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When do you delete someone from your list?


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I don't defriend many, just very occasionally, I'll clear out the cobwebs. 

I haven't noticed being defriended much at all, but it does hurt when it happens for no apparent reason.

One of my very first friends came on a while ago and suggested we defriend because we'd both moved on and never chatted.  That was a very civilised way to go about it. I was thinking the same.

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I delete people; (a) if we reach the point that mutual respect is out the window (b) if they get Stalky Conversely, in the last fifteen years I have had fourteen SL friends (That I know

Do you delete someone from your list if you: Haven't talked in X days, or worse, have never talked outside of the initial conversation If they did something to upset you If they re

Pretty much all those reasons.  I am a bit of a wimp though and do the deleting when they aren't online...or appear not to be.  I once deleted someone who was "offline" and ten seconds later got a "wt

I clean my list if we haven't talked in several weeks or months or I am the one always having to start the conversation each time. 

It clearly shows that the person never really wanted to be a friend  but  had some ulterior motive.

Such as trying to take advantage of me  for their own pleasure without any regard to how it might affect me in the long run. 

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I delete people;

(a) if we reach the point that mutual respect is out the window

(b) if they get Stalky

Conversely, in the last fifteen years I have had fourteen SL friends (That I know of) pass away in RL and they will remain on my friends list until I log to whatever grid they’ve moved onto.

I’m not big on deleting people just because they stopped logging on suddenly; it may not have been their choice and I’m sentimental.

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On 8/11/2020 at 1:14 AM, Nick0678 said:

You are actually sabotaging yourself, it might also make you look clingy and sorry for saying someone might also think you are desperate for attention.

I don't think it's clingy to say "hi" and then a few weeks later check in again and send another message.  Clingy would be sending a message several times a day, EVERY day.

I don't do clingy.  It freaks me out.

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1 hour ago, Jordan Whitt said:

I don't think it's clingy to say "hi" and then a few weeks later check in again and send another message.  Clingy would be sending a message several times a day, EVERY day.

I don't do clingy.  It freaks me out.

Yeah me neither but some might think of it that way. It realy depends on a persons point of view on such things.

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On 8/9/2020 at 2:23 PM, MelodicRain said:

Do you delete someone from your list if you:

  • Haven't talked in X days, or worse, have never talked outside of the initial conversation
  • If they did something to upset you
  • If they repeatedly ignore you for no reason
  • If you no longer have any interests in common

I'm very much guilty of this. 😕  So much so that my friend list is very short. 🙃

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I only delete spammers...otherwise I don`t bother, however I wish my list was smaller, most ppl on it are added after 1-2 chats cause I felt bad about denying their request, basically I have no idea who half of them are at this point.

There is a multitude of reasons why someone did not reply or initiate contact in "acceptable time frame",  I mean, maybe they were busy, maybe they are learning how to make stuff, DJ, decorate, have an event deadline, maybe they got a job in SL or they fell in love, maybe they are having sex and maybe they just don`t feel like talking, in my world, none of those is a mortal sin...I strongly believe true friendships can always be restarted/restored, even after longer pauses, you know that feeling like you just picked up from where you left off and there was no break at all? 

All that said, I tend to be up front with new friends about my reasons for spending time in SL and my ability (or lack there of) to socialize often, most ppl are quite understanding if given the heads up..

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I usually accept all friend  requests except for compeletely random ones. Every now and then I go through my friends list and delete people who I can't remember anything about.

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  • I delete folx I that i have not talked to in forever (at least 6 months) unless they are someone I really want to keep on my list.
  • I also delete folx (usually club owners) that I added and then they want to group spam me about events. 
  • Anyone that runs invisible from me

I will often wait until someone if offline to delete them, saves unneeded drama  

I could easily go down to about 4 or 5 ppl on my list and never miss a beat

 

 

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I kinda never delete friends from my list.

