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Do you believe relationships built on SL are same in RL?


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Truthfully, I know this may seem idiotic to some as they believe in the ananimity of the internet crap.... But to me, my relationships online or offline are equal basis. I do not hide rather in life or online who or how I am. I know many do but to me its annoying and tiring to have a fascade instead of reality shown. I know there are more people like me, but ther are also those that like fascades. So I just wondered if anyone believed as I do, or act as I do when it comes to relationships on SL... rather it be romantic, friendship, etc... Do you believe yourself in all reality that those connections are false or True?

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My sl relationships sometimes similar to real life but not the same.  I have had quiet a few open relationships in SL that I would never have in RL.  For me SL is not an extension of RL.  There are some things I let slide in SL that I would never forgive in RL.  There is a lot of fantasy I enjoy.   However I dont fake my feelings

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A relationship is built on a genuine emotional connection, which means that a SL relationship is no different than any long distance friendship/romantic/etc relationship. It's up to each person to decide what that means to then, but they need to be honest with the others who are involved. 

If a second life relationship to you is just something online with no expectation that it is any more real than a roleplay, you want to tell your partner that 

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I feel like the connections are real, but I never demand to know people’s RL situations, nor do I tell my own for the most part. One of my dearest friends in SL has been a constant in my SL since 2011, and I’ve never heard her voice, nor do I know anything about her RL beyond the country she lives in.. and that’s okay with me. 

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Personally i always placed people from SL in 2 categories regardless if we talk about friends or lovers.

Those that we will meet each other in RL and those that we will just play the game.

So it really depends on the person.

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It really depends upon the person and what they are looking for. Some see this as just a game or adventure story, an escape from rl, so dont take anything serious in what happens here, including any form of relationships. Its just a story to them, what their avatar is going through, not what they are going through.

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I am pretty much "me" in SL too, so yes OP, I know where you are coming from.   As for other people inworld, I take them as they present themselves, how could it be any other way ?  But that is with the knowledge that how they present themselves inworld may be far from reality & that's ok.  If I am enjoying their company it's not going to matter too much to me who is on that other keyboard, but that does depend on why you're in SL, what you expect from it & what you expect from the people you meet & chose to spend time with.  I keep my honesty levels high & my expectations low, if I make some friends along the way - great !   

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I act pretty much like myself in SL as i do in rl.. pretty much the same mood swings and attitudes..

Online, nobody can spot out each others moods and attitudes before saying a word..  The person pretty much has to say or display it in some way to where they would want others to know.. I'm not one to really go telling people I'm in this mood or that mood or give a heads up..

Where in RL it's much easier to pick up on things in more ways from each other..

I've had some good online relationships where me and certain friends click and stay in touch.. But my RL relationships, there is just more structure to them I guess..

online just feels more 2 dimensional I guess, where RL relationships there is just so many more elements that come into play..

The bad thing about RL relationships is, you can't just go muting someone when things go bad..

I'm not knocking online relationships at all.. but If I had to compare online to RL.. I woudl say my RL relationships are much stronger, for me.. that's just my perspective on things and walking in my shoes..

Everyone has their own pair..

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15 hours ago, druebey said:

Truthfully, I know this may seem idiotic to some as they believe in the ananimity of the internet crap.... But to me, my relationships online or offline are equal basis. I do not hide rather in life or online who or how I am. I know many do but to me its annoying and tiring to have a fascade instead of reality shown. I know there are more people like me, but ther are also those that like fascades. So I just wondered if anyone believed as I do, or act as I do when it comes to relationships on SL... rather it be romantic, friendship, etc... Do you believe yourself in all reality that those connections are false or True?

Whether it's real life or Second Life, we have all experienced casual to deep relationships, I'm sure.  Some residents are just bed-hopping though and not interested in anyone really - they are narcistic.  

I approach SL as more casual relationships as I am not here to "hook up" with anyone other than friends.  I'd rather it be more light-hearted but if a friend really needed to talk to me, I would be there.

I remember having a friend years and years ago on SL when it was first starting.  She asked me to meet her for lunch in SL so we could sit and talk, and that's when she told me she was fighting cancer.  I felt the same stabbing in my heart and heartache about this as I would anyone in real life fighting cancer.  

I don't have any character I play.  Dinkies have their Dinkie-speak sometimes but it is not a requirement.  We are ourselves.  Being a Dinkie is like seeing things for the first time.  She has an innocent awe about her and is not tainted.  

Edited by FairreLilette
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I'm going to say that it depends on a case by case sort of dealio, I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

There are people in-world and online in general who are able to seperate what they do here from what they do RL. 

