Feeling a Void

[Sardonyx Mysterious]

 I have noticed, In the last few months, people missing from forums. I feel that one of them left a large void, that person is Maitimo. 
 I considered, more than a few times, sending a note to say, “Wow, you are amazing, you put so much time and effort into helping people.” I am ashamed I didn’t. I thought he would always be here. I thought I could do it another day. I did rectify that the other day, I wish I had done it sooner.
 There are people on here that put so much time and effort to helping others, thank you to all of you. I rarely have to ask questions because most of you have already answered them. 
 Maitimo, you are missed, I hope you come back soon.

 

[RiffRegan]

S/he might still be here now, using an alt.

[Amina Sopwith]

Edit x 2: Oh, I see. Sorry. Some details confused me but I have it now. I'm with you, OP.

Edited August 18, 2020 by Amina Sopwith

[Scylla Rhiadra]

26 minutes ago, Sardonyx Mysterious said:

 I have noticed, In the last few months, people missing from forums. I feel that one of them left a large void, that person is Maitimo. 
 I considered, more than a few times, sending a note to say, “Wow, you are amazing, you put so much time and effort into helping people.” I am ashamed I didn’t. I thought he would always be here. I thought I could do it another day. I did rectify that the other day, I wish I had done it sooner.
 There are people on here that put so much time and effort to helping others, thank you to all of you. I rarely have to ask questions because most of you have already answered them. 
 Maitimo, you are missed, I hope you come back soon.

 

Totally agreed, about Matti. Theirs was a thoughtful and compassionate voice, and a really invaluable presence here. I wish they'd come back too, and I'll point them to this message next time I'm in-world.

I'm not going to speak specifically about Matti (although I have spoken to them briefly about this, and have some sense of why they're not here anymore), but a more general issue that I know that I and others have experienced recently here is with regards to one's sense of belonging and acceptance within a community. Because that's what this place is really about, right?

We all have had our squabbles with individuals or even groups; one accepts that there are going to be people in any community you just don't like, or don't get along with. And then, of course, there are the trolls.

Where the problems arise is when you suddenly feel that you have been left exposed and isolated within a community you thought you were an important part of. When, for instance, one finds oneself attacked, implicitly or explicitly, quite possibly by only a handful of people, and there appears to be no support from others within the community you had thought were supportive of you. That needn't mean people rushing to your defence, necessarily -- but sometimes the silence and lack of affirmation from those we thought were friends can be deafening.

And that becomes more acute when the theme of the attack is upon something that you feel is fundamental to who you are. In such cases, I think it's pretty understandable that one's feeling of having been isolated, and the apparent lack of support that we count on to demonstrate that one is perceived as an important part of the larger community, can be reason enough to abandon the forum.

When the community no longer feels like your community, why bother spending time there?

Again, I'm not speaking for Matti -- they're quite capable of speaking for themself, should they so choose, and I have no access to the possible complexity of their feelings in any case. But I've been here long enough (11+ years) to have some sense of what it can feel like to suddenly feel that what you thought was a "home" is no longer so comfortable and welcoming.

And although I'd love to see Matti back here, it's more important, obviously, that they feel comfortable here. I'm sure you'd agree that their reasons for not posting here now are more important than our regrets that they are not here.

Edited August 18, 2020 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Panteleeva]

i logged on only to reply in this thread Sardonyx. I was shocked to see that Matti left forum and his last respond in thread was full of pain(thats how i felt).

Forum seems less active since virus is SO ACTIVE and people are sensitive,stressed and even depressed. I never saw 4-5 hours time gap between pictures that i loved to look at,which helped me to make better pics myself.Also i had some crush on someone in here for long time.The uck up story,where i ucked it all up is short and simple, which caused  a lot of pain for me, and now i also don t feel that place as my home, i slowly going better, but when i see his posts or just profile picture and breaks me again and throws a  knife in my heart. 

I know that i m always welcomed here after my hardly emotional thread frpm some time ago , but it doesnt feel like my place . so i try to log in less to here, and focus on things inworld.

but oh crap it s hard not to look at someones profile sometimes, but omg i still work on it.

 

also some people just watching forum without log on.and yes it sad to see this place this silent

 

[Paul Hexem]

Things are simply less active the last couple months. Maybe it's the heat.

[Sardonyx Mysterious]

@Panteleeva I am so sorry you are suffering. Sending lots of hugs. I don’t know your situation but I do know sometimes taking a small break, maybe a week or two away  can help you find a more positive perspective. It is so hard to heal unless you give yourself time. ❤️ 

[Laurel Aurelia]

I am sorry to hear that others are struggling with their place here. I'm some what new to the forum community though I've been in SL for close to 14 years. I've read off and on for a long time, but just recently decided to start responding to threads. I will say that some of the topics especially in General get quite heated, and I have decided to steer clear of them mostly because I am not here to argue. I do have opinions of course, but I am not the greatest at providing thoughtful discourse that moves conversations forward in meaningful ways so I stick to my self-imposed lane for the most part.

While I recognize that it is inevitable that people will leave and that the culture of forums will change over time, I do wish that it wasn't because of hurt feelings or just a bad atmosphere in general. I will say it is good self-care to take a step back if you are finding yourself feeling only negative things here. As sensitive individual myself, it super important that I pay attention  to who and what I expend my precious energy on.

Here is some unsolicited advice that you (reader/ forum person) can certainly disregard if it doesn't speak to you and your specific situation here:

1.Don't suffer fools who will never appreciate you no matter how logical, sound and sane your argument might be. The only way to stop them is to not engage with them or ignore them.

2.It's okay to get things wrong sometimes, but don't dig in or get defensive about it. Being wrong doesn't have to be judgment on your character.

