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Some people are creepy.

Especially those hard core stalkers, who want to meet that "sl porn lady" (me) in real. Probably hoping to get laid.

I do not give anybody, whatever RL information other than where I am from and how old I am. The only other non-inworld-information is an email address created for my character  totally anonymous.

My domains names are registered with privacy option on (GDPR-mask). 

However.

One creep went through a lot of efforts, to find out who is behind those websites (the rl company behind SLA Media). It is very difficult to actually find that information, unless you really know about SEO. Then you could do some backlink profiling, crawl websites with similar patterns (Google Analytics accounts, wordpress templates, google webmaster certification codes / files and so on).

Eventually he found my phone number on our German! corporate blog...and called me. This were possibly the toughest 5 minutes of his life and I guess he will never do that again. I really gave him *****.

Why am I telling you this?

Keep your privacy. Avoid or even block people who "demand" anything from you.

There are creepy people around. If you tell them too much, they will find you. 

You have been warned.

Edited by Caroline Takeda
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Anyone who "demands" to know/see real life information before they are willing to get to know you and build trust is not worth the effort of dealing with. Nobody has the right to know anything about m

I routinely reveal information about my real life. For example, I think most forum regulars are aware I had a mother and a father. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I know a dude that expects you to write a message on your boobs and send him a photo before he'll RP with you. That kinda cracked me up when I heard it.

Posted Images

53 minutes ago, PixieGirrrrl said:

This is Second Life and so people should share as much or as little RL information as they want. Nobody should feel pressured into revealing anything they're not comfortable with.

Fact is nobody actually is pressured to provide any info. Regardless if a person considers SL to be a game/chatroom/virtual world or whatever, people either choose to do it based on their judgement or they simply don't. Now if they are prone to manipulation of course that's another thing but once again having good judgement is the key.

58 minutes ago, PixieGirrrrl said:

I also like to voice because I find people often come across better when you speak with them and you can more easily develop deeper connections,

Of course , writing all the time is extremely boring and unless a person is a deaf/mute it becomes annoying for me after a while. I simply avoid those and honestly don't care if their husband/wife is home all the time, or they have a room mate or whatever. I don't need to know that stuff, they can find like minded people to socialize.

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18 minutes ago, Caroline Takeda said:

Eventually he found my phone number on our German! corporate blog...and called me. This were possibly the toughest 5 minutes of his life and I guess he will never do that again. I really gave him *****.

Yes such things happen all the time , one of my SL ex's was being harassed (including her family and other people) on a daily basis for more than 8 months by a woman who pretended to be a man. SL and internet may give the illusion that the side effects of using it can be controlled but fact is just like in real life you can only control yourself so play safe.

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Creepers being creepy is sadly nothing new. When I first joined about three years ago on my main I was admittedly young and naive about internet safety. I became very close to a guy who took on the role of a father figure, something I feel like I'm always subconsciously looking for. Anyway, he was older than me by a few decades and was never nothing but kind to me. He treated me with respect and seemed to really take an interest in my hobbies. It was fun talking to him. At least in the beginning. Gradually he peppered in questions about my real life. Myself, being not even twenty with an exceeding case of the dumbdumbs foolishly gave them. Facebook? Sure. Tumblr? Ok! Email? Yes, to keep in touch! A week came where I was away from any internet access and when I returned to the interwebs a slew of Facebook messages, Tumblr notes, and emails berating me for worrying him awaited me. When I jumped on SL he demanded my phone number to discuss this situation with him because he was pissed. Seeing his true colors I said no but dumb little me didn't realize he was merely toying with me. I had my phone number on FB listed as Friends Only. He was a friend. He had access to it the whole time. I blocked his number after the first few calls, and deleted/blocked him from everything we had contact on. After two months I stopped seeing his belligerent and confusing voicemails in my blocked section. 

Because of him I learned my lesson. Now if anyone asks for my information I decline, and if they go far as to demand it I block and move along. 

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On 7/18/2020 at 9:42 AM, kelly754754 said:

What have your experience been? I met so many men who "demanded" I showed my whole face or there will be no relationship/friendship.

