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1 minute ago, Syo Emerald said:

I never said everyone is using SL for the same thing. I don't believe that. But what I do think is, that its odd that you are here at all, considering how important it is to you to constantly make statements how much you care for as much RL as possible and how uninteresting and unimportant anything not strictly tied to RL is for you. After a few repetitions, it does make me wonder why you aren't logging off and switch to something more tailored towards RL, if everything virtual is basically a burden tied to the "interesting" stuff.

I felt the need to say something this time, even if you slipped around the confrontional elements.

I've wondered about his reason for being here also.  I'd love to know the percentage of people who log in regularly who are actually looking for a RL encounter/friend/soulmate.  I'd say it must be pretty low since in all my years, I've maybe run into a handful of people like this regardless of where I might be.  Wouldn't a dating app at least find you someone in your approximate area of the world?  It seems like a long shot to find anyone near you or even willing to travel to meet in person.  

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Anyone who "demands" to know/see real life information before they are willing to get to know you and build trust is not worth the effort of dealing with. Nobody has the right to know anything about m

I routinely reveal information about my real life. For example, I think most forum regulars are aware I had a mother and a father. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Creepers being creepy is sadly nothing new. When I first joined about three years ago on my main I was admittedly young and naive about internet safety. I became very close to a guy who took on the ro

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1 minute ago, Syo Emerald said:

I felt the need to say something this time, even if you slipped around the confrontional elements.

Feel free to say anything i don't see any confrontation, you play SL the way you like, i play SL the way i like and we gather here in the SL Forums to describe how we play Second Life and what are our experiences. Theres is no "right" way.

Well i am an extrovert person by nature so i want to know who i talk to which means RL photos and Skype conversation is the only way that works for me when it comes to choosing friends and who i will spend my SL time with playing with our avatars or whatever. That's the way it is and i don't feel the urge to be curious about the rest.
Keeping it plain and simple.
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1 hour ago, RowanMinx said:

... I'd love to know the percentage of people who log in regularly who are actually looking for a RL encounter/friend/soulmate.  ...

I don't know what the percentage is when it comes to finding "soulmates" from all around the world and such stuff  because i never really was interested in that so only dated women that we liked each other from my country but now that you say it i see that there are people who did end up together.

Second Life made some nice videos and it's good to see that people can get connected like that. I ll post one and you can find some more videos there.

 

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1 hour ago, Nick0678 said:

I don't know what the percentage is when it comes to finding "soulmates" from all around the world and such stuff  because i never really was interested in that so only dated women that we liked each other from my country but now that you say it i see that there are people who did end up together.

Second Life made some nice videos and it's good to see that people can get connected like that. I ll post one and you can find some more videos there.

 

Oh, I know it happens and that's awesome.  I just think overall, it's a very small percentage who are even looking for that kind of relationship.  Most people I've met appreciate the 'get away from RL' aspect of SL.  As I said, this has just been my experience over the years.  

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3 hours ago, RowanMinx said:

Oh, I know it happens and that's awesome.  I just think overall, it's a very small percentage who are even looking for that kind of relationship.  Most people I've met appreciate the 'get away from RL' aspect of SL.  As I said, this has just been my experience over the years.  

 
Sorry for the late reply Minx i was watching BigBrother and relaxing with my girlfriend so wasn't looking SL forums. I understand very well what you are saying.
Maybe it is a small percentage but percentages don't matter in such things and don't create rules and it is very nice to see the comments in those videos and realize that a plethora of people have found their life partners while socializing in SL and created some nice families. How you met someone (SL, Facebook, RL etc) doesn't matter, mutual attraction does.
When it comes to my experience i do know a couple from my country that is married since 2009 and met in SL.(The man was RL friend of an SL&RL ex)
Same way that i know a lot of people who met, lived together and then broke up which is a usual thing to happen in relationships. (an example is a very popular female SL Singer and another one is a well known Mesh creator.)
 
