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What have your experience been? I met so many men who "demanded" I showed my whole face or there will be no relationship/friendship.

Also people that are curious about your real life information but avoid to share theirs.

Edited by kelly754754
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Anyone who "demands" to know/see real life information before they are willing to get to know you and build trust is not worth the effort of dealing with. Nobody has the right to know anything about m

I routinely reveal information about my real life. For example, I think most forum regulars are aware I had a mother and a father. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I know a dude that expects you to write a message on your boobs and send him a photo before he'll RP with you. That kinda cracked me up when I heard it.

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40 minutes ago, kelly754754 said:

What have your experience been? I met so many men who "demanded" I showed my whole face or there will be no relationship/friendship.

Also people that are curious about your real life information but avoid to share theirs.

It really depends on who what where why.  My SL partner knew pretty much everything about me and I did him but that didn't happen overnight.  It came as trust was formed.  My best friend of 10 years in SL knows a lot as I do about him; again trust was established first.  A few other close long time friends know a lot.  Especially those who I have met up with in RL.   Anyone else pretty much can know what city I am in and that I am female from the start.  After that it will take a lot of trust before I would share more.  Anyone who starts sharing too much from the start would make me very nervous and distrustful and I would be backing away so fast from them.  

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Anyone who "demands" to know/see real life information before they are willing to get to know you and build trust is not worth the effort of dealing with. Nobody has the right to know anything about me or anyone else that they do not wish to share and if they can't comprehend what privacy means then I'm glad not to know them.

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My SL husband and wife know I'm which county I am in UK, their know my RL first name and know I live with my parents however that only RL info they have; yes I have FB and have SL friends on there but they are on restricted list on what they can see of my RL info and what I post pertaining to RL.  So I do share some RL info but I don't give a full picture, i give a semi coloured picture of who I am in life.

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I haven't had any issues with others wanting to know more about me than I'm willing to share;  however, I don't do romantic/sexual encounters in SL, so there is little need for me to prove my gender or age to anyone else, and if asked for pictures or to voice for that purpose, I would refuse, and most likely would also end the friendship.

With friends and some acquaintances that I feel comfortable with in SL, I have shared some very generalized RL information regarding marital/family status, age, general area of the world that I live in, when and if that information is relevant or pertains to the general conversation I am having with someone in SL.   There are general aspects of RL that can be included in conversations which do not reveal the type of information that would allow someone to track you down or to harass you outside of SL.   

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You have three choices.

  1. Tell them what they want to know
  2. Make some stuff up
  3. Refuse to tell them anything, and go elsewhere

Which you choose is completely up to you.  There are no "social norms" for this in SL, and anyone who tells you different is just shoving their own prejudices onto you.

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5 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

You have three choices.

  1. Tell them what they want to know
  2. Make some stuff up
  3. Refuse to tell them anything, and go elsewhere

Which you choose is completely up to you.  There are no "social norms" for this in SL, and anyone who tells you different is just shoving their own prejudices onto you.

I usually go with 2, I tend to be non confrontational and also very private.

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I live by fae law when it comes to talking about my RL.   Keep it vauge, only give a half truth on what they've asked.  It's a rule that I learned from a fantasy series that I love, it applies nicely to life.

By half truth I mean only telling them the need to know.  Example if I'm asked where I live I just tell them "In an eastern timezone."

Edited by Mortified Wanderer
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I had a guy start talking to me at a dancing venue recently, and almost immediately he demanded to know my real life age. I refused to tell him and asked him if he trampled all over every woman's boundaries in this manner. He then accused me of being insecure for not telling him my age. On the contrary, having boundaries is a sign of healthy self esteem. My close friends in SL know quite a bit about me. Strangers have no reason to know anything.

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27 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I routinely reveal information about my real life. For example, I think most forum regulars are aware I had a mother and a father.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Wait, you need 2 parents even if born from an egg?🙀😹

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I have a couple of close friends in SL who know a lot about my RL, including my real name. But mostly, I don't go any further than my age and the approximate city I live in. Then I tell them I'm a guy in RL and they don't want to know anything else.

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I'm happy to share almost anything about my RL, short of security questions and social security number, provided we're having a relevant conversation and you ask politely.

To be honest, I think it's odd to avoid that stuff if you're getting to know someone- comes across as suspicious. 

That said, it's all about when and how. A stranger demanding (asking is not the same as demanding, stop being so defensive) info is just as suspicious and shouldn't be answered. 

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That bag should not be open until the person builds more emotionally invested and exchanges with energy and trust , attraction , chemistry  , on the same level , connection. You don't have to open up everything to anyone who just demands that bit controlling. Gotta have balance and patience . If they just trying to get your info sounds like they trying to scam probably one thing you have to be protective of never give anyone your email or bank or address as know one should this place to getaway of adventure. Some who willing to take the time get in your mind not force you is right person.  Someone want's something its earned not given and exchanged both ways they not going to get it all unless they show the blue prints first. 

