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When do you delete someone from your list?


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Do you delete someone from your list if you:

  • Haven't talked in X days, or worse, have never talked outside of the initial conversation
  • If they did something to upset you
  • If they repeatedly ignore you for no reason
  • If you no longer have any interests in common

I know people who are at both extreme ends. Some never clean their friends list cause they think there's no harm in maintaining the ability to contact each other even if the friendship's really broken. Some others remove people the instant any of the above shows signs of happening. Have a really ridiculous story to share too: Got an IM out of the blue the other day from some person on my list who probably added me a very very long time ago, so long ago that I don't even remember who she is. At first I didn't see her name on my list, but then scrolled down and saw that she made herself invisible to me. I told her she might have accidentally checked that option and even sent her a screenshot of how to disable it in Firestorm. Then she immediately got flustered and pretended to not know "what a friends list is" and demanded to know why I'm sending her a random URL (it was Imgur) that resembles a phishing site. LOL. At that point I figured either she was either trolling, or was so out of the loop she didn't know how the internet or SL worked, and I just basically told her it's not worth my time to continue this "conversation" and proceeded to remove + mute her.

There are tons of other situations where I remove someone cause they got added to my list so long ago, and shows zero interest of wanting to catch up. I lost count of how many friendly "hey saw you on my list but don't recall how we met, would love to catch up sometime" type of IMs that got completely ignored, so those people got removed. I really don't get why people are so rude like this, even a "hi" back is better than nothing. Funny thing is they have no problem of having me on their list?

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I delete people; (a) if we reach the point that mutual respect is out the window (b) if they get Stalky Conversely, in the last fifteen years I have had fourteen SL friends (That I know

Do you delete someone from your list if you: Haven't talked in X days, or worse, have never talked outside of the initial conversation If they did something to upset you If they re

Pretty much all those reasons.  I am a bit of a wimp though and do the deleting when they aren't online...or appear not to be.  I once deleted someone who was "offline" and ten seconds later got a "wt

   Usually when I crop my contact list, those who don't make it are people who I've A) not spoken to in a while and B) never really connected to. But I have friends who've been on there for years, some who never even come online anymore, who I keep on there because I know that they're worth keeping in touch with.

   Other than that, I'm rarely the one to remove people. People who get antsy about not having spoken for X days tend to sort themselves out.

   Of course there are a few things a person can do to earn an immediate removal, such as proving to be a kind of person I don't want anything to do with, or revoking my ability to see their online status - that just defeats the purpose of having you on there; if all someone wants is to have a 'speed dial' to me, they can use a contact card instead.

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I remove people from my list when:

  • A customer has left so there is no point in keeping them, they won't need support after a month
  • Somebody hasn't logged in Second Life or we haven't talked for more than 3 months.
  • People start being dramatic for Second Life related stuff which personally i consider to be nonsense so that also becomes a block if they can't control themselves.

For anyone who has the tendency to send mass teleport offers or mass text/voicecall conference offers i simply disable visibility and we are fine.

Those that i consider as friends can always contact me on Skype/telephone regardless if i have visibility off, if i or they work with an alt, if i do something else in RL and they play SL or whatever so the SL contacts list is mostly for people that i don't socialize with that much but still have some kind of reason to be there.

Edited by Nick0678
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On 8/10/2020 at 7:23 AM, MelodicRain said:

 

  • Haven't talked in X days, or worse, have never talked outside of the initial conversation
  • If they did something to upset you
  • If they repeatedly ignore you for no reason
  • If you no longer have any interests in common

All these reasons seem pretty valid to me. I've mostly removed people who added me after one conversation but never chat after that - I think being on each other's list in that scenario is so pointless.

Another reason would be creepy behaviour.

ETA: And Neediness. Wanting my attention the moment I log on.

Edited by AdminGirl
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I stopped adding people about a year ago.  On the rate occasion that I did, it's was after many conversations.  I'm quite intend with the 6 people I already have.  Not that I don't talk to a lot of people but it's usually people I see in my usual haunts and feel no need to put them on a list.

 

Sorry for the bold type!

Edited by RowanMinx
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13 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

I stopped adding people about a year ago.  On the rate occasion that I did, it's was after many conversations.  I'm quite intend with the 6 people I already have.  Not that I don't talk to a lot of people but it's usually people is see in my usual haunts and feel no need to put them on a list.

 

Sorry for the bold type!

Thats sounds like a good idea - adding after a few instead of one conversation. Though I wonder how you can have many conversations with someone without them being on your list? 

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17 minutes ago, AdminGirl said:

Thats sounds like a good idea - adding after a few instead of one conversation. Though I wonder how you can have many conversations with someone without them being on your list? 

They are people I see nearly every day.  I wander the same dozen places if I'm out and about and run into the same people doing the same as me.  I got tired of those people who pounced on me the moment I logged in with "so what are you up to?".  You can't tell who will be one of those type until it's too late so I just avoid the whole friend list.

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4 hours ago, MelodicRain said:

Do you delete someone from your list if you:

  • Haven't talked in X days, or worse, have never talked outside of the initial conversation
  • If they did something to upset you
  • If they repeatedly ignore you for no reason
  • If you no longer have any interests in common

Pretty much all those reasons.  I am a bit of a wimp though and do the deleting when they aren't online...or appear not to be.  I once deleted someone who was "offline" and ten seconds later got a "wtf, why did you delete me?" IM from them.  Hiding as invis - classy!  

Here's my little story - which I only just discovered happened two days ago and I am still feeling crap about.

