Drastically Changing Our AV's

[Drake1 Nightfire]

5 hours ago, Orwar said:

   Sometimes, Second Life reminds me of my favourite musical .. Repo! The Genetic Opera. Some people get pretty 'hooked up' on the game of changing their avies' stuff to always stay in vogue and to keep up with the latest news in the blogging scene and whatnot. Hopefully without financing their kidneys though .. 

   Me, I do get a lot of clothes and accessories, hairs and the occasional tattoo or makeup thing, and I have a thing for cybernetics, but changing skin or eyes I don't do on a whim. When I first went mesh I was uncomfortable with my new skin for such a long time, and now when I changed again as I went BOM I was terrified of feeling alienated from my avi - but, now that it's been a while I'm loving the skins of both my avies. 

   . . . Now maybe that's a job I could have in SL. 

/me slides up to Orwar, "Pardon me sir, but do you happen to have any Zydrate?"

[Drake1 Nightfire]

4 hours ago, Lillith Hapmouche said:

 

... toaster?...
Just 🍞 or also 🧇?

Toaster.. That can shoot toast at people. 

I walked around for several days just asking people if they thought i was brave.. 

[Sammy Huntsman]

7 minutes ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

Toaster.. That can shoot toast at people. 

I walked around for several days just asking people if they thought i was brave.. 

That is freakin awesome.

[MrsSeren]

53 minutes ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

Toaster.. That can shoot toast at people. 

I walked around for several days just asking people if they thought i was brave.. 

When you been toaster; I thought of Red Dwarf sketch: the talking toaster.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

16 hours ago, Eva Knoller said:

You do realize not everyone experiences the virtual world as you do, or is here for the same reasons that you are, right?

Yes, most definitely.

One of the more important issues, assuming that you don't spend your entire SL living in a bubble of like-minded people, is how to get along with those who see SL very differently than you (generic) do.

This is going to seem like a bit of a digression, because it's not specifically about appearance, but it is relevant in the sense that it's about how we relate to our avatars, and how we connect SL and RL, so bear with me.

The other day, you (Eva) and I went dancing at a popular club that we knew in advance was a pick-up place -- me, because I've gone there a fair number of times, and you by reputation. We knew we were going to get hit on. In fact, arguably, that's why we went there.

Within the first 10 or 15 minutes I got, predictably, an IM from a guy, telling me that I was "gorgeous and sexy." (Well, at least he had good taste going for him, right?)  A brief but illuminating conversation ensued: he went pretty much straight for the A/S/L: where was I? I told him. He informed me about where he lived, and that his SL first name was the same as his RL first name -- something that immediately hinted at his understanding of the relationship between SL and RL. Predictably, perhaps, the conversation very quickly turned to the question of voice: did I do it. Not for ages, I responded, which was enough to convince him that it was time to wish me a good day, and continue his grazing elsewhere.

I don't find IMs in clubs annoying, per se: in fact, I like to meet people. I do find IMs that are almost immediately about sex annoying, because, well, that's not my SL. There was a huge distance between how he perceived the platform -- as a place for hookups, romance, sex, and with a close connection to RL -- and the way I understand and use it. He jumped pretty much straight to the pickup lines, the RL disclosure, and the question about voice because that's how he uses SL.

So, which of us is right? And do I have a right to be "annoyed" at him for hitting on me, probing me for RL info, and so on?

I'm going to say that I don't. He was extremely courteous and polite throughout our conversation. There was no judgement, and no pressure. He discovered I didn't offer what he wanted, and so he politely said goodbye, and went on his way. And I, in turn, was polite in my responses. This was, in a sense, a "clash" of two different ways of using and understanding the function of SL -- but it remained courteous and respectful, despite the fact that we had been clearly wasting each other's time.

We need to find ways to relate to others who don't experience SL as we do, or are here for different reasons, that are respectful of those differences -- because, arguably, the approaches taken by both myself and my very brief suitor are entirely valid.

So, to get back to the issue of being "disturbed" by the changing appearance of others. I totally get that -- my SL is very much about people and "identity," and it does sometimes knock me back on my heels when someone whose appearance I have become very used to changes it. @Madelaine McMasters has recently changed her appearance, not radically, but enough that it does cause a double-take sometimes -- it's not, maybe, "disturbing," because I've watched the process unfold, but I entirely get how it could be.

