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Madelaine McMasters

What are some more of your pet peeves?

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Posted (edited)

An actual peeve, IRL and SL: People who only hear/read the first five words of whatever you are saying, decide they already know what you are saying, and then spend the rest of the time NOT listening/reading what you actually write but are preparing in their head how they are going to respond to you. Because they haven't listened their assumptions are dead wrong. Because they continue to not listen — being intent upon formulating their response — they do not hear that what you said after the first five words is completely different from what they thought they heard. And, because they are the type of people who do not listen, even after they make their response and you try to correct their inaccurate assumptions, they don't listen...

What is remarkable is that this happens in print, here in the Forum or inworld, just as much as it does verbally IRL (well, that's my experience). In print you can say to the inattentive, "Reread that paragraph, please, that is not what I said..." And 9 times out of 10 that makes no difference. Or they may admit that, oops, they did misread it, but if you ask them later they are still holding onto their initial, wrong, view of what you said. 

Drives me bats. I've seen it do great damage here in the Forum, to me and to many others. It screws up personal relationships.

Second peeve that I have recently received via SL: People who don't get what a real apology is. I've written about this before, in the defunct thread.  "IF I offended you, I'm sorry but..."  This is so not an apology. "If I offended you..." refutes that you just told the person, "I'm hurt/offended that..." and no true apology ever contains the word "but."  Or the reasonable sounding, "I'm sorry but we are both equally responsible..." Uh, again, that "but" and also the blame shifting of equally responsible. If you screwed up it shouldn't be so hard just to simply say, "I screwed up by doing xyz and I'm sorry."  I'm sorry, I could go on, but I won't. :D

Edited by Seicher Rae
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34 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

Oh, the good doctor is one of my favorite poets! Thanks for reminding me of this one!

Seemed fitting in the context of a conversation about not being sorry. 

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7 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

An actual peeve, IRL and SL: People who only hear/read the first five words of whatever you are saying, decide they already know what you are saying, and then spend the rest of the time NOT listening/reading what you actually write but are preparing in their head how they are going to respond to you. Because they haven't listened their assumptions are dead wrong. Because they continue to not listen — being intent upon formulating their response — they do not head that what you said after the first five words is completely different from what they thought they heard. And, because they are the type of people who do not listen, even after they make their response and you try to correct their inaccurate assumptions, they don't listen...

What is remarkable is that this happens in print, here in the Forum or inworld, just as much as it does verbally IRL (well, that's my experience). In print you can say to the inattentive, "Reread that paragraph, please, that is not what I said..." And 9 times out of 10 that makes no difference. Or they may admit that, oops, they did misread it, but if you ask them later they are still holding onto their initial, wrong, view of what you said. 

Drives me bats. I've seen it do great damage here in the Forum, to me and to many others. It screws up personal relationships.

Second peeve that I have recently received via SL: People who don't get what a real apology is. I've written about this before, in the defunct thread.  "IF I offended you, I'm sorry but..."  This is so not an apology. "If I offended you..." refutes that you just told the person, "I'm hurt/offended that..." and no true apology ever contains the word "but."  Or the reasonable sounding, "I'm sorry but we are both equally responsible..." Uh, again, that "but" and also the blame shifting of equally responsible. If you screwed up it shouldn't be so hard just to simply say, "I screwed up by doing xyz and I'm sorry."  I'm sorry, I could go on, but I won't. :D

You make a valid point. People do like to do this both here and in rl and inworld. Its actually simple why they do. They are rejudging you the same way because of something you said or did some other time. They dont take each interaction as its own and wait and try and understand before judging you the same again. If you were snarky before, you are being snarky again...

people seldom change from whom they were. so how you are now is what you were then in their eyes. Even if it wasn't true even then. once a trouble maker always a trouble maker in their eyes.

Its very hard for anyone to really apologize and take responsibility or be accountable for their actions or words, it is much easier to pass the blame around to someone else or back to the original person they may have offended or hurt. they need to pass the blame they cant handle taking it all. they either dont have the courage or self worth or dignity to do so or they may actually believe it is not all their fault (and sometimes its not).

i could elaborate further... but... I doubt most would care or read it. If something is more than a few sentences long.. or a few paragraphs.. its not worth their time to read it all...

