RL Meeting Would Be Very Confusing

[Bagnu]

I find I get very immersed, and I think of people as there AV's. If I met the person behind the AV in RL  I would find it somewhat disconcerting, because to me, it's not really them. Other thoughts?

[Drakonadrgora Darkfold]

That's the problem with disassociation. Where you only think of the screen version of the person and  forget their is a different version of them on the other side. 

It's common for anyone who has a  very active or creative imagination to do that. 

Plus add in some false expectations of what they  might be or look like.. some  fantasy feelings about them..

And poof reality has been skewed.. in favor of the online version. 

[Fritigern Gothly]

I agree, it would be strange suddenly realizing that this sexy girl that I have known for a while in SL was really a heavy-set, bearded guy. And this Dom with 3 slaves who follow him around 24/7 is actually a scrawny, rather insecure and introverted guy.

I definitely prefer seeing the avie instead of the people behind the avie. The avie is a reflection of who the person is inside, who they really are and/or who they want to be. I could only get disappointed by knowing what the person behind avie looks like. 

SL is all based on the illusions we weave, knowing what someone looks like in RL breaks the illusion.

Edited August 10, 2020 by Fritigern Gothly

[Bagnu]

1 minute ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

That's the problem with disassociation. Where you only think of the screen version of the person and  forget their is a different version of them on the other side. 

It's common for anyone who has a  very active or creative imagination to do that. 

Plus add in some false expectations of what they  might be or look like.. some  fantasy feelings about them..

And poof reality has been skewed.. in favor of the online version. 

Exactly!!! And that's my entire point!!! I know your a dragon in SL, and that's how I want to know you. One of my best friends inworld found it strange when I changed my head, and I really feel somewhat uncomfortable when a good friend changes as well.

[Drakonadrgora Darkfold]

1 minute ago, Bagnu said:

Exactly!!! And that's my entire point!!! I know your a dragon in SL, and that's how I want to know you. One of my best friends inworld found it strange when I changed my head, and I really feel somewhat uncomfortable when a good friend changes as well.

Little secret.. I am one in rl too.

[Tari Landar]

22 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

I find I get very immersed, and I think of people as there AV's. If I met the person behind the AV in RL  I would find it somewhat disconcerting, because to me, it's not really them. Other thoughts?

I don't separate sl and rl the same way some do, so my answer may be different.

I don't find it remotely strange whatsoever. Behind every avatar is a human being (ok, maybe only 99% of avatars, there is at least one alien behind one of our old forum regulars....but I digress..) and whether or not I know a lot, or anything at all, about that person behind the avatar, they are NOT just their avatar to me. Even people who don't want to be seen as more than their avatar, to me, are very much, more than their av. So keeping that in mind makes the whole idea of seeing "the person behind the curtain", not even remotely odd to me, let alone disconcerting. I suppose if I hung around or associated with people who were, themselves, the sort one might find to be questionable, I may think otherwise. However, I don't, so I don't have to feel any sort of way other than "cool, nice to meet you" with them. Of course that's not to say I'd meet in person with just anyone, but on the off chance that I did, it still wouldn't be all that odd to me to know that person is more than just their pixels presented inworld. It would be weird *for me* to feel that they should be only what they present inworld. 

Others may approach that differently, good on them if they do, but I prefer to remember that NO ONE here, even those for whom their avatar is really more of a pixelated representation of their rl selves, is actually their avatar. They're human beings, not pixels, and they comprise of all the things human beings do, not avatars. So my approach probably isn't as typical as some might be.

I never met hubby in rl until a while after we came here, even  though we had already known each other for quite a long time online, spoken on the phone and in voice countless times, exchanged all kinds of pictures and knew damn near everything about one another (we met elsewhere online a very long time ago).  I was nervous when I met him because...OMG I LOVE HIM, not because OMG he's not his avatar self.. For me, that second approach, the one I have seen many mention, is the odd one, not mine, lol. But, that doesn't make either one universally right or wrong, just right or wrong for the individual that has it  

Edited August 10, 2020 by Tari Landar
added stuff

[Bagnu]

5 minutes ago, Fritigern Gothly said:

I agree, it would be strange suddenly realizing that this sexy girl that I have known for a while in SL was really a heavy-set, bearded guy. And this Dom with 3 slaves who follow him around 24/7 is actually a scrawny, rather insecure and introverted guy.