About those who use it as a "get away from RL" i am sure they enjoy their SL socializing mostly with those who are doing the same thing.
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9 hours ago, Nick0678 said:

Feel free to say anything i don't see any confrontation, you play SL the way you like, i play SL the way i like and we gather here in the SL Forums to describe how we play Second Life and what are our experiences. Theres is no "right" way.

Well i am an extrovert person by nature so i want to know who i talk to which means RL photos and Skype conversation is the only way that works for me when it comes to choosing friends and who i will spend my SL time with playing with our avatars or whatever. That's the way it is and i don't feel the urge to be curious about the rest.
Keeping it plain and simple.

I think I get where you're saying. You do like playing SL stuff (avis, photography, exploring, etc) but you only like sharing this experience with people who are open about their RL? That's fair, each to their own.

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He still assumes its a question of bravery to put up a RL pictures and that anyone who avoids voice and a picture is activily hiding something (with malicious intent). Also its inaccurate to "weaponize" the couples that formed in SL as a positive argument for this. Such couples form in WoW, too. Yet nobody there puts their fellow players into a mandatory FBI background check + voice verification + video and picture verification before simply befriending and interacting with them.

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7 hours ago, AdminGirl said:

I think I get where you're saying. You do like playing SL stuff (avis, photography, exploring, etc) but you only like sharing this experience with people who are open about their RL? That's fair, each to their own.

Of course you do get it and yes i do all of those that you have said plus LSL, land sales and Skill Gaming .That is how it always was for me when it comes to socializing with people over the internet regardless if SL or whatever, already talked about that many times in other thread and its nothing new.

For example i always like the way you express your ideas and that makes you one of my favorite users from the SL forums, but that doesn't mean we can consider each other as friends, i don't know you and you don't know me and we both socialize differently.

It is a rather simple logic, just think of the policy in regards to Skill Gaming areas.
Anyone who doesn't have RL validation information can't enter and Skill gaming area owners of course don't care about them or why they are in SL, likewise if someone isn't willing to reveal themselves to me we simply can't build any friendship so don't care nor have any curiosity about them who they are or if they are Alts, Bots or the Queen of England herself.

Keeping it simple. See you later AdminG it's Saturday morning here and need to do shopping in RL.

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Why should I even want to consider each and everyone as a friend? 🤨
They quite likely aren't, acquaintances at best.

Yet, the overall tone of those posts suggests to me "we might socialize differently, but since you aren't doing what I do, you are much less worthy to be treated respectfully, you are borderline dull and asinine, you must be hiding something, your way of using SL is frowned upon".

And the most recent "don't you dare to put something in your RL Info which I don't approve, rather leave it empty" comment is a new high in that line.

 

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The thing is, 0678, I do share RL info.  As a prerequisite for friendship?  No way.  That's actually not even a good idea and something I've made very clear to my son when he's online gaming. So if I run into people who for some reason need validation, I politely decline and close their IM.    And yes, I caught the subtle undertone in your first sentence.  

 

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SL is SL, RL is RL for me this is like "Take it or Leave it"

In SL, I don't tend to talk about my RL, however, if I do is just limited and not too personal. I don't mind showing my photo which is also limited. I always post my RL photo in my profile since I really don't mind or care. It is what it is.

But if I like someone (which is rarely) or if someone likes me, then let's keep exactly where we started, in SL. I will not cross the wall from SL to RL. (unless if that's what both of us are looking for then is a different story)

Yes, we can talk about RL things, why not? We say our RL name (not last name) or RL nick me. Those things I really don't care.

But when you having a conversation with someone and that person ask you for a RL photo and then you say "not" but the person insist like saying "why not, I don't care if you're ugly, are you a girl or boy" etc., those crap manipulative phrases that people use to pressure you so you can send them a photo, those are the ones that I push them to the curve.

 

No one will make me feel as if I have the obligation to proof to them how or what I look like or if im telling the truth or not.

Remember... Believing, is just an option, not mandatory. So if the person wants to believe you then good, if not... then good. At the end, it don't matter whether you're lying or not, they still have the same option. To believe or not to believe. 

