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Define Your D/s Relationship Clearly From the Start

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It is important to clearly define your D/s role for a healthy BDSM relationship, you must have a consensual, and trusting relationship that is formed from the beginning and goals defined. As a new submissive explores this type of relationship. The sub will be expected to schedule time with their Mistress and go through appropriate screening measures expected from the Professional Dominatrix.  Each Mistress may have a way of screening and taking sessions that is different from one another. Respect their individual ways of doing this.

 

 Personally, I  do not take clients who do not sound like fun.  I want the experience to be entertaining for myself mostly and for the submissive to feel at ease with each new experience with me. Do a little research before scheduling time with a Mistress.  If you want to try something specific find out if the Mistress even caters to that request first.  Also, keep an open mind as a submissive when trying new play techniques. Discuss limits upfront from the viewpoint of both roles in the relationship.

 

If I accept a newbie into my dark and the sometimes twisted world consider yourself extremely lucky as a submissive. Never take your time with Mistress for granted. The knowledge and training your Mistress has is not even worth one minute in currency terms. Always keep that in mind when serving. If you’re lucky enough to get an exploratory session together and meet together in a safe and sane environment consider this gold.  

 

During your first few encounters in your new D/s relationship, you should ultimately feel more at ease and giving up your control to your counterpart. During the initial phase of playing the Mistress is evaluating you on many different levels to include things such as tolerance level to different play types. You will be discussing intimate details of your medical history/medications and honestly giving the feedback your Mistress needs.  For example, if you are on blood thinners it's important for your Mistress to know this information up front.  Taking into account that a person is on this type of medication would notify the Domme to take special precautions during certain types of play that may involve skin breaks.  

 

Discussing your mental health background and medication list with your Mistress is very important to know from the start so that healthy boundaries are set for future progression of the D/s relationship. For example, if you have been through a traumatizing event in your life that caused you to be diagnosed with PTSD this information is very important to disclose upfront to your Mistress so that she is aware of any triggers you may have before playtime begins.


 

Expect as a submissive to possibly go over formalities and safe words in the beginning to define your safety concerns in your submissive role.  Let the Mistress define to you what she expects of you. Do not play director to your Mistress or act like a know it all. Your Domme will talk with you more in-depth as to her expectations such as formal ways to greet her and exiting after a session. The Mistress may test your knowledge during the session to see if you were paying attention.  A submissive must be a good listener and be able to take in the information given and process it the way the Domme as defined their role.

 

When first playing in your D/s role as a submissive it may take your brain several days to process the information and get absorb the feeling that you had while serving.  How were the chemistry and internal discussions you had while serving your Mistress?  Did you feel more at ease towards the end of your first session?  

 

The chemistry in each D/s relationship is vital to growth in the future.  It’s good to know if the match is not successful from the beginning. If the match is not good then consider this when moving forward. Your personal experience will make the process a little bit easier when meeting another Professional Dominatrix in the future.  Having different styles and ways of playing is what makes this world of BDSM so great.

 

When trying new play that is not familiar to you in a submissive role the Mistress is most likely keeping tabs in her head.  I myself like to say, “ try it you might like it.”  It’s important to not judge yourself if you find something that once may have been taboo to you. It’s also good to talk about your feelings after the session with permission of course.

 

During the initial meet and greet phase of the D/s relationship the Mistress is making mental notes of questions she will need to know the answer too. Can this person have marks?  If so, what experience does the submissive have and tolerance today to this type of play? Is this play something they may want to continue?  As a Domme how could you make your slave progress in the future with this type of play? Mentally, is the submissive taking in the experience well or not? 

 

The lines of communication should be respected and open in the first two sessions but may be different from each Mistress. No question is a dumb question unless you like humiliation but always listen when your Mistress gives you the answer.  Repeating the answer is okay if you did not comprehend it but if you just were not listening then more discipline and training may be needed from the slave in the future? As a Domme, discussing a slave’s bad behavior before it starts and correcting the issue immediately gives both parties a better understanding of the expectations set.

 

As for punishment, I do not believe in giving the submissive a punishment they like.  Why would it be a form of punishment then? During the initial evaluation of the slave, the Mistress will take mental notes during play of likes and dislikes of the slave.  The slave’s punishment at the beginning of a new D/s relationship may be as simple as ignoring the slave or having them tied down while tickling them.  As the relationship progresses the punishments may be more intense because you already know what is expected of you in the submissive role and you just did not follow through with the Mistress’s commands.

 

Overall, the initial meet and greet is exciting to me and challenging at times. Personally, getting to know each person individually and explore the fetish world together is something that your submissive will never forget. It’s important to have a connection to your Dominant partner so that trust is gained when playing more intensely in the future.  The song that was playing in the background when writing this article was Korn, Freak on a Leash which is appropriate I believe but who defines a freak?

