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Why is it so difficult making friends here?


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On 7/30/2020 at 8:31 AM, Orwar said:

   I'm just picky when it comes to people at all. I assume the majority of people I come across aren't worthwhile, and just cherry-pick my way through it, judging people by various factors such as how they talk, how they look, what they say, what's in their profile, whether we have any common interests, etc. I'm an introvert, so what little social energy I have I'd rather spend with people who don't make me want to slap some sense into their heads, or send them back to grammar school. If I see someone who appears interesting, I'll give them a nudge and see what happens - if there's nothing interesting about an avatar or the contents of their profile, I'll just move along.

   I don't think I ever really went looking for friends in SL though, I just pursue my own interests and bump into people along the way. I abhor clubbing and 'social hangouts', they reek of desperation and are almost always crawling with degenerate creeps, like maggots in roadkill. 

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This. This right here is my answer too. That is so creepy scary mate. lol The only thing I'd change is I don't generally assume people aren't worthwhile. I like to try and attempt to think positively and think everyone is worthwhile to some degree. It's more a case of me asking myself if this person is more worth my while in having to deal with them or are they full of poo and going to be a pain in my behind. Are they going to disrupt the balance of the force in my little bubble of zen and peace that I work so hard to maintain? lol I believe this meme I created sums it right on up. lol :D

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I don't know why it's so hard making friends in SL. Ironically it used to be much simpler back in the prim/sculpty days when everyone looked like a clown, 90% of my friends list came from those days,

I'm a pretty outgoing, chatty person . . . but I've always found making friends to be hard work. I don't mean that in a negative way, though. I mean that establishing real friendships, ones that

You should not be using your building and testing alt to make friends!  If you succeed, they will always be calling you and pestering you while you are trying to build.

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On 7/29/2020 at 6:08 PM, MelodicRain said:

I don't know why it's so hard making friends in SL.

Anyway mostly just venting... wondering if anyone else feels the same.

Complete understand, I often find the more smaller communities from RP/Furry/MLP/Anime/Family are more open, friendly ones.

But their are exceptions like one RPG in SL that list themselves as one of the top Anime RP sims on the grid! then when you teleport in to read the rules you'll see the No.1 banned reason TO GET KICKED OUT is if they find you wearing an M4 Head or using a Chibi Avatar? WTF!... hypocrisy at its finest.

Try the London Sims for everyday chat and 6pm every night check out the wall DJ scene at the Vampyr Empire

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2 hours ago, Sassy Kenin said:

the No.1 banned reason TO GET KICKED OUT is if they find you wearing an M4 Head or using a Chibi Avatar? WTF!... hypocrisy at its finest.

Whats wrong with an M4 head? For me (a person who knows nothing about) it looks like it fits the anime theme pretty well.

Edited by Resi Pfeffer
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1 hour ago, Resi Pfeffer said:

Whats wrong with an M4 head? For me (a person who knows nothing about) it looks like it fits the anime theme pretty well.

I'm not totally up to speed on SL lore, but I think somewhere along the line a group of people decided that everything made by Utilizator looked too young. I went to one adult area just after starting out (fortunately in a default AV and not my new-ish Kemono alt) and I swear there was a sign ranting about banning Kemonos every ten feet. 

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I also feel this way about sl currently. When I had first joined it was so easy to meet people and make friends. In fact most of my friends were made at a strip club/anime hangout of all places! Now it feels like there's no more places like that where you can just hangout and talk, or at least I'm struggling to find places like that. The only other way I've found friends is when I joined a family, but those can be finicky and often have a lot of drama (in my experience). That's pretty much the only tip I can give you, is try and go for a family. If you find the right one they can be pretty chill.

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1 hour ago, candyhologram said:

I also feel this way about sl currently. When I had first joined it was so easy to meet people and make friends. In fact most of my friends were made at a strip club/anime hangout of all places! Now it feels like there's no more places like that where you can just hangout and talk, or at least I'm struggling to find places like that. The only other way I've found friends is when I joined a family, but those can be finicky and often have a lot of drama (in my experience). That's pretty much the only tip I can give you, is try and go for a family. If you find the right one they can be pretty chill.

