Ref.: House on sale, Millbank, Bellisseria

[Rachel1206]

Dear Mr. Linden,

CC: @Linden Lab @Patch Linden

With interest we have looked at the house, you have on sale at Millbank, Bellisseria.

Our certified home inspector Mr. Bartholomew Beancounter from Homestead Second Life Inspections® has some remarks. As the matter of fact, Mr. Bartholomew Beancounter wrote that in his 60 years of house inspections, he had never seen anything like that house!

The following problems were highlighted in the house inspection report:

Basement
Plumbing Problems
Water Damage
Odors
Insect and Pest Infestation
Structural Issues
Old/Damaged roof
Damaged electrical system
Laggy internet service

All with severe remarks! Water and fluids float from the nearby cemetery and have damaged the basement with terrible odors, infected the house with all kind of bugs. It is noticed in the report that a nearby monster in the lake contributes to structural damaged increasing the risk of roof damage and in worst case a total structural collapse.

As we rang the door bell, we nearly got electrocuted and the lamps blink on/off all the time. Last but not least the internet connection is terrible with lag and dropped signal all the time.

Should you make improvements and fix the minor(!) problems as described above, we are willing to pay the deposit of 8,888,214 L$

Yours Sincerely
Mr. and Mrs. Bartholomæus Krueger, Colonel UXN/UXCG, Ret.

 

Edited October 31, 2020 by Rachel1206
Spelling

[Nika Talaj]

Permit me to respond.  The (ex)Millbank Home Owners Association has taken note of the decrepit condition of this property, and we will be launching our own investigation!  I fear it will be necessary for several inspectors to visit the premises.  Perhaps our findings will be able to support your petition, in which case, we shall post our findings (perhaps with PICTURES) here.  We will not be submitting offers of our own to Mr. Linden, though, so your kind offer to unload this property from his roles for a mere 8,888,214 L$ will doubtless stand.

With kind regards,

Nika Talaj

Undersecretary of Nothing Much

 

[AlettaMondragon]

59 minutes ago, Rachel1206 said:

Laggy internet service

 

Quote

Last but not least the internet connection is terrible with lag and dropped signal all the time.

 

But wait, this is a standard feature everywhere in this world! It should even increase its value!

Edited October 31, 2020 by AlettaMondragon
added empty line after quote, looks better

[Nika Talaj]

Dear Colonel and Mrs. Krueger,

In an attempt to address your concerns fairly, we have visited Millbank twice.  We regret to report that the entire region appeared to resist our attempts to investigate it!  Indeed, members of our party sustained injuries.

We add to your concerns a cautionary note about the generally rickety condition of not only the property you are interested in, but all structures in Millbank.  My partner was crushed by an armoire and zapped with 20,000 volts from a loose wire.  My dog spent 30 minutes chasing ephemeral shadows moving fitfully on the walls, and eventually nearly drowned when the town's cemetery was subsumed into a noxious swamp.  He's a very strong dog, but the stinking spirits of Millbank were too much for him and he ran ... we have yet to find him, and fear that he has added his voice to the eerie howls that fill the halls of the Millbank Insane Asylum.  I myself was nearly crushed when the door of a room I intended to enter suddenly morphed into a solid wall!

One of our party stumbled into a room so enmeshed in spider webs that we could not find him.  We fear he has already been cocooned and awaits the giant arachnid that we saw nearby, before we fled.

When we attempted to enter the home you are interested in, it seemed to implode around us!  Wallboard, furniture, and all whirled wildly as horrified screams reverberated in the stagnant air, until all was apparently swallowed by the unstable ground.

I know all this may seem scarcely believable, but the films we made of our misadventures disappeared overnight, and there is absolutely no way we are going to return to Millbank, Region of the Damned.

Please accept our regrets for this negative report. You may wish to find yourselves a new realtor.

Pained regards,

Nika Talaj

(ex) Undersecretary of Nothing Much

[Patch Linden]

On 10/31/2020 at 2:51 PM, Rachel1206 said:

 

The following problems were highlighted in the house inspection report:

Basement
Plumbing Problems
Water Damage
Odors
Insect and Pest Infestation
Structural Issues
Old/Damaged roof
Damaged electrical system
Laggy internet service

All with severe remarks! Water and fluids float from the nearby cemetery and have damaged the basement with terrible odors, infected the house with all kind of bugs. It is noticed in the report that a nearby monster in the lake contributes to structural damaged increasing the risk of roof damage and in worst case a total structural collapse.

As we rang the door bell, we nearly got electrocuted and the lamps blink on/off all the time. Last but not least the internet connection is terrible with lag and dropped signal all the time.

 

 

These are features.   If a proper home with electricity, running water, and free of holes in the roof, mold, sparky electrical, rats, odors, and bad internet service is desired, then perhaps you have outgrown your Millbank home.   I've heard there are lovely options available on the Mainland. 🙂

[Dafadilia Wayfarer]

This entire thread is one of the most adorable and enjoyable things I've read in a long time. Thank you. 😊