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It is really difficult for me sometimes have a "natural" conversation because I'm used to do a lot of joke that I realize after 've done that could be misunderstood.
I need to know if it happens jus to me because I'm not a native english or also to people that speak the same languages?
Thanks 

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Not just to you. I'm a native English speaker, and misunderstandings happen ALL of the time. Jokes and humor are wonderful. Anyone who has followed my posting (as the cat or as Seicher) knows that I j

It is really difficult for me sometimes have a "natural" conversation because I'm used to do a lot of joke that I realize after 've done that could be misunderstood. I need to know if it happens jus

It's also very hard to "read" the intention behind words in text.  You can say something and it can be taken in a totally different way by the person reading them.  Example - I was once insulting

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5 minutes ago, manoji Yachvili said:

It is really difficult for me sometimes have a "natural" conversation because I'm used to do a lot of joke that I realize after 've done that could be misunderstood.
I need to know if it happens jus to me because I'm not a native english or also to people that speak the same languages?
Thanks 

Not just to you. I'm a native English speaker, and misunderstandings happen ALL of the time. Jokes and humor are wonderful. Anyone who has followed my posting (as the cat or as Seicher) knows that I joke a LOT. Sometimes people "get it" and other times they do not. I suspect some of them *choose* not to get it just to cause problems. I use sarcastic humor a lot and have been routinely putting [sarcasm font] or something similar after a bunch of those comments.

Humor between cultures is really, really hard.

My worst was fairly recently, when I made an oh-so-funny joke, one that would have been laughed at by my American/Canadian/European friends. Trouble is I made it to an Egyptian, and let's just say it didn't go over well. (As far as I know I do not have a fatwa out against me...yet.)

So, no worries manoji. :) It happens to all of us. Or at least many of us.

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3 minutes ago, Gatogateau said:

Not just to you. I'm a native English speaker, and misunderstandings happen ALL of the time. Jokes and humor are wonderful. Anyone who has followed my posting (as the cat or as Seicher) knows that I joke a LOT. Sometimes people "get it" and other times they do not. I suspect some of them *choose* not to get it just to cause problems. I use sarcastic humor a lot and have been routinely putting [sarcasm font] or something similar after a bunch of those comments.

Humor between cultures is really, really hard.

My worst was fairly recently, when I made an oh-so-funny joke, one that would have been laughed at by my American/Canadian/European friends. Trouble is I made it to an Egyptian, and let's just say it didn't go over well. (As far as I know I do not have a fatwa out against me...yet.)

So, no worries manoji. :) It happens to all of us. Or at least many of us.

thanks 😘

it's a sigh of relief.
I think I gambled my few friendships because I give gifts that are not required or joke too much ...

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Don't worry about it, different cultures/countries/people = different types of humor, realities, etc. Regarding friends usually in time they will know you better and get used to it.

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It is especially hard over the internet, for one there is the fact that people from diverse cultures are brought together which has already been discussed.

Then there is the issue that in person there are other clues such as body language or tone of voice that indicate the speaker is trying to be funny instead of making a serious comment. Text loses this.

and then there is this. 

29 minutes ago, Gatogateau said:

some of them *choose* not to get it just to cause problems.

 

 

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There's also a big cultural/humour divide between neurodiverse and neurotypical people. I have some friends on the neurodiversity spectrum and the humour they share with each other makes no sense to me at all, but they seem to "get" it between themselves, whereas they will look completely blank at my jokes.

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My sense of humor gets me in trouble all the time.  What sounds funny as hell in my head does not always translate to text very well.  I wouldn't worry about it much. Most people forget stuff like that quickly.

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Like Seicher/Gigi, I love satire and irony in banter. That can put me in perilous water at times. Nevertheless I persist, making apologies quickly when necessary and learning from my mistakes.

Over time, your willingness to apologize and learn will reward your persistence.

Hang in there, manoji.

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After a decade away in another MMO, I had gotten used to some really rough personalities saying some pretty outrageous stuff so nothing really shocks me. It was a bit of a safety bubble I suppose as everyone had known each other long enough to know that anything that was said was totally in jest and to never take it seriously. Cut to me trying to interact in SL. For the most part I was okay, but on a few occasions there have been people who misconstrued something I've said. The unfortunate thing is that it never really came to light because they told me, I'd only ever heard about it much later from a third party.  At this point,  its been years since most of these things happened, and so I did not reach out to apologize to them because of the strange circumstances of finding out and some other things that were said that I was not particularly cool with .  I will say it's definitely modified my behavior though with people I'm casually friendly with, and also see it as a lesson learned. I try my very best to be mindful of what I am saying to people here now because you never know where someone's head is.

 

 

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I think it really happens a lot! It’s very hard between languages too (even in person sometimes) and that would be one of the cases where I would be in favor of adding emoji in the chat in SL because  it’s such a quick and easy shortcut to bridge a language gap and clarify meaning. And I really do use Smileys a lot or the  or “/me smiles” function a lot. One of my first maker friends in second life is Korean and he still doesn’t speak English very well and I definitely don’t speak Korean, but we have stayed in touch for quite a few years and we get along just fine with our hilariously bad translations and use lots of Emoji still.