Is there anymore anime hangout ? because I think they had become extincted compare to the moment I first join SL

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3 hours ago, Peotyre said:

Is there anymore anime hangout ? because I think they had become extincted compare to the moment I first join SL

There are still some left around. I think the biggest one, and it's the primary one I visit, is Crosswinds which is an anime fantasy rp place. I'm not really an anime avi in sl but I do enjoy rping there and the community there is great and friendly. There's also Anico which seems to be the most popular hangout. Hope that maybe helps some.

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On 7/29/2020 at 7:08 PM, MelodicRain said:

I don't know why it's so hard making friends in SL. Ironically it used to be much simpler back in the prim/sculpty days when everyone looked like a clown, 90% of my friends list came from those days, and almost all my "active" friends are from then as well, but as expected most of those old friends have already quit SL. I try to be very friendly, chatty, funny, and open to all interests as long as I'm not totally grossed out by it (e.g. amputation or something), sometimes going as far as pretending I'm really into something just to get the conversation going even though I'm kinda meh about it (e.g. dancing). I try going to different places, including a few 18+ places. I'm an introvert though I try my best IMing others, usually complimenting their looks even though sometimes I think their look is meh but their profile interests me.

I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. So far 99% of the "conversations" I get are either rude, boring (basically all I get are 1-2 word replies "hi" "ok" "thank u"), creepy (had a couple of people ask my RL address within a few sentences), completely ignored, or just bland dirty talk. I'm pretty sure my appearance is not a factor cause I spend a ridiculous amount of time perfecting it and almost everyone I talk with approve of it. I do have a distinctive Asian look though... I really hope it's not because most people only want to chat with people who look like they're from an English speaking country for a lack of a better word... Either most of the people in the places I go to are just not friend-worthy or I'm not trying hard enough? I literally think it's easier to make friends IRL than here...

Anyway mostly just venting... wondering if anyone else feels the same.

I do

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Well, one way of not doing it is pretending to be something you're not like that dancing thing there. At times, some people can sense it and it's a turn off for them. I be as real as possible and just go with it.

But other than that I do agree that yeah at times it can get difficult making friends on here regardless of what you try and hell, even having the common-interests and all of that isn't a guarantee you'll make a friend out of em'.

I've accepted that over time friends will come by. There's no rush and when someone rushes into it that's an even bigger problem.

 

Edited by Simo Vodopan
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11 minutes ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

Yeah, what is an M4 head and what's wrong with it?

An M4 head is an anime head.  Many places won't allow anime avatars since they aren't exactly human looking if it's a human only RP sim.  Some also ban them from adult areas as they can look more child like than the owner might be comfortable with.

Edited by RowanMinx
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On 7/29/2020 at 4:08 PM, MelodicRain said:

Ironically it used to be much simpler back in the prim/sculpty days when everyone looked like a clown, 90% of my friends list came from those days

I don't think we looked like "a clown" at all.  

One of my first avatars oh way long time ago was based upon Stevie Nicks.  I had this amazing hair from Damselfly for the hair and prim parts for the skirts made possible the great gothic kind of midi length skirts or dresses.  I had a spectacular wardrobe but it took work finding it.  Almost all I hung out with looked incredible too!  We had far more proportioned bodies than some of the avi's of today that look like a balloon or a cartoon with a super tiny head and big giant legs for example which is the most popular look it seems in SL now.   So, I think more "clown-ish" today, not yesterday.  

As far as friends, way back in my beginning SL, it was time zones.  Finding someone of my or their time zone was not easy but I read what Scylla said about putting the effort in...it takes effort and time zone and group, group, group.  I used to stay with groups that is how I had friends and that is how I have friends now - we are in the same groups.  

So, in my opinion...it's one word to start and keep friends...group.  

