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5 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

sorry, i just get a bit pissed off when people try and say its just a game and not real and you cant be hurt..  back when I started sl it got so bad for me because of what my first Mistress did I became suicidal over it and tried to kill myself. I spent 3 months in a mental hospital because of it. So its not a joke to me and when people sound like they are trying to play it down at times it just makes my blood boil to the point they are lucky im not a Dragon in real life..

as stated earlier I would like to hunt them down and then roast them where they stood while saying 'its not real its just a joke your not being hurt now are you'...

so yeah I get a bit defensive or aggressive or both when people act like there is nothing wrong or its not abuse or harmful. that it should be accepted or normalized just because its virtual..or because its a kink or fetish so that makes it all ok at that time.

There are two types of people in SL.  Those to whom it is a game that ends when they log out (SL is SL/RL is RL), and those who immerse themselves in it and with the connections they make.  The first type cannot see how harmful it can be.  They'll probably never get it, so don't take that to heart.

 

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Hook up with him, then when he gets started put on a freenis and click “swap”.

It is so upsetting to see some in SL be so rude and downright scary. I had to spend a bit of time calming a good friend down after her Escorting session turned unpleasant, and her client started to pu

I’m glad you were there for your friend to support her. And I guess it makes me antisocial, but I have a zero tolerance policy for putting up with people in a SL who desire to treat me crummy or

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11 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

spent 3 months in a mental hospital because of it.

Unfortunately it's not possible to predict such situations regardless if it's SL, facebook, relationship, business, friendship, family, marriage or whatever. Best thing you can do the moment you realize something/someone is fake or malicious is to detach and ignore before it gets worse. Anger is usually the first reaction due to our instincts because we feel vulnerable but never really solves any problems, actually makes it worse because it distracts us from careful planning/prioritizing to have a happy life.

Think of it. What do you prefer? Having a good laugh with friends/lover/whoever or being angry about some people who realistically speaking don't care about you?

I choose the first one and that's the only way it can be.

 

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2 hours ago, rushingaround said:

Being an escort,  you are creating a fantasy for the person paying linden.  Playing a character.  

Translation: Being an escort, you are expected to put up with any kind of abuse even though you didn't consent to it, just because someone paid you a few pennies worth of Ls. 

No, that's not how it works.

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1 hour ago, Jordan Whitt said:

There are two types of people in SL.  Those to whom it is a game that ends when they log out (SL is SL/RL is RL), and those who immerse themselves in it and with the connections they make.  The first type cannot see how harmful it can be.  They'll probably never get it, so don't take that to heart.

 

There's a third type in there. Those to whom it is neither a game nor do they immerse themselves in the social aspects. Some of us are in SL mainly to create. That is what we came for in the early days and what we have stuck around for since.

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29 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

Unfortunately it's not possible to predict such situations regardless if it's SL, facebook, relationship, business, friendship, family, marriage or whatever. Best thing you can do the moment you realize something/someone is fake or malicious is to detach and ignore before it gets worse. Anger is usually the first reaction due to our instincts because we feel vulnerable but never really solves any problems, actually makes it worse because it distracts us from careful planning/prioritizing to have a happy life.

Think of it. What do you prefer? Having a good laugh with friends/lover/whoever or being angry about some people who realistically speaking don't care about you?

I choose the first one and that's the only way it can be.

 

Its not always that easy for everyone to do that. yes it might be the better course but sometimes people need to get angry, they need to speak out, they need to put others on showcase for how they acted so others can see them for what they are and what they did. Or else nothing will ever change. Even more people may get hurt.

somethings should not just be ignored or forgotten or forgiven of the person who did it. or just put aside or moved on from. If no one ever spoke out about when things were wrong, nothing in this world would ever change or improve. Sometimes you have to stick yourself out so others will see there is a problem and maybe others will become aware of it more and then a change can ever begin.