The only time I seperate my relationships is if I am roleplaying anywhere online, because that's not me.  That's someone I've written to go and lead a kingdom or be the damsel in distress, I do become emotionally attached to the character but not to the people she or he interacts with.

When I'm not writing for someone, I do become attached and value the outside relationships with those people, it's the same when I LARP.

It's about head-space and acting. 

And yes, last adventure that I had been in my character got eaten by an orc... He tried seducing his way out of it.  I was a little upset since I'd been playing him for the better part of a year. 

Edited by Eseme Nova
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On 10/20/2020 at 9:09 AM, Ceka Cianci said:

I act pretty much like myself in SL as i do in rl.. pretty much the same mood swings and attitudes..

Online, nobody can spot out each others moods and attitudes before saying a word..  The person pretty much has to say or display it in some way to where they would want others to know.. I'm not one to really go telling people I'm in this mood or that mood or give a heads up..

Where in RL it's much easier to pick up on things in more ways from each other..

I've had some good online relationships where me and certain friends click and stay in touch.. But my RL relationships, there is just more structure to them I guess..

online just feels more 2 dimensional I guess, where RL relationships there is just so many more elements that come into play..

The bad thing about RL relationships is, you can't just go muting someone when things go bad..

I'm not knocking online relationships at all.. but If I had to compare online to RL.. I woudl say my RL relationships are much stronger, for me.. that's just my perspective on things and walking in my shoes..

Everyone has their own pair..

Often someone will mute you Or block you in an sl relationship.  When they don’t want to deal with the things that you deal with in real life.  Thats what makes a real life relationship stronger that there maybe UPs but there is certain to be DOWNs.  Things to be learned from one another

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Second Life relationships can just be a different kind of relationship or If you met and get together in RL then SL would be an extension of your real life relationship.

Your better off seeking those who are sharing the same values in regards to how open you are about your RL self instead of being disappointed by those who see it as a privacy issue.

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For me, relationships in SL are the same as those outside SL, with the caveat that one can just log out when one's Second Life gets to be a bit much.  It's more difficult to do that here in the physical world.

Also, it costs much less for me to look good in SL.

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7 hours ago, Ajay McDowwll said:

For me, relationships in SL are the same as those outside SL, with the caveat that one can just log out when one's Second Life gets to be a bit much.  

And that is actually a really, really massive caveat. It really does change things on a very fundamental level.

I don't believe that SL relationships aren't real; they're made of real people, real communication and real feelings. But a relationship conducted over the internet really is very different to one in which you meet up in person regularly or even live together. Especially if you never get as far as hearing or seeing the other person. 

I remember back in the day, people were falling insanely in love in SL all over the shop. I'm sure anyone who was around in 2007 and thereabouts remembers the profiles, the groups dedicated to "star crossed lovers", the picks that described the person's beloved in what honestly seemed to be an altered mental state a lot of the time. Internet relationships were relatively new in the mainstream back then, certainly most people hadn't had the added element of avatars and surroundings to aid the immersion (I know places did exist but they weren't very mainstream) and a lot of people just weren't really very prepared for it. Meanwhile, on internet dating sites, everyone was and still is complaining that they're full of weirdos. I had a friend whose RL marriage collapsed when her husband decided that the sex he was having with his wife wasn't as good as the sex he was pretending to have with someone else's. I remember her saying to me, "I could never compete. SL love is too perfect."

I know there are some amazing people in SL, I married one, but the medium has something to do with how it is all perceived!

It may be that an SL relationship is right for the people involved, and I absolutely respect and understand that. And I'm certainly not saying a person can't be fake and misleading in their RL relationships. But a relationship conducted over computers with certain information deliberately withheld, which is usually the case, just isn't the same as one being conducted in "real time". Especially when illness rears its ugly, disgusting, hateful, evil head. If you've driven someone to A&E at 3am, you could be forgiven for being pissed off if they maintain that their internet lover does it better.

 

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34 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

And that is actually a really, really massive caveat. It really does change things on a very fundamental level.

I don't believe that SL relationships aren't real; they're made of real people, real communication and real feelings. But a relationship conducted over the internet really is very different to one in which you meet up in person regularly or even live together. Especially if you never get as far as hearing or seeing the other person. 