But the key is that "being disturbed" or taken aback by it is on me -- that's a function of my understanding of SL, which doesn't correspond with a great many people's, including yours. So it's my job to acknowledge, on the one hand, that I do find it "disturbing" (if I do), but, on the other, to deal with it. Because those who don't closely link their appearance with their identity have as valid an approach to SL as I do.

I don't get the impression -- maybe I'm wrong -- that Pearl is criticizing people who change their appearance a great deal. But the key thing is that we do have to find ways to accommodate those whom, as you say, are not here for the same reasons we are.

Edited August 11, 2020 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Panteleeva]

 here s my longest "appearence"  i used.On this look i spent some time and i loved everything about this look. also from 2018 i started to learn more about makeup. and finally understood the whole mesh thing. Don t wanted to change even for a little bit  because i felt whole . In a summer got IM from dude with whom nothing worked out,he said:oh i saw your profile pic and looks like you finally found your style.cute.then got compliments sometimes while camping for skins or shopping somewhere)))

after 2019 all the stress made me tired of my long time look and i needed some BIG changes.Tried Genus, no luck ,not even close with something i will feel good with,lol. And  then i tried some veeery sexy look, got more compliments than expected, but wasnt me eaither..And then Lel evo released it got me a second to think THATS IT! here i am to make my gentle cute look. Since Jan i experimented even more,and then i got tired of running around the styles,but now i finally with the look i wanted    (the foggy pic_)

 

Edited August 11, 2020 by Panteleeva

[Madelaine McMasters]

35 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

So, to get back to the issue of being "disturbed" by the changing appearance of others. I totally get that -- my SL is very much about people and "identity," and it does sometimes knock me back on my heels when someone whose appearance I have become very used to changes it. @Madelaine McMasters has recently changed her appearance, not radically, but enough that it does cause a double-take sometimes -- it's not, maybe, "disturbing," because I've watched the process unfold, but I entirely get how it could be.

It isn't just the change in my appearance that's a bit unsettling, is it? That change was brought about by a change in my focus here. That, in turn, has changed your perception of not just my avatar, but of the woman in the chair who's driving it.

I might be finding the change more unsettling than you.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

5 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

It isn't just the change in my appearance that's a bit unsettling, is it? That change was brought about by a change in my focus here. That, in turn, has changed your perception of not just my avatar, but of the woman in the chair who's driving it.

I might be finding the change more unsettling than you.

Actually, dahling Maddy . . . this is an excellent point. In a way, you are sort of "confirming" my view, that there is a relationship between appearance and identity.

Although, again of course, YMMV, depending upon how you like to use SL.

[Paul Hexem]

16 hours ago, Bagnu said:

That's not what i consider a drastic change lol! Your still a hot guy in both. We really should meet inworld, for some...

You're always welcome to seek me out in-world to give an in person rating!

Whether you get some or not, that's another thing entirely.

[LittleMe Jewell]

19 hours ago, Bagnu said:

So to everyone who knows me or doesn't...I'm Pearl lol!!!

I seldom ever read Forum titles and I have a crap memory, thus I'll likely still call you Bagnu.   For $39.99 (plus $11.99 for one month of Premium membership, if not already), you can officially become Pearl.   Then folks like me would address you as you prefer.

[LittleMe Jewell]

While most of the time I am a typical SL female, there are times when I am a fairy or a dragon or a pixie or a variety of other things that I have in my inventory.

[Eva Knoller]

Very thoughtful post @Scylla Rhiadra, as always. 
 

You make some really good points here about accepting everyone’s motivations for being here, and that one reason is just as valid as any other.  I also find hookup IMs annoying. I tend to think that people whose sole purpose for logging into SL is an easy hookup are a bit sad. But their reasons are just as valid as mine, just very different. So thanks for the food for thought! 
 

Now you mentioned that you yourself are taken aback by changes in your friends’ appearances. As long as we have known each other I have never kept a particular look for longer than a day or two. I am guessing this is not at all disturbing because that is the only way you have ever known me. True?

3 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

 

I don't get the impression -- maybe I'm wrong -- that Pearl is criticizing people who change their appearance a great deal. But the key thing is that we do have to find ways to accommodate those whom, as you say, are not here for the same reasons we are.

