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Why is it so difficult making friends here?


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On 12/7/2020 at 12:06 AM, BinBash said:

Hay over there \o

When we looked like clowns, and had less options to de-clown, I think we found it more important to be interested in others, rather than our SL appearance.  Then there are those that simply don't participate any longer because things have "improved" and the "atmosphere" doesn't support social activities as well, at least for those.  I guess that's my opinion of the transition but it doesn't really matter, there's always those out there that are here for various reasons, including making connections.

I'm here for various reasons and connections is a good one, and is my list.

I try very hard to not be Human, at least with my perspective of others.  I work at these connections, trying to ignore what people are telling me about themselves and looking for the "inside".  If a person is adept at hiding their inside then I'll move on but usually I can find it, I think.  And that's the person that makes sense and it's usually pretty good even if the outside isn't de-clowned.

I don't need a person to follow me, to go along with my interests and I don't need an ego stroke.  These things are insulting to me and very irritating but I will try to be civil, though I will tell someone, when they push a little too much, to stop with the stroking, I have no use for it.

No matter what the outside is, no matter what the clown looks like, no matter what the story is, there's always someone else on the inside.  I'm looking for that one, and if you hang with me I'll find it.

Now let's go have a samitch, I love samitches!

 

Bin is my friend.  ; ) 

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I don't know why it's so hard making friends in SL. Ironically it used to be much simpler back in the prim/sculpty days when everyone looked like a clown, 90% of my friends list came from those days,

I'm a pretty outgoing, chatty person . . . but I've always found making friends to be hard work. I don't mean that in a negative way, though. I mean that establishing real friendships, ones that

I don’t ‘make’ friends, I let it happen naturally. I don’t deviate an inch from what I’d otherwise do: go to populated areas, see what they do, join if & when I want. If I visit often, little by l

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5 minutes ago, Tarina Sewell said:

We let some of his arrogance slide on account of he is from Sweden.

   Arrogant, me?

   No, no. I just think that it's a reasonable expectation for an individual to at least master a language to a degree that communicating with them doesn't become a chore, and that before one begins to cry out in desperation for social exchange, one takes a moment to reflect upon what they themselves have to offer in return, rather than to just tell others what they themselves require. If a person is unwilling to do that, then why should I - or anyone else - waste our time on them?

   No one is entitled to having friends. Friends can only be made through one's own merits and the opportunities that are presented to us; Second Life is such an opportunity, and for one to fail to make friends through it, it certainly appears it must be a lack of merits. 

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On 10/8/2020 at 4:59 PM, Velk Kerang said:

This. This right here is my answer too. That is so creepy scary mate. lol The only thing I'd change is I don't generally assume people aren't worthwhile. I like to try and attempt to think positively and think everyone is worthwhile to some degree. It's more a case of me asking myself if this person is more worth my while in having to deal with them or are they full of poo and going to be a pain in my behind. Are they going to disrupt the balance of the force in my little bubble of zen and peace that I work so hard to maintain? lol I believe this meme I created sums it right on up. lol :D

4hr2ei.jpg.8fed4cacf15acb3a9cc59106eeb28df0.jpg

Totally agree . Just because someone is not worth my while, doesn't mean they're not worthwhile. Sometimes it's about compatibility, and it's got nothing to do with a person's merit or value. Not worth my while but could very much be worth someone else's.

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43 minutes ago, AdminGirl said:

Just because someone is not worth my while, doesn't mean they're not worthwhile.

   Which is exactly what it entails, when an individual expresses such an opinion. I make no pretense to represent mankind as a whole, ever.

49 minutes ago, AdminGirl said:

Sometimes it's about compatibility, and it's got nothing to do with a person's merit or value.