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I wonder, do SL escort businesses usually give their recruits a safe SLex training of some sort before diving in? Seems to me that would be pretty important - to know the tools to report abuses, get yourself out of situations and protect your RL privacy for example.

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2 minutes ago, Akane Nacht said:

I wonder, do SL escort businesses usually give their recruits a safe SLex training of some sort before diving in? Seems to me that would be pretty important - to know the tools to report abuses, get yourself out of situations and protect your RL privacy for example.

Not all of them do.. no. Some expect you to already know these things especially if you have been in sl for more than a few months to begin with. That you should have already learned these things before becoming an escort.

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25 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Translation: Being an escort, you are expected to put up with any kind of abuse even though you didn't consent to it, just because someone paid you a few pennies worth of Ls. 

No, that's not how it works.

your translation contains a lot of interpretation  :)  and i don't agree to that.
Yes a escort
is creating a fantasy for the person paying linden.  Playing a character.
BUT you both agree for a certain job/service upfront. If the client doesn't keep that, end it and leave. There;s no need to bring such drama to the forums.
It's part of the job to attrackt idiots and not all can be screened upfront.
If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Not suitable for the job.

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6 hours ago, Bagnu said:

It is so upsetting to see some in SL be so rude and downright scary. I had to spend a bit of time calming a good friend down after her Escorting session turned unpleasant, and her client started to push her. I found her sitting on a chair, and afraid to stand up. It took a lot of self control for me not to put on my Demoness outfit and turn my magic on to scare that guy. Of course, it would have been me who ended up banned, so helping my friend feel better was more important and the better option.

I have been mistreated as well, and it is a very unpleasant experience.

No patience for people who enjoy hurting others!!!

 

Some of the people in this story may need to consider turning the computer off for a while.

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4 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

...sometimes people need to get angry...

Anger leads nowhere, it only works when it's expressed on a large scale because the crowd has political/economical influence and even that anger should be part of a strategically well made plan to be effective.

When it's expressed by an individual for "personal" reasons one way or another it leads to self destruct. For example acting with anger/violence towards a lover/wife/husband/stranger because "put whatever reason you like here"  will only take you straight to prison. Detaching/ignoring/isolating them from your life and making sure to take care of yourself and live a better life is the best thing to do.

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Posted (edited)

he is not attacking her behind the screen  or randomly IM someone.   She is getting paid for sex and he got rough.   She couldn't handle the situation. Maybe escorting is not for her.    anyway.  we are only getting second hand knowledge.  we are not looking at the logs.  we don't really know what happened..  just an emotional response from a caring friend..  there is always two sides to every story. 

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Well it goes without saying that being an escort doesn't mean it's a free for all and you have no rights and can't possibly be abused. He is entirely in the wrong and you should indeed AR the turd and keep the money. Feck him and the horse he slimed in on.

I do wonder, though, why escorting is as popular as it is given how likely one is to encounter this behaviour. Escorts are always touting for business and it does seem that supply, in this case, way outstrips demand. I understand the fantasy of being so sexy and good in bed that men will pay $$$$$$$$ for the exquisite pleasure that is you. What I can't understand is why so many escorts seem to think the johns share this view of what's going on.

As a general rule, when men pay for sex, they are largely paying not for the pleasure of your company, but for you to do what they want and then go away when they want. They are buying that very sense of entitlement and disposability that seems to surprise a lot of escorts when they encounter it. There are exceptions, certainly. But generally there is a reason why someone decides to pay for it rather than find a willing partner - even a "free use woman", of which there are many - in a roleplay area. The money changes the dynamic. That's the point, for both of you. 

I would suggest that if this really is your fantasy, you might be better off finding a trustworthy play partner and just roleplay it out. I've done stuff like that and found it every bit as engaging and satisfying as roleplaying anything else that wasn't really happening. You may not receive money, depending on the nature of it (and if that bothers you, try converting it to RL amounts to see how very little it actually costs), but you'll be in a safe environment with someone who gives a monkeys about your enjoyment...and tbh, escorting in SL is arguably all just roleplay anyway. 

