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Do you identify outside the gender binary?


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I'm thinking of identifying myself as other than my biological sex, male. This is my reasoning: I play as male and female characters in virtual worlds (such as Second Life) and MMOs. Also, sometimes people online find it hard to identify what "traditional" gender I am when I post a message.

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29 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I genuinely considered what I said in the topic title

There are some people who, after trying out their opposite gender as a character in SL, discover they actually do feel more like their character's gender in RL. The SL character brought this awareness to them, brought forth what was previously more unconscious. We are socialized to experience ourselves as more male or more female all our lives via parents and society, based on our biological sex, and sometimes we realize what was programmed into us is not who we really are.

After this realization some people switch all the way to the opposite gender and want to be identified as such,  while others feel fine just integrating some of the characteristics of the new gender into the one they previously identified with.  I think it helps to think of gender as sometimes being a sliding scale, and not always completely one way or the other.

Edited by Luna Bliss
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4 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I'm thinking of identifying myself as other than my biological sex, male. This is my reasoning: I play as male and female characters in virtual worlds (such as Second Life) and MMOs

What does that have to do with RL gender identity? Zzevirs response might have been a bit rough in wording, but I'm sharing the confusion. Choseing a female character in an MMO doesn't errode away your identity. Just like chosing the gay romance option in Dragon Age wouldn't put someones RL sexuality into question.

I'm frequently playing male and female characters in RPGs and MMOs. I even got two male characters in a roleplay. And I have dressed up as my favorite (male!) character from a mobile game at a convention last year. None of that was a statement or change about my personal gender identity.

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8 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I'm thinking of identifying myself as other than my biological sex, male. This is my reasoning: I play as male and female characters in virtual worlds (such as Second Life) and MMOs. Also, sometimes people online find it hard to identify what "traditional" gender I am when I post a message.

Ok

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8 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Oh okay. Maybe I should just stick to my biological sex....

Just do whatever you feel comfortable with. What and who you are in RL is nobody's business but yours and possibly your very closest friend(s)'.

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Having an avatar that's different from your RL sex or gender identity doesn't invalidate or change that gender-identity.  My avatar is non-binary (tending towards female now) and many people  I know in SL identify me as female and use feminine pronouns for me.  But in RL I am not non-binary, my gender identity is still male.

It's just a lot more fun shopping for a female avatar than it is for a male one.

 

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9 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Do you identify outside the gender binary?

Yes, although not exclusively.

9 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I'm thinking of identifying myself as other than my biological sex, male. This is my reasoning: I play as male and female characters in virtual worlds (such as Second Life) and MMOs. Also, sometimes people online find it hard to identify what "traditional" gender I am when I post a message.

On initial reading, this can come across as suggesting that 'identifying as' a gender other than the one assigned at birth is little more than a lifestyle decision or superficial exercise, in which case it would be undermining and making light of transgender experience, especially for those of us who've had painful journies on the way to understanding that we cannot continue living as anything other than our authentic selves.

However, maybe in a more accepting and inclusive world people would be able to explore their identities with as much time and experimentation they require to feel comfortable in who they are. Whether it's something you were already feeling or if it's something you've arrived at via experience of playing and being perceived as different genders, there's no harm in this type of self-exploration. You might find that you identify with your assigned gender after all, but that your preferences in presentation, expression, comportment and social interactions lean more towards being Gender-Non-Conforming rather than trans (although trans people can be GNC too). If you find it goes deeper, be aware that it can feel like waking up from the Matrix and that you might need to ensure you have open-minded and supportive people around you.

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12 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I'm thinking of identifying myself as other than my biological sex, male. This is my reasoning: I play as male and female characters in virtual worlds (such as Second Life) and MMOs. Also, sometimes people online find it hard to identify what "traditional" gender I am when I post a message.

Questions like this often require a lot of introspection and shouldn't be taken too lightly (so you won't confuse yourself).