 

Written By: Mistress Lydia D’Ouleur

AKA LydiaDee666

 

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   Well. I agree with the title, but then I couldn't be bothered to read the whole thing due to the black text which is hardly visible in dark mode . . .

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Though I might agree with some of the things you said I do not agree with all of them.

It is never just about the Mistress/Master/Dom ever in any D/s M/s relationship. Anyone that makes it all about themselves is just an egotist and narcissist and not really a Mistress or a Dominant and does not deserve any trust or respect or loyalty or faithfulness from anyone.

Power exchange in any dynamic is always a two way street. It is never a one way street. Not even in tpe or cnc or a 24/7 dynamic.

The Mistress/Master should also take the time granted by the submissive or slave as Gold and not cheap that they were lucky to get that time with that sub/slave. No submissive has to just freely give of themselves or think that their time is any less value then what the Master/Mistress thinks of it. Without them the Master/Mistress is just nothing but a blowhard.

During your first few encounters it is not common to feel completely at ease. You are playing with someone new, someone you dont know much about or trust yet. It is very common to not be at ease or open or willing to allow just anything to happen or tell and reveal everything just yet. That level of trust is not built in just a few encounters. It might take dozens of simple light scenes before they build enough trust to open to that extent.

When first playing with anyone or trying anything new or different it can take more than several days. It can take weeks for some to come to terms with that they did or what they allowed or consented to. They may have aberrant reactions to the initial scenes at any point in time from the time it ended. Constant check ins and constant willingness to discuss or give any from of pre-care or during-care or after-care should always be on the mind of the Mistress/Dom. Any Dom/Master that holds back or refuses aftercare for any scene is not a true Dom/Master.

Communication is always important and never should be stopped for any reason at all. Isolation is an extreme kink/fetish that should not be taken lightly by either party for any reason ever. Even being ignored for short periods of times may cause the sub/slave to question their value or worth and if they should continue or not.

There should never be the need of permission to discuss anything that is a concern or problem within the relationship. No Mistress/Dom should ever just ignore if their Sub/Slave is having any kind of problems or concerns or tell them they can only speak about it with them by permission. No true Dom/Master would ever do this. Only an abuser does this.

Punishment is not meant to be a funishment this is true. But the punishment should fit the crime and not be overboard and beyond what the Sub or Slave consents too ever. Breaking a protocol or rule does not give the Dom/Mistress the right to use harsh or extreme punishments without the previous consent of the Sub/Slave ever.

Though a lot of BDSM is a head game it is a very fine line between BDSM and abuse that all people walk. It is every easy to overstep those lines if you let your ego or pride get out of hand and do not take into consideration how the other person feels at all times.

A scene that ends good at the moment may have a drastic turn around in the sub/slaves mind even weeks later when they might have a morality crisis for what they did or allowed to be done.

If a sub/slave feels uncomfortable about an type of play or action they should not be pushed in to trying it for any reason until they are ready and bring it back up that they would like to try. It is not the right or choice of the Dom/Mistress to decide what they have to like or try or when.. ever.

It is not the right of any Dom/Mistress to ever touch or push or ignore or break any limit hard or soft without the consent of the sub/slave. In fact they should never touch a hard limit ever at any point in time. Nor may any Dom/Mistress ever punish a slave for saying no about such actions or behaviors . Nor may a Dom/Mistress ever punish for the use of a safeword if things get to intense. Any that do are just abusive and not real Dom/Masters.

The Dom/Master does not define or decide the role of the sub/slave for them ever that is for them to choose what they want or allow or accept or tolerate not anyone else ever. They are the director of their role not the Dom/Mistress at any point in time. Any Dom/Mistress that thinks its their right to decide or define the role of the sub/slave is just an abuser and manipulator.

ssc+rack.

Never just blindly accept the words of any Dom/Mistress on how things have to be or should be or will be. If you dont feel comfortable tell them. If they refuse to renegotiate or compromise then leave them and move on and dont look back and do not feel bad for doing so.

Edited by Drakonadrgora Darkfold
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1 hour ago, MistressLydiaDOuleur said:

It is important to clearly define your D/s role for a healthy BDSM relationship, you must have a consensual, and trusting relationship that is formed from the beginning and goals defined. As a new submissive explores this type of relationship. The sub will be expected to schedule time with their Mistress and go through appropriate screening measures expected from the Professional Dominatrix.  Each Mistress may have a way of screening and taking sessions that is different from one another. Respect their individual ways of doing this.