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3 hours ago, rushingaround said:

he is not attacking her behind the screen  or randomly IM someone.   She is getting paid for sex and he got rough.   She couldn't handle the situation. Maybe escorting is not for her.    anyway.  we are only getting second hand knowledge.  we are not looking at the logs.  we don't really know what happened..  just an emotional response from a caring friend..  there is always two sides to every story. 

trying to defend the other person again it seems..  being an escort does not always mean being paid for sex, not all escorts put out sex the fact you think they do means you know nothing what an escort is really..sex might be an option if agreed to but not a requirement to be an escort.

and even if she had agreed to sex it doesn't mean he has the right to be rough about it without her consent ever...  just because she was paid any amount of money. the fact you still do not see this is just disgusting.

no matter how much she was paid or what was agreed to, it does not give him the right to be pushy or abusive or rough without her consent ever. money does not buy that right or choice or entitlement or privilege ever. even if he paid her 10,000,000$l it still would not buy him that right. 

No one has any rights over anyone no matter what, without consent. 

And consent for one act can not be used or implied for all other acts of the same type of action. Consent to sex does not mean consent to rough sex ever.

It has nothing to do with her not being able to handle the situation. The situation should have never happened. The fact it did just proves he was a pig and nothing more.

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6 hours ago, Nick0678 said:

Anger leads nowhere, it only works when it's expressed on a large scale because the crowd has political/economical influence and even that anger should be part of a strategically well made plan to be effective.

When it's expressed by an individual for "personal" reasons one way or another it leads to self destruct. For example acting with anger/violence towards a lover/wife/husband/stranger because "put whatever reason you like here"  will only take you straight to prison. Detaching/ignoring/isolating them from your life and making sure to take care of yourself and live a better life is the best thing to do.

that walk away attitude only works for so long for some people. not everyone can just walk away every time something happens or goes wrong. people are humans not machines. there is no switch that can be flipped or program changed to where they just ignore or let slide every little action some abusive person may chose to do.

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1 minute ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

even if he paid her 10,000,000$l it still would not buy him that right

Let's be realistic, for that amount of money (L$10.000.000=40.000USD) i wouldn't mind if he pushed or banged my avatars or whatever, actually i would even give him/her all of my avatars passwords, all my lands and support servers and have an amazing pool party in RL drinking Martini's.

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9 hours ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

back when I started sl it got so bad for me because of what my first Mistress did I became suicidal over it and tried to kill myself. I spent 3 months in a mental hospital because of it. 

However abusive and awful she was, this isn't a normal response. If there's any chance that a failed SL love affair could have this effect, even an abusive one, you shouldn't be going anywhere near one. I think we had this conversation about 18 months or so ago. 

There is clearly a complex back story for you and you must, absolutely must, make sure that you have the professional RL help and support that you need. SL will not provide that therapy and it's dangerous to try to get it there.

For someone who talks so very very much about BDSM, you don't seem to be made happy by how you practise it and you definitely don't seem to be in the right place for it.

 

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4 minutes ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

Didn't you used to say that people get hurt because they let that happen because everyone is in total concious controll of their emotions?

what I said is that people can control their emotions. I never said that they were always in control over their emotions. some people do not have the same level of control depending upon certain situations or things happening. some people do not have the same level of experience as others.

in a pristine world yes everyone would have better control over their emotions but this is not a pristine world. I am aware of that.

regardless of that it does not make what happened acceptable or ok or that is should be tolerated or allowed or validated or excused or normalized.

the person this happened to no doubtfully learned a very powerful lesson about how some people in sl can be and probably wont forget it. which will help them to better learn to control their reactions to the same event again if it ever happened again. and what might be the better choice in the future.

it would not have happened to me at this date and time, because I would have told the jerk to piss off and leave, then reported them to the sim admin to have them banned and would not have returned any of their money they moment they tried.

