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Posted (edited)
43 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

I am talking about the amount of money. L$10.000.000=40.000USD. Less amounts like L$2000/L$5000 of course are not treated same way , we are talking about what 20USD? What's that a pizza? Of course it's normal not to tolerate any attitude for a few slices of pizza, i get it.

not even if it was 10,000,000$usd would it make it acceptable behavior at any point in time. money is not everything in life.

Edited by Drakonadrgora Darkfold
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Hook up with him, then when he gets started put on a freenis and click “swap”.

It is so upsetting to see some in SL be so rude and downright scary. I had to spend a bit of time calming a good friend down after her Escorting session turned unpleasant, and her client started to pu

I’m glad you were there for your friend to support her. And I guess it makes me antisocial, but I have a zero tolerance policy for putting up with people in a SL who desire to treat me crummy or

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As a person who sees SL as an extension of their real life like any other social platform I’ve decided to participate, I’ve seen my fair share of despicable behavior from anonymous people with ego issues. I don’t think anyone here is trying to shame Bagnu’s friend for feeling upset that something happened to her that felt out of her control. Instead, we wish her to practice some self-care because that is so important in times when we feel hurt no matter the circumstances. It’s also important to remember that we DO have options when people do abuse us in Second Life. Report them, and most importantly block them from interacting with you. On the occasion you have someone who jumps to alts, don’t even entertain interacting with them if they try to reach out, just block them. Trolls love and feed off attention, and while it might feel good in the moment to zing them with a clever insult, retribution rarely ever leads to meaningful satisfaction.

 

In times when I am a really struggling, I find that if  I can reframe what happened into something more positive it helps. So in this case, hurt people often hurt people.

 

Also here is a reminder to check in with yourself and friends. 2020 has been a wild one so far, and taking care of our mental health needs to be at the top of all of our lists.

 

Cheers!

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1 minute ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

not even if it was 10,000,000$usd would it make it acceptable behavior at any point in time.

I 'd simply laugh with the person who have spend such an amount to practically do nothing. Would call my friends/girlfriend/lover/whoever to celebrate it with me and buy my girlfriend and me tickets to Canary Islands. "Cheers mate have fun with those pixels, thanks for the 40.000USD, they are delightful."

(*Which reminds me it's time to put my swim trunks and hit the beach cause its 36C/98.6F here. No 4G there so.. Take care.)
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"Responsible" escorting:

1) Have a "contract" - define what is "ok" and "not ok".

2) Have a "safeword" - y'all know what that is.

3) Prepare to sit/block/TP out at any time.

4) Allow for "aftercare".

5) Set limits.

6) Hope for the best, assume the worst. Be ready to sit/block/TP out at any time (#3)!

7) Negotiate payments "up front".

😎 Set your own rules as needed.

9) Agree on where to meet and STAY - do not get led into any "traps".

10) Agree to use - or not use - RLV.

11) I could go on all day..agree / disagree on kinks to use..

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3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

"Responsible" escorting:

1) Have a "contract" - define what is "ok" and "not ok".

2) Have a "safeword" - y'all know what that is.

3) Prepare to sit/block/TP out at any time.

4) Allow for "aftercare".

5) Set limits.

6) Hope for the best, assume the worst. Be ready to sit/block/TP out at any time (#3)!

7) Negotiate payments "up front".

😎 Set your own rules as needed.

9) Agree on where to meet and STAY - do not get led into any "traps".

10) Agree to use - or not use - RLV.

11) I could go on all day..agree / disagree on kinks to use..

basic common decency and common sense. but sometimes is lacking or forgotten if you get caught up in the moment.

so might change #1 to "step back and think things clearly and thoroughly before proceeding with the next step on the list."

that desire for instant gratification or to be a people pleaser can really cause issues for some. take time to rationally think things through before acting on anything.

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45 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

might change #1 to "step back and think things clearly and thoroughly before proceeding with the next step on the list."

Replacing the "Contract" with anything else..very bad idea.  I'm sure you have an argument though, you seem to have an argument for everything.  So contrary!

