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What do you REALLY want? 5-course BDSM or Take-Out?


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This is kind of a ramble on how my tastes/views seem to have changed and how THAT led me to see SL kink more broadly,

So all told, I’ve been in SL since 2005 continuously, altho I got stalked into changing my avatar at one point.

Like many others, I “matriculated” through Pixel Sex Culture and in SL, much of that is bound into BDSM.

Literally, I was here like 5 minutes when someone was in my IMs asking if I’d considered Gor..... (I hadn’t; I’m no-Gor)

Personally, I like structured relationships and SL-BDSM-done-responsibly isn’t freaky in my book. People are mostly sexual, much of sex involves some degree of Kink....it’s fairly normal IMHO.

But - in SL we also see a lot of drama/toil related to “1st Time Master/Mistress/Submissive w No Experience” or just people with very unrealistic expectations. That leaves some (not all) with a real downer on SL Erotics in general if they over-committed or had an over-committed Submissive vanish or wander into trouble.

So I noticed as I went along that it was always a good idea for people with an interest to ask themselves this;

”Do I really want a full-blown BDSM Top-Bottom Lifestyle? Or do I want kinky SEX and then back to my normal SL?”

Based on 15 years of observing, I think we have a smaller contingent who have both the desire and suitability to maintain a full-on BDSM relationship and a larger one that just wants some kink in their lives.

I guess my closing thought is that anyone considering entering into a BDSM relationship should ask themselves that same question before committing.

Commitment is beautiful between Top & Bottom, but if you’re just wanting some temporary fun - don’t make a formal commitment until you’re ready.

Disclaimer: There are myriad variations on Kinky/BDSM relationships, including ones that are “casual”. I am not making a negative judgement on anyone or their choices; just saying “thinking about what you want in advance is respectful to everyone involved.”

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Edited by Amanda Crisp
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I personally like a semi-full bdsm relationship. I think full eventually leads to boredom on both ends. I like official relationships, but with some freedom built in.

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On 9/16/2020 at 6:56 PM, Bagnu said:

I personally like a semi-full bdsm relationship. I think full eventually leads to boredom on both ends. I like official relationships, but with some freedom built in.

I agree with you. One person cannot possibly have all the kinks you like or the kinks you don’t yet know you like. I like to find a healthy middle. 
 

I love the word official. 

Edited by Marut72
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I never felt attracted to any BDSM lifestyle at all. I never understood what the kick is. I still don't get it.
I was not even curious enough to try any of it. Even though I should actually have a look into it for the sake of writing about it, as it is indeed very popular in SL. But every time I think about that I end up dismissing the idea.  I just can't be bothered to spend time  on something which so bores me.

Having said that, I did play Gor for a couple of years (pre-Caroline times). But it wasn't for the Master-Slave stuff. I was attracted by the original stories (the books).
The adventures, the different cultures described and the possibility to create stories with my character(s). Purely role play with a clear distinction between IC and OOC.

At the time I even wrote down the stories on two blogs (non-comercial, just hobby). They are still online, but now inaktiv. I haven't written anything since years on those:

https://sherakasirnah.wordpress.com/

https://tahari.wordpress.com/

I don't even remember the logins.

 

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On 9/21/2020 at 4:06 AM, Caroline Takeda said:

I never felt attracted to any BDSM lifestyle at all. I never understood what the kick is. I still don't get it.
I was not even curious enough to try any of it. Even though I should actually have a look into it for the sake of writing about it, as it is indeed very popular in SL. But every time I think about that I end up dismissing the idea.  I just can't be bothered to spend time  on something which so bores me.

Having said that, I did play Gor for a couple of years (pre-Caroline times). But it wasn't for the Master-Slave stuff. I was attracted by the original stories (the books).
The adventures, the different cultures described and the possibility to create stories with my character(s). Purely role play with a clear distinction between IC and OOC.

At the time I even wrote down the stories on two blogs (non-comercial, just hobby). They are still online, but now inaktiv. I haven't written anything since years on those:

https://sherakasirnah.wordpress.com/

https://tahari.wordpress.com/

I don't even remember the logins.

 

BDSM isn't really an acquired taste. I either excites you or it doesn't. True BDSM involves caring and trust, and many times love as well. 

 I personally have no interest in GOR. I'd rather avoid combining fantasy novels in my sexual experiments, and I'm sure my SL partner agrees, but I'll have to ask sometime . My RL partner has no interest in BDSM at all. 

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6 hours ago, Bagnu said:

I'd rather avoid combining fantasy novels in my sexual experiments, 

I agree.

Gor was NOT a sexual experiment to me at all. Purely fantasy and adventure role play tinched with sex play, because it's part of the theme.
When it comes to sex, my kink is prostitution and adult media productions. In short: professional sex does excite me.

Sex in combination with romance and love I have already in RL, not looking for that in SL. In SL I rather do what excites me, but I would (or could) never do in RL. That might actually be the reason why BDSM in SL is that popular. 

🙂

Carol

Edited by Caroline Takeda
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4 hours ago, Caroline Takeda said:

I agree.

Gor was NOT a sexual experiment to me at all. Purely fantasy and adventure role play tinched with sex play, because it's part of the theme.
When it comes to sex, my kink is prostitution and adult media productions. In short: professional sex does excite me.

Sex in combination with romance and love I have already in RL, not looking for that in SL. In SL I rather do what excites me, but I would (or could) never do in RL. That might actually be the reason why BDSM in SL is that popular. 

🙂

Carol

Very true. My RL partner doesn't like BDSM. We can feel love for our SL Partners as well though (at the same time) and that makes the experience more intense

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The question is a hard one for anyone to answer for it may change over time. Some people may start out with just casual bdsm and eventually move on to full-time lifestyle bdsm practitioners.

I think most people first just experiment with it when they are first introduced to it then eventually either move away from it if it doesnt really fit their personality or they get more involved over time as they find more and more things they enjoy and like and kinks that excite them more and more.

some people even go into frenzies about it when first starting out because they get to excited and want to try everything without doing much research beforehand. which can be very dangerous even in an online virtual environment.

I never got into Gor and find it too full of narcissistic and misogynistic individuals when it comes to the Masters/Owners. To many people who have no real clue about bdsm and think its all about being abusive and domineering.

In the end its really hard for a person to know what will or wont excite them until they try it first.

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