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It's also very hard to "read" the intention behind words in text.  You can say something and it can be taken in a totally different way by the person reading them. 

Example - I was once insulting someone most profoundly...and she thanked me for the compliment.  It almost made me give up!!!

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2 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

Example - I was once insulting someone most profoundly...and she thanked me for the compliment.  It almost made me give up!!!

Are you sure she wasn’t just trolling you? That’s a very common snarky way that people will act to snub your insult...

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2 minutes ago, Fauve Aeon said:

Are you sure she wasn’t just trolling you? That’s a very common snarky way that people will act to snub your insult...

Nope, she was deadly serious...and not very bright.

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24 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

It's also very hard to "read" the intention behind words in text.  You can say something and it can be taken in a totally different way by the person reading them. 

Example - I was once insulting someone most profoundly...and she thanked me for the compliment.  It almost made me give up!!!

Oh geez. You mean you weren't sincere when you said all those nice things to me?

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5 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Like Seicher/Gigi, I love satire and irony in banter. That can put me in perilous water at times. Nevertheless I persist, making apologies quickly when necessary and learning from my mistakes.

Over time, your willingness to apologize and learn will reward your persistence.

Hang in there, manoji.

Yeah, if you know your fall-back is humor and that it often gets missed, you have to also develop a good mode of simple apology. (I find so many people cannot make a sincere, simple apology about anything, and have written about that in a few places, including "pet peeves.") If the person is in your normal sphere of friends/acquaintances then learn from the oopses and learn your audience. Hopefully they will also bother to learn YOU and not get bent out of shape with each joke.

(Meanwhile I seem to have picked up a little "confused" gnat who is following me. Isn't that cute? Let's see how long and how many confused reactions I get in this thread. I already have one. Noobs are adorable.)

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7 hours ago, manoji Yachvili said:

thanks 😘

it's a sigh of relief.
I think I gambled my few friendships because I give gifts that are not required or joke too much ...

So interesting you mention gift giving, too.  If I had the funds I would probably do the same. I do give things, but not nearly as often as I joke.

I have been made uncomfortable by gifts at times. Not often, but it does happen. Usually my spidey sense picks up there are strings attached and I usually find out that was true. 95% of the time getting gifts is fun. I guess if someone was giving me something ALL of the time, then I would feel uncomfortable.

I got a few very generous ANONYMOUS gifts of L$ earlier this year, which made me happy... until the giver decided to out themselves in a really horrible way, for a really despicable reason (I had peeved them off in the forum... and vice versa). I felt like I needed a bath after that. But I digress.

In both jokes and gift giving, if your intention is pure and people give you grief about it... and if it is just part of who YOU are, then probably the friendship isn't that strong in the first place.

 

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Eh, don't worry about it so much. Some will either get it or they wont. Those that don't and get too offended are not really worth your time and energy. Just move on and forget about it and them if it happens. If they are not willing to speak up or let you apologize or not willing to try and understand where you are coming from they are not worth the time or effort or energy to be around.

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I've had this happen too. I'm so shy and awkward to begin with that I've been known to say some silly things. I'm not a people person at all so that doesn't help matters. I've been told I'm fake and rude when I'm simply just awkward and terribly shy, but always have the best intentions.

That's why I've learned to stay in my small family circle and not venture beyond it. It's easier that way because it saves a lot of hurt feelings on both sides. Please know this isn't advice at all, just what I personally do.

So you're certainly not alone in this. Social misunderstandings most certainly happen! 😉

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5 hours ago, Gatogateau said:

So interesting you mention gift giving, too.  If I had the funds I would probably do the same. I do give things, but not nearly as often as I joke.

I have been made uncomfortable by gifts at times. Not often, but it does happen. Usually my spidey sense picks up there are strings attached and I usually find out that was true. 95% of the time getting gifts is fun. I guess if someone was giving me something ALL of the time, then I would feel uncomfortable.

I got a few very generous ANONYMOUS gifts of L$ earlier this year, which made me happy... until the giver decided to out themselves in a really horrible way, for a really despicable reason (I had peeved them off in the forum... and vice versa). I felt like I needed a bath after that. But I digress.

In both jokes and gift giving, if your intention is pure and people give you grief about it... and if it is just part of who YOU are, then probably the friendship isn't that strong in the first place.

 

I just think from the behavior that I annoyed them

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11 hours ago, TT120 said:

My sense of humor gets me in trouble all the time.  What sounds funny as hell in my head does not always translate to text very well.  I wouldn't worry about it much. Most people forget stuff like that quickly.

uhmmm... I think you are right 😊

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10 hours ago, Amina Sopwith said:

If you're using humour as an "attack", for want of a better word, remember to punch up.

argh... I'm not sure to have understand... damn to my poor english

from the reaction I suppose it's a joke 😎

Edited by manoji Yachvili
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7 hours ago, Fauve Aeon said:

Are you sure she wasn’t just trolling you? That’s a very common snarky way that people will act to snub your insult...

sorry.. I was thinking that you referred to me... I've understand reading with more attention that was referred to Jordan Whitt and I cannot delete this post.

 

thanks to all of you for the answers 😊

Edited by manoji Yachvili
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