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Never forget that SL has a built in safeword.  It's the little X at the top of the right corner of the viewer.

You can preach until your AV changes on its own but there are some just plain yucky people on SL and you aren't going to change them, nor frighten them.  If they operate on the assumption that it is only a game showing upset is only going to give them a good laugh as they just move on to the next.

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1 minute ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Lots of judgmental victim blaming going on in this thread.

No I really don't think there is

If someone has a nut allergy and insists on working in a peanut packing plant and then goes on record saying the factory should be nut free and people point out they are being ridiculous is that victim blaming? SL hands you powerful tools called log off, block, tp away and ar to deal with dicks. No one here is supporting people being dicks. We are merely saying you have the tools to deal with them and if people used them guess what dicks would disappear because they cant come and be dicks because no one sticks around to play with them. The ones claiming victimhood are part of the problem just as the dicks are.

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2 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

No I really don't think there is

If someone has a nut allergy and insists on working in a peanut packing plant and then goes on record saying the factory should be nut free and people point out they are being ridiculous is that victim blaming? SL hands you powerful tools called log off, block, tp away and ar to deal with dicks. No one here is supporting people being dicks. We are merely saying you have the tools to deal with them and if people used them guess what dicks would disappear because they cant come and be dicks because no one sticks around to play with them. The ones claiming victimhood are part of the problem just as the dicks are.

People who know they have allergies to nuts aren't going to be working in a nut packing plant in the first place.

Yes LL has given us tools but those tools are useless when some jerk triggers a panic/anxiety attack. 

The bolded part is victim blaming. A concept too many men just don't seem to be capable of wrapping the brain in their heads around. 

No point in wasting any more of my time on people who really don't give a damn about anything but themselves or the harm they cause others.

 

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2 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

People who know they have allergies to nuts aren't going to be working in a nut packing plant in the first place.

Yes LL has given us tools but those tools are useless when some jerk triggers a panic/anxiety attack. 

The bolded part is victim blaming. A concept too many men just don't seem to be capable of wrapping the brain in their heads around. 

No point in wasting any more of my time on people who really don't give a damn about anything but themselves or the harm they cause others.

 

Then yhose people need to learn to use the tools, once dicks and yes I agree there are total dicks and abhor them learn they get no victims here they leave. People who won;t use the tools are very much having a nut allergy in a nut factory because they are insisting on being in an evironment with dicks they cannot handle

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1 hour ago, KanryDrago said:

Then yhose people need to learn to use the tools, once dicks and yes I agree there are total dicks and abhor them learn they get no victims here they leave. People who won;t use the tools are very much having a nut allergy in a nut factory because they are insisting on being in an evironment with dicks they cannot handle

Oh man, what the heck is going on here?

Look, your analogy is flawed in the sense that you're assuming this "person with a peanut allergy" isn't aware of the dangers of working in a peanut factory. So are you assuming that SL escorts aren't aware there are jerks out there? I mean, they ARE aware.

This is like a person with a peanut allergy trying to avoid peanuts as best as they can, but there are peanuts in everything! Because peanuts are cheap and versatile and no one feels that that should change because such is life. 

So, instead of holding those who would treat SL escorts like trash because they just happened to throw them a few lindens, it seems you're putting the entire onus on SL escorts to protect themselves. And if that protection fails, *obviously* they weren't trying hard enough?

I dunno, man, that sounds like blaming the victims to me.

And if the same happens to you? If some sort of relationship turns sour in your SLife and you can't be the calm, cool rational that you think you are, will you finally understand then? I guess that's what it takes, I suppose. 

Here's a solution, maybe listen to these folks and not hand wave their feelings away just because they happen to be more emotional types. 

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What do you want everyone to do? I mean, I can listen, certainly, but how is that going to help?

And for the record - I didn't say the guy was wrong and rude and shouldn't have done that, because that was quite obvious to me. But what exactly can I do about that?