 

First thing when someone get to know you more of would be like  What your favorite color ?  What kind of music do you like to listen to?  What kind of foods do you enjoy?   Know any good beaches in world? I know some great places lets go!

 

I use a mirror like  picture for first life so its avatar with  first life only showing yet a mystery truly everyone is a mystery they going to have to figure you out first.

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Edited by Christina Mysterious
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RL stuff is dangerous. We really don't and can't know each other fully. Even in RL that can be the case.

And from my perspective, I really only want to know everyone as their SL selves. Our SL selves are a part of us, and just as real!!!

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for me it's like @Maitimo said. Close friends know alot about me. But the rest only the land where i am living at and my rl age maybe.

But most of those who start an conversation and then directly want to know more about my rl stop talking to me, as soon as i tell them i am an rl guy (shrugs)

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On my alt's profile, the only RL information shown is the timezone I'm in and the languages I speak (a smart person could use that info to narrow down my location to one of three countries). The profile makes it clear that no further RL information will be provided,

So yesterday this guy IMs my alt and says "hi, how r u?" as they do. I said hi back and asked how he found me, as he wasn't in the region I was at. He said he'd found me in a group and read my profile. His next question was "Where are you from?"

I pointed out that the question proved he hadn't actually read my profile at all. He never replied after that.

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What I tell people, depends on the person, or the situation. There are some that know lots about me, there are some that know a little, there are some that know almost none and plenty that know none. I don't have a rulebook for this, lol. Most of what I tell people probably gets forgotten pretty quickly anyway.  I'm not that interesting of a person. 

That said, I often take these topics and what some have to say about them, with a grain of salt. Far too often I have seen people say others are "demanding" rl information, when in reality the person is merely asking, not demanding, and anyone is within their ow right to of course not disclose. I have seen this happen way too many times to take most people seriously when they say others "demand" information. Sure, some might, but do you really think anyone takes them seriously, or that there are soooooo many people doing that? Come on now. Most, are in fact, not demanding, merely inquiring, and you can, of course, decline to answer. That should be the end of that conversation. If the person is interested in continuing the conversation despite your declining to answer, cool. If the person isn't, also cool.

There is one thing I will never understand, and it is those who say they make things up, or flat out lie. Like, what is the actual point in doing that? You can simply decline to answer, so why make something up? Exactly what are you garnering from actually lying about it?  I know someone who does this and it has always bothered me, and she's very aware that it has always bothered me, I make no bones about it. She laughs at me, but has told me on occasion she thinks it's funny to lie about it. At least, she did, until one day the name she gave someone actually tied back to a rl person and she had to right the wrongs she caused by being an a-hole.  There's a little more to that story, nothing super serious, but enough that she annoyed someone else's life by being an idiot in sl and thinking her "harmless lies" were indeed harmless. (I've seen worse stories over the years too). 

There's really no damn point in making ***** up. If you don't want to tell someone your info, then don't. Making info up or lying about it, just makes you a catfish (whether or not there is any sex/romance/relationship/whatever involved...you're still catfishing), and you can't really complain that people are doing something you don't like (asking for information) while you're also doing something people don't like (intentionally being deceptive). It's not deceptive to simply not disclose. It IS deceptive to flat out lie, and there is nothing good to be gained by that. 

Just say no if you don't want to answer, lol. I tell people no, or some version of it, if they ask something I don't want to answer. It's not the end of the world. 

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My inworld profile states that I'm in the US and in the Mountain time zone.  Here in the forums, I've mentioned quite a few times that I live in Colorado.  Only about a handful of folks know my RL name, and there are 3-4 that know my phone number and/or have my direct email address.  I've talked to 2 SL folks on the phone, have met up with one in RL, and had a meeting planned with another few that fell through.

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My First Life profile states all the real world info I'm willing to share with complete strangers. When I get the inevitable IM with requests for that info, I refer them to the profile. Normally, I hear nothing from them afterwards.

There was a guy a few years ago who "requested" a RL photo before he'd move beyond small talk. He said he asked everyone this (all women though, no doubt) to make sure they were attractive enough to bother with (his words) and since he supposedly had his RL photo up, it wasn't an unreasonable request. I told him I only shared that with people I knew well, and a 5 minute conversation didn't cut it. He asked me several times a day for close to a week before I finally got fed up and told him the more he asked, the less likely it would happen. He seemed shocked that I wasn't anxious to have his approval. He got pissed that I wouldn't cave in, and that was that.

Why did I put up with his **** for a week? Vaguely amusing/interesting conversation, and I was bored. Bad combination.

Only give what RL information you're comfortable having strangers know. 

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It's mainly an insecurity in some to not be accidentally *****. (Despite the fact that the majority of 'adult films' are produced, written and directed by men. They are literally getting off to another mans imagination.)

I've personally found such people to be largely unimaginative and pedestrian. Give me a freak any day.

Any way, my response to anyone suggesting I'm not actually female to go and get more 'field study' done, as they clearly lack actual experience. I don't think I've missed out on anything at all.

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