Also people that are curious about your real life information but avoid to share theirs.

I'm not really big on revealing my personal life because I feel it's not anyone's business unless I feel like tell them.

And most of the people whom I've reveal it too have been toxic people who I THOUGHT I could trust.

I had one girl use my personal life as some kind of " Clapback" because I called her out for insulting a trans-man's photos. on flickr.

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I never put my RL name anywhere on the internet, much less revealing it to someone inworld.  NEVER.  Why?  Because if you buy a house in the US, real estate transactions are public record.  A stalker with enough determination can find your address, how much you paid for it, deeds, and other fun stuff.

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10 hours ago, Eddy Vortex said:

I never put my RL name anywhere on the internet, much less revealing it to someone inworld.  NEVER.  Why?  Because if you buy a house in the US, real estate transactions are public record.  A stalker with enough determination can find your address, how much you paid for it, deeds, and other fun stuff.

Now that's just down right scary. 

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On 8/7/2020 at 9:35 PM, Eddy Vortex said:

I never put my RL name anywhere on the internet, much less revealing it to someone inworld.  NEVER.  Why?  Because if you buy a house in the US, real estate transactions are public record.  A stalker with enough determination can find your address, how much you paid for it, deeds, and other fun stuff.

yep i know how to get people background checks with just their general information like name age location. a phone number works like a charm. and crazy how readily available a phone number is. 

nowadays anyone can ruin someone else' life easy like a piece of cake.

Edited by kelly754754
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I get answers quite easily. It's very simple.

You don't stop being you online. That's a simple fact. Try to hide and disguise that and you're going to hurt people. Either hiding behind "characters" or fake smiles. There's no harm in enjoying roleplay and playing games. There's every harm in not being aware and ignorance. I've been through and seen this a lot. Those that pretend "There is no OOC" or lose themselves in happiness alone always suffer due to lack of communication. And this can result in people going through mistrust, self harm and even suicide. THAT is reality. Not wanting to be responsible for affecting everyone around you doesn't make you any less responsible. Scary thought isn't it?

The issue isn't so much RL and the lack of it, it's more an issue of people "avoiding" drama instead of facing and handling it. You'll always be weak and caught with your pants down if you keep making excuses and blame others. The drama isn't on them. It's on you for being careless and blind until challenged.

When I go up to someone and want to know about them, I want to know about them. Frankly I need to know they're at least trying to be aware and not choosing to be ignorant in the interest of my (and their) safety. I provide my own opinions. Something I often do is open up with talking about "kindness" but that also means you have to hurt people and how good and nice can be dangerous and harmful. With "Evil" and "dark" having safety and fun, depending on context (which in turns comes to the topics of monsters and how they're accepted). But hey, if we're getting into details may as well play and have fun and get laid. More you understand me, more games we're playing.

Slipping in real life is easy if you're playful about it. If we're hitting it off all I really need to know is age and gender. Anything beyond that can wait. Age is mainly for "psychology" reasons. Depends though. Some younger people can be much more aware then older idiots. Some people choose to learn, some choose ignorance. Those that are willing to consider other viewpoints are the ones that can be trusted. Close minded people... is still possible but like pulling teeth. I'm very wary of the later. I tend to avoid those that are judgemental. But at some point you have to deal with it in one topic or another. Compared to some other conversations, RL info is easy.

I'm not asking for an exact address here. But if you're not upfront about what you are then you could end up leading someone on. Even without meaning too. You really don't want to be that person that's done that for a year before speaking up. State it NOW and you know where you stand from the get go. Think of it as a "In case we happen to get that close". Cover the possibility. People get close online and then move in real life all the time. Could it happen here? Who knows. All I know is people feel bad for being silent and hiding something for so long. That's not just wherever you trust me. It's wherever you trust yourself not to have irrational fears.

Edited by Taramafor
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  • 2 weeks later...

When I first started I did give out more info than I do now.  The places I go in SL and the people I meet don’t give out too much info because I usually don’t ask.   I dont reveal too much info about RL and if some pushes me on it I can block them.  