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Seicher Rae said:

Second peeve that I have recently received via SL: People who don't get what a real apology is. I've written about this before, in the defunct thread.  "IF I offended you, I'm sorry but..."  This is so not an apology. "If I offended you..." refutes that you just told the person, "I'm hurt/offended that..." and no true apology ever contains the word "but."  Or the reasonable sounding, "I'm sorry but we are both equally responsible..." Uh, again, that "but" and also the blame shifting of equally responsible. If you screwed up it shouldn't be so hard just to simply say, "I screwed up by doing xyz and I'm sorry."  I'm sorry, I could go on, but I won't. :D

Yes, this annoys me too. We all mess up sometimes and if I've done something wrong I like to think I apologise for it. I also like to think I can accept a sincere apology with good grace and move on. I'm unimpressed with people who know they've made a mistake and acted like a pillock but lack the good form to acknowledge and say sorry for it and then expect you to carry on as if nothing happened just as soon as they want to. But with that said, I'd rather someone didn't apologise at all if it's only going to be a "sorry but it's your fault really". 

Either way, it's a sign that this isn't a person I want to engage with.

That's one reason I like that poem so much. It's an admission of wrongdoing, a request for forgiveness...but never an actual apology, because the writer clearly isn't sorry at all and isn't lying about it. Very genuine. 

Edited by Amina Sopwith
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1 hour ago, Seicher Rae said:

An actual peeve, IRL and SL

   Yeah, I agree. All of IRL and SL is a pet peeve of mine, too!

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32 minutes ago, Orwar said:
1 hour ago, Seicher Rae said:

An actual peeve, IRL and SL

   Yeah, I agree. All of IRL and SL is a pet peeve of mine, too!

I see what you did, there!

3F95CC9B-B0B9-4B13-9017-B3CFDAF4AB6A.jpeg

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22 hours ago, Amina Sopwith said:

This Is Just To Say

 

I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox

 

and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast

 

Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold

 

William Carlos Williams

I would forgive him for eating the plums, even if I had been saving them for my breakfast, because at least he enjoyed them enormously.

Had he have said:
"Sorry, I ate the plums", I would have thought, you arsehole, you're not sorry at all, or you wouldn't have eaten them! 

But this kind of reminds me of my lovely late--Aunty Lil, who used to make a big deal out of taking a piece of fried bread, coating it thinly and carefully with brown sauce, and putting her hand over it, then turning away from her plate, only for her sister, Aunty Lou, to sneak it from under her hand to pass to me.  It was just a game we used to play. Then Aunty Lil would pretend to go for the delicious slice and be very shocked that it had disappeared right from under her nose, and all that there would be left would be the tell-tale crumbs around my mouth. 

Ahhh memories.

Good memories are better than pet peeves, even if not SL-related. 

 

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Asking for forgiveness isn't the same thing as apologizing in my book. It is possible to forgive without receiving an apology. It's not possible to accept an apology without getting one first.

 

Apologize-quotes12.jpg

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5 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Asking for forgiveness isn't the same thing as apologizing in my book. It is possible to forgive without receiving an apology. It's not possible to accept an apology without getting one first.

 

Apologize-quotes12.jpg

Except some people never forget or truly accept or forgive..

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1 hour ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Except some people never forget or truly accept or forgive..

ok Where's that hidden cam? I'ma find it. One way or another. lol

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Peeve: Two nights in a row of fireworks going off so close to my house that I haven't been able to get to sleep at a decent hour. From 9 pm on until 2 and 3 am two nights in a row is too damn much. And it won't end tonight. Some will still be shooting the damn things off for weeks to come and then it will start all over again with the next holiday. I used to love fireworks. Now I hate them because people are so inconsiderate. It's hard enough getting a decent night's sleep once in a while as it is. 🤬

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11 hours ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

ok Where's that hidden cam? I'ma find it. One way or another. lol

Its right there behind you.. in that thing over there..no not that thing, the other thing right next to it.