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On 7/18/2020 at 9:42 AM, kelly754754 said:

What have your experience been? I met so many men who "demanded" I showed my whole face or there will be no relationship/friendship.

Also people that are curious about your real life information but avoid to share theirs.

I am more into less history more mystery.  I dont need to see a face from RL for a friendship/relationship.  That includes..let us say body parts too

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I am happy to share RL info in SL but only with people I know well and trust implicitly. Some things of course I am happy to share with anyone; I'll tell people the city I live in , what the weather is like currently, what I had for dinner. But RL photos, and personal data of the sort that can be used for identity theft, nope.  

And when I'm on my girl alt, they get nothing at all until I know them well. Starting a conversation with questions about my RL identity proves two things; they are only interested in sex, and they are scared of accidentally hooking up with a guy. That's helpful for me to weed out the people I wouldn't want to talk to anyway.

Indra has this image in her "First Life" profile page:

1083954432_notrespass.png.9c3e09aa041926f731658f4efe19a167.png

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Used to hop on voice or cam anytime someone asked. Even if we had just met. Umm. Realized that wasn't the smartest idea after multiple gross encounters. Decided it was best to only do that for friends.

Used to tell people details about my rl and invited them into it for years. Until I met two sl people diagnosed with cluster b issues at the same time. Allowing them access irl... Oh how naive I was. Realized that was a huge mistake and regret it to this day.

Maybe it can happen again in the future, but for now I'm too anxious from the last experience to make sl friends again. Much less let them in my rl.

Edited by Pomeline Pancake
finishing thought
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Ugh. This topic is still on the mind.

Maybe there's someone out there that struggles with understanding this stuff too?

The old system.

Beginner experience: shared everything with no regard for personal safety

Intermediate experience: eventually learned to save the above for friends alone

Advanced experience: 
A. Just sl. Entirety of a friendship exists within the confines of the virtual world. Maybe (maybe not) sharing of rl (possibly voice and pics in world), but no contact on the outside.

B. Mixed lives. RL first names, socials, photos, voice and video chat. Even with the door opened to rl this remains online only.

C. RL. A fully integrated crossover. All the above plus full name, phone number, home address, and visits in person. The real deal. Genuine friendship.

Despite categorizing trust levels with more experience, I've still been harmed by people in level b. It's difficult to accurately judge sometimes. Probably lack intuition or something. Idk. Has to be a more logical method of approaching this type of decision.

Either way be smarter and wiser than me folks.

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I feel like if you're around someone long enough you'll naturally share information about your real self. Usually, it's mundane things like what you do for a living, what you had for breakfast, what you watched on TV last night etc, etc. At least, that's what I do, you know keep it light. I remember one time, I told my sister I was putting on my favorite pair of jeans (doing the little shimmy to put them on) and they ripped and we laughed then ended up looking at clothes online for a half hour. I don't see how you can be in SL and not talk about RL stuff and yourself.

On the other hand, I think some people have a tendency to share too much, too fast which is bad. People tend to start off with where are you from and what country are you in. That's pretty standard and shouldn't freak you out. It starts getting freaky when people start sharing the more unusual things. Not only is it sometimes too much information, but sometimes its a little dubious too. I've had people start sharing and then they kept going. I'm talking things like "I'm homeless, I got evicted " or "I had part of my uterus removed last month" and I mean within 20 minutes of meeting them. That's not even counting the "other" stuff. I know what you're thinking, but the other stuff can sometimes be something like a real life picture, followed up by, "Do you look like your avatar? I do...see." Then its a 15 year old scan of a picture. "Do you have pictures too?"

There's lots of reasons for oversharing: Somebody could be in a bad place and they just need someone to talk to, even if its virtually. Sometimes it's for attention; there is some serious attention seeking behavior in SL. Sometimes it is sexual. Sometimes people don't have the same boundaries you're used to and its cultural.

I would be leery about sharing too much too fast, but I understand why people do it....I think.