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On 7/18/2020 at 2:42 PM, kelly754754 said:

What have your experience been? I met so many men who "demanded" I showed my whole face or there will be no relationship/friendship.

Also people that are curious about your real life information but avoid to share theirs.

My experience has been interesting

I don't disclose that information if it was someone i knew maybe for years and years possibly.

Its easy to use image scanners to link people to their social media sometimes, some even go to great lengths to befriend someone you know
and gather even more information such as location etc.

Everyone should be safe in virtual world and real life, i know someone that was stalked before so its not a good experience.

 

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Well, Second Life for me is a mix of a game and a community. I can only speak about myself, I have nothing to hide. I have a RL photo in the RL tab of my profile and also wrote a few words about me.

I see no sense in 'hiding' myself - I just don't know why I should do that.

I'm in SL since 04/2007 and never had a single problem with that. Also on Facebook I've added many friends from SL. I only have a RL FB profile, but I assign the SL-friends a special "Second Life friend"-tag. And now guess, what people with this tag can see ... -> everything! I rather make my colleagues from work (for example) not see my SL-postings ;)

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On 7/22/2020 at 1:54 AM, Roxy Couturier said:

Any way, my response to anyone suggesting I'm not actually female to go and get more 'field study' done, as they clearly lack actual experience. I don't think I've missed out on anything at all.

I have a number of female friends who have been accused of being men who aren’t.  Then there is me with a female alt who has never been questioned or doubted.. 😛

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  • 2 weeks later...

Every time except once (and that person became my bff in RL), I have sooooooooooooooo regretted giving personal info out. I think I get to a place of trust and... nope. I've had a parade of asshats, and I don't realize it until I've dropped my guard. 

I have had people demand (not ask) for RL info very quickly, like nearly right after "hello." They get "no."

It's funny (not ha-ha) because I am a walking billboard for trust issues, and yet... I sometimes trust. And I regret it. Hence I have trust issues. :/

I get weirded out by people who have their RL photos on their profile. That's certainly their right, and I know that's my issue and not theirs, but...ew.

Once again, I laugh, because I realize I'm writing under the guise of the cat and not the biped. :)

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6 hours ago, Gatogateau said:

I have had people demand (not ask) for RL info very quickly, like nearly right after "hello." They get "no."

Yes that thing happens a lot but rarely bothered me, always provided such info to others regardless of their gender, we either like each other or we don't and also i am not married and generally have nothing to hide.

6 hours ago, Gatogateau said:

I get weirded out by people who have their RL photos on their profile. That's certainly their right, and I know that's my issue and not theirs, but...ew.

 
I always appreciated those people who did have a photo, they had the balls to show themselves same way i did so it was easy to categorize who i want as friends, who for dating and who for nothing. Many times i met women with RL photos who simply were not of my taste or too old to find them sexually attractive so our chats were truthful and friendly. (those who used fake ones can easily be spotted just by asking for a skype video call)
 
So from my point of view it's best for people who don't want to provide RL info to just leave it empty and play along with those who are in SL for the virtual experience part.
(*Using an SL photo as RL... well nope, it does say RL INFO there. Already have plenty SL info in main and picks.)
Edited by Nick0678
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Sometimes I wonder why you are even here Nick, and not on facebook and tinder instead. Its all about RL for you. What even does SL for you?

42 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

and generally have nothing to hide.

Thats a pretty toxic assumption. "I have nothing against mass surveillance, because I'm not a criminal." You make it sound, as if the only explaination why some do not drag their RL self completely into SL for strangers to withness, they must be hiding something and be up to no good.

But well... maybe thats exactly what you want to say. I mean... those who show their RL pictures have balls, so the rest of us must have none.