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Posted (edited)

Some of you all need to learn that even if and that's a big if for allot of people Sl is  "just a game".  That's still a whole ass human being  behind the avatar. Being upset or scared over a situation,  even if it's online is a perfectly  normal thing. Because that's how emotions work. Not everyone can be perfectly reasonable all of the time. Especially when things get stressful. Please learn to sympathize with others.

Even if you can "x" out of something,  People shouldn't be acting abusive towards ANYONE regardless.

op, I'm glad your friend has you around and I'm sorry she experienced that. In your shoes I'd be just as angry.  Just hang in there and support your friend.  AR the guy if  she or her boss hasn't already.

Edited by Robin Kiyori
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19 hours ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Doesn't make that kind of behavior acceptable or tolerable for any reason ever.

It doesn't matter where it happened, or with who, its the fact that it happened at all. Which you seem to not understand.

You took the words right out of my mouth!!! If he wanted to be a rough, nasty date, he should have discussed that with my friend first!!!

I think rushingaround doesn't understand that Escorting is a valuable service in SL Some people are RL disabled, and we help them feel human again. We are entertainers as well, and deserve to be paid!!! Also we keep the SL economy going. We are high maintenance, and we put the money back into rentals, clothes, etc, etc...

 

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2 hours ago, KanryDrago said:

The ones claiming victimhood are part of the problem just as the dicks are.

Claiming victimhood??? ??? My friend RL panicked!!! This was not roleplay from her!!!! Just like my anger at the guy isn't roleplay either!!!

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4 minutes ago, Bagnu said:
2 hours ago, KanryDrago said:

The ones claiming victimhood are part of the problem just as the dicks are.

Claiming victimhood??? ??? My friend RL panicked!!! This was not roleplay from her!!!! Just like my anger at the guy isn't roleplay either!!!

 

34E88EB1-C81C-4A66-A57F-32FB7E086D3C.jpeg

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Posted (edited)

There's another angle to victimization not being discussed here. Let's use me as a potential example. I've been in SL for a dozen years and have many dear friends who's company I enjoy every day. Imagine someone decides to make my life miserable in-world. I TP away, block, ignore, log out... problem solved. Then they come after me in the forums. I believe I've got a solid enough reputation to weather such a storm, so I don't worry about that. Now imagine they determine who my friends are and harass them. Here's where my resolve starts to crumble. It's not me who's now being harmed, it's my friends. And my empathy for them makes me vulnerable, just as Bagnu felt her friend's pain and did what she could to help. Big girl pants don't work here.

Want to get to me? Go after my friends.
Want to destroy me? Take them away.

Only the friendless are can be invulnerable here.

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
Corrected the last line. Thanks to Silent Mistwalker.
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24 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Only the friendless are invulnerable here.

This is very true. I find the whole scenario that someone would go to the extremes of finding and harassing my friends extremely disturbing.

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Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

This is very true. I find the whole scenario that someone would go to the extremes of finding and harassing my friends extremely disturbing.

I should have crafted my scenario more carefully. An abuser needn't necessarily target my friends because they are my friends, sometimes their scattershot asshattery hits everyone and my friends are included. To the extent they feel pain, I do too. This was the case with your friend. There is no tool in the SL arsenal that could have saved you from the pain you felt for your friend.

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
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Sex fantasy roleplay is not for everyone.  Have to be able to improv in a moments notice when things don't go as well as planned or set limitations in your profile.  There are other things to do in SL to make money

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I don't get it, and it's frustrating me so much...

When I tell someone to get help, it's ALWAYS from a place of compassion. Because ultimately, I'd want them to be well. That's not effing victim blaming. Why do people view that as victim blaming?! I don't understand it. Getting help isn't mutually exclusive with the OTHER PERSON being to blame. As in, the one who DID the crap. And of course, bad behaviour should have consequences. That's obvious to me? And telling somebody to get help isn't mutually exclusive with being there for someone and listening to them. 
It's a long term solution, because you CAN NOT controll how others act, and will never be able to.

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