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syrup37c

non-binary. I need a friend.

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I'm not very good at talking in large groups.
I went to In-World clubs and such and didn't get along with others.
So, I would like to find friends on this forum.

I am a non-binary.
The love interests are non-binary, genderfluid, and male.
If you search for "LGBT community" on secondlife
A lot of places with sex as their main focus hit.
However, I am not interested in having sex online.
(I don't have much of a sex drive.)

As you may already know, I don't speak English very well.
Please allow me to use the translation function occasionally.
I also think the chat is slow.

■About me.
 I'm using a male body (for now).
 I like to talk to people one-on-one or in small groups.
 I like gender-neutral clothes.
 I like simple black and white clothes (for now).
 I like a quiet place, but I go to dances and events once in a while.
 We can talk RL (if you want to).

■The time you have logged in to scondlife is
 SLT 22:00 to 6:00 p.m.
 On holidays, I've been logging in since around SLT 17:00.

■What you're interested in
 Museums (secondlife's art projects are really great)
 Culture (lifestyle and food culture) of various countries
 Movies, reading, music, and all cultures
 Games (Animal Crossing, etc.)
 I also like to talk about mental care.
 I want to learn Chinese and Korean.

■About RL
 Male.
 I'm living in East Asia (a country where anime, games and manga are popular,kawaii).
 I'm not a teenager or a 20-something.
 I can teach you about the language of my country.

Please IM me if you are interested.
 

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I am sorry I am old and not up on what these terms are..... when you start labeling people and isolating I get confused.. Can't a person just have a friend and not have to worry about labels?

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Posted (edited)

I think there has been a label for gender binary since long ago.

I don't think cisgender people can understand this.

Edited by syrup37c
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21 hours ago, syrup37c said:

I think there has been a label for gender binary since long ago.

I don't think cisgender people can understand this.

more labels and assumptions......   good luck. You will need it with that attitude.

 

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On 5/18/2020 at 3:04 PM, Tarina Sewell said:

I am sorry I am old and not up on what these terms are..... when you start labeling people and isolating I get confused.. Can't a person just have a friend and not have to worry about labels?

Google exists and works really well for researching things you are unfamiliar with.

 

Labels exist to help easily explain things. They let us explain a concept in a brief manor. Like saying you're a 'sports fan' or a 'trekkie'. And sometimes, people just want to find friends they can relate with. A sports fan might want a friend who's also a sports fan. Cause then they can relate more easily on a shared subject.

 

That's what syrup37c is trying to do here. Find people they relate with. And as your intention was clearly to come into this topic and criticize them for doing so? Well, clearly you aren't someone they should bother trying to be friends with.

 

 

That said, hello syrup!

 

I'm also non-binary! Hurrah for fellow enbys! Can also understand the struggle of finding people to be friends with, though I've been pretty lucky to find some decent folk. I can imagine the struggle being even harder if there is a language barrier involved. Feel free to send me an IM in world sometime!

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Posted (edited)

 

On 5/19/2020 at 4:04 AM, syrup37c said:

I don't think cisgender people can understand this.

I think the mentality going on here is probably going to make going through life very difficult for you.

We're just people. Nobody really cares that much if you have a male part, a female part, or you have a male and want to name yourself like you have a female part. Your life isn't going to end if someone gets your identity wrong. Loosen up, go out there and talk to people :)

Edited by Extrude Ragu
I didn't know that our organs get censored on the forum
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On 5/17/2020 at 3:06 AM, syrup37c said:

As you may already know, I don't speak English very well.
Please allow me to use the translation function occasionally.
I also think the chat is slow.

I could hardly tell, your English seemed pretty good to me :)

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4 hours ago, Extrude Ragu said:

 

I think the mentality going on here is probably going to make going through life very difficult for you.

We're just people. Nobody really cares that much if you have a male part, a female part, or you have a male and want to name yourself like you have a female part. Your life isn't going to end if someone gets your identity wrong. Loosen up, go out there and talk to people :)

Aaaaand this mentality is EXACTLY why someone who's non-binary would be seeking out other non-binary friends.

🤲🙏🤲🙏

Big round of applause for you completely missing the point and dismissing someone else's gender.

 

For those who think that gender and sex, two completely different subjects and do not mean the same thing by the way, do not matter? Well, that's called privilege.

Here's an example of gender and sex being important:
https://community.secondlife.com/forums/topic/454271-accused-of-being-a-male-while-on-sl/

Need a non-SL example? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_pay_gap

I can definitely find more examples if desired! It's reaaaaal easy. Gender identity and structure is a major concept used globally around the world in various ways to define relationships, hierarchical positioning, purpose, etc. As much as we shouldn't let it define things, it does.

 

Also, to anyone wanting to chime in because syrup identifies as non-binary, please ask yourself this first. Would you care if this was a man looking for other men to be friends with? Or a woman looking for other women to be friends with?

 

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22 minutes ago, SimplyNemz said:

Aaaaand this mentality is EXACTLY why someone who's non-binary would be seeking out other non-binary friends.