Edited by FairreLilette
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3 hours ago, RowanMinx said:

An M4 head is an anime head.  Many places won't allow anime avatars since they aren't exactly human looking if it's a human only RP sim.  Some also ban them from adult areas as they can look more child like than the owner might be comfortable with.

The logic never made sense to me.

All it is is a heavily stylized human; it's like a Team Fortress character. It's all human at the end of the day and speaking of; those rules in general are just a toxic mind-set to have considering Second Life itself has no imposed rule or whatever on what can and can not exist in the world.

Infact, Linden Lab has established there are indeed alien pig people in SL's lore so this notion that only humans exist in these peoples' minds is as flawed as ever and in general it's a logical fallacy altogether since if a human can exist as a sentient species then another sentient species can exist, if not the human wouldn't exist either as logic dictates anyways.

If people actually think there's only one bit of intelligent life in galaxy like that then they're mistaken. We're on a rock floating in space as much as any other planet so from one point of view we're aliens ourselves... and that's not even counting the possibility of a biologically engineered race like by the government. So many variables on this subject.

... Though I'm kinda getting abit off-track here with that but you get what I'm saying.

Edited by Simo Vodopan
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4 hours ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Its an animee style head, used by animee looking avatars which are often assumed to be underage or young teens by a lot of people... aka judgmental jerks.

I read a post by one resident who said she's an elf in SL but takes off her ears to please the rules of those who want human only.  Takes off her ears?   Geez, in real life we can put on ears for a real life Medieval festival for example or we could put on ears every day in real life - it is not a crime in real life to wear ears.   

We need more clubs for "freaks" because I am sick of being a human.  I've been human only twice in SL and I need more creativity beyond just human now.   When SL first started there were all kinds of fanciful avi's with the humans at the clubs.  It was kind of like the bar scene in Star Wars - all kinds of avi's were welcome everywhere even the strip clubs.  

Freaks is a good idea for a club but I don't have over $300 dollars a month for such a thing.  A club is a lot of money.   And, by Freaks, I mean just being whatever you want - a dragon, a Dinkie, an Anime and so on, and no one shames anyone for how they want to experience and explore SL.  

 

Edited by FairreLilette
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On 10/20/2020 at 8:56 AM, Robberinthemuseum said:

Yeah, what is an M4 head and what's wrong with it?

It's a very popular Anime Head the 4 is latest version that proceeded that was upgraded when Linden Lab released new features for creators to use.

On 10/8/2020 at 11:58 AM, Resi Pfeffer said:

Whats wrong with an M4 head? For me (a person who knows nothing about) it looks like it fits the anime theme pretty well.

It does, but I think Scorpiiar hit the nail on the head as a likely reason.

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On 10/20/2020 at 7:31 PM, FairreLilette said:

I read a post by one resident who said she's an elf in SL but takes off her ears to please the rules of those who want human only.  Takes off her ears?  

I have had elf ears in SL since 2008, and I have never taken them off (or been asked to take them off) anywhere, even places that state "human only". Admittedly they are a little more subtle than some, and sometimes they're hidden by my hair, but not always. 

I'm sure that unless they are huge and/or waggling about, no-one will even notice.

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On 7/30/2020 at 11:08 AM, MelodicRain said:

I don't know why it's so hard making friends in SL. Ironically it used to be much simpler back in the prim/sculpty days when everyone looked like a clown, 90% of my friends list came from those days, and almost all my "active" friends are from then as well, but as expected most of those old friends have already quit SL. I try to be very friendly, chatty, funny, and open to all interests as long as I'm not totally grossed out by it (e.g. amputation or something), sometimes going as far as pretending I'm really into something just to get the conversation going even though I'm kinda meh about it (e.g. dancing). I try going to different places, including a few 18+ places. I'm an introvert though I try my best IMing others, usually complimenting their looks even though sometimes I think their look is meh but their profile interests me.