3. Be a skeptic, but be careful of falling into cynicism. Cynicism is often very toxic and negative in nature, while being skeptical can offer productive insight.

4. Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best that you can at this moment, and that is okay. Let people you trust know how they can be supportive of you if you need it.

5.  Be kind to others. It is impossible to know what is really going on with each person, but when in question, lead with the benefit of the doubt.

I'm a cornball and a terrible cliche. 🙃 Take care y'all, seriously.

[Ted McGregor]

2 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

When the community no longer feels like your community, why bother spending time there?

Because I'm aware I'm an individual NOT representing ANY minority on ANY occassion to feel rightfully offended if someone mistakingly expresses themselves ?

Things get taken out of proportion so ridiculously fast ; I believe that is what drives people away.

Individually speaking .. I do miss Maitimo as a person here. We totally agree on his valuable contributions being missed.

Edited August 18, 2020 by TDD123

[Amina Sopwith]

9 minutes ago, TDD123 said:

Because I'm aware I'm an individual NOT representing ANY minority on ANY occassion to feel rightfully offended if someone mistakingly expresses themselves ?

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying here. Could you rephrase? 

ETA: What I mean is, this sentence doesn't parse and I literally don't follow it. 

Edited August 18, 2020 by Amina Sopwith

[Ted McGregor]

@Amina Sopwith : I speak only for myself. I don' t need to speak up for others. I have no need to feel offended for minorities I might belong to, because somebody clumsily ( and perhaps somewhat dishonestly ) blabbers some stupid stuff.

 

( Referring to the Morality - thread )

 

Edited August 18, 2020 by TDD123
Reference

[Amina Sopwith]

I guessed what it was referring to, but I couldn't parse the sentence. Thank you.

[Sardonyx Mysterious]

4 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I'm sure you'd agree that their reasons for not posting here now are more important than our regrets that they are not here.

I am trying to find the section of my thread where I said or even inferred that Maitimo's reasons for not posting were less important than my regrets. That was certainly NOT my intention.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Sardonyx Mysterious said:

I am trying to find the section of my thread where I said or even inferred that Maitimo's reasons for not posting were less important than my regrets. That was certainly NOT my intention.

Nor was it my intention to suggest that that is what you were saying, Sardonyx. I did say "our" regrets, not "yours." I apologize however if my phrasing and tone suggested it was.

I was just making the generic observation that Matti's reasons for not posting might be very important to him.

[Emma Krokus]

So strange this has come up - I was thinking about this only yesterday. There are so many people missing recently that had been vociferous posters. 

Even if I didn't agree with them, or the way they sometimes conducted themselves, I feel like they were almost members of my... tribe (SL forumites) and I miss their voices.

I am a total coward and forever lurker and would not dare to go into the big discussions in GD forum. I very much admire the ones that do - no matter how controversial. Really, I have learnt so much from them - even if I was in total disagreement with their views. But the ability to see their world from their perspective is something I greatly value - I find that sharing very generous. And I am sorry I am too chicken to do the same!

Wishing every one who is missing is safe and thanking those that add to this colourful world.

Emma

 

[LittleMe Jewell]

Things here were really, really harsh for a while.  I think quite a few stepped back.  I know that I'm not posting near as much as I was a couple of months ago and I'm intentionally avoiding threads that contain much contention at all.  I just got fed up with how hostile things seemed to have been.  I'll probably let things continue to settle out a bit more before I jump fully back in.

Edited August 19, 2020 by LittleMe Jewell
spelling, of course

[Sardonyx Mysterious]

2 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Nor was it my intention to suggest that that is what you were saying, Sardonyx. I did say "our" regrets, not "yours." I apologize however if my phrasing and tone suggested it was.

I was just making the generic observation that Matti's reasons for not posting might be very important to him.

I wasn’t offended or being snarky.

If I had said something insensitive I wanted to know so I could apologize.
 I absolutely value and respect his reasons for not posting.

[Orwar]

9 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Things here were really, really harsh for a while.

   I can't really tell who've gone recently, as I too rather lost interest in 'the community' thanks to a couple of things going out of hand. Too much politics, too much annoying re-posting in the picture threads, too many trolls, too much bickering and drama. My visits to the forums are very sporadic now, usually incited by someone mentioning something going on here that we can laugh or facepalm at.

   But I'm still around, still alive, and still productive. I just lost interest in sharing and participating.

[Alwin Alcott]

dont make it bigger than it is.. it's a forum, people come and go, for various reasons.





 

[Adamburp Adamczyk]

1 hour ago, Alwin Alcott said:

dont make it bigger than it is.. it's a forum, people come and go, for various reasons.





 

Well said Alwin, well said.

[Syo Emerald]

I joined the forums a year after I joined SL. So I've been here for about nine years. During this time I have seen people come and go. I'm not going to lie, I often only recognize that former regulars are gone for good, when one of the very old threads gets dug up and I scroll through the it and see who was participating in 2012 or so.

The forums never were a final destination. They are more like a train station, where people spend some time and then take a train. Some return every day, some never do. Being here constantly for nine years probably makes me one of the train stations pidgeons. This perspective makes it less sad, when good people leave, but also less annoying when bad people arrive. In 3+ years, you got a new batch. I think the only times, where I was sad someone left, where in two other SL forums. Both times it were really pleasant people dying way too soon in RL.

[Lindal Kidd]

If Syo is a pigeon, I'm probably a fossilized layer of pigeon poop.

[Ceka Cianci]

This has me wondering How Void is doing..

[ChinRey]

21 hours ago, Sardonyx Mysterious said:

Maitimo, you are missed, I hope you come back soon.

She's only been away for two weeks you know - a bit too early for the eulogy.

[Amina Sopwith]

And this is what confused me initially...what are Maitimo's pronouns?