Profiles

[Kathlen Onyx]

I look at profiles like everyone else and one thing that I have noticed is that guys have a lot of Picks of women saying how this person is there BFF or they are their ride or die.  Women also do but they include women in that category as well.  I have never see a guy put in his picks how "john" is a great friend and BFF.  I wonder why that is?

[Beth Macbain]

Toxic masculinity.

They’re afraid people will think they caught the gay.

[Kathlen Onyx]

Yeah, I figured that. I also think most of the women in men's profiles are of women they wanted to date but for some reason couldn't so they opted for BFF. 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

I don't know the answer to this. Socialization? Although, men have no problems with homosocial behaviour (men's clubs, poker games, nights out at the pub with the lads, etc.) in RL, so I don't know why that doesn't translate here.

I once asked a (poorly phrased) question somewhat along those lines in a thread here.

It did not go well.

[Beth Macbain]

To be fair, I have seen men with their buddies in their picks. It’s rare, but I’ve seen it once or twice.

[Derek Torvalar]

12 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I don't know the answer to this. Socialization? Although, men have no problems with homosocial behaviour (men's clubs, poker games, nights out at the pub with the lads, etc.) in RL, so I don't know why that doesn't translate here.

I once asked a (poorly phrased) question somewhat along those lines in a thread here.

It did not go well.

LOL😄

[Maitimo]

1 hour ago, KateaSL said:

I look at profiles like everyone else and one thing that I have noticed is that guys have a lot of Picks of women saying how this person is there BFF or they are their ride or die.  Women also do but they include women in that category as well.  I have never see a guy put in his picks how "john" is a great friend and BFF.  I wonder why that is?

There aren't enough guys in SL to go round.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 hour ago, Derek Torvalar said:

LOL😄

Um, hi Derek . . . ?

😏

[Tolya Ugajin]

I don't recall ever hearing a man refer to another man as their "BFF" in RL or SL or any old L.  Probably because we see every other male as someone we potentially may need to kill some day, so the second "F" really doesn't apply.

 

[kali Wylder]

1 hour ago, KateaSL said:

I look at profiles like everyone else and one thing that I have noticed is that guys have a lot of Picks of women saying how this person is there BFF or they are their ride or die.  Women also do but they include women in that category as well.  I have never see a guy put in his picks how "john" is a great friend and BFF.  I wonder why that is?

I have. 

[Derek Torvalar]

16 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Um, hi Derek . . . ?

😏

I was chuckling at the 'It did not go well.'

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

18 minutes ago, Derek Torvalar said:

I was chuckling at the 'It did not go well.'

 

It so seldom does.

[kiramanell]

6 hours ago, KateaSL said:

Yeah, I figured that. I also think most of the women in men's profiles are of women they wanted to date but for some reason couldn't so they opted for BFF. 

 

LOL. That has the ring of truth to it.  

[Seicher Rae]

5 hours ago, Derek Torvalar said:

I was chuckling at the 'It did not go well.'

 

Same, sorry Scylla but um... 😄

I read that, "It did not go well" and just heard a forlorn sigh in your voice. Yep, you're the only one in the history of the Forums to have OPs shot all to hell. heck. Can we say hell?

Edited May 29, 2020 by Seicher Rae
We CAN say hell!

[sirhc DeSantis]

Well, I would not use the term BFF because, like, I am super super sure I am not a 12 year old schoolgirl.

Yep just checked, posdef sure.

[BelindaN]

The guys I've met seem to prefer to be loners, or with women, rather than hang out with other guys.

Whereas the girls socialise much more and hang out with friends more. 

I guess the reasons are varied.

[Orwar]

   Men in Second Life appears to be a minority, and personally don't care much about the gender of a person when I'm making friends - there are few men on my contact list, but some of them are good, close friends indeed. But I'm no, as Sirhc put it, '12 year old schoolgirl', I feel no need to advertise that I have friends as that's probably even more pathetic than whinging about not having any friends. I used to have picks with my partners and my family, but took those down to protect them when toxic women began targeting them because they were incapable of breaking me head-on. Having one of my SL daughters tell me that some strange woman had sent her a long, confusing IM about how I was 'an evil person' struck a weird chord (although no harm in that instance, she's about as twisted as I am and found it humorous). 

   And to the self-proclaimed expert panel in gender studies trying to analyze men by projecting your feminine perspective onto them and perceive us as misfits - perhaps if you'd take one moment to consider the possibility that the universe doesn't turn around you, that you aren't the archetype and mould for what a person should be, you could open your minds to some actual reality and see the world for what it is rather than what you want it to be. There are men I can turn to if I need a shoulder to cry on, why are you so obsessed with us showing it? It's none of your damned business.

