than it is now.  Trying to make him jealous or pushing his limits will only make

Do not assume any of them would be any better than he is.

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On 11/14/2020 at 1:54 PM, HelenaNavy92 said:

I need to feel that He wants to share something with me.

 woman need to be dezired,loved and needed,  Here in Russia if dude don t invite girl to live together after1 year of relationships,then he is not serious about her and uses as comfort variant. and from people from other countries i see that people are together as a couple, living in different flats and they are still couple and doing great:)  

 

7 hours ago, HelenaNavy92 said:

The lame excuses are the different time zones and that it won't work. I just thought we could try at least. 

 if different time zones is ok for you, doesnt mean it should be ok for him because you want it.

 you both probably need different things from relationships,my advice is move on and enjoy your sl. 

 

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7 hours ago, HelenaNavy92 said:

I know for sure he's single In RL. 

Besides, I never asked him to be only with me, because I know how lonely it feels when your love is away. I asked him whether he was with other girls, he knows I don't mind, but he said he doesn't want another. I'm not stupid, but I prefer to trust him. Plus I never wanted to live In his house. I have a place too. I like to be independent. I never asked him for money, or to buy me something. He spends most of the time playing games In SL. 

The lame excuses are the different time zones and that it won't work. I just thought we could try at least. 

Also - I am the one who almost broke up with him. 

Thank you again for your opinions, I know it's based on а real experience, and this is important to me. 

Then what exactly is the problem again?  You don't mind if he's with other girls, you both have your own places, you like to be independent, it's not a money thing.  You both enjoy spending time together when you can which can be a huge thing with different time zones.  

What isn't working?

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1 hour ago, Panteleeva said:

woman need to be dezired,loved and needed,  Here in Russia if dude don t invite girl to live together after1 year of relationships,then he is not serious about her and uses as comfort variant. and from people from other countries i see that people are together as a couple, living in different flats and they are still couple and doing great:)  

 

I was thinking about this living together in SL versus RL.  Well, in real life the situation is very different.  If the couple is heading towards a commitment at about 8 months to a year there could be a real need to make the decision to live together; otherwise, the couple has to pay for two apartments, two sofas, two refrigerators, two TV's, two of everything and that's a lot of money in real life.  In SL, money for a living situation is not vital to survival.

In short though the OP wants a commitment from him.  This is where their relationship is at.  One wants a commitment, one doesn't at this time, and it hurts.  Though others have suggested a real talk with him.  If her love is suggesting that a discussion about living together in SL is a fight...how is a discussion a fight?   I thought he had a lame excuse too - almost suggesting that talking about living together is fighting when it's an adult discussion. 

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44 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

I was thinking about this living together in SL versus RL.  Well, in real life the situation is very different.  If the couple is heading towards a commitment at about 8 months to a year there could be a real need to make the decision to live together; otherwise, the couple has to pay for two apartments, two sofas, two refrigerators, two TV's, two of everything and that's a lot of money in real life.  In SL, money for a living situation is not vital to survival.

In short though the OP wants a commitment from him.  This is where their relationship is at.  One wants a commitment, one doesn't at this time, and it hurts.  Though others have suggested a real talk with him.  If her love is suggesting that a discussion about living together in SL is a fight...how is a discussion a fight?   I thought he had a lame excuse too - almost suggesting that talking about living together is fighting when it's an adult discussion. 

yes,adult dicussion isnt a fight.in my view dude was enjoying things as they were from start and don t want anything else. sometimes no need to rush commitment.

she also said she were pushing.So maybe she pushed him away and as his repsonse weill get other lame excuses.

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2 minutes ago, Panteleeva said:

yes,adult dicussion isnt a fight.in my view dude was enjoying things as they were from start and don t want anything else. sometimes no need to rush commitment.

she also said she were pushing.So maybe she pushed him away and as his repsonse weill get other lame excuses.