Always defaulting to a specific gender for a character doesn't necessarily mean you identify with that gender. There can be many reasons for people to do that. A female character tends to have a slimmer profile, be easier on the eye to look at (pretty face, sexy clothing, different body-language, whatever else), maybe it adds to the "escapism" aspect that draws you into SL, or maybe some other non-identifying reasons are why you make that choice.

There are people who do cross-dressing without identifying with the opposite gender. There are people who enjoy or even incorporate aspects of the opposite gender (colors, fashion, mannerisms, etc) to themselves without identifying as the opposite gender.

We can't give you the answer, we can only ask more questions, which you have to repeat to yourself and think on it to get an answer. That answer might not be correct either, so you need to ask a lot more before you can make a reliable conclusion about whether or not you think you're trans. Some people have been asking questions since they were children. Some start later in life. Some people have gone as far as starting an actual transition process before realizing they were wrong about themselves.

What I would ask is whether or not you're trying to seriously figure out who you are, or whether you're just trying to figure out what to tell people on the internet. If it's the latter, I don't think it matters at all until you're trying to establish a relationship or you're thinking of meeting someone in real life. 

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If anyone who's gender isn't bloody obvious by stereotype ends up in a hospital that does not have any past medical records on them, I would highly recommend stating, in addition to their allergies and current medication use, their genotype (XX, XY, or in rarer cases XO, XXY, XYY) and physical gender-related health issues that may be relevant to their current condition. And then, as a bonus, to enable a more streamlined social discourse, their preferred gender identity; e.g.: "I would like to be referred to as 'miss Arduenn Schwartzman'". Hope this helps.

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12 hours ago, Arduenn Schwartzman said:

If anyone who's gender isn't bloody obvious by stereotype ends up in a hospital that does not have any past medical records on them, I would highly recommend stating, in addition to their allergies and current medication use, their genotype (XX, XY, or in rarer cases XO, XXY, XYY) and physical gender-related health issues that may be relevant to their current condition. And then, as a bonus, to enable a more streamlined social discourse, their preferred gender identity; e.g.: "I would like to be referred to as 'miss Arduenn Schwartzman'". Hope this helps.

Genotype is rarely relevant, if there are no congenital genotype disorders. Genotype serves to dictate the way the embryo develops in the womb; once you're past the first 3-4 months of your own gestation, it's too late and it has no ongoing effect in people without any chromosome disorders.

As far as medical professionals are concerned, all they really need to know is what reproductive organs you have. And if your outer appearance and name doesn't match with what reproductive organs you actually have, then you need to have a discreet chat with your primary care doctor to ensure you're getting the necessary medical checks.  For example, a trans woman who still has a prostate will need regular prostate checks, and a trans man who still has a uterus will need regular smear tests. 

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32 minutes ago, Maitimo said:

As far as medical professionals are concerned, all they really need to know is what reproductive organs you have. And if your outer appearance and name doesn't match with what reproductive organs you actually have, then you need to have a discreet chat with your primary care doctor to ensure you're getting the necessary medical checks.  For example, a trans woman who still has a prostate will need regular prostate checks, and a trans man who still has a uterus will need regular smear tests. 

Oh my god, this.

I'm a trans man, and due to my rather advanced age and my personal situation, I haven't bothered with having the original bits removed. This means that I still need to get a regular ultrasound check to ensure that it's all still healthy and non-cancerous.  The first time I went for such a scan, I went in there and the young nurse was in complete awe of me. As she did the scan she kept saying "Oh wow! That's amazing!" On questioning her about her reaction she said that she didn't realise that female reproductive organs could be transplanted so effectively into someone who was born male. I had to gently explain to her that they couldn't; the organs she was looking at were the ones I was born with. I think the whole situation ended up more embarrassing for her than it was for me.

On a practical note though, it does make a difference. As you say, I still need regular pap smears and ultrasounds but because my medical records now list me as male, I've been removed from the automatic reminders about those, so I have to keep track of the dates myself and make my own appointments when they're due, instead of relying on the system to remind me.