You may be right, and maybe she just wanted a debate. Her OP and subsequent posts do come off as pretty judgy. We are disturbing!! 😂 

[Madelaine McMasters]

2 hours ago, Eva Knoller said:

Now you mentioned that you yourself are taken aback by changes in your friends’ appearances. As long as we have known each other I have never kept a particular look for longer than a day or two. I am guessing this is not at all disturbing because that is the only way you have ever known me. True?

I've had a very consistent look for over a decade, wearing the same shape/skin/hair. I took a major departure six years ago when @Parhelion Palou gifted me the Li'l Devil avatar (he has the male version and wears it well) as an alternate look.  Par's choice of that avatar for me was clearly based on my personality. I immediately fell in love with it, and started stabbing people and setting them on fire. Some people in the forum know me primarily by that look and the behavior it spawned, which I think @Scylla Rhiadra will attest is consistent with the Maddy she's always known.

My recent switch to a mesh body forced a redo of my wardrobe. The redo and the arrival of Covid-19 got me to view myself in a slightly different light. That resulted in my return to the "dating" scene, with all the ripple on effects (budgeting of time, etc.) that brings. That's caused a far bigger change in my behavior.

I see a circular effect in my relationship with my SL self. That might, at times, be virtuous... or vicious. My look reflects me and influences me.

[Lewis Luminos]

5 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Actually, dahling Maddy . . . this is an excellent point. In a way, you are sort of "confirming" my view, that there is a relationship between appearance and identity.

That is absolutely 100% true for me, and that's why never change my general appearance, aside from quality upgrades. The relationship between my appearance and my identity is very strong, it would probably disturb me much more to change my appearance than it would disturb Pearl, if we were friends. It's kind of why I am (or at least used to be, not so much now) a bit of an alt-o-holic. If I want to do a different look, it has to be a different account, because with a different look, it feels like a different identity to me.

And yet, it doesn't really bother me when other people change. I can still relate to them the same way, they have the same identity to me, regardless of how they look. 

[Nick0678]

I am very flexible when it come to such stuff so unless i am dealing with a client, the rest of the day the avatar can look like anything regardless if doing work, talking with friends or playing skill games. For instance right now the avatar looks like this and i don't mind at all actually was playing NoDevil earlier like that.

[Panteleeva]

11 hours ago, Eva Knoller said:

Very thoughtful post @Scylla Rhiadra, as always. 
 

You make some really good points here about accepting everyone’s motivations for being here, and that one reason is just as valid as any other.  I also find hookup IMs annoying. I tend to think that people whose sole purpose for logging into SL is an easy hookup are a bit sad. But their reasons are just as valid as mine, just very different. So thanks for the food for thought! 
 

Now you mentioned that you yourself are taken aback by changes in your friends’ appearances. As long as we have known each other I have never kept a particular look for longer than a day or two. I am guessing this is not at all disturbing because that is the only way you have ever known me. True?

You may be right, and maybe she just wanted a debate. Her OP and subsequent posts do come off as pretty judgy. We are disturbing!! 😂 

Hey Eva,I found your real identity!😂

[BelindaN]

I'm really attached to my look, which won't change much because its who I am here.

But my alts allow me to change my look. It's odd because when I'm me, I think of them as real sisters. But when I'm any one of them, I become them and my behaviour changes subtly. It's very unexpected. The brain is strange indeed.

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

19 hours ago, Eva Knoller said:

Very thoughtful post @Scylla Rhiadra, as always.

Meh. You were just lucky I'd already had a coffee.

19 hours ago, Eva Knoller said:

You make some really good points here about accepting everyone’s motivations for being here, and that one reason is just as valid as any other.  I also find hookup IMs annoying. I tend to think that people whose sole purpose for logging into SL is an easy hookup are a bit sad. But their reasons are just as valid as mine, just very different. So thanks for the food for thought!

I know that you are not a very "judgy" person; I certainly wasn't trying to "correct" your views. And, in fact, I agree with you in most respects regarding this subject.

I think our relationship to what other people believe, think, or do is a pretty complex one, and it needn't, indeed probably shouldn't, preclude judgement. I fully acknowledge and respect the right of someone to subscribe to, and vote for, right wing parties in a democratic system, for instance. In fact, I think we need such people: a world where we all thought the same way would be horrifying. But that doesn't mean that I can only nod and smile and say "Hey, that's a valid viewpoint!" if I think it isn't. I can treat someone's alternate viewpoint respectfully and still challenge it. And I fully expect, and actually want, people to challenge mine too (respectfully, of course). That's how change occurs.