Yeah, that happens in real life relationships too where a woman wants to discuss things and a man thinks it's a fight or rocking the boat and upsetting his currents only.  One wants it to go further, the other doesn't.  She wanted real passion from him though it sounds to me.  If she wants real passion, she may need to look elsewhere as it sounds like he is very casual about it all but he should at least tell her that.  And, she said she doesn't mind if he has other girls, so turn the tables and get other guys.  I would.  I would log out and be an alt for about three weeks at least and see who else might be out there and perhaps even on a more compatible time zone.  At least state in profile - looking for someone compatible to my time zone and state what that time zone is, plus state looking for passion.     

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Yes, FairreLilette, 

I think you're so right. I need passion, I need romance, but I guess I was fooled myself that it could happen with him. I can't change him.  

I changed my mind so many times, but I feel unhappy and this is where I needed to start from. 

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1 hour ago, HelenaNavy92 said:

Yes, FairreLilette, 

I think you're so right. I need passion, I need romance, but I guess I was fooled myself that it could happen with him. I can't change him.  

I changed my mind so many times, but I feel unhappy and this is where I needed to start from. 

You could go out as an alt and go to the romantic places.  The sims are lovely and romantic this time of year too, especially the ones with snow.  You may find the right person or you may just have a good time meeting new friends and some may even end up long term friends. 

I would want the romance and passion too.  Why we find it's not there with certain people we have a relationship with could be a myriad of reasons...but we can still go out and see how we might connect with someone else.  Don't budge on the time zone thing other than friends or you could just end up back like you are which is frustrating.  It's kind of like a long distance relationship in real life where we don't get to see the person very often because we live far apart.  

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1 hour ago, FairreLilette said:

You could go out as an alt and go to the romantic places.

Why go out as an alt acting sneaky and not use her main? It's not that they are married in  RL and they have kids together so she would risk her family..  They are just 2 strangers who are talking online and if she isn't happy she can stop whatever relationship they have in a friendly way and then find other people to enjoy whatever she's looking for.

Edited by Nick0678
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13 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

Why go out as an alt acting sneaky and not use her main? It's not that they are married in  RL and they have kids together so she would risk her family..  They are just 2 strangers who are talking online and if she isn't happy she can stop whatever relationship they have in a friendly way and then find other people to enjoy whatever she's looking for.

Just to avoid the drama.  The drama could drag down having fun with others down and be distracting if he suddenly calls.  If I were to have one relationship plus see others, I'd use an alt, solely to avoid the drama.  

But, it's up to her what she wants to do but I see the possibility of the drama 'it may bring' as a joy killer 'cause what I was saying she doesn't have to end it immediately. 

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27 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

Just to avoid the drama.  The drama could drag down having fun with others down and be distracting if he suddenly calls.  If I were to have one relationship plus see others, I'd use an alt, solely to avoid the drama.  

But, it's up to her what she wants to do but I see the possibility of the drama 'it may bring' as a joy killer 'cause what I was saying she doesn't have to end it immediately. 

I'm going to have to disagree with this.  If you're not together much because of time zones, neither should expect the other to sit and do nothing if they're here alone.  Going out dancing with someone is fairly harmless as long as the person you're dancing with knows it's just as friends.  It's getting tangled up in alts and going behind someone's back that is exactly what I said a lot of people do....and shouldn't.  Be honest or what's the point.

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27 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

Just to avoid the drama.

Well so far from what she has written she is the one being dramatic and using tactics such as pushing the other person to his limits, wanting him to be jealous and even broke up with him because he is not responding in a dramatic way. I am sure she will be fine but even if she somehow manage to get drama from this guy (that i highly doubt it) that will make things easier for both.

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15 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

Going out dancing with someone is fairly harmless as long as the person you're dancing with knows it's just as friends.  It's getting tangled up in alts and going behind someone's back that is exactly what I said a lot of people do

She said in her above post though she wants romance and passion and he doesn't seem to want to show that.

So, if this was me...I'd use an alt to see others but I would tell him I want to go out and explore people in my own time zone...but I (meaning me) want to do it with an alt.

To me, I wouldn't want an old boyfriend calling when he's lonely and/or knowing any new bf of mine.   Plus, new bf's don't like old bf's.  They fear the mess...the calling...will she really by mine...etc...etc?  