   Those represent essentially the same things in the context of social compatibility. What merits does a person have, how does another person value those merits, and do those evaluations amount to compatibility? That's not a matter of 'sometimes', but is fundamental to how we interact with each other. There are no universal rules for how a person should be to be liked by all their peers; there are some that are generally acceptable by the majority, as dictated by social convention - but social convention itself is by its very nature arbitrary and mercurial; it's merely what's vogue for any given demographic at any given time (and one of many reasons I personally tend to disregard it). It's usually best to just be oneself, and to figure out who that is.

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8 hours ago, AdminGirl said:

Totally agree . Just because someone is not worth my while, doesn't mean they're not worthwhile. Sometimes it's about compatibility, and it's got nothing to do with a person's merit or value. Not worth my while but could very much be worth someone else's.

So true.  I must be the only one who doesn't find it difficult to make friends in SL.  Not that I want a huge friend list but I have a lot of people I see around and talk to on a regular basis.  Most have either approached me with comments about my profile or I've approached them with comments about theirs.  In a room full of people, profiles are what initially attracts me to someone.  Too often I'll see, " IM me to find out about me".  If everyone had that, what's my incentive to IM you over anyone else?  Blank profiles are an automatic no go for me.  

Now on the reverse side, I'm sure there are people who read mine and don't bother which is fine with me, too.  At least having something there gives people a place to start a conversation or avoid one.

 

Edited by RowanMinx
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Well - why do we sometimes use gossip to butcher a harmless person?  I know people like to have fun, but this is perhaps not the best or the friendliest way to do it.  Unfortunately tho, it IS the most popular.   Perhaps someone feels the person did not spend enough money to buy enough of the right thing, or they did not tip enough lindens per song per evening to the right club - and?  When we don't dare trust one another because someone is always better at trolling, then there is not much reason to try, is there?  

I have learned over the past ten years that it is foolish indeed to trust or to reach out, and so for the most part I don't,  People are not worth it.

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The IMs I get from people tend to fall into two categories:

1) A simple "hi, how are you?". Usually, we'll have a friendly conversation for a few minutes before it fizzles out. I like it when the conversation will turn more towards our interests, even if our conversation doesn't last beyond the day, but that doesn't happen that often.

Every now and then, I get friend requests out of the blue without going very far into the conversation - sometimes right after the first hello! I suppose that is quite an efficient way of filling up your friend's list, but not a great way to make real friends. 

2) A solicitation of some type. Either a flirtatious message or something of a more overtly sexual nature, even when we are not in M or A sims and even if my avatar is not wearing anything (that I think) is particularly revealing. Honestly, these kinds of solicitations make me a bit uncomfortable. When I first entered SL, I tried visiting A sims and even partaking in some of the activities myself, but I soon realized that it wasn't really for me. The good thing is that people usually back off once they see your disinterest, but I don't really see these solicitations as a way of building platonic friendships, which is more so what I'm interested in. 

Another barrier to making friendships on SL is that I get the sense that a lot of users are in older generations, middle-aged and above. I enjoy meeting people of different generations and I believe that it is possible to foster meaningful friendships across generations, but honestly, it would also be nice to chat with people who know some of the same cultural touchpoints that I do. 

Edited by simplemint
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I am 14 years in SL.
I used to have many friends here. In the early years of SL it was very easy to make friends. The clubs were crowded and there was a lively chat.
All my old friends left SL. I really tried to make new friends but the only ones I could find are the ones that are mainly here for sex.

Times have changed. I don't go to clubs anymore. I sail and fly, ride my horses and my bikes and explore mainland and new sims. I became a loner and have my friends in RL.

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I find it quite easy to make friends here.  I will get comments from people about something in my profile, or something to do with what sim we're on or anything really.  I will also IM people about something interesting in their profile.  I'm an avid profile reader and can usually find something interesting to talk about.  A sense of humor is good to have as well.  Not everyone responds however but that's ok, I just move along.

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As I've previously stated in this thread, it's all in the approach.  Have a well planned and defined profile, a sense of humour, and a thick skin.

 

When I see somebody who has a detailed profile that looks like we could get on, I'll send a silly message along the lines of "/me runs up, bursts into song "oompapa oompapa that's how it goes, oompapa oompapa everyone knows" and legs it".