Exceptions:

  • They constantly send me unwanted blind teleport spams.
  • They really go on my nerves or talk bad about me behind my back, spreading strange rumors, stuff like that

I will never delete them just because they haven't talked with me in x days. Some also do SL breaks for 2 years. Happy to talk with them when I finally see them online again :) Also I'm a DJ inworld and often get friendship offers, who I mostly accept, to not appear rude or unfriendly. To remember people I always use their "my info" tab of their profiles. 🤣

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I rarely take someone off my list. They have to be super-annoying or just prove they aren't friend worthy.

I did it a couple of weeks ago though.

So I met a nice guy and we chatted over a period of time. Eventually he asked for an add and sure, why not? We kept chatting and he eventually asked me out on a "date". He took me to a jazz place and we danced, ngl it was a vibe. Really good conversation, nice time. Then a woman that was there IMs me, hitting on me. I'm like, "I'm good thanks, I'm here with somebody." and she says "Oh? The guy you're dancing with? He said you weren't together." He was so nice, I didn't believe her and sure enough she copy and pastes the whole conversation over to me and yeah, he not only said we weren't together, but she could go ahead and give it a shot.

So I play it cool, but I asked him "Did X start talking to you or hitting on you?" He plays dumb, "Who's that? Oh yeah, yeah, she tried to friend me, but I declined (he did accept). I didn't know her, it was weird." So he lied and I excused myself for the night and just took him off my list.

I saw him again about a week after that and he asked me why I took him off my list and I told him. He said something like "I don't see what I did wrong......You weren't really clear on who you were talking about...." For trying to gaslight me, I blocked him.

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Sometimes deleting someone is more for your own catharsis, than the actual repercussions of the deletion itself. I know when I remove someone particularly nasty (like ignoring me repeatedly for no reason, or saying rude things) I feel good at least for a short while. It's that "someone like you is not worthy of taking up space on my list" feeling.

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Sometimes it's a balance. You get asked to friend after one or two chats, and it seems sorta rude not to go with that.

Then in the harsh light of day, you think...wtf did I do that for?

And name changers are so confusing.

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Friends lists have to be one of my most hated things! I don't like to add people unless i've got to know them pretty well & we have some connection, and need to be able to explain to them why I may delete them randomly (due to rl). I don't wish to discuss that with strangers, and people get hurt if removed, so I just don't add any. Then they get mad if I don't add them, can't win. For some reason, a contacts set or calling card is never ok. I even had one guy demand I be on his list. If I give in and add them, explaining I may well remove them randomly, and do, even if they said it's fine they will understand, they always get upset or kick off

For me, I don't understand why showing invisible is an issue for some, unless all the time (as then what is the point of having that person on your list). If I want to be treated as offline, i'll turn invisibility on, it doesn't mean i'm hiding, you can't, it simply means treat me as if i'm offline, and stops almost all IMs

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Delete
--------------
- when your not friends with them anymore!
- when they have specifically told you they don't play sl anymore
- Drama fest/complete jerk delete them simple
- If they don't want to spend time with you anymore some people just move on


Don't delete just yet
--------------------------------
- Find out if possible why they are not there, give them a benefit of a doubt could be rl or other commitments
- Even after a year + some return as i have found out
 

In the end of the day you decide who you keep on your list and who you don't.
If they reply back and ask why you have removed them then you can add them again or not.

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I remove folks when I feel like it, to be honest. My list is a mix of clients and friends. Sometimes I cleanse. *shrugs* I’m more apt to remove somebody if they either a) continuously send mass TPs to clubs or b) have made some sort of personal decision or choice that I cannot agree with, usually toxicity that affects my life (obviously this one applies to someone who I am more familiar with than just a client). 
 

I will say, however, that if I have a repeat client who also mass TPs, I will message them to let them know that I cannot have spam, especially doing what I do (my main “gig” in SL is wedding & event photography) and will hide my online status from them. They are made aware and usually have no issues with it, and I have no upset against them! I just can’t have myself accidentally clicking a TP to TypicalNaughtyClub in the middle of a 90-guest wedding. 

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Someone I had friended in 2007 left SL in 2009 to deal with RL. Due to the pandemic offering her more free time she came back to SL a few months ago. I was surprised to see her name light up again. We were able to reconnect because I never defriended her. Over the years I would scroll  past her name and remember all the nice memories :)

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