 

 Personally, I  do not take clients who do not sound like fun.  I want the experience to be entertaining for myself mostly and for the submissive to feel at ease with each new experience with me. Do a little research before scheduling time with a Mistress.  If you want to try something specific find out if the Mistress even caters to that request first.  Also, keep an open mind as a submissive when trying new play techniques. Discuss limits upfront from the viewpoint of both roles in the relationship.

 

If I accept a newbie into my dark and the sometimes twisted world consider yourself extremely lucky as a submissive. Never take your time with Mistress for granted. The knowledge and training your Mistress has is not even worth one minute in currency terms. Always keep that in mind when serving. If you’re lucky enough to get an exploratory session together and meet together in a safe and sane environment consider this gold.  

 

During your first few encounters in your new D/s relationship, you should ultimately feel more at ease and giving up your control to your counterpart. During the initial phase of playing the Mistress is evaluating you on many different levels to include things such as tolerance level to different play types. You will be discussing intimate details of your medical history/medications and honestly giving the feedback your Mistress needs.  For example, if you are on blood thinners it's important for your Mistress to know this information up front.  Taking into account that a person is on this type of medication would notify the Domme to take special precautions during certain types of play that may involve skin breaks.  

 

Discussing your mental health background and medication list with your Mistress is very important to know from the start so that healthy boundaries are set for future progression of the D/s relationship. For example, if you have been through a traumatizing event in your life that caused you to be diagnosed with PTSD this information is very important to disclose upfront to your Mistress so that she is aware of any triggers you may have before playtime begins.


 

Expect as a submissive to possibly go over formalities and safe words in the beginning to define your safety concerns in your submissive role.  Let the Mistress define to you what she expects of you. Do not play director to your Mistress or act like a know it all. Your Domme will talk with you more in-depth as to her expectations such as formal ways to greet her and exiting after a session. The Mistress may test your knowledge during the session to see if you were paying attention.  A submissive must be a good listener and be able to take in the information given and process it the way the Domme as defined their role.

 

When first playing in your D/s role as a submissive it may take your brain several days to process the information and get absorb the feeling that you had while serving.  How were the chemistry and internal discussions you had while serving your Mistress?  Did you feel more at ease towards the end of your first session?  

 

The chemistry in each D/s relationship is vital to growth in the future.  It’s good to know if the match is not successful from the beginning. If the match is not good then consider this when moving forward. Your personal experience will make the process a little bit easier when meeting another Professional Dominatrix in the future.  Having different styles and ways of playing is what makes this world of BDSM so great.

 

When trying new play that is not familiar to you in a submissive role the Mistress is most likely keeping tabs in her head.  I myself like to say, “ try it you might like it.”  It’s important to not judge yourself if you find something that once may have been taboo to you. It’s also good to talk about your feelings after the session with permission of course.

 

During the initial meet and greet phase of the D/s relationship the Mistress is making mental notes of questions she will need to know the answer too. Can this person have marks?  If so, what experience does the submissive have and tolerance today to this type of play? Is this play something they may want to continue?  As a Domme how could you make your slave progress in the future with this type of play? Mentally, is the submissive taking in the experience well or not? 

 

The lines of communication should be respected and open in the first two sessions but may be different from each Mistress. No question is a dumb question unless you like humiliation but always listen when your Mistress gives you the answer.  Repeating the answer is okay if you did not comprehend it but if you just were not listening then more discipline and training may be needed from the slave in the future? As a Domme, discussing a slave’s bad behavior before it starts and correcting the issue immediately gives both parties a better understanding of the expectations set.

 

As for punishment, I do not believe in giving the submissive a punishment they like.  Why would it be a form of punishment then? During the initial evaluation of the slave, the Mistress will take mental notes during play of likes and dislikes of the slave.  The slave’s punishment at the beginning of a new D/s relationship may be as simple as ignoring the slave or having them tied down while tickling them.  As the relationship progresses the punishments may be more intense because you already know what is expected of you in the submissive role and you just did not follow through with the Mistress’s commands.

 

Overall, the initial meet and greet is exciting to me and challenging at times. Personally, getting to know each person individually and explore the fetish world together is something that your submissive will never forget. It’s important to have a connection to your Dominant partner so that trust is gained when playing more intensely in the future.  The song that was playing in the background when writing this article was Korn, Freak on a Leash which is appropriate I believe but who defines a freak?

 

Written By: Mistress Lydia D’Ouleur

AKA LydiaDee666

 

for those who could not read what was first posted.

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2 hours ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Though I might agree with some of the things you said I do not agree with all of them.

It is never just about the Mistress/Master/Dom ever in any D/s M/s relationship. Anyone that makes it all about themselves is just an egotist and narcissist and not really a Mistress or a Dominant and does not deserve any trust or respect or loyalty or faithfulness from anyone.

