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Does SL past or promiscuity matter when things move into RL


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24 minutes ago, Velk Kerang said:

My bad people. I just seen the thread only down a few from the last one posted. Didn't bother to read the actual date on it as I was just to tired to care. Just read the post itself and weighed in on it. Better late then never I guess. lol Sorry if that actually irked some of you. lol😎

I don't think you did anything wrong.  If you look above where it says "five weeks later", "one month later", "two weeks later"...I think people are saying nothing is going to change.  It's still the same problem.

If it were me in the OP's shoes, I'd still be wondering what the person hoped to accomplish now that we are real life other than to upset me in real life and make what I thought was our loving SL, and how we met, a bad memory now.   It's a double whammy.   For me, it would be.  Again, seriously why say something now...is it because they want a clear conscious or are they trying to say they are an ef-up?   It was in the past and the person wouldn't need to give me a double whammy NOW.  

However, love is strange as they say.  It could work out...who knows?   I wouldn't be too pleased.  

Edited by JanuarySwan
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Sounds like you both moved way too fast, SL has a tendency to that to people.  She clearly wanted to "explore" more in SL whilst also enjoying your company & felt that telling you the truth of her

using SL as RL dating agency rarely works well .. In spite of some publicity seem to show, the couples where it worked to move a SL relation to RL, is super rare.  ... nah, can't be surprised.  

I met this woman who was new to sl. she was sweet and innocent. we met 3 weeks into her joining sl. She Portrayed herself to be genuine, honest and sharing the same values as I did. We eventually got

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21 hours ago, JanuarySwan said:

I don't think you did anything wrong.  If you look above where it says "five weeks later", "one month later", "two weeks later"...I think people are saying nothing is going to change.  It's still the same problem.

If it were me in the OP's shoes, I'd still be wondering what the person hoped to accomplish now that we are real life other than to upset me in real life and make what I thought was our loving SL, and how we met, a bad memory now.   It's a double whammy.   For me, it would be.  Again, seriously why say something now...is it because they want a clear conscious or are they trying to say they are an ef-up?   It was in the past and the person wouldn't need to give me a double whammy NOW.  

However, love is strange as they say.  It could work out...who knows?   I wouldn't be too pleased.  

I see what your saying. Thanks mate. I appreciate it. And ya I totally agree with you. You pretty much hit the nail right on the head with that one. I wouldn't deal with it myself. I personally think it's a bad situation to put anyone in all the way around. That's probably why I'd handle it the way I said I would. The situation is bad enough in itself. She should be honest about it now. That's at least better then letting his mind wonder about what really went on. It's the not knowing part that more often then not kills trust in a relationship and with out that there can be no relationship. If roles were reversed she'd expect him to answer honestly should she choose to ask the questions. So I feel like she owes him the same courtesy and respect she would want for herself. Fair is fair after all.😎

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To build more in to go real.  Trust , Communication , Friendship first ,  Growing a mutual understanding.,  Great connection ,  Chemistry ,Emotionally investing , Make time , Agreeing , Team work ,  Taking it slow , Great attraction ,  Same aliment ,  Belief and spirituality ,  Sharing your likes and dislikes.  Dating and courting ship. When it comes to the point you like each other yes both need to be upfront and willing.  Yes it can take 6 months of dating but really takes a year to fully get to know someone.  I would not move in or rush or relocate takes a few times of meeting in real and growing into more.  All the cards need to line up.  Before  even meeting in real voice and cam that this person is saying who they are you get the same in return.  Voice calls a few times a week for a few mins eating dinner or asking them how their days were.   You need to know they are serious.  That they are really unattached and single  that they make time don't disappear or vanish when you make plans. A good person will show up not hide.  I understand everyone has a story but if they are not fully separated they need to be honest with you as they would themself  if they are going through a divorce they should wait til they are fully separated to move more with a relationship down the road with you as long as you are fine with this.    But if person only after sex that is not love it has to come from the soul that is love.  I know we are all not perfect, we are imperfect creatures.  But love is big thing and love has to be respected. It has to be  valued well.  One must love themself to love another.  But if they are  to  up caught up in sex all the time this can be harmful for a relationship later on only lead to getting hurt.  Yes is sex is great  but you need Dance,sing,read to each other,breathe together-communicate. Don't count on sex to be the door to intimacy. It's the other way around: First develop intimacy skills.Then make love to enjoy them.  You want to be with this person, someone to talk to, someone to hold and love go out do things together without the games.

Its between you and them but I would be asking the right question.

Do they have kids? Do they smoke or drink or only drink socially on holiday. Do they keep busy how is their situation. Do they party or they lived a relaxed life.  People come with baggage but you have to be able to deal   accepting what they come with.  If the person really ready to settle down one has to Master  them self in  the growth part.    Living a healthy balance lifestyle you are getting in return.    You can even ask if they are in to poly or just one for one if you are only in to one for one the whole sharing is not for you.

 

Everyone has a past as mistakes are only life lessons that help you grow  but are they willing to take the structure in growth and change those habits.  This about growing as a person mentally and physically  the maturity of being a person of wanting to settle down some day.

Sexual addiction is a   fantasy is only a kink but they are the only ones that can change this for themself with inner work and self growth  but you can be there for them but they need to be willing to take your advice and get some help and therapy.   If they are willing then they need time to grow. I would not go into a relationship. I would keep building this friendship with balance. Until they can show you that you are the only one that they are willing to take a step forward showing effect and blue prints. Because if they are not willing and this keeps going on then you are best being friends, giving advice or walking away.   You have the right to your feelings and yes actions do speak you do see the signs does this support you in love.  You want the same in return the same respect.

"Which is more important," asked Big Panda, "the journey or the destination?" "The company." said Tiny Dragon. 

You need to know how they treat you online and offline and a text how they treat you in real. Do they treat the same in real. Action tell you , Emoticon tell you.  Energy tells you , And you gut tells you , Intuition tells you.  A lie is lie and once trust is broken can never be again because if they did to the first time they could do it again. .  Past can be a thing but if they have some kind of problem mentally with sexually  they can not control  that they need to be with more then one sexually and want attention from other's when you are not around then yes this whole relationship would need to stop they need to get help get some therapy talk to the right doctor this not  in your hands  to help them this more first life  health situation that should be taken cared of. Health comes first.

For educational use This is just advice to take or leave it. I do not know you or them this just in my own words you just have to figure what is best.

I have  done the whole meeting in my first life but it took time and lasted a few years. But you have to know what you are getting. You need to know its true if not then your best walking way.  Past is the past but if the  behavior does not change this not respect at all for you and you need to do what is best for you knowing one can force you.  Love is rare the best kind, really unexpected. .Being alone is better than being in the wrong relationship. It's not your job to fix anyone you have to let them go so they can grow.    Best of luck. 


 

 

Edited by Christina Mysterious
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  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/9/2020 at 3:36 AM, Alwin Alcott said:

using SL as RL dating agency rarely works well ..
In spite of some publicity seem to show, the couples where it worked to move a SL relation to RL, is super rare.
 ... nah, can't be surprised.
 

Over the 10 years that I have been in sl, I have met at least 2 couples a year who had met in sl and married in rl.  None of them were using sl as a dating agency; it just happened by being friends and getting to know one another in sl.  I think our profiles in sl are a good way of letting people know whether you are interested in rl or not.  

 

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In the 12 years I've been in SL I never took a partner until now.   It just worked for Tami and myself.

 

Having said that, there is no way in hell I would get on forums and discuss my relationship issues in public. 

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