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When do you delete someone from your list?


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I recently set myself a rule that I've needed to know a person for quite some time and can trust them before I add them as a friend. They also need to be at least 18 years of age or older. This isn't just on Second Life. Might sound weird to some people, I know.

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I delete people; (a) if we reach the point that mutual respect is out the window (b) if they get Stalky Conversely, in the last fifteen years I have had fourteen SL friends (That I know

Do you delete someone from your list if you: Haven't talked in X days, or worse, have never talked outside of the initial conversation If they did something to upset you If they re

Pretty much all those reasons.  I am a bit of a wimp though and do the deleting when they aren't online...or appear not to be.  I once deleted someone who was "offline" and ten seconds later got a "wt

If I can't remember why someone is on a list, I remove them from it.

That's actually how both my friend and block list works.

That noted - sometimes I will remove someone from either list for the exact opposite reason: Precisely because I do remember why they are there, but it's no longer in alignment with things...

 

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On 8/9/2020 at 5:23 PM, MelodicRain said:

Do you delete someone from your list if you:

  • Haven't talked in X days, or worse, have never talked outside of the initial conversation YES (eventually)
  • If they did something to upset you YES
  • If they repeatedly ignore you for no reason YES (eventually)
  • If you no longer have any interests in common No

But overall, I think it depends. I have people on my list that have been there for YEARS (literally) and I can't remember the last time I spoke with them, but we had a good relationship (once) and they're a nice person (or were) and I can't take them off my list. On the other hand, there are people who were on my list for a short time and committed one of the above offenses and are immediately removed. There isn't a rhyme of reason for it...I think it's all how you feel about them. 

 

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On 9/4/2020 at 5:15 AM, Lia Starlight said:

Friends lists have to be one of my most hated things! I don't like to add people unless i've got to know them pretty well & we have some connection, and need to be able to explain to them why I may delete them randomly (due to rl). I don't wish to discuss that with strangers, and people get hurt if removed, so I just don't add any. Then they get mad if I don't add them, can't win. For some reason, a contacts set or calling card is never ok.

THIS! I no longer keep a “friends” list for the same reason. This has been my standard procedure since 2011. I never understood why the majority thinks it is rude and bitchy to decline friend requests when you politely offered your calling card instead. Sigh, you really cannot win ...

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24 minutes ago, Yuumo Ichibara said:

THIS! I no longer keep a “friends” list for the same reason. This has been my standard procedure since 2011. I never understood why the majority thinks it is rude and bitchy to decline friend requests when you politely offered your calling card instead. Sigh, you really cannot win ...

I have 'reject all friend requests' turned on.  Then when they ask why, it's easier to say, "I don't add anyone so I turned that on"  Then they don't assume it's personal.

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On 8/30/2020 at 11:45 AM, Heathernorton said:

I will often wait until someone if offline to delete them, saves unneeded drama  

I have done this as well.

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3 hours ago, Gabriele Graves said:

TIP: You cannot accidentally pay the wrong person if your friends list only has your alt on it.  😛

You cannot accidentally pay the wrong person if you never pay anyone either.

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If we have not spoke in a long time I'll reach out and see how things are going before removing someone nowadays .

In retrospect 2004/2020  I've had hundreds of friendships and half were just noobs who stuck around a bit then disappeared forever..many i removed looking back were good people and good friends but i was not a good friend as 10 or 15yrs ago i was a different person who might not have valued them as much as i would've today.

I've done the "where are they now thing" and most of it has not been pretty i could have been there to help.

I guess my thoughts are cherish your friends more and if your a real friend you'll stick out the hard times with them instead of tossing them away.

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I hang around in the Shelter a lot (It has just re-opened btw!) so I often encounter confused newbies and I often add them as friends so I can assist them more easily. They rarely contact me again so I tend to remove them after a couple of weeks.  It sometimes happens in other places too, if I chat with someone and enjoy the conversation I'll offer or accept friendship but again, if they never contact me after that, and they ignore my IMs, I'll usually remove them again.

 

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When it's obvious they're just not into you anymore and you can feel how they 'ignore' you is when I let em' go. Upon seeing the signs such as less contact, meanwhile they easily will engage in conversation with others literally right in your face is a red-flag. At times, they're the same ones that will say things are alright when in reality; it's the action that does more than the talking.

 

That being said, I keep the person around for as long as they want me... I don't remove someone for too many reasons.

Edited by Simo Vodopan
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On 9/3/2020 at 3:59 AM, BelindaN said:

Sometimes it's a balance. You get asked to friend after one or two chats, and it seems sorta rude not to go with that.

Then in the harsh light of day, you think...wtf did I do that for?

And name changers are so confusing.

I am very careful about Friending people. I often tell people I won't Friend until I know them well. A couple of chats usually won't do it. 

Guys have to show me more than girl friends. Too often guys have a single thing in mind. 

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Don't think I ever removed anyone? TBH I don't think it ever occurred to me to check my friend list - there are probably people there who haven't logged on in years (bit like me...Covid brought me back, I stopped logging in 2017 to 2019) but we might meet again.

I still have the first person I ever met on SL on my list, she hasn't logged in in years...our rez days were in the same week. She TPd me to all the best sims with 1L per question trivia machines 😃

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I delete people when they ignore my IM's repeatedly over long periods of time,  and only IM's me when they need something from me but otherwise ghosts me, I also sometimes delete people if they have been lying to me repeatedly or have done something that really upset me.

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On 10/1/2020 at 8:44 PM, RowanMinx said:

I have 'reject all friend requests' turned on.  Then when they ask why, it's easier to say, "I don't add anyone so I turned that on"  Then they don't assume it's personal.

there is this possibility? cool, I need to check out where is

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46 minutes ago, manoji Yachvili said:

there is this possibility? cool, I need to check out where is

In Firestorm it's   Comm/Online Status/Reject All Friendship Requests

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On 10/1/2020 at 1:44 PM, RowanMinx said:

I have 'reject all friend requests' turned on.  Then when they ask why, it's easier to say, "I don't add anyone so I turned that on"  Then they don't assume it's personal.

^^This.  I do this as well. I even wrote a little something to explain why.   My friend list has 5 people on it, one dating back to my first day.  She is no longer in world or pops in sporadically.  Though we have never met in person I count her friendship as one of my most important, whether 1st or 2nd life. We keep in touch outside of 2nd.  The other four I count as dear friends even though we may not speak to each other for weeks or months.  Those that ask for friendship I offer a calling card instead.  Take it or leave it. 

Edited by Cougar Sangria
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