I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. So far 99% of the "conversations" I get are either rude, boring (basically all I get are 1-2 word replies "hi" "ok" "thank u"), creepy (had a couple of people ask my RL address within a few sentences), completely ignored, or just bland dirty talk. I'm pretty sure my appearance is not a factor cause I spend a ridiculous amount of time perfecting it and almost everyone I talk with approve of it. I do have a distinctive Asian look though... I really hope it's not because most people only want to chat with people who look like they're from an English speaking country for a lack of a better word... Either most of the people in the places I go to are just not friend-worthy or I'm not trying hard enough? I literally think it's easier to make friends IRL than here...

Anyway mostly just venting... wondering if anyone else feels the same.

I feel the same way.

In reality, I have had far more success making friends and connecting with others socially in real life than in the virtual.
Have hung around the busy areas (e.g London city) and attempted to partake in conversation there, but could never really 'connect' with anyone in either of those places even after having an account for over a year.

The only reason why I still have the viewer installed is I forgot to cancel my annual premium subscription.

It's possible my avatar could be an issue... It is not one of those creative one and is based directly off of my real life me.

 

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Why is it so difficult making friends here?

That is a good question. And I have different hypotheses.

After a long period of break I start playing again. My friendlist was not so long maybe 20 contact and when I started all was gone inactive.

So I try to makes friends. And it is not easy. This is a fact. Maybe I choose the wrong gender. The wrong avatar or I don't know what is wrong. But each time when I try to talk I am feeling that I disturbe or worst I offence.  I try different approach. the most classical and boring like Hi how are you ... To the most creative, funny or joking.  It is simple like people here have all a full friend list and don't want more.  the best case they listen politely and reply by a only word. OK yes thank you.

If I wait I receive never a Hi or just a word. So I have to start talking. And if you read profile. Starting talking are now conditional. You need a nice avatar (I noticed that when I had my old avatar it was harder), you don't have to start by Hi and other words. (I always learn that it is polite to start by hi maybe it is not now I am confused) and other condition been in character or pay.

I think SL has changed. Most people here know how to do it and know the culture and the code. What to say how to do things etc. and there is no tolerance for people who do not know or who try a new way.

All is about business. I remember the last time I had a conversation. It was nice but finaly the question was : Are you interested in buying a land. When I said no. STOP !!!!

Normal friendship without interest like in normal word does not exist anymore.

 

why is it so difficult ? People are full of friends. they are here for business and not for friends.  If you have ideas to complete ...

 

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16 hours ago, Gabriel Isodo said:

This is a fact.

   It being your experience, does not make it a 'fact'. 

16 hours ago, Gabriel Isodo said:

But each time when I try to talk I am feeling that I disturbe or worst I offence.

   People aren't necessarily available only because they are present. Some people want to explore the grid on their own, others park themselves somewhere to listen to a music stream whilst being tabbed out to work or create. 

16 hours ago, Gabriel Isodo said:

Normal friendship without interest like in normal word does not exist anymore.

   It does. About a tenth of the people on my contact list are people I work or have worked with professionally, the rest are family, friends, and acquaintances - and my contact list is highly dynamic; I add a few and get rid of a few on a monthly basis, people I meet through the forums or doing things in-world. Not all are worthwhile keeping, others stick around for years and will probably remain on that list long after I've put SL behind me.

16 hours ago, Gabriel Isodo said:

why is it so difficult ? People are full of friends. they are here for business and not for friends.  If you have ideas to complete ...

   Friendship isn't a competition. If you're competing for attention, you will disturb and offend people. Find things that you enjoy doing in SL, whether it's sailing or driving, or playing board games, or role playing - just do that, and do it for your own sake, invite people to join you without feeling offended if they decline. Heck, just take a seat at a Greedy table in a decently trafficked gaming sim, and you'll probably have made contact with several people that will be potential friends in no time.

   Being desperate, needy, and clingy, basing your concept of friendship on your requirement for social stimuli, is nothing but social leeching - that will turn people away.

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