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Sexual Orientation in SL and RL


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Stubbornly heterosexual married female in RL and SL. I do have an alt who is pre-op transgender, but she is exclusively into men, and very masculine men at that. I simply do not have it in me to fool around with women even in a role-play scenario. I also wondered if those pushy and incessant bi-femmes who virgin-shame me and insist that I should “explore my sexuality within the safe confines of the metaverse” with them are men irl I feel sorry that they give legitimate bisexual women a bad rap.

In terms of other sexual proclivities, SL did give me a safe space to learn about S&M play when I was younger because it has always been mainstream. Eventually I moved on to explore my kinky streaks in real life years later. While SL converted me from “vanilla” to kinky, my orientation never changed.

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Maybe for me  it's because we can't truly know the physical gender of the person behind the AV and the personality is the true attraction. Or maybe because I'm more RL bisexual than I understand. 

Edited by Bagnu
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They're the same for me (99% into men) but many of my friends are a lot more flexible in SL.

I suppose there is an attraction to minds that is much weightier than that to bodies. In real life the body might get in the way, but in virtual worlds it doesn't have to. Perhaps it's specific physical attributes of gender X that turn people off, for example. For example, a straight man might be grossed out by the idea of getting another man's, ahem, mess, on him because of how it feels, but like the idea if they like the person in question, so they'd be more willing to when the tactile aspect is excluded.

I don't know, but it's fun to think about.

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I'm asexual RL, I'm not the sex-repulsed sort as I do engage in it from times to time myself and it's generally with women or the one male partner I have that I do feel love for, but this is a very, very rare thing.. (Which is why I keep an open relationship with my partner and encourage him to go play if he wants.)

As for SL, I guess I'd have to say I'm bi, but I lean more to liking women than men, actual women of SL tend to not want to jump immediately into my e-pants or up my e-skirts... Unless of course they are clearly being played by rl men it seems.

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  • 3 weeks later...
2 hours ago, rushingaround said:

Probably what happens is they are really bisexual in real life in the closet but they come to SL where no one knows them.  They become what they wish here

Not my case. I'm being RL honest.

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 I am bi in RL, I have been since I was a  teen and I am in my RL 50's. For a long time I was straight in SL. Over the yrs in RL I fell into the Bi-kool friendly relationships because it was what was expected of me socially. My man expected a healthy sexual relationship  and for me to get that and stay true to my sexual personality, I allowed my bi sexuality to be a kinky sex thing between genders. Fast forward to now, in RL I do not allow  a male or a couple to share that sexuality preference of mine, its mine, all mine. I am Bi for my needs, my desires. I have learned that you know what, it's ok to not share certain parts of your life with anyone because it is expected because you were born a female. I do not share my women.

 I just recently opened up my sexual preference to SL, because I found the strength to say no. I am a submissive also, not hugely active but one just the same. I too have run into the issue of being a required bi to hold a man interests or to get males interested in me. I figured out how to say bugger off, I do not have to share, I do not have to submit anything I am not comfortable sharing in SL. Will it cause a lot of men to pass me by in the singles pool, yes, but I can take that loss, I can handle that. I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved as someone I am not. I would rather be standing there like a sad panda in a club or a sim listening to music or off in YouTube.

If you are bi-sexual or whateverexuality you are please do not ever feel you have to share that because of someone else, if you want to bring a part of you in a relationship, do it because YOU genuinely want to, not because it is expected of you. Even as a submissive, you are not obligated to consent to anything and to be expected to submit your sexual preferences BEFORE you even agree is just messed up.  As a male attention whore and yes I am a huge one..lol No shame it's SL....... I can tell you, you don't need to be bi to get a guys attention if you have the personality people want in the first place. If you have to flaunt your sexual preferences to snag a date/relationship then it is doomed in the first place.

 I have a male avatar account I just made, to explore the male side of what SL fantasy's can be like.  I know people get bent out of shape at people who PLAY the opposite sex, I have seen  people shouting in profiles about it..lol. I am very honest about my rl gender but what I am discovering is even though a lot of people prefer to know up front your rl gender, age. etc in order to be able to play the opposite sex and have fun doing it, you really have to  leave your rl gender out of it or just outright lie because if you have it posted on your profile you are rl this and rl that, you pretty much are ignored.   It doubles if you are a male playing a female and are honest about it , playing a male avatar as a RL female Typist has opened my eyes to just how prevailing gender discrimination is when giving the opportunity to be anonymous. In this day and age with gender fluid filled personality's, a societys  demand to accept preferences and personality's, I have found the most discriminatory opinions of gender crossing the most prevalent in SL then ever before.

 I also have noticed in the years I have been in SL that people are now using SL as virtual extensions of who they are in RL. I am seeing more realistic avatars that they make themselves look as close to that they look like in rl.  Long time ago it you did that you would of got laughed at, times change, it seems like SL has become a virtual platform filled with people  treating SL as a matchmaking, Cupid, Plenty of fish platform. Their jaded, angry profiles shouting in all caps of you have to be voice verified just makes me want to hit block.

It truly does not matter what gender you play in SL, the most important thing is to remember why you chose that avatar and stay true to yourself.If you are looking for a relationship past friendship and you are the opposite gender, then be honest UP FRONT because people do get hurt.