13 hours ago, Arduenn Schwartzman said:

If anyone who's gender isn't bloody obvious by stereotype ends up in a hospital that does not have any past medical records on them, I would highly recommend stating, in addition to their allergies and current medication use, their genotype (XX, XY, or in rarer cases XO, XXY, XYY) and physical gender-related health issues that may be relevant to their current condition. And then, as a bonus, to enable a more streamlined social discourse, their preferred gender identity; e.g.: "I would like to be referred to as 'miss Arduenn Schwartzman'". Hope this helps.

If I ended up in a non-local hospital that had none of my previous records,  they still would not need to know my genotype or gender history if the illness or injury I was there for was unrelated to my reproductive organs.  If they had reason to fully undress me they might get a shock and have a giggle about it between themselves in the lunch-room, but it's all irrelevant to my general medical care.  There's less medical difference between men and women than you might think, and most of the time even doctors don't need to know about your gender medical history.

The only situation in which someone might need to stress this is when they are pre-transition or early in transition when their overall appearance doesn't match their gender identity, so that they can be sure everyone uses the right name and pronouns.  I'm years past that stage so it's no longer an issue for me; they only need to see my bearded face and bald head.  

And to answer the OP's original question, no, I'm not non-binary at all. I'm fully male, and always have been even before I knew it myself (and I knew it myself when I was about 6 years old).

Edited by Lewis Luminos
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2 minutes ago, Lewis Luminos said:

She said that she didn't realise that female reproductive organs could be transplanted so effectively into someone who was born male.

That's absolutely adorable. Sounds like she was excited and totally okay with that being the case, too.

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12 minutes ago, Wulfie Reanimator said:

That's absolutely adorable. Sounds like she was excited and totally okay with that being the case, too.

She was, and when I explained the truth she did seem disappointed. There was a point in my early transition though, where I did get rather fed up of being treated like a special unicorn. That point where everyone says how amazing it all is and how brave I am and how wonderful medical science it to make it all possible. The reality is, I'm not really that brave. Bravery was the 30-40 years before transition when I was struggling to cope with the dysphoria. Bravery was what stopped me taking my own life a dozen times over. Bravery was the mask I wore in public every day of my life. Transition was when I gave up being brave, took off the mask and just did what I needed to do to survive.

Edited by Lewis Luminos
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On 7/9/2020 at 7:00 PM, Gopi Passiflora said:

Do you identify outside the gender binary?  

I haven't yet in regards to the title of your thread.  But, there are only so many hours in a day.  I make a lot of avatar shapes as well as build.  I do love being a Dinkie though, a small cat, sometimes more than being a human.

I like to make fantasy shapes but it's not easy, it's very difficult so most of them get scraped and never used.  

I'm just quickly posting here because I am working on some shapes which I would like to be a bit of a Tomboy style because I like the Maitreya Petite very much and might like to be a Tomboy human or Tomboy style, short in stature, Pixie Fae.   This is what I have been working on lately...making petite in height Tomboy style shapes.  It's been an interesting experience.  I feel kind of free being a Tomboy, like I don't have to be "sexy" all the time and it's "freer" but it's not an easy style of clothing to find, so that's the frustrating part.  

My 2nd oldest sister was a real life Tomboy of four girls.  She had a skateboard and went skateboarding with the guys.  She didn't become feminine until about 16 or so and I'll never forget the first time I saw my sister in lipstick and I thought "my sister is pretty"!  She always had messy, never brushed hair and was climbing trees, catching lizards, and being around the guys in the neighborhood.  

But, anyhow...I usually lean towards the rather feminine...except for now in trying to make a Tomboy and it is not easy.  Different clothing styles are not easy to find on MP or else I'm just not good at knowing the right keywords.   But, it's interesting kind of blurring the lines between male and female and be a bit of both as well as to not care what anyone thinks.

I saw a store recently by the name of "be cute or die" or something like that.  Some girls used to say they would die if they weren't cute.  This is an over-exaggeration.  We girls should be allowed to be a little freer and not have to always chase the "being cute".   There is more to life than being cute and we certainly don't need to die over it for pete's sake!  lol  This is what my "Tomboy" experience has made me realize.  

Edited by FairreLilette
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