She doesn't owe him anything as he never made a commitment to her, or if this were me, he never made a commitment to me...so I want to explore other possibilities ALONE, that's private for me.  I wouldn't want to get involved with a new guy with ex gf poking around.  

She doesn't have to leave her main account completely.  But, if it were me, I'd wait for the dust to settle and old bf excepts I have a new bf and not to call...etc.   

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2 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

She said in her above post though she wants romance and passion and he doesn't seem to want to show that.

So, if this was me...I'd use an alt to see others but I would tell him I want to go out and explore people in my own time zone...but I (meaning me) want to do it with an alt.

To me, I wouldn't want an old boyfriend calling when he's lonely and/or knowing any new bf of mine.   Plus, new bf's don't like old bf's.  They fear the mess...the calling...will she really by mine...etc...etc?  

She doesn't owe him anything as he never made a commitment to her, or if this were me, he never made a commitment to me...so I want to explore other possibilities ALONE, that's private for me.  I wouldn't want to get involved with a new guy with ex gf poking around.  

Sooooo.... You'd have to make a new alt every time you broke up with someone?

If she doesn't feel she gets what she needs out of the relationship, then end it.  Often people hang on to what's familiar yet wrong for fear of being alone.  They end up feeling miserable anyway if they stay.

Being honest about how you feel with someone is the adult thing to do.  Not hiding on an alt because you don't want conflict.  What purpose does that serve in the end?

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14 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

Sooooo.... You'd have to make a new alt every time you broke up with someone?

For awhile yes, I think I'd want my space.  

 

14 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

Being honest about how you feel with someone is the adult thing to do.

I already said I'd tell him I'm going off to see other people in my time zone.  I don't see how I owe him anything more than that.  

But, yes, it was a lot easier to make alts in old days because our biggest expenses were probably a skin and an AO and maybe dances for a chimera but she said she didn't need him for any money, so that's why I suggested it plus it's what I would do.  What part of 'I'm going off to meet other people in my time zone' does he not understand in this scenario?  

We never made a commitment...but now I have to break it off?  Nah.  A committed relationship is something different.  I'd be getting that alt now and some new party dresses.   

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3 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

For awhile yes, I think I'd want my space.  

 

I already said I'd tell him I'm going off to see other people in my time zone.  I don't see how I owe him anything more than that.  

But, yes, it was a lot easier to make alts in old days because our biggest expenses were probably a skin and an AO and maybe dances for a chimera but she said she didn't need him for any money, so that's why I suggested it plus it's what I would do.  What part of 'I'm going off to meet other people is my time zone' does he not understand in this scenario?  

We never made a commitment...but now I have to break it off?  Nah.  A committed relationship is something different.  I'd be getting that alt now and some new party dresses.   

Whether committed or not is irrelevant.  It was a relationship that lasted 8 months.  It either ends or it doesn't.  She's either happy or she isn't.  Stay or go.  Make a choice.

But I'll just agree to disagree with your approach.

 

 

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Now for my serious reply.

The best thing you can do is have a quiet sit down with yourself and think about what it is YOU want for YOUR SL.  If you are happy and content with the status quo, then there is your answer.  However judging by the fact you are here and asking for advice, it doesn't sound like you are.  

And if you aren't, be open and honest with him about what you want and need from SL and from your relationship with him.  If he can't, or won't, meet you halfway and be open to your wants and needs, then stop wasting your time.  End things and move on.  Don't play games running around on alts looking for kicks because it will come back and bite you on the butt (been there, got caught!).  Be open and honest with him, but do what will make you happy in your Second Life.

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23 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

Whether committed or not is irrelevant.  It was a relationship that lasted 8 months.  It either ends or it doesn't.  She's either happy or she isn't.  Stay or go.  Make a choice.

But I'll just agree to disagree with your approach.

 

 

Yeah, I'd go...but privately.