The question of love and sex in SL is even more nuanced than that, because we can't know why any individual is looking for that here. It may well be that pixel bumping + voice is just someone's preferred form of pornography -- which is of course fine so long as they've paired with someone who feels that same way. But it might also be that there are very individual reasons why someone has turned to SL for sex or romance. Personally, while I find it irksome that I get hit on (especially given that my profile is explicit about my lack of interest), I tend to mostly shrug it off. Mostly . . .

What does annoy me, because it's an extension of a failure to be respectful of someone else's views and approach, are those come-ons that either simply assume that I must be here for sex as well, and so dispense with most of the nicities of polite conversation (and frequently become insulting if you object), or that employ, without any attempt to gauge my feelings about it, sexist and/or objectifying language. I get that there are women who enjoy being reduced in conversation to the sum of their jiggling body parts, or who like being submissive, and that's fine -- but to assume from the outset that all women do, and employ such language from the outset, is not merely insulting, but also represents an attempt to impose upon me their approach to relationships and sexuality in SL. When that happens, the register of my language in response to them tends to shift dramatically and in less-than-civil directions.

20 hours ago, Eva Knoller said:

Now you mentioned that you yourself are taken aback by changes in your friends’ appearances. As long as we have known each other I have never kept a particular look for longer than a day or two. I am guessing this is not at all disturbing because that is the only way you have ever known me. True?

Actually, despite the fact that you do change your appearance a lot, my sense of your visual identity is pretty stable. I have a reasonably good handle on your sense of style, and that remains constant. So, yeah, I suppose the fact that I am used to your look changing means that I don't find it disturbing when it does -- but I still almost always find that your core sensibility is recognizable. I've gone through my Flickr feed before, for instance, and occasionally thought to myself "this person looks a bit like Eva!" Which wouldn't be possible if your look was really entirely random.

20 hours ago, Eva Knoller said:

Her OP and subsequent posts do come off as pretty judgy.

I think that this is about tone, which is a difficult thing to learn to modulate in the context of a forum. (I'll let you know when I feel I have a handle on mine . . .)

I'm still both amused and bemused by an earlier suggestion that vanilla sex was "disgusting." I'm not sure she intended that statement to come off quite the way it does . . .

[Sammy Huntsman]

Now, what do you mean by this, when people constantly change their avatar or when they make a drastic change to their current look? Now for me, I understand why people change their whole avatar appearance shape, gender and all. I do it too. As SL is a place that allows us to explore ourselves. For some of us, it allows us to explore a side we never thought we had. For others, they like to switch back and forth between male and female human and non-human. I honestly don't see why me changing my look here and there is to help me explore the multiple facets of my personality. I don't get why it would bug someone. Should I keep my same look at all time, to make you happy? No I don't think so. I want to look how I want, when I want and when I feel like it.

[Sammy Huntsman]

@Bagnu what do you find most disturbing and confusing? The fact people change their avatar to male or female randomly or even non human. Or is it just the change you don't like and want to keep consistency within your SL?

[Bagnu]

1 hour ago, halebore Aeon said:

@Bagnu what do you find most disturbing and confusing? The fact people change their avatar to male or female randomly or even non human. Or is it just the change you don't like and want to keep consistency within your SL?

Just the change. I like consistence in both lives. My identity. is attached to my appearance. That doesn't mean someone cant change into another AV, but I prefer if they revert to their basic AVI shortly.

[Sammy Huntsman]

5 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

Just the change. I like consistence in both lives. My identity. is attached to my appearance. That doesn't mean someone cant change into another AV, but I prefer if they revert to their basic AVI shortly.

Okay, but SL is a place for people to be able to express themeselves anyway they please. If they don't feel like being what you got used to, then that is their choice.

[Dragon Hijinks]

There are people in SL who...don't change their av? This is news to me.

 

😌

[Bagnu]

22 minutes ago, halebore Aeon said:

Okay, but SL is a place for people to be able to express themeselves anyway they please. If they don't feel like being what you got used to, then that is their choice.

That's very true. I'm not asking them to stay the same. 

[Sammy Huntsman]

Just now, Bagnu said:

That's very true. I'm not asking them to stay the same. 

Then how is it disturbing or confusing?