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Hello everyone,

As a tall woman, I have always had a preference towards shorter men; guys who are noticeably shorter than me and those who aren't so dominant and extremely masculine;

However, everywhere I go within the mainstream sphere of SL; in the most popular and most populated places, it's full of men with confident, hyper-masculine personalities with avatars on the taller side, with exaggerated muscular bodies, who like to chat up the always shorter women around them. 

For someone like me, who prefers a more cute and gentle kind of person, this is a turn-off that gets old and tiring fast;

I'm wondering where I can go in SL to find and meet shorter men who might not be so sure of themselves, who might be more on the intellectual or emotional side and looks up to a more confident, taller woman for the same feeling of warmth and security that those smaller women I see seem to get from those men I mentioned above. 

It's mostly in BDSM/Femdom places where submission towards dominant females is the prevailing theme and agenda for men and women, so you tend to find submissive men with avatars that reflect their desire for physical contrast. However, even in those places, the men tend to be larger and more masculine. Naturally I've found some folks at school roleplay sims who have child or teenage avatars, and I would like to meet some more (not sure where the best places are for that too, if anyone can help me with that) but interacting with child avatars all the time can have its disadvantages, especially with relationships and of course, no sexual activity if we ever feel like it and switching to an adult avatar is just weird... 😆

However, outside of this I have rarely found guys that portray anything but a sense of unwavering confidence and hyper-masculinity in their avatars and the way they behave, in spite of how they might be in real life; it's only on one very rare occasion I've met someone who happened to have dwarfism who felt comfortable enough to admit that he was confined to a wheelchair and often lacked the feeling of care from others. He was really candid about feeling shy and unconfident and wanting a strong, caring woman to look out for him and to look up to. I haven't had a more enjoyable and fulfilling relationship with anybody else, so I was wondering since where to find guys like that, even if not to that extreme. 

It seems very difficult to find this, to find what I'm looking for - If there are dominant, masculine men and more passive and less assertive women on SL, then I would think that there would be men who are like that too somewhere, who feel that they can be themselves and not have to compete or compensate for their lack. If there is a "market" for cute girls in SL, then it only makes sense that there are people who are looking for cute boys as well.

I've joined groups for shorter men and taller women, but I've pretty much met nearly everyone in each group and things didn't go so well with some of them. I know this is very subjective, but it was the same with groups for "cute boys" whom a lot of them are femboys and those hyper-masculine tall men again, who simply declare themselves as "cute" and put themselves in the group. Some of the guys in those groups I find that they present as cute and innocent boys and then take advantage of you in subtle and manipulative ways... or they're arrogant jerks who act like they know better than you. If there are groups for this, then that means that it's a niche; I just haven't had any luck so far in finding what I'm looking for. I'm just wondering if there are other places I can go to, besides those groups.

I would appreciate some help in this matter so I can find what I'm looking for in Second Life and enjoy my time here a lot more. 😋

- Charlotte Sinclair 

 

Edited by LottaSinclair
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Some parts of your post read as ‘just normal’ when it comes to self-confidence, but others it verges on ‘insecure’. Might seem a question of degrees, but there’s a world of difference. Normal I can take, whereas insecure... no thanks, most are emotional leeches; not to mention, most of the seemingly overconfident ones are exactly the contrary, they just present a strong face that actually deceives them more than it does others. Either way, in the end they drain you and then move on to the next unwilling free virtual psychiatrist.

On the other hand, are you sure you’ve exhausted the mainstream hangout areas? It occurs to me that in specialized ones you’re going to find the extremes of it—and yes, many of the weakest ones can be manipulative too, it’s how they compensate. A good number of them will essentially be just role-playing it, even if it’s not an RP area.

Of course hyper-masculine and exaggeratedly confident males are par for the course, and they’ll naturally be louder, kinda silencing the rest. But that’s not so difficult to mentally filter out, and besides, many of them are prima donnas, they move on if they don’t get all the attention within 5 minutes. Those who stay, calmly waiting for their moment to express themselves, are the ones you seek. I’ve met plenty. All it takes is for you not to be distracted by the momentary bombasts.

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As a someone with a shorter than average Avi. I have met a few guys who were as short as me, and had the personality you are looking for. Like maybe 4 or 5 in the 5 years I have been in SL. I don't think there is any place for them though. But you might try places where guys are not hanging out trying to impress the ladies. Lots of guys come to SL for other things. Flying planes, driving cars, surfing, find places like that and talk to guys there, You might have better luck finding someone.

 

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   My avi is 1.85, which should be 'above average' - but everyone complains that I'm too short. It's just a thing in SL and, I think always has been a thing, that avatars don't match realistic metrics. Some of the furniture I look at is just way too large, and the animations can be really out of whack because they're made for the 'normal' in SL, which is that you're a 2.3m giant with 50cm long arms and a head the size of a tennis ball. 

   I don't think there's any point of congregation for men adhering to decently realistic sizes and proportions though. Guys who are smaller than me tend to be non-human or just tinies. Or they're about the same height as me, but has the same width as they have height. I know some places have suggested realistic sizes to fit into their builds, like 20's Berlin, but I've never 'hung out' there to see a lot of people.