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People that won't bother to figure out forums and thus post their question/topic in whatever random sub-forum they just happen to land at.

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3 hours ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Its right there behind you.. in that thing over there..no not that thing, the other thing right next to it.

lol... The thing behind me is a closet... with the doors closed. Nothing in it but paper and other office supplies and my Christmas decorations.

Oh and a couple of these:

d382cc4f789cb30cc22a8ebf8c11cfc8.jpg

 

No, not the guy, the flute! Although if I found him in there...

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1 hour ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

lol... The thing behind me is a closet... with the doors closed. Nothing in it but paper and other office supplies and my Christmas decorations.

Oh and a couple of these:

d382cc4f789cb30cc22a8ebf8c11cfc8.jpg

 

No, not the guy, the flute! Although if I found him in there...

who says I didnt hide it in one of the flutes.. or maybe the door nob to the closet.. maybe I stuck it in a christmas decoration. i'll never tell.  maybe I lied and its right in front of you in plain sight.. yeah that little thing setting over there.. you never guessed did you. :P

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1 hour ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

People that won't bother to figure out forums and thus post their question/topic in whatever random sub-forum they just happen to land at.

And people who can't figure out how to start a new question or topic, so they tag theirs onto the discussion in some old, random thread.  (Let's see ... the title on this one is "How to get my avatar's height?"  That sounds good .....  "But why can't I buy L$ with my COSTCO membership card?" )  🙄

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4 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

who says I didnt hide it in one of the flutes.. or maybe the door nob to the closet.. maybe I stuck it in a christmas decoration. i'll never tell.  maybe I lied and its right in front of you in plain sight.. yeah that little thing setting over there.. you never guessed did you. :P

lol No door knobs. They are sliding doors. You put the cam in the wrong house! 😜

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Adding another. Running into a couple of websites the last few weeks and was a blank page with just something like "We're now only on your mobile, click this link and your # to send the link to your phone." 🤦‍♀️  Uggh.  I need big computer --- big screen --- for these old ancient eyeballs!

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Having binge watched - a thing I rarely do - a magnificent series on the BBC iPlayer, the psycho kidnapper went and jumped off a bloody bridge. I wanted to know what happened to his 10 year old daughter, and Megan, and .... oh look, there is a series 2 (which won't cover a bloody thing, and I still won't know what happened to Nia or Megan).  

A minor pet peeve, but mine today. 

And the fact that time is not a constant and today only felt like it was three hours long, and here in the UK it isn't only 1.19pm. 

Grrrhhh!!!

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1 hour ago, Kimmi Zehetbauer said:

Adding another. Running into a couple of websites the last few weeks and was a blank page with just something like "We're now only on your mobile, click this link and your # to send the link to your phone." 🤦‍♀️  Uggh.  I need big computer --- big screen --- for these old ancient eyeballs!

That is usually because they are trying to farm phone numbers to text message spam them, or sell them to other companies who would then do so.

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Ok  RL peeve. Older people who lipsynch what I am saying. Almost like predictive text.

I just can't help throwing in random words,  to upset their synching.

I'm that evil.

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2 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

Ok  RL peeve. Older people who lipsynch what I am saying. Almost like predictive text.

I just can't help throwing in random words,  to upset their synching.

I'm that evil.

What? I've never experienced that. How do they do that, how do they know what you're going to say? And why? 

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Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

What? I've never experienced that. How do they do that, how do they know what you're going to say? And why? 

I kind of get it. When I was a little girl, there was this one woman who I nicknamed in my head "Mrs Earwig" because of how her over-plucked eyebrows used to dance when she talked, and her lips would constantly be moving whenever my mother was speaking, invariably managing to know the ends to all my mother's sentences; just the last couple of words. 

Edited by Marigold Devin
of words.
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I'm going to guess that they're doing something like little kids do when they are learning to read.  They read the words on the page and vocalize them, at least to extent of moving their lips. They may not even know that they are doing it. It's like doubling down to be sure that the brain really gets the message from the page.  If you were going a little hard of hearing, I can imagine you doing the same sort of lip syncing to help focus on what's being said.

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