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18 hours ago, rushingaround said:

Probably what happens is they are really bisexual in real life in the closet but they come to SL where no one knows them.  They become what they wish here

In my case it is a true change. I had never felt an attraction towards someone of my own gender. I have always been open to the possibility though and now it is starting to happen. Maybe. Time will tell if this is a continuing trend or not. Either way, I am curious to see what this will lead to. I am not going to fight it, but I will also not force it. If anything happens, it will be a natural development.

Edited by Fritigern Gothly
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Funnily enough SL helped me figure out my RL sexuality. Back in the day, I strongly thought I was gay, and sure, I did have physical and emotional attraction to guys, but overall it was something deeper and more sinister that made me think that way. Thanks to SL I opened back up, and figured out I'm pansexual and I don't care what's between your legs or on your chest.

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On 10/23/2020 at 12:46 PM, Gem Oxygen said:

 I am bi in RL, I have been since I was a  teen and I am in my RL 50's. For a long time I was straight in SL. Over the yrs in RL I fell into the Bi-kool friendly relationships because it was what was expected of me socially. My man expected a healthy sexual relationship  and for me to get that and stay true to my sexual personality, I allowed my bi sexuality to be a kinky sex thing between genders. Fast forward to now, in RL I do not allow  a male or a couple to share that sexuality preference of mine, its mine, all mine. I am Bi for my needs, my desires. I have learned that you know what, it's ok to not share certain parts of your life with anyone because it is expected because you were born a female. I do not share my women.

 I just recently opened up my sexual preference to SL, because I found the strength to say no. I am a submissive also, not hugely active but one just the same. I too have run into the issue of being a required bi to hold a man interests or to get males interested in me. I figured out how to say bugger off, I do not have to share, I do not have to submit anything I am not comfortable sharing in SL. Will it cause a lot of men to pass me by in the singles pool, yes, but I can take that loss, I can handle that. I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved as someone I am not. I would rather be standing there like a sad panda in a club or a sim listening to music or off in YouTube.

If you are bi-sexual or whateverexuality you are please do not ever feel you have to share that because of someone else, if you want to bring a part of you in a relationship, do it because YOU genuinely want to, not because it is expected of you. Even as a submissive, you are not obligated to consent to anything and to be expected to submit your sexual preferences BEFORE you even agree is just messed up.  As a male attention whore and yes I am a huge one..lol No shame it's SL....... I can tell you, you don't need to be bi to get a guys attention if you have the personality people want in the first place. If you have to flaunt your sexual preferences to snag a date/relationship then it is doomed in the first place.

 I have a male avatar account I just made, to explore the male side of what SL fantasy's can be like.  I know people get bent out of shape at people who PLAY the opposite sex, I have seen  people shouting in profiles about it..lol. I am very honest about my rl gender but what I am discovering is even though a lot of people prefer to know up front your rl gender, age. etc in order to be able to play the opposite sex and have fun doing it, you really have to  leave your rl gender out of it or just outright lie because if you have it posted on your profile you are rl this and rl that, you pretty much are ignored.   It doubles if you are a male playing a female and are honest about it , playing a male avatar as a RL female Typist has opened my eyes to just how prevailing gender discrimination is when giving the opportunity to be anonymous. In this day and age with gender fluid filled personality's, a societys  demand to accept preferences and personality's, I have found the most discriminatory opinions of gender crossing the most prevalent in SL then ever before.

 I also have noticed in the years I have been in SL that people are now using SL as virtual extensions of who they are in RL. I am seeing more realistic avatars that they make themselves look as close to that they look like in rl.  Long time ago it you did that you would of got laughed at, times change, it seems like SL has become a virtual platform filled with people  treating SL as a matchmaking, Cupid, Plenty of fish platform. Their jaded, angry profiles shouting in all caps of you have to be voice verified just makes me want to hit block.

It truly does not matter what gender you play in SL, the most important thing is to remember why you chose that avatar and stay true to yourself.If you are looking for a relationship past friendship and you are the opposite gender, then be honest UP FRONT because people do get hurt.

Well I would suppose that depends on the type of relationship your in with the guy. Meaning if it is agreed up on then it's all good and gravy and made in the shade. However if it's a monogamous relationship and you go honey I'd like to go out and get me some of that tang then well it really is a no brainer your man is going to expect to be included in on that. No self respecting grown man is gonna sit all at home rubbing one off while his lady is out dipping in to the koolaid. lol I'm sorry that's just how it is. lol And if he does he is what you call a beta male and girl you scored big time. lol If your in a monogamous relationship and decide to play then you play together or better yet just don't play at all. That's how I see it mate. ;)

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  • 2 weeks later...
3 minutes ago, rushingaround said:

Just because in RL you are straight does not make you bi or gay because you are having sex with the same gender in SL

Falling in love with someone your own gender DOES make you bi/gay (depending of whether you are still interested in the opposite sex).

 

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2 minutes ago, Fritigern Gothly said:

Falling in love with someone your own gender DOES make you bi/gay (depending of whether you are still interested in the opposite sex).

 

I disagree.  I think you can be gay or bi in SL and straight in RL.   Its when you act on it in RL that it makes a difference. 

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