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I know one guy who fits those parameters.  Very good company, and about my height. But he is unusual in SL. He gets on well with the ladies, maybe because he isn't  a He Man clone.

Edited by BelindaN
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 I normally use a chibi noodle and the avatar definitely matches my personality, but I’m a little timid when entering new social situations and I’m on the younger side. I do have some confidence but also anxiety, thought I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing, I’m just more careful with how I interact. Places to find shorter people i couldn’t say, from what I’ve seen finding vary tall avatars is vary regular. 

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I don't think there are specific places, aside from themed roleplay areas that have a focus on realism. My avatar is 6'4" or thereabouts, and even I had to shrink down another 6" when I went to 1920s Berlin one time. On the other hand the height of avatars in places like this isn't really related to passivity, it's more about adhering to the realism of the setting for the purpose of immersion. So it might not be what you're looking for.

Part of the problem is that short male avatars, especially ones that are not extremely muscular and hyper-masculine, are frequently mistaken for children. Most people with adult avatars don't want to be mistaken for children and the way for a male avatar to avoid that is muscles, facial hair and height, so I don't think you'll find many clearly-adult male human avatars that are much shorter than me.  There's femboys of course but they're a borderline case, most of the femboys I've seen look very underage, even when they claim otherwise.  And the male skin market is thoroughly dominated by just two types of skins; muscular and hyper-masculine, or femboy with teenage-looking face. 

So I'm not even sure if what you're looking for even exists in SL at all. There are plenty of "gentlemen" in SL - by which I mean men who are gentle, but in order to find them you may have to overlook their height and build.

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I meet a lot of short men in rl. I truly loved the moment when we met and they looked at me like:why the uck you are so tall?) 

And in sl I saw short men onky at gay beaches:)😂

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4 hours ago, Panteleeva said:

I meet a lot of short men in rl. I truly loved the moment when we met and they looked at me like:why the uck you are so tall?

So you can climb mountains! Also some short folks like this because then the partner becomes a mountain for them!

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There is a very simple reason so many men in SL are huge hulking brutes. We have been told our whole lives to "Man up" "Be a real man" "Stop whining" "Real men dont cry" and the rest of that BS. In SL we can be what we want and for most of us, who aren't built like Chris Evans in RL, SL is our chance to be that. 

To touch on another point you brought up, most people do not want to admit their handicap to faceless strangers online. You will meet very few in SL who will tell you they are wheelchair or bed bound in RL without forming a very deep connection first. 

Why exactly do you want a meek slim short man? Are you a Domme? Personally i have many shapes/forms in SL. Some are slender fit 6'5" males(which is STILL shot in SL) some are large beefy pro wrestler shapes. All are still me. 

So, to sum up, some most of those hulks are actually the small meek men you seek, only in RL and perhaps you should talk to some of them and put forth your desires. 

 

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I am sometimes 0.5 ft sometimes i am 50ft most of the time in the 5-6ft range i dont want to be mr pumped up man i have big muscles pow pow pow terry crews.
The reason is to do with my roleplay as i like to play a light frame and do ninja rolls 🤖

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Wow, this post has really taken off in my absence; I had no replies for a while so I stopped checking the post after some time. 

Thank you all so much for responding; all of these are great answers and gave me some insight into the makeup of SL.

Allow me to respond to some of your replies.

On 8/8/2020 at 3:43 AM, Lewis Luminos said:

I don't think there are specific places, aside from themed roleplay areas that have a focus on realism. My avatar is 6'4" or thereabouts, and even I had to shrink down another 6" when I went to 1920s Berlin one time. On the other hand the height of avatars in places like this isn't really related to passivity, it's more about adhering to the realism of the setting for the purpose of immersion. So it might not be what you're looking for.

Part of the problem is that short male avatars, especially ones that are not extremely muscular and hyper-masculine, are frequently mistaken for children. Most people with adult avatars don't want to be mistaken for children and the way for a male avatar to avoid that is muscles, facial hair and height, so I don't think you'll find many clearly-adult male human avatars that are much shorter than me.  There's femboys of course but they're a borderline case, most of the femboys I've seen look very underage, even when they claim otherwise.  And the male skin market is thoroughly dominated by just two types of skins; muscular and hyper-masculine, or femboy with teenage-looking face. 

So I'm not even sure if what you're looking for even exists in SL at all. There are plenty of "gentlemen" in SL - by which I mean men who are gentle, but in order to find them you may have to overlook their height and build.

Thank you, Lewis.

I'm not looking for realism in particular; just somebody who is a lot more noticeably smaller in stature than those tall, muscle-bound men you see everywhere. It can be said that to an extent, a hyper-masculine appearance often (but of course not always) correlates to a more dominant personality, some of which can be unpleasant and chauvinistic, and certainly not gentlemanly. So the combination of a shorter stature and a meek (For a lack of a better term; I really don't want to refer to people this way) gentle, caring personality is really what I'm looking for. 