I definitely prefer seeing the avie instead of the people behind the avie. The avie is a reflection of who the person is inside, who they really are and/or who they want to be. I could only get disappointed by knowing what the person behind avie looks like. 

SL is all based on the illusions we weave, knowing what someone looks like in RL breaks the illusion.

It's not necessarily true that the RL person is unattractive, but we are what we are here in SL. Even if I met the hot guy I know in SL, and he was hot in RL. I would still feel confused.

[Cindy Evanier]

The only issue I had when meeting SL people in RL ( I have met about 6 over the years)  was how long it took us to remember to use real names rather than avi names.  

[Nick0678]

2 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

I find I get very immersed, and I think of people as there AV's. If I met the person behind the AV in RL  I would find it somewhat disconcerting, because to me, it's not really them. Other thoughts?

It really depends on how a persons psychology works.

If we are talking about friendships my interest is amplified when we talk in RL or skype. I prefer to watch real people do silly faces when we joke with each other and not avatar gestures.

When it comes to dating i don't care about the avatar, i am only attracted to physical appearance and of course character plays a part too (but not that much).

[Bagnu]

31 minutes ago, Tari Landar said:

I don't separate sl and rl the same way some do, so my answer may be different.

I don't find it remotely strange whatsoever. Behind every avatar is a human being (ok, maybe only 99% of avatars, there is at least one alien behind one of our old forum regulars....but I digress..) and whether or not I know a lot, or anything at all, about that person behind the avatar, they are NOT just their avatar to me. Even people who don't want to be seen as more than their avatar, to me, are very much, more than their av. So keeping that in mind makes the whole idea of seeing "the person behind the curtain", not even remotely odd to me, let alone disconcerting. I suppose if I hung around or associated with people who were, themselves, the sort one might find to be questionable, I may think otherwise. However, I don't, so I don't have to feel any sort of way other than "cool, nice to meet you" with them. Of course that's not to say I'd meet in person with just anyone, but on the off chance that I did, it still wouldn't be all that odd to me to know that person is more than just their pixels presented inworld. It would be weird *for me* to feel that they should be only what they present inworld. 

Others may approach that differently, good on them if they do, but I prefer to remember that NO ONE here, even those for whom their avatar is really more of a pixelated representation of their rl selves, is actually their avatar. They're human beings, not pixels, and they comprise of all the things human beings do, not avatars. So my approach probably isn't as typical as some might be.

I never met hubby in rl until a while after we came here, even  though we had already known each other for quite a long time online, spoken on the phone and in voice countless times, exchanged all kinds of pictures and knew damn near everything about one another (we met elsewhere online a very long time ago).  I was nervous when I met him because...OMG I LOVE HIM, not because OMG he's not his avatar self.. For me, that second approach, the one I have seen many mention, is the odd one, not mine, lol. But, that doesn't make either one universally right or wrong, just right or wrong for the individual that has it  

We approach this from different angles, but I can understand yours as well.

 

4 minutes ago, Cindy Evanier said:

The only issue I had when meeting SL people in RL ( I have met about 6 over the years)  was how long it took us to remember to use real names rather than avi names.  

You really should have still kept the AV names lol!!! It would add something!!!

Edited August 10, 2020 by Bagnu

[Nick0678]

33 minutes ago, Cindy Evanier said:

The only issue I had when meeting SL people in RL ( I have met about 6 over the years)  was how long it took us to remember to use real names rather than avi names.  

I only met 2 and our main issue was if we should take a shower first. (We already went through the online dating phase so just keeping it simple.)