I remember back in the day, people were falling insanely in love in SL all over the shop. I'm sure anyone who was around in 2007 and thereabouts remembers the profiles, the groups dedicated to "star crossed lovers", the picks that described the person's beloved in what honestly seemed to be an altered mental state a lot of the time. Internet relationships were relatively new in the mainstream back then, certainly most people hadn't had the added element of avatars and surroundings to aid the immersion (I know places did exist but they weren't very mainstream) and a lot of people just weren't really very prepared for it. Meanwhile, on internet dating sites, everyone was and still is complaining that they're full of weirdos. I had a friend whose RL marriage collapsed when her husband decided that the sex he was having with his wife wasn't as good as the sex he was pretending to have with someone else's. I remember her saying to me, "I could never compete. SL love is too perfect."

I know there are some amazing people in SL, I married one, but the medium has something to do with how it is all perceived!

It may be that an SL relationship is right for the people involved, and I absolutely respect and understand that. And I'm certainly not saying a person can't be fake and misleading in their RL relationships. But a relationship conducted over computers with certain information deliberately withheld, which is usually the case, just isn't the same as one being conducted in "real time". Especially when illness rears its ugly, disgusting, hateful, evil head. If you've driven someone to A&E at 3am, you could be forgiven for being pissed off if they maintain that their internet lover does it better.

 

I agree, it is a much bigger caveat than my brief post would suggest, and we're wise to bear that in mind.  I learned that lesson the hard way back in the mid 1990's with AOL.  All we know of people is what they tell us... and that holds true in the physical realm as well.  It's just that in the physical world, we are more easily able to observe individuals and key in to inconsistencies and other issues.

While I am myself inworld, there is some personally identifying information that I don't give out automatically as I might with an encounter in the physical world, and things I do tend to hold back with much more.  But with time and furthering a relationship, that does come out... at least in my little corner of SL.

For those who prefer to more fully separate their SL and RL, that's fine, and I respect it.  My inner circle, though, tends to consist of those who mix worlds.

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To be honest, I find myself (often unintentionally by way of where I choose to go) actively avoiding (or simply not really interacting with) people in SL who explicitly state that they keep RL and SL separate. I guess I personally don't see the appeal in connecting with someone's character when I'd rather be connecting with the person behind the character, if that makes sense? Though, that makes it really hard to actually make friends on here for some reason or another. 

Maybe I just see things through that kind of lens because I'm in an online/long distance relationship with two people who I met off SL but on platforms similar to it; I've been with them for several, several years by this point and we do pretty much everything together. I like that kind of friendship/companionship, the kind you can take offsite and enjoy other things together like watching movies on a sync site or playing games together on Steam. I've met them both IRL, too!

In the end, it's whatever the people want to make of it. LDRs are definitely a thing and one formed on SL can be just as "real" as if they had met any other way, but there are also those people who play SL as a character and view it as elaborate rping instead of putting themselves fully out there. I've even seen a couple profiles before insinuating they see other people as NPCs instead of actual people and to expect to be treated as such, so... Yeah.

Just depends on a lot of factors, honestly.

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No I don't believe they are.  I think SL relationships can be more superficial as you only get to see what they want you to see.  You can hide all the bad stuff you can't hide in RL.  They are also so much more frequent and disposable.

Examples from my own experiences.

1.  We were together 18 months BEFORE joining SL together.  Once we did, he became a kid in a candy store and became a serial cheater who was caught, left and crawled back many many times until he did the one thing that clicked my "over you" switch.  He'd been enjoying passionate hugging behind my back for over a year with someone I wouldn't pee on if she was on fire.  To be honest, I would have probably been the one to set her on fire to begin with.  This chick had had 3 partners in 4 months (red flag much?).  A week after I left him, she was "the love of my SLife" in his picks, two weeks later they were "engaged".  Two weeks after that, "married".  Two months later....over and she was on to the next fool...and so was he.

2.  He said he would leave SL if I ever left him, so I felt obligated to stay with him.  I got bored and fudged up, got caught, we broke  up.  An hour later he has a new home and is back in the passionate hugging clubs picking up women.  After about 10 days of trying to get me back, he declares his "undying love" for someone stupid enough to buy that line.  A week later - engaged.  A week after that - married.  Two months later - broken up.  I still hear from him from time to time - nearly four years later.

 

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 SL relationships are based on emotions, the suspense, the fantasy of avatars. While some do deceive, some do not it is still based on emotions. While I am not going to put my personal experiences or justify why I did this and did that out here, I feel a SL relationship is what you feel comfortable with. Not everyone is comfortable with indulging in RL info to obtain a SL relationship, they want that fantasy of being wanted, beautiful, happy. They want that illusion of being in a RL relationship with a internet safety net. I personally am perfect happy being RL single and holding a SL relationships, the responsibility to another human being in a net commitment still holds the same because  of emotions.

