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Why is it so difficult making friends here?


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I don't know why it's so hard making friends in SL. Ironically it used to be much simpler back in the prim/sculpty days when everyone looked like a clown, 90% of my friends list came from those days,

I'm a pretty outgoing, chatty person . . . but I've always found making friends to be hard work. I don't mean that in a negative way, though. I mean that establishing real friendships, ones that

I don’t ‘make’ friends, I let it happen naturally. I don’t deviate an inch from what I’d otherwise do: go to populated areas, see what they do, join if & when I want. If I visit often, little by l

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I'm outgoing and tend to experience the feast or famine with friends. Either I have too many and they're reaching out to me mostly at the same time, or not one IM. 

I've been wanting to have impromptu talk shows on sl. We'll sit around and discuss appointed topics. I also am in the works of creating a fun show for singles. 

These are simply for fun and a way for people to connect. 

I've found that I have to create my own fun in sl. When people see me having fun, they IM me. 

Not everyone will like being approached if we reach out to them. We may have to weed through 15 people to find one decent conversationalist. 

Also, sometimes taking a short break from sl can refresh us and we'll feel less jaded. 

 

 

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On 9/4/2020 at 12:43 PM, MelodicRain said:

Well tell me why 90% of my interactions end up like this...

On 9/4/2020 at 12:43 PM, MelodicRain said:

Me: Waves and smiles! I read your profile and it seems we like and dislike a lot of things, such as xx, xx and xx so I thought I'd drop you an IM! It's rare to find someone who also enjoys xx, I heard there's a [insert some random topic about xx].
Some person: uh huh

I'm not making this crap up. This is legit what I get 90% of the time.

I get those from time to time.

Often when I do I open their profile and find something rather different, or not much there at all.

Sometimes I respond, start a conversation, and never hear from them again.

Sometimes I'm just busy. It sucks, but it happens...

Very often it feels like a dude fishing for a hookup.

Somewhat different for me than many here is I have particular interests and presentation in SL - being a non-white nude neko avatar - and it can be 'awkward' to hang out with some people who's "kink" or lack thereof is radically incompatible. The feeling of being judged or being there to be their visual entertainment.

 

But:

What I actually get a lot of is people that IM me and tell me all the things they think about me or my profile - but nothing about them so I just... don't know what to respond back with. As in...  past your "Waves and smiles! I read your profile and..." what I get is an essay about me - and not the common interests statement that I wish I could get...

The only thing that I get more than this is:

"XYZ Resident wants to be your friend... here is a complete lack of any message beyond that... yes / no"

 

Edited by Pussycat Catnap
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On 9/11/2020 at 5:23 PM, SatanTM said:

I will say shyness stops me, lol.

I see so many interesting avatars but anxiety tells me not to write them.

Don't worry!!!  people will reply if you IM them!!! Not everyone of course, but It does work!!!

Edited by Bagnu
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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel the same! It's so difficult to find people that aren't like you described. They're either rude, ignoring you or creepy. I'm an introvert myself so I'm having trouble to actually go to people and talk to them directly. Btw, if you want to hang out you can send me a IM/friend request.

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On 9/11/2020 at 5:23 PM, SatanTM said:

I will say shyness stops me, lol.

I see so many interesting avatars but anxiety tells me not to write them.

I get it, I am very shy as well and have trouble approaching people and speaking up and expressing what i think. But I am able to do that in SL because in SL I can hide behind my avatar. I don't have to worry about what they will think of my appearance. I am not to fat or have something in my teeth, or messy hair, or wrinkles in my blouse or any of a hundred different things I worry about. Also in SL I know I can escape, if things go badly in RL I am stuck there in an awkward situation, but in SL I can TP out and if need be block the person I embarrassed myself with, and they will just think bad things about my avatar and not the real me. I am not saying it is easy, but these things at least help me, and then as i get out there in SL and put myself out there it builds confidence and lets me do more of it. I just wish that confidence would spill over into RL.

Also there are a lot of people out there who are just like you, wanting to talk to someone but afraid to make the first move. When you do then they will open up to you. If they don't like I said before you can always TP out and block.

Edited by Talligurl
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3 hours ago, KittyLizz101 said:

ignoring you

Never take that personal, there are people who log onto SL just for the music, then do other things in RL. They seem to be ignoring you but they actually never see the IM. I have had several people tell me they didn't respond to an IM when I sent it because of this. Others you just catch while they are away from the computer for some reason. 

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On 7/30/2020 at 8:05 PM, MelodicRain said:

Sounds like me, especially the last part cause I'm a complete shopoholic and spend way too much time dressing up. Never thought it's hard to not be a loner in a social sim...