Edited August 10, 2020 by Nick0678

[Caitlin Tobias]

26 minutes ago, Cindy Evanier said:

The only issue I had when meeting SL people in RL ( I have met about 6 over the years)  was how long it took us to remember to use real names rather than avi names.  

I've met a few SL friends in RL and yeah, somehow we kept using our avatar names - even after meeting some for more than once.  

[Lindal Kidd]

1 hour ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Little secret.. I am one in rl too.

[Fritigern Gothly]

2 hours ago, Bagnu said:

It's not necessarily true that the RL person is unattractive, 

True, being heavy set and bearded does not translate to unattractive to me. I merely intended to illustrate the discrepancy between how someone presents in-world and how they look in RL can be vastly different. 

I have had it happen to me before, a group of friends invited me to their discord and before I knew it everyone was showing RL pics of themselves. It destroyed the image, the illusion that I had of them. In the process, it destroyed the closeness I felt because I kept imagining them with their RL appearance.

Some may think that this is shallow, but think about it, SL is all about illusions, an alternate reality, an escape from whatever ties us down in RL, and this event actually shattered that. I don't mind knowing and sharing RL details, like name, place of residence, marital status, gender (if different from their SL gender) but seeing a picture, seeing what they look like in RL changes everything whether I want to or not.

[Nick0678]

2 hours ago, Bagnu said:

It's not necessarily true that the RL person is unattractive

That's a fact, of course it also depends on what we consider attractive but to be fair i have socialized with plenty of women from various counties that were also comfortable to talk with me on skype (not for sex, i only date from my country) and they looked great, even have an SL friend who a few years ago was crowned Miss **** 2016 (won't disclose that), another one who is very sexy looking for a woman in her 42's, another one who looks great in her 50's and the list goes on.

There are many attractive people in SL that even if a person focuses on avatar looks will realize that the avatar actually looks like sh*t compared to how attractive those people look RL, of course that doesn't make a rule that everyone is attractive but it doesn't matter when it comes to friends because you are supposed to value more their personality.

Edited August 10, 2020 by Nick0678

[Tari Landar]

38 minutes ago, Fritigern Gothly said:

Some may think that this is shallow, but think about it, SL is all about illusions, an alternate reality, an escape from whatever ties us down in RL, and this event actually shattered that. I don't mind knowing and sharing RL details, like name, place of residence, marital status, gender (if different from their SL gender) but seeing a picture, seeing what they look like in RL changes everything whether I want to or not.

I don't necessarily think it's shallow (I won't lie and say that I don't ever think it is, in some cases, it very well may be, for some people) but I think this is where I separate from a lot of people on this matter. For me, sl is NOT all about illusions, alternate realities, escaping from everything rl, etc... it's just not for me. Yes, sl is an escape and it offers me so very many things I can't or don't have in rl, but it's not this entirely separate entity. This is also why it can be difficult for those who separate sl from rl, to mingle with those who do not..we tend to approach things on this level from completely different angles and it can, at times, lead to a lot of discourse. I can't tell you how many people I have offended by telling them that their avs don't matter nearly as much to me as the people behind the avs. I find it odd they'd be offended, and they find it odd that I care more about them as humans versus their pixelated presentations of self. It's not that I don't appreciate the work, effort, the av, whatever.. I do, I just have MORE appreciation for the person behind it (even if I don't know them, or anything about them..which that alone probably sounds odd, lol).

I can understand why those who associate more with avs than the people behind them can have their illusions dashed. I don't have to agree with their stance to fully understand where they are coming from or why. More often than not those who don't separate the two get seen as the odd ones out lol. For the longest time, sl wasn't quite that way, but it has been slowly moving more towards a lot more people who DO very much separate the two and see them as two entirely different entities (and some who claim they do, but they only seem to actually do so under certain circumstances......man people confuse me lol)

[Rolig Loon]

52 minutes ago, Fritigern Gothly said:

Some may think that this is shallow, but think about it, SL is all about illusions, an alternate reality, an escape from whatever ties us down in RL, and this event actually shattered that. I don't mind knowing and sharing RL details, like name, place of residence, marital status, gender (if different from their SL gender) but seeing a picture, seeing what they look like in RL changes everything whether I want to or not.