In June I met someone and we spent ages talking to them on voice/Discord, then I went to work, and when I came home we continued talking for a few more hours.  Everything appeared fine and normal, we got on enormously well, had heaps in common and it was an enjoyable interaction, so when they said "can I add you?" I said "sure!"  I had a new friend - wheeee!  Now this person had told me that they appear as invis on Discord so I shouldn't be afraid to message them, if they were there, they'd reply.  So I would log into Discord (which I hate btw) and just leave a quick "hi, how you doing?" if they weren't online.  I would get no replies.  Hmmmm the world is a mess right now, maybe something happened to them or they're busy, no big!   After a while I did start to worry because I hadn't seen them inworld or had replies to my Discord messages, so I left a "Hey, starting to worry, all okay?" message.  No reply.  Then a few days ago I saw they'd posted some pictures on Flickr.  First response - thank god, they are okay!  Second response - Hmm they have been inworld, I wonder how I missed them.  Third response - check friend's list and noticed I had been removed.  Fourth response - what a ***** for just ghosting me like this - ESPECIALLY after I had told them that I am the most haunted (ie ghosted) person alive!  Don't want to be friends, don't add me!  

And stories like this is why I am burned out on trying to make friends, because it's not a one off.  It happens far too frequently and is to the point I wonder what's wrong with me.

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2 hours ago, Zzevir said:

First I need some ppl on my list to be able to remove them. 😁

 

Aw you can add and remove me if you want 😄

2 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

 

And stories like this is why I am burned out on trying to make friends, because it's not a one off.  It happens far too frequently and is to the point I wonder what's wrong with me.

That's effed up. I've also had those who ask to add me and then delete me shortly after. It's a huge gut punch if you've opened up to them.

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3 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

 

And stories like this is why I am burned out on trying to make friends, because it's not a one off.  It happens far too frequently and is to the point I wonder what's wrong with me.

When I get home I will ad you as a friend even if you like it or not. And I will be there for you. 

 

50 minutes ago, AdminGirl said:

Aw you can add and remove me if you want 😄

 

No

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I rarely if ever delete because I rarely if ever add. I hang out at the same places and on a daily basis tell those who ask that if I’m there we can talk, otherwise I likely won’t; too many IMs while busy elsewhere—and most people just don’t take it well if you don’t answer timely; they say they do cos it sounds good, but they really don’t. A few close friends I care about enough to leave whatever I’m doing, the rest are just acquaintances who accept I don’t do protocolary friendship or fake affection.

Back in the day I had the usual: people I removed after years not talking—and some noticed and asked why months later—, people who think ‘friend’ is shorthand for ‘free, 24/7 available psychiatrist, counselor, assistant and/or tech support’, etc.

Edited by Ren Toxx
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11 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

I once deleted someone who was "offline" and ten seconds later got a "wtf, why did you delete me?"

"Because i can." Makes it easier for everyone.

11 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

In June I met someone and we spent ... etc ...  It happens far too frequently and is to the point I wonder what's wrong with me.

Nothing wrong with you but here's some good advice since you are interested in SL friendships and such stuff.

The main reason that brings two people together is attraction based on curiosity (or physical appearance if we talk about RL) so when you meet a person (and usually a man) regardless if SL or RL try not to be so available and avoid spending too much time with them talking about everything over the first few dates/meetings.

You are actually sabotaging yourself, it might also make you look clingy and sorry for saying someone might also think you are desperate for attention.

I understand that it's part of your character to feel good when you think that you have found a person that fits you so you want to spend time with them but it rarely works that way so play your game and when you are in the mood spend some time talking to them and after that do other things that are more important for your life.

Edited by Nick0678
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With the name change feature .. not knowing who someone is is no reason to remove.

On the other hand ... they don't informed you personally about the name change ... remove! 😆

I'm way too lazy to check the list. Doesn't make a difference if someone is on or not. Except they bother me but that doesn't happen.

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I'm always open to people I've befriended at some point. I can go without talking with someone for years and pick up where we left off, doesn't matter if they've removed me or not.

I don't tend to remove people on my own, most people seem to take it too personally so it's just easier to leave that decision to them. That's not to say I have more than a few dozen contacts despite being here for 10+ years.

There's not really anything you could do to offend me so much that I'd go out of my way to remove you anyway. If it would get to that point, I imagine the other person would already be removing me themselves. The people I'd never get along with can be counted with one hand.

Edited by Wulfie Reanimator
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I rarely delete people from my friendslist, it's more likely that I'm the one getting silently deleted, heh. 
I assume this is because I rarely talk to people on my own. Almost always feels like I'd be bothering people and frankly, I have nothing interessting to say to most people. I tend to keep to myself. There are exceptions to those rules, but those are few and far between, and those are people I click with very well, and feel comfortable with.

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I used to keep my friend list small and only people I chat to often, now I just add the people I especially like on Discord and don't much care who is still on my SL friend list. 

 

On 8/10/2020 at 10:12 AM, Jordan Whitt said:

And stories like this is why I am burned out on trying to make friends, because it's not a one off.  It happens far too frequently and is to the point I wonder what's wrong with me.

I've had sudden ghosting happen a couple of times too. It's puzzling, til I realised that sometimes I too can feel a bit overwhelmed with a new friend and wish I hadn't added someone, not for anything they did but just because I wasn't feeling socially energetic enough to get to know a new person (ie sheer laziness). I don't delete them though, unless they are very annoying. 

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