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On 9/17/2020 at 4:17 AM, Pomeline Pancake said:

Ugh. This topic is still on the mind.

Maybe there's someone out there that struggles with understanding this stuff too?

The old system.

Beginner experience: shared everything with no regard for personal safety

Intermediate experience: eventually learned to save the above for friends alone

Advanced experience: 
A. Just sl. Entirety of a friendship exists within the confines of the virtual world. Maybe (maybe not) sharing of rl (possibly voice and pics in world), but no contact on the outside.

B. Mixed lives. RL first names, socials, photos, voice and video chat. Even with the door opened to rl this remains online only.

C. RL. A fully integrated crossover. All the above plus full name, phone number, home address, and visits in person. The real deal. Genuine friendship.

Despite categorizing trust levels with more experience, I've still been harmed by people in level b. It's difficult to accurately judge sometimes. Probably lack intuition or something. Idk. Has to be a more logical method of approaching this type of decision.

Either way be smarter and wiser than me folks.

yes i often find my encounters with the opposite sex very creepy/imposing on SL. sometimes i'm not even comfortable listening to how they talk much less seeing their faces and other things. 

 

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We ARE our AV's here. I love my SL friends and family, but it would destroy the "illusion" of who we are if we mixed too much RL and SL. For me anyways. And it can be potentially RL dangerous.

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I've had many in the past that I've just met demand that I let them hear my voice, show them my photo, give them my location and the list goes on. That usually gets them a flat out no in response because the entitled attitude of some assuming they have a right to demand such things from anyone to appease a personal insecurity really annoys me. The thing I always found interesting are those that are so insecure they won't even speak to someone unless they hear a voice behind the avi first. That is just silly. At least in my opinion.

I won't use voice besides when I speak with my hubby or I'm singing. I'm deaf so to use voice is difficult and I'm not willing to go to that much effort unless the person I'm conversing with is part of my family or close friend. I come to SL to enjoy the fact we all get to express ourselves through the written word for the most part. It is very freeing instead of always having to struggle through a conversation like I do in my rl. Why would I want to bring that stress to SL too?

The only people who have seen my photos, heard my voice and have personal information about me are my family members in SL. I don't keep my rl separate from SL, but I do believe that if someone is meant to know about things pertaining to my rl that it will occur naturally and with time.

I don't expect others to share anything they don't wish with me and all I ask is the same respect.

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On 9/15/2020 at 7:51 PM, Pomeline Pancake said:

Used to hop on voice or cam anytime someone asked. Even if we had just met. Umm. Realized that wasn't the smartest idea after multiple gross encounters. Decided it was best to only do that for friends.

Used to tell people details about my rl and invited them into it for years. Until I met two sl people diagnosed with cluster b issues at the same time. Allowing them access irl... Oh how naive I was. Realized that was a huge mistake and regret it to this day.

Maybe it can happen again in the future, but for now I'm too anxious from the last experience to make sl friends again. Much less let them in my rl.

And now you met a third xd

Doesn't make us bad people, some of the most caring people i've known have had the most difficult issues

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20 hours ago, Lia Starlight said:

And now you met a third xd

Doesn't make us bad people, some of the most caring people i've known have had the most difficult issues

You're right.

I shouldn't have generalized an entire group. People that try to understand themselves, their patterns, and do the least amount of harm are brave. It cannot be easy to live with a cluster b disorder. I feel for you.

However the individuals I met were very unhealthy. They had no desire to change. Because of blind spots due to autism, I learned difficult lessons about internet and emotional safety. I'm not capable of managing such relationships, and that's okay.

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On 7/18/2020 at 8:42 AM, kelly754754 said:

What have your experience been? I met so many men who "demanded" I showed my whole face or there will be no relationship/friendship.

I make them an offer! 😏..they get some small details about me with maybe a picture or voice AFTER they send me a picture of there manhood🦴 next to a strait edge ruler(anything under 8 is a fail!) & full bank statements💰(anything under a million is a fail!)

After these detailed discussions strangely I never hear back from them😜

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