I mean you can see and feel the undertones of drama already in this thread.  That's why I'd keep it personal and not for him to know.  I'd feel freer and happier too seeing others on an alt as there is no one to bother us, hopefully....meaning a possible new beau's old gf.   New bf's don't like old bf's.  So, I'd avoid that.  Nuff said, really.  It's not about sneaking around...it's about my happiness and avoiding drama.   But, go back to main when dust settles.  

Edited by FairreLilette
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I never used alts and I don't want to hide. 

We had a conversation. I told him how I feel. He refused to accept it. He refused to understand me. I don't want to hurt him but it probably will happen. He really refused to let me go. 

I remember back In the beginning, I asked him what he thinks of open relationship. He said no way. Now I told him that I want to be with other guys, and suddenly he said he will forgive me. I'm really confused. 

I'm so confused. 

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1 hour ago, HelenaNavy92 said:

I never used alts and I don't want to hide. 

We had a conversation. I told him how I feel. He refused to accept it. He refused to understand me. I don't want to hurt him but it probably will happen. He really refused to let me go. 

I remember back In the beginning, I asked him what he thinks of open relationship. He said no way. Now I told him that I want to be with other guys, and suddenly he said he will forgive me. I'm really confused. 

I'm so confused. 

when you are on together do you do stuff together that is not just dancing and/or snuggling ?

like do you have a SL common interest, like boating, horse riding, board games, writing, art, photography, exploring, making stuff ?  If not then pretty much what he sees is a) someone to hookup with, or b) someone who wants to romanticize the hooking up

a) he is getting now and b) you are not getting

you are unhappy with not getting b)

best to let the relationship go as when we are into hookups then in SL we can get any number of hookups we want, anytime we want. Quailty is variable for sure, but the quality you are getting now is not good, it is making you unhappy

there are people in SL who want more than just to only hookup. People have other interests as well, and want to share them with someone. Best way to find these people is to go looking

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2 hours ago, HelenaNavy92 said:

We had a conversation. I told him how I feel. He refused to accept it. He refused to understand me. I don't want to hurt him but it probably will happen. He really refused to let me go. 

I have been in that situation and it is not a fun one to be in.  I was with someone who refused to accept how I felt, refused to understand me and refused to let me go.  I ended up incredibly unhappy, incredibly isolated and incredibly lonely...for 18 months. 

You don't want to hurt him, but sounds like he is hurting you.

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2 hours ago, HelenaNavy92 said:

I'm really confused. I'm so confused. 

Yes, you are, and it’s poisoning the relationship. Maybe he is, too, or it just isn’t too important to him; but your own confusion may not be helping. You sound alternatively like you want a deeper relationship, then like you don’t and could use a harem of guys to cover your own SL schedule, then like you only do it to test him & make him jealous, then like you don’t mind his having his own place, then like you do (or you think he uses it to have his own lovers’ revolving door, which I’m not sure either if you approve of or not, or perhaps only if it validates your own)...

I’m not saying he doesn’t have his own issues. Maybe he does, but we don’t have his side of the story. And yours is a bit confused indeed.

So, just do your own thing, and when he logs in, if he calls you and wants to do stuff and you want it too, do it. If you don’t want to, don’t. Don’t call it names, don’t try to label it as anything, cos that’s when you (both) get dragged by the expectations implicit in those labels. Let some time pass while you two do whatever you want simply because you want to, at the moment. Don’t fight. Don’t dream of what you could do tomorrow, much less let it spoil what you’re doing today. Don’t try to change him into what you think you’d want him to be: if you don’t like him the way he is, you don’t.

It’s never gonna work if you can’t enjoy what you have now.

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4 hours ago, HelenaNavy92 said:

I never used alts and I don't want to hide. 

We had a conversation. I told him how I feel. He refused to accept it. He refused to understand me. I don't want to hurt him but it probably will happen. He really refused to let me go. 

I remember back In the beginning, I asked him what he thinks of open relationship. He said no way. Now I told him that I want to be with other guys, and suddenly he said he will forgive me. I'm really confused. 

I'm so confused. 

May i ask something?

After 8 months being the two of you together in SL the only problem in regards to your relationship is sharing or not the same house?

Edited by Nick0678
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