SL relationships are like when you meet someone RL in a coffee shop, you find out they  don't live there but visiting, you talk hit it off. You spend the time of your life with each other but in the end  they have to go home. But you still text, Zoom and stay in touch, each knowing you can never be with each other due to life situations and obligations but your still happy because they have made your life so much richer and you get to share each others experiences.

There is so many elements to a SL relationship, some rl factors missing that is needed to make a relationship work, you can not fight human genetics, the solid bonding that ALL humans have to have to make a relationship work. It's science that works against online relationships, the SL relationships that do work into a RL relationships are the ones that move past SL, past emails, past texting and photos, they move past the online factor and let science, the course of our very core of human bonding demands, meeting each other face to face.

 So how do we make a online relationship work.. stop treating it like a RL one. Factors needed for a RL relationship to work are just simply missing in a online relationship, the proof is  in the why and how people can go through relationships online so quickly, wonder why? because the first person obligation to another human being is missing, the physical needs we all need are missing to insure a strong human bond. This is science, this is case study's upon case study's over and over, this is proven statistics. The love we feel in a SL is very real, the brain does not know any different, which is why we hurt, hate, love just as if that person was standing there in front of us, because those are emotions, we do not need to see with our eyes to feel them.

Relationships is RL are not as disposable as SL relationships because the internet removes that first person guilt, the confrontations.  If being in a SL relationship required video and voice contact the introduction of first person guilt confrontation possibility would severely dampen the SL relationship break up. Go on require your SL loves to Zoom with you, why not?You want to be real, be real, you won't, why? because we want the fantasy of what SL offers us..  (Actually this is a pretty good idea if you want to insure the person whom you are pixel bumping with is whom they say they are, I mean voice verifying? Bro nahhhh... its 2020 in a Covid era, everyone Zooms now (That is sarcasm..lol)

 

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It depends.

I'm very much me inworld, even in cat form. The cat, however, is a loner. Seicher is the one who forms relationships. I have other alts. They are mostly unused, and none of them form relationships either. Seicher is the only avatar that is in any way social.

I'm really sick and tired of reading posts and comments about the One Twue Way of doing SL. Is it a game? If you treat it like one then yes. If you don't, then no. Neither is superlative to the other. Is SL only role play? Again, if that is how you use the format, then yes. If not, then no. And on and on.

Your way isn't better than my way. My way isn't better than yours, except it is better for me.

I do think that in order to not cause problems that people should be aware of the various ways to be in SL and to communicate their way of being to others they come across in SL, especially in an actual relationship (of any kind). It is when a pure role player interacts with a pure "this is real for me" person that a world of hurt ensues.

Because of my specific RL situation (and I'm single, so it is not a matter of me sneaking around a spouse), I can't do a SL to RL romantic relationship. I have in the past, with horrid results AND one instance of my bff coming into my RL for which my life is blessed and I'm grateful. Since it cannot go to RL, I choose to do this weird limbo-land situation. I will voice. I will not cam. And I never, ever want to see any photo of the person I'm involved with. Their avatar is my image of them. Seeing what they look like IRL just would make things too hard and awkward. I'm happy to see photos of their ENVIRONMENT, but not them. I used to shun voice for the same reason, but that prohibition is just too much. Luckily no one has had a voice that creeps me out. :)

Everybody, here's the Law of SL: You do you. :)

If someone tries to force you to not do you, well, that's a type of abuse imho. In 2020 I have forgotten this for myself and really, really regretted when I have.

Edited by Gatogateau
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It's For everyone different, Some appear completely different in SL, which only becomes visible later in RL.
Some are quite the same.
I am in a relationship with someone I met in SL and we are very happy. I can say we really found each other.
Are really working on a future together.
We have been living together for a while and everything is going great.
But yes this can also be different, I know all about it ... Many years ago also had a relationship from SL, this was a total disaster.
only after 10 years did I dare to meet again from SL.
And the result is impressive ^^ We are happier than ever ^^

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What do you mean by relationships being the same. One couples RL relationship won't be the same as another couples. Relationships are different between different couples. However if you are asking does meeting in SL somehow change the RL relationship that develops from that meeting, then no it doesn't. Just like meeting at the grocery store won't lead to a different sort of relationship as meeting in a bar, or meeting at a church. The relationship is going to grow and develop and become what it becomes based on the individuals involved and who they are as persons. While there may in fact be general truths about people who do SL, or people who talk to strangers in grocery store, or people who frequent bars or church, that can have a effect on what sort of relationship those people have, it is still the people themselves who determine what sort of relationship they have and not where they met.

 

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