I've definitely seen and met people on occasion with adult avatars which are much shorter than usual which unequivocally cannot be called children or even teenage. They may be skinnier, a whole lot less muscular and much shorter than the average male avatar, but in terms of appearance, they look mature and can definitely be called men, not boys. I'm just wondering where I can meet more of such people, and where I can most likely find someone who fits that description. 

On 8/21/2020 at 11:26 PM, Drake1 Nightfire said:

There is a very simple reason so many men in SL are huge hulking brutes. We have been told our whole lives to "Man up" "Be a real man" "Stop whining" "Real men dont cry" and the rest of that BS. In SL we can be what we want and for most of us, who aren't built like Chris Evans in RL, SL is our chance to be that. 

To touch on another point you brought up, most people do not want to admit their handicap to faceless strangers online. You will meet very few in SL who will tell you they are wheelchair or bed bound in RL without forming a very deep connection first. 

Why exactly do you want a meek slim short man? Are you a Domme? Personally i have many shapes/forms in SL. Some are slender fit 6'5" males(which is STILL shot in SL) some are large beefy pro wrestler shapes. All are still me. 

So, to sum up, some most of those hulks are actually the small meek men you seek, only in RL and perhaps you should talk to some of them and put forth your desires. 

 

Hello Drake1,

The reason why I seek people of that description is simply because I'm most attracted to such people more than anything else. I'm sure a lot of people would rather spend time with those they find attractive and match their preferences and otherwise fit personality-wise, than those who do not. Naturally, you can only start to wonder where you can meet more people like that, even if they're uncommon. Yes, I'm a domme or otherwise I can have a dominant personality, but it's not so much just about domination for the sake of just dominating someone, or having a submissive, even if that can be an element of a relationship with somebody who tends not to be so dominant. 

I had a relationship with a person who has dwarfism in real life and has an avatar which reflects this. He's definitely a man, not a boy. He had no need or desire to hide who he really is and compensate for anything, or otherwise act more sure of himself than he really is. He told me that he has faced a lot of challenges and prejudice in his life; a lot of people thought he was weird and made fun of him and that made him feel insecure and lonely. He just wanted people to accept him for who he really is. I happened to be one of the few who gave him that. He was so genuine and honest about himself and he genuinely cared about me. I found him incredibly attractive. Needless to say, that was an exceptionally unique case and I have never really met anyone else like that. So I can only be so curious if there are others like that, and where I can meet them, and frustrated that I can't find more people like that.

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I had at one time in SL attempted to make a fantasy type of ancient people for a fantasy avatar.  I made some females and when it came time to make the male, the male is simply larger by default.  IOW, you start with a taller shape when attempting to make a male shape.

So, I don't think many male avatars in SL are making their height consciously taller.  SL is that by it's default in that the male and female do not start at the same height.  

Just thought I'd pass that interesting piece of info along.  

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37 minutes ago, FairreLilette said:

I had at one time in SL attempted to make a fantasy type of ancient people for a fantasy avatar.  I made some females and when it came time to make the male, the male is simply larger by default.  IOW, you start with a taller shape when attempting to make a male shape.

So, I don't think many male avatars in SL are making their height consciously taller.  SL is that by it's default in that the male and female do not start at the same height.  

Just thought I'd pass that interesting piece of info along.  

The lowest that i managed to make my avatar is 1.10m, of course that is very short but good enough for fictional characters, without deforming.

Screenshot_2020-10-23_21-36-43.thumb.png.0b50e6cae2a0bad572579d9cc3ce266e.png

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13 hours ago, LottaSinclair said:

I've definitely seen and met people on occasion with adult avatars which are much shorter than usual which unequivocally cannot be called children or even teenage. They may be skinnier, a whole lot less muscular and much shorter than the average male avatar, but in terms of appearance, they look mature and can definitely be called men, not boys. I'm just wondering where I can meet more of such people, and where I can most likely find someone who fits that description. 

There almost certainly isn't such a place where guys like that would gather, except as Lewis mentioned, in roleplay regions that require avatars to be realistic height as part of the immersion. Aside from that, you'll find them distributed around the grid in whatever proportion you've seen them already. If you see very few, it indicates that only very few of them exist. 

I am honestly surprised that there are any at all; I have been in SL for 12 years and never seen one (that looked over 18).

Edited by Maitimo
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6 hours ago, Maitimo said:

There almost certainly isn't such a place where guys like that would gather, except as Lewis mentioned, in roleplay regions that require avatars to be realistic height as part of the immersion. Aside from that, you'll find them distributed around the grid in whatever proportion you've seen them already. If you see very few, it indicates that only very few of them exist. 

I am honestly surprised that there are any at all; I have been in SL for 12 years and never seen one (that looked over 18).

I guess what it comes down to now is how I can increase my chances of meeting somebody like that. I suppose my best bet is to look for people in groups specifically for shorter guys (or short guys and tall women) as I have been doing. I have had some luck thus far, although it's just a matter of time and luck that I find somebody I really like whom I can connect with. 

Perhaps there's still some chance of finding someone in the forums, although a lot less of a chance. A lot of you have described how short and petite you can make your avatars, but for me it's not just a matter of hooking up with someone who happens to have a short avatar at the time, but someone whom that is a consistent and intrinsic part of who they really are. 

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