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4 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

However abusive and awful she was, this isn't a normal response. If there's any chance that a failed SL love affair could have this effect, even an abusive one, you shouldn't be going anywhere near one. I think we had this conversation about 18 months or so ago. 

There is clearly a complex back story for you and you must, absolutely must, make sure that you have the professional RL help and support that you need. SL will not provide that therapy and it's dangerous to try to get it there.

For someone who talks so very very much about BDSM, you don't seem to be made happy by how you practise it and you definitely don't seem to be in the right place for it.

 

this was years ago, I have learned and grown since then. and yes I have had to seen a rl counselor over it to get past some of the issues it caused.

that was when I was first into bdsm and didn't know as much as I do now. I learned the hard way. not everyone starts off into bdsm knowing everything about how to keep safe. hence why some of posts are like they are, to share what information and experience I have learned about it to maybe help protect others from going down the same path.

I am stronger and better prepared to deal with those kinds of people now, but not everyone that comes to sl is at the beginning.

regardless it does not make it ok what those other people do, even if its online, not for any reason ever. not even if its their kink or fetish. that does not give them any special rights or privileges to act that way ever.

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19 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

Let's be realistic, for that amount of money (L$10.000.000=40.000USD) i wouldn't mind if he pushed or banged my avatars or whatever, actually i would even give him/her all of my avatars passwords, all my lands and support servers and have an amazing pool party in RL drinking Martini's.

maybe for you, but not for everyone else.

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Just now, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

maybe for you, but not for everyone else.

I am pretty sure the majority would be very happy getting 40.000USD cash out of thin air. Practically it's like winning the lottery.

Lets face it living a comfortable Real Life has a cost and that amount of money easily buys you for example a small but cozy vacation house in some nice Mediterranean country. Definitely go for the money and celebrate it.

(Maybe a very tiny minority wouldn't but their relatives i am 100% certain would get furious with them if they figured it out.)

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2 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

I am pretty sure the majority would be very happy getting 40.000USD cash out of thin air. Practically it's like winning the lottery.

Lets face it living a comfortable Real Life has a cost and that amount of money easily buys you for example a small but cozy vacation house in some nice Mediterranean country. Definitely go for the money and celebrate it.

(Maybe a very tiny minority wouldn't but their relatives i am 100% certain would get furious with them if they figured it out.)

its not the majority that matters at this point. saying that the majority would does not change what happened and if it should have been allowed or tolerated or not.

and it doesn't matter what their relatives would think or feel about it either.

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Just now, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

its not the majority that matters at this point. saying that the majority would does not change what happened and if it should have been allowed or tolerated or not.

and it doesn't matter what their relatives would think or feel about it either.

I am talking about the amount of money. L$10.000.000=40.000USD. Less amounts like L$2000/L$5000 of course are not treated same way , we are talking about what 20USD? What's that a pizza? Of course it's normal not to tolerate any attitude for a few slices of pizza, i get it.

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I empathize and it totally sucks to have someone ruin your sl experience. But when someone says "you can tp away", I don't think they're condoning bad behaviour. They're simply saying there are things you can do to help yourself. If someone's slapping your hand and you tell them to stop, they should stop. But if they don't, rationally, you'd just take your hand away even though you have every right to not move.

And escorting is a tough gig. If someone's a sensitive soul, it's probably not a good idea for them. Probably more for the thick skinned. In an ideal world, there'll be no a**holes but you know.

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14 hours ago, Lyssa Greymoon said:

Hook up with him, then when he gets started put on a freenis and click “swap”.

I've never worked as an escort, but somehow have attracted certain types of blokes from time to time. If someone has been particularly persistent, I've told them I'll TP them somewhere and have TP'd them into the middle of a box of bots, and then have TP'd straight out, leaving them to wonder why no one is talking to him. 

Another time I've kissed them deadly and left them in a dead pile on the floor for the however many l-o-n-g seconds of being immobilised. Watching them panic has given me a buzz.

Bloody creeps! 

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