By making yourself stand out as an individual, as I do, you can make some pretty amazing new friends - and I'm glad i met those I did  :)

If the initial approach is a bog standard "hi hru asl wyd" etc, no thanks, no originality, well, I'm not about to stand about and play the harmonica with my nose to greet you.

Yes, not the above withstanding, also met a few by doing this who didn't have a sense of humour.

Edited by Adamburp Adamczyk
wording.
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On 12/9/2020 at 8:51 PM, Tarina Sewell said:

NO WAY. I adore seeing Asian avatars!!  I hope like hell people of SL are not that shallow... I agree about the easier to make friends pre mesh body. although, before people rez.. we look quite horrifying!

 I agree with you 100% (except the Asian part) I actually was throwing around with changing my look.. but then people going to be rude and ask me if I am asian and I say no Im a white girl with a big nose and.. they will be like... ***** you need to be more real ffs.... sign..

IDK.  I go to live music places and feel like I am a parasite on the floor no one talks to me, I try speaking in local... ignore... I PM a Hi, I love this music!!  .. and I get like.. I am taken, or Not interested or "grunt" .. or Do you come here often then.................................................... ..

 

People sadly are that shallow. We actually have people that hate elves eventhough they're just as human. In most cases you get caught as anything but human you get crap for it.

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3 hours ago, Simo Vodopan said:

People sadly are that shallow. We actually have people that hate elves eventhough they're just as human. In most cases you get caught as anything but human you get crap for it.

People who dismiss others because of what they look like.. hm. what do we call those kind of people?

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On 7/29/2020 at 6:08 PM, MelodicRain said:

I don't know why it's so hard making friends in SL. Ironically it used to be much simpler back in the prim/sculpty days when everyone looked like a clown, 90% of my friends list came from those days, and almost all my "active" friends are from then as well, but as expected most of those old friends have already quit SL. I try to be very friendly, chatty, funny, and open to all interests as long as I'm not totally grossed out by it (e.g. amputation or something), sometimes going as far as pretending I'm really into something just to get the conversation going even though I'm kinda meh about it (e.g. dancing). I try going to different places, including a few 18+ places. I'm an introvert though I try my best IMing others, usually complimenting their looks even though sometimes I think their look is meh but their profile interests me.

I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. So far 99% of the "conversations" I get are either rude, boring (basically all I get are 1-2 word replies "hi" "ok" "thank u"), creepy (had a couple of people ask my RL address within a few sentences), completely ignored, or just bland dirty talk. I'm pretty sure my appearance is not a factor cause I spend a ridiculous amount of time perfecting it and almost everyone I talk with approve of it. I do have a distinctive Asian look though... I really hope it's not because most people only want to chat with people who look like they're from an English speaking country for a lack of a better word... Either most of the people in the places I go to are just not friend-worthy or I'm not trying hard enough? I literally think it's easier to make friends IRL than here...

Anyway mostly just venting... wondering if anyone else feels the same.

 

Melodic, you should never do things you are not comfortable with just to try and make a friend. I can't tell you I have had a hard time making friends in SL because I have been very fortunate. I have a ton of friends.

 

I don't know if you are interested in fishing, trivia, but if you are, I could show you around the community I am a member of called Linden Gold Hunters. I promise it is a friendly community. You are bound to make friends there.

 

Feel free to IM me!

 

And, I think you just haven't found the right places yet for meeting people. There are a lot of friendly people in SL along with the creepy crowd.

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1 hour ago, CeleneHighwater said:

There are a lot of friendly people in SL along with the creepy crowd.

   And then, there are those of us who are friendly and creepy!

   ... Actually that's supposed to be a secret. Don't tell anyone.

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1 minute ago, manoji Yachvili said:

Because I'm not enough scary and not enough dark to you 😂

I could seem to you like a sort of barbie😎

   Well, to be fair, that goes for all of my friends!

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