[norajulian]

I don’t have a BFF Jill, nor does she get her own pic. People don’t need to post anything in their profiles to socialize or to have people that are important to them. Also, picks aren’t endless - what if you just have more Important Peopke than there are slots in the machine? I see PLENTY of avatars of all genders and species who have various picks in their profile dedicated to people, but.. it’s their SL, so. 🤷🏼‍♀️
 

I hate to be the Lisa Logical here, but it IS quite possible for people to become friends without any romantic anything.

Edited May 29, 2020 by norajulian

[CaerolleClaudel]

14 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

homosocial behaviour

Too funny, though I am sure I am interpreting this the wrong way, lol (my brain is soooo queer, lol).

That reminds me of the time some macho guy was going on about the movie 300 and I just started laughing my ass off saying how funny it was with all the homoeroticism and satire of machismo. He was NOT amused...

[CaerolleClaudel]

13 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

It so seldom does.

Reminds me of a scene from the movie Firefly:

Bad Guy: It is worse than you know.

Hero: It usually is.

[Catrie]

I don't think it's "toxic masculinity".  However, I think Society at large has this fixation on what someone has to be. They have to fit certain molds. If they don't, there's "obviously something wrong with them." 

If women put in their female friends,  then they aren't looked down upon, nor is their sexuality questioned.  However, if a guy puts a guy friend in their pic,  their sexuality is questioned, as the other man is automatically assumed to be their lover or significant other, even if that isn't the case.  It is far safer for the men to put their female friends in, as then they are seen to fit in the box others have put them in. 

It took quite a while before I put anything in my profile, and I did remove someone, simply so that others wouldn't project their feelings and/or thoughts on me still having that person in mine, or sending comments to that person.  

At the end of the day, it's really no one else's business what a person puts in their profile.  Their profile is simply what they feel comfortable letting the world of Second Life know about them.  There are a lot of private people, who have very close friends of all genders, that don't feel the need to put them all on display for the SL world to see. 

[CaerolleClaudel]

12 minutes ago, Catrie said:

I don't think it's "toxic masculinity".  However, I think Society at large has this fixation on what someone has to be. They have to fit certain molds. If they don't, there's "obviously something wrong with them." 

The Patriarchy harms everyone, including men. I feel women have a far, far wider range of acceptable behaviors than men (mostly excepting being assertive and ambitious, much less dominant, the primary realms expected of men), though.

[Orwar]

2 minutes ago, CaerolleClaudel said:

The Patriarchy harms everyone, including men.

   Yes, and the Devil tempts good men to do bad things.

   The concept of 'the patriarchy' is the religious lunacy of this generation. Perhaps if people focused just a little bit more on being better people themselves, than expecting the world to change around them to fit their ideals, the world would actually strive to become a better place.

[Gatogateau]

1 hour ago, Orwar said:

   Men in Second Life appears to be a minority, and personally don't care much about the gender of a person when I'm making friends - there are few men on my contact list, but some of them are good, close friends indeed. But I'm no, as Sirhc put it, '12 year old schoolgirl', I feel no need to advertise that I have friends as that's probably even more pathetic than whinging about not having any friends. I used to have picks with my partners and my family, but took those down to protect them when toxic women began targeting them because they were incapable of breaking me head-on. Having one of my SL daughters tell me that some strange woman had sent her a long, confusing IM about how I was 'an evil person' struck a weird chord (although no harm in that instance, she's about as twisted as I am and found it humorous). 

   And to the self-proclaimed expert panel in gender studies trying to analyze men by projecting your feminine perspective onto them and perceive us as misfits - perhaps if you'd take one moment to consider the possibility that the universe doesn't turn around you, that you aren't the archetype and mould for what a person should be, you could open your minds to some actual reality and see the world for what it is rather than what you want it to be. There are men I can turn to if I need a shoulder to cry on, why are you so obsessed with us showing it? It's none of your damned business.

BTW, I see what you did there with you badge. That's so last week, dude.

Ok, you had me agreeing with you totally in paragraph one.

Then the whole tone of paragraph two, while I can understand a bit about why it is annoying to be analyzed, was a bit much. I do see some man bashing here, agreed. The last two sentences get back on track, but the "obsessed" part? I don't see any of this as being obsessive. The OP made an observation which seems to be accurate. She found it interesting and posed a question as to why her observation might be happening. People are responding conversationally which is a nice change from all the bickering. That's not being obsessive. I doubt anyone here has thought that much about it.

::: purrs, scratches the chair leg:::

[Orwar]

Just now, Gatogateau said:

I don't see any of this as being obsessive.

   I don't refer to just this thread, but the discourse on the topic in society in general. For the past several years, wherever you go whether online or in the real world, there are women who do their very utmost to bring attention to how you're 'emotionally deficit' because you don't act like a girly-girl, and I'm sick and tired of it. Yes, the feminist community is obsessed with men's emotions.