I agree.  In fact, I feel the same way about hearing a person's RL voice.  I have a mental image of each person I meet in SL.  My mind fills in characteristics that the person's avatar appearance does not provide, much the same way that my mind fills in characteristics of characters in novels i read.  I "know" what each person sounds like, and it's terribly jarring to hear a completely different voice than the one my mind created for someone.  It's like suddenly learning that Snow White's voice really sounds like Donald Duck.  For that reason, I avoid ever using Voice in SL unless I have absolutely no choice, and I have been fortunate to have no close friends who use it.  I don't care to know what my SL friends look like in RL either, and I won't share my image with them.

[Drakonadrgora Darkfold]

1 hour ago, Lindal Kidd said:

But im not black. im purple and blue.. I just look black under inferior lighting. :P

[Drakonadrgora Darkfold]

9 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

I agree.  In fact, I feel the same way about hearing a person's RL voice.  I have a mental image of each person I meet in SL.  My mind fills in characteristics that the person's avatar appearance does not provide, much the same way that my mind fills in characteristics of characters in novels i read.  I "know" what each person sounds like, and it's terribly jarring to hear a completely different voice than the one my mind created for someone.  It's like suddenly learning that Snow White's voice really sounds like Donald Duck.  For that reason, I avoid ever using Voice in SL unless I have absolutely no choice, and I have been fortunate to have no close friends who use it.  I don't care to know what my SL friends look like in RL either, and I won't share my image with them.

*talks in an old creaky voice just because is old and well* dammit my bones do creak at times!!  

tosses out a old picture of herself.. damn lighting.. they got the colors all wrong again!!!

[arkall]

Personally, I just assume everyone behind the avatar is the embodiment of everything I consider unattractive. If you expect everyone to be hideous, you could either be correct or pleasantly surprised, but never disappointed.

[FairreLilette]

4 hours ago, Bagnu said:

I find I get very immersed, and I think of people as there AV's. If I met the person behind the AV in RL  I would find it somewhat disconcerting, because to me, it's not really them. Other thoughts?

I am not immersed and do not think of people as their avi's BUT only an extension of themselves.  The extension is what they are sharing in their avatars; their style, or simply their "likes" as well as their creativity.  It is a bit of them in what they present and a bit of me in what I present; however, this does not mean look alikes...what I am talking about could be more subconscious in what we share with one another by the things WE CHOOSE  to wear.  We are also sharing our imaginations which is a real part of us.  

Edited August 11, 2020 by FairreLilette

[Bagnu]

2 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

I am not immersed and do not think of people as their avi's BUT only an extension of themselves.  The extension is what they are sharing in their avatars; their style, or simply their "likes" as well as their creativity.  It is a bit of them in what they present and a bit of me in what I present; however, this does not mean look alikes...what I am talking about could be more subconscious in what we share with one another.  

Fair enough..You aren't the same as I am, but that's a non issue.

[Bagnu]

44 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

I agree.  In fact, I feel the same way about hearing a person's RL voice.  I have a mental image of each person I meet in SL.  My mind fills in characteristics that the person's avatar appearance does not provide, much the same way that my mind fills in characteristics of characters in novels i read.  I "know" what each person sounds like, and it's terribly jarring to hear a completely different voice than the one my mind created for someone.  It's like suddenly learning that Snow White's voice really sounds like Donald Duck.  For that reason, I avoid ever using Voice in SL unless I have absolutely no choice, and I have been fortunate to have no close friends who use it.  I don't care to know what my SL friends look like in RL either, and I won't share my image with them.

That's my perspective.

[arkall]

how about when someone voices? Idk about you but some voices to an avi can be off putting as much if not more than seeing the RL person.

[Bagnu]

27 minutes ago, arkall said:

how about when someone voices? Idk about you but some voices to an avi can be off putting as much if not more than seeing the RL person.

I heard voice once, and hope I never do again.