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7 minutes ago, Syo Emerald said:

.. maybe thats exactly what you want to say. I mean... those who show their RL pictures have balls, so the rest of us must have none.

think around 4 or 5 in the 14 yrs i'm in SL, know some RL info, two i met in real (one was my rl boss who also is/was on SL) and 1 or 2 others have seen a picture.
For me, till now that was enough to share about my rl. Not really seeing the need to do so, and last time i checked, the balls were still in place :SwingingFriends:
Not sharing the details is something different than not talking about RL or mixing, i don't mind talking about things that happen or do.

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On 9/1/2020 at 10:36 AM, Subsonic Oh said:

I have nothing to hide. I have a RL photo in the RL tab of my profile and also wrote a few words about me.

I see no sense in 'hiding' myself - I just don't know why I should do that.

Yeah I agree with @Syo Emerald, it's not about having something to hide. I think a reluctance to share RL details in SL is more an offshoot from trying to embrace and explore the idealised version of yourself you are trying to create in-world. For many I think SL is about creating your best you, or allowing a part of your personality that is suppressed or goes unfulfilled in RL to blossom and shine, or simply to escape and forget about the troubles of the real world for a while. Bringing too much RL into it can often hinder those things. 

Personally, I'm happy to share RL details with whoever asks, and might slip in information in conversations. But I'm not going to give you my phone number or house address after we chat a couple of times! Residents of SL should obviously be free to share as much or as little info as they choose, without pressure from others. I would question the motives of anyone who does that. 

Edited by PixieGirrrrl
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On 9/1/2020 at 3:36 AM, Subsonic Oh said:

Well, Second Life for me is a mix of a game and a community. I can only speak about myself, I have nothing to hide. I have a RL photo in the RL tab of my profile and also wrote a few words about me.

I see no sense in 'hiding' myself - I just don't know why I should do that.

To me, it is just plain smart security to not be revealing my RL info to everyone that comes along and wants the info.

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5 hours ago, Syo Emerald said:

Sometimes I wonder why you are even here Nick, and not on facebook and tinder instead. Its all about RL for you. What even does SL for you?

 
The answer is very simple. If someone believes that thousands of Second Life users will also use Second Life in the same or similar way they do, well it doesn't really work that way.
 
5 hours ago, Syo Emerald said:

Thats a pretty toxic assumption. "I have nothing against mass surveillance, because I'm not a criminal." You make it sound, as if the only explaination why some do not drag their RL self completely into SL for strangers to withness, they must be hiding something and be up to no good.

But well... maybe thats exactly what you want to say. I mean... those who show their RL pictures have balls, so the rest of us must have none.

 
I would talk about it if i considered it a serious thing to analyze or debate over but i really don't. Such things are very simple for me.
You play your game and think the way you like, i play my game and think the way i like.
 
That's how freedom and personal choice works and nobody is forcing anyone to go out of their ways.
We all simply find those people who fit us.
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11 minutes ago, Syo Emerald said:

But you didn't answer anything?

Oh yes i did:

If someone believes that thousands of Second Life users will also use Second Life in the same or similar way they do, well it doesn't really work that way. = We are all using SL in different ways. There is no predefined or dictated way on how and why a person will choose to use Second Life.(Only the TOS guidelines)

(Some use it for role playing, others for dj'ing, others for a way to live an imaginary second life, others to dress their ken/barbie doll and just take photos, others as a social app, others for business, others for gambling, others for creating, others for virtual dating, others for online dating, others simply login and want to be all alone and the list goes on..)

So it is wise for people to look for those who have a similar approach and habits, so they can have a good time with them. It really is that simple.

Edited by Nick0678
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10 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

Oh yes i did:

I never said everyone is using SL for the same thing. I don't believe that. But what I do think is, that its odd that you are here at all, considering how important it is to you to constantly make statements how much you care for as much RL as possible and how uninteresting and unimportant anything not strictly tied to RL is for you. After a few repetitions, it does make me wonder why you aren't logging off and switch to something more tailored towards RL, if everything virtual is basically a burden tied to the "interesting" stuff. So... yeah, I do know SL must be doing something for you and its probably not the same it does for me, but I couldn't form an idea what that something is.

And I felt the need to say something this time, even if you also avoided those confrontional parts.

Edited by Syo Emerald
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