I used to be picky because my standards are rather high (both for myself and others). I have very specific taste in things especially music/movies and of course fashion. I used to be the type who don't really continue a conversation if I dislike their look, or dislike something in their profile. However obviously that didn't work out  (otherwise there wouldn't be a rant here) so I tried "lowering my standards" to be more open to more types of people, but that didn't work out either. I wish I was lucky like you to simply pursue my interests and bump into friendly people... but SL doesn't really have many places like that, it kind of revolves around either shopping, or clubs.

If I raise my standards then I'll find even less people, because what I'm doing right now is relaxing my filters and being more open to different types of people, even ones I'm not particularly fond of. "Letting friendship find you" is easier said than done, cause SL revolves around shopping, dancing, and sex clubs pretty much. I would love to find populated hangouts catered to my 900 other interests, but pretty much every other sim is dead.

 

Also, as mentioned above this is an alt. I've been on SL for a very long time, so I'm not trying to make like 50 friends within a month or something. Tbh I'd be happy just to have like ~10 active friends... which sounds sad yes, cause I only have like 3-4 active friends atm who are all in other timezones. =.=

You are lucky, I have two active friends. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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4 hours ago, KittyLizz101 said:

I feel the same! It's so difficult to find people that aren't like you described. They're either rude, ignoring you or creepy. I'm an introvert myself so I'm having trouble to actually go to people and talk to them directly. Btw, if you want to hang out you can send me a IM/friend request.

tis all in the methods used.

 

for me, when I'm out traveling and i see someone who's profile looks as though they've made an effort, I'll slow down and just try a silly approach like "hi there, do you have the timetable for the no 37 bus to runcorn please?"

 

Met some good people this way, others have just stood there scratching their heads.

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3 hours ago, Talligurl said:

I get it, I am very shy as well and have trouble approaching people and speaking up and expressing what i think. But I am able to do that in SL because in SL I can hide behind my avatar. I don't have to worry about what they will think of my appearance. I am not to fat or have something in my teeth, or messy hair, or wrinkles in my blouse or any of a hundred different things I worry about. Also in SL I know I can escape, if things go badly in RL I am stuck there in an awkward situation, but in SL I can TP out and if need be block the person I embarrassed myself with, and they will just think bad things about my avatar and not the real me. I am not saying it is easy, but these things at least help me, and then as i get out there in SL and put myself out there it builds confidence and lets me do more of it. I just wish that confidence would spill over into RL.

Also there are a lot of people out there who are just like you, wanting to talk to someone but afraid to make the first move. When you do then they will open up to you. If they don't like I said before you can always TP out and block.

We aren't "hiding" behind our avatars. They are what what we truly are and aspire to be. I send IM's all the time. And I get replies. Not always, but 90% of the time. And Talli is the most important person to me in SL. She has no need to lack confidence

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9 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

We aren't "hiding" behind our avatars. They are what what we truly are and aspire to be.

Pearl, please start speaking for yourself only instead of speaking for others.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I don't have many friends on SL. But I like it when both are visually attractive and when people are not so shy about their RL. I still can't make friend with a person too older than me in RL no matter what they look in SL.

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5 hours ago, Peotyre said:

I still can't make friend with a person too older than me in RL

How do you know anyones RL age? Unless you ask and they tell you the truth (which you can never be sure of), you have no clue about how old anyone around you is.

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5 hours ago, Peotyre said:

I still can't make friend with a person too older than me in RL no matter what they look in SL.

Why would age be any kind of constraint in SL ?   Unless you're quickly looking to have something quickly cross over into RL, which could be a huge no-no for a lot of people & not, in my opinion, a good way to go about having an enriching SL experience.

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On 7/30/2020 at 1:08 AM, MelodicRain said:

Ironically it used to be much simpler back in the prim/sculpty days when everyone looked like a clown

I don't think I can recall ever looking like a clown, excepted when I was part of the "prim' honkin' troupe" obviously.

Those were the days.

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1 hour ago, Horus Salubrius said:

Why would age be any kind of constraint in SL ?   Unless you're quickly looking to have something quickly cross over into RL, which could be a huge no-no for a lot of people & not, in my opinion, a good way to go about having an enriching SL experience.

It really depends on each persons likes, personality, gender but also what kind of "friendship" and activities someone wants to have, regardless if SL or RL.

Personally I have male friends in RL from all ages and fact is i just had my morning coffee with a neighbor in RL who is in his 70's and i am in my 40's. There is clearly a huge age gap and although we can still have some topics to talk about it does get boring after a while due to living in different lifetime periods. In a similar way with a friend who is in his 20's we both don't blend well due to the age gap. But it's ok we all consider each other as "friends" , just not spending much time together. Same thing applies to my SL friends.

(Not going to talk about romance, dating and sex stuff since regardless if SL or RL i always had a rule of dating women who were in the plus/minus 10 years from my age category so i am not the right person to discuss any advantages/disadvantages of people in their 30's-40's dating people in their 60's-70's, virtually or not.)

Edited by Nick0678
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