Power exchange in any dynamic is always a two way street. It is never a one way street. Not even in tpe or cnc or a 24/7 dynamic.

The Mistress/Master should also take the time granted by the submissive or slave as Gold and not cheap that they were lucky to get that time with that sub/slave. No submissive has to just freely give of themselves or think that their time is any less value then what the Master/Mistress thinks of it. Without them the Master/Mistress is just nothing but a blowhard.

During your first few encounters it is not common to feel completely at ease. You are playing with someone new, someone you dont know much about or trust yet. It is very common to not be at ease or open or willing to allow just anything to happen or tell and reveal everything just yet. That level of trust is not built in just a few encounters. It might take dozens of simple light scenes before they build enough trust to open to that extent.

When first playing with anyone or trying anything new or different it can take more than several days. It can take weeks for some to come to terms with that they did or what they allowed or consented to. They may have aberrant reactions to the initial scenes at any point in time from the time it ended. Constant check ins and constant willingness to discuss or give any from of pre-care or during-care or after-care should always be on the mind of the Mistress/Dom. Any Dom/Master that holds back or refuses aftercare for any scene is not a true Dom/Master.

Communication is always important and never should be stopped for any reason at all. Isolation is an extreme kink/fetish that should not be taken lightly by either party for any reason ever. Even being ignored for short periods of times may cause the sub/slave to question their value or worth and if they should continue or not.

There should never be the need of permission to discuss anything that is a concern or problem within the relationship. No Mistress/Dom should ever just ignore if their Sub/Slave is having any kind of problems or concerns or tell them they can only speak about it with them by permission. No true Dom/Master would ever do this. Only an abuser does this.

Punishment is not meant to be a funishment this is true. But the punishment should fit the crime and not be overboard and beyond what the Sub or Slave consents too ever. Breaking a protocol or rule does not give the Dom/Mistress the right to use harsh or extreme punishments without the previous consent of the Sub/Slave ever.

Though a lot of BDSM is a head game it is a very fine line between BDSM and abuse that all people walk. It is every easy to overstep those lines if you let your ego or pride get out of hand and do not take into consideration how the other person feels at all times.

A scene that ends good at the moment may have a drastic turn around in the sub/slaves mind even weeks later when they might have a morality crisis for what they did or allowed to be done.

If a sub/slave feels uncomfortable about an type of play or action they should not be pushed in to trying it for any reason until they are ready and bring it back up that they would like to try. It is not the right or choice of the Dom/Mistress to decide what they have to like or try or when.. ever.

It is not the right of any Dom/Mistress to ever touch or push or ignore or break any limit hard or soft without the consent of the sub/slave. In fact they should never touch a hard limit ever at any point in time. Nor may any Dom/Mistress ever punish a slave for saying no about such actions or behaviors . Nor may a Dom/Mistress ever punish for the use of a safeword if things get to intense. Any that do are just abusive and not real Dom/Masters.

The Dom/Master does not define or decide the role of the sub/slave for them ever that is for them to choose what they want or allow or accept or tolerate not anyone else ever. They are the director of their role not the Dom/Mistress at any point in time. Any Dom/Mistress that thinks its their right to decide or define the role of the sub/slave is just an abuser and manipulator.

ssc+rack.

Never just blindly accept the words of any Dom/Mistress on how things have to be or should be or will be. If you dont feel comfortable tell them. If they refuse to renegotiate or compromise then leave them and move on and dont look back and do not feel bad for doing so.

I can't find anything that you've said to have any point I could disagree on, In fact you took the words from my head.

Mind if I use this post as reference in a FB Group I admin for?

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19 hours ago, Eseme Nova said:

I can't find anything that you've said to have any point I could disagree on, In fact you took the words from my head.

Mind if I use this post as reference in a FB Group I admin for?

Not at all. go ahead. Never stop learning, never stop growing.

Edited by Drakonadrgora Darkfold
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On 6/30/2020 at 8:21 PM, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Not at all. go ahead. Never stop learning, never stop growing.

Right, the group I assist in is a learning group, if you ever want to be a part of it, I can dm you the link to the main and back up. :3

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4 minutes ago, ArgontheDevil Ormega said:

It is possible to talk romance to death.

but without some talk you might cause harm or hurt and damage as well and cause it to die in that manner.

and bdsm is not just about romance or love. it has an even deeper meaning to some.

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3 hours ago, Eseme Nova said:

Right, the group I assist in is a learning group, if you ever want to be a part of it, I can dm you the link to the main and back up. :3

you can send me the link if you wish. I dont use fb at the moment but i might join just to see.

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On 7/2/2020 at 7:54 PM, ArgontheDevil Ormega said:

It is possible to talk romance to death.

You can skip the talk and the romance. I usually do, it leaves more time to hide the bodies.

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