🤲🙏🤲

I think that you come across as quite unfriendly. You appear to talk down to the reader and make broad assumptions about their knowledge, intelligence character and position in life which is the same issue I was highlighting with my original quote.

 

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50 minutes ago, SimplyNemz said:

Big round of applause for you completely missing the point and dismissing someone else's gender.

 As much as we shouldn't let it define things, it does.

So should we or shouldn't we?

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1 hour ago, Extrude Ragu said:

I think that you come across as quite unfriendly. You appear to talk down to the reader and make broad assumptions about their knowledge, intelligence character and position in life which is the same issue I was highlighting with my original quote.

 

I'm normally quite friendly. Not so much to people who dismiss other peoples identity.

 

59 minutes ago, Hunny Heartsong said:

So should we or shouldn't we?

You shouldn't allow someone's identity to influence how you interact with them. However, you can't ignore that our society does on a regular basis. It's the same issue as "Color blindness" when it comes to race. Deciding that YOU are going to ignore their race doesn't mean other people are going to. And by ignoring their race, you're also ignoring their history, their struggles, etc. So although it's important to acknowledge your own biases and your reactions based on those biases you also can't simply ignore the persons identity.

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2 minutes ago, SimplyNemz said:

I'm normally quite friendly.

I wouldn't know, your account has 4 posts and 3 of them look like talking down to others to me 🤔

 

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12 minutes ago, Extrude Ragu said:

I wouldn't know, your account has 4 posts and 3 of them look like talking down to others to me 🤔

 

So you're basing your conclusion off a sampling of four sources? Sounds legit. I guess I'm just going to have to accept that I'm an unfriendly person.

Aside from drawing more comments to this post though, this track of conversation isn't enlightening or going to assist syrup in finding friends. If you wanna talk more about how you believe gender is irrelevant please do feel free to message me in SL though.

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I'm not drawing conclusions. All I'm saying is that I wouldn't know, and that the first impression you've given on the forum doesn't appear to be a good one to me.

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People, especially those who have been marginalized by society, need allies and people who understand what their life is like. OP doesn't seem to be stating in any way that they will only become friends with people who are also non-binary. 

I see OP saying that they need a friend. Need. Need a friend. 

The way people have jumped on the OP, whose first language isn't English, is ugly. 

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I think OP knew exactly what they were doing when they said 'I don't think cisgender people can understand this.'

I don't think that OP or Nemz are marginalized. I don't think marginalized people would talk to others like what I've read. I think that if they were, they would be a lot nicer to others as they would know how it feels to be called out for who they are. I have not witnessed that virtue here.

I really do think that most people in SL simply do not care about what your identity is. It's never been made into an issue and I've met a lot of people of all kinds of sexualities or lack thereof. I don't think other people are as mean and cruel as they're being made out to be and believe that most people on SL are nice people.

 

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Extrude Ragu said:

I think OP knew exactly what they were doing when they said 'I don't think cisgender people can understand this.'

I don't think that OP or Nemz are marginalized. I don't think marginalized people would talk to others like what I've read. I think that if they were, they would be a lot nicer to others as they would know how it feels to be called out for who they are. I have not witnessed that virtue here.

I really do think that most people in SL simply do not care about what your identity is. It's never been made into an issue and I've met a lot of people of all kinds of sexualities or lack thereof. I don't think other people are as mean and cruel as they're being made out to be and believe that most people on SL are nice people.

 

Respect is a two way street. I for one do not  see it as very respectful to instantly dismiss and assume hostility where there is none.

Cisgender people really don't understand what it's like when people routinely berate and dismiss their identities  routinely.  That's perfectly fine! No single people can experience or  understand every state of existence. Cisgender people also don't have their looking for  [x] threads hijacked with overly dismissive and hurtful language over how they don't  "get it." (unless they're  PoC or LGB+) or  have their experiences as marginalised people  instantly erased because they did not word things in the most soft and non-threatening manner possible.

 

Sometimes even then they're erased.  This is not ok and I've seen it more then once any time a Trans person tries to connect with people through the fourms.

and I wouldn't say identity doesn't matter. just looking in this forum, the lifestyle and relationships  the  SL Search or even sim descriptions and titles. Plenty of places where identity plays a  part,

 

To op: Hey I'm also Nonbinary.  a European one. But I'm willing to chat due to having a case of being someone that doesn't sleep until late at night my time. Expect a poking soon!

Edited by Robin Kiyori
Adding more words and fixing typoed ones.
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On 5/19/2020 at 12:04 PM, syrup37c said:

I don't think cisgender people can understand this.

This statement is not intended to be critical of cisgender people or those who have no understanding of gender.
It's natural that people don't understand.

I don't want to have a critical or misguided conversation about gender, so
I'd like to make some non-binary friends.
It's because in RL I've gotten tired of having this kind of back-and-forth on the topic.

Normally, I think I am a compassionate person.
I have friends of all genders.
When someone criticizes me about my gender, I often spend my time laughing.

I don't want to get into a discussion about gender on this topic.
 

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49 minutes ago, syrup37c said:

I don't want to have a critical or misguided conversation about gender, so
I'd like to make some non-binary friends.
It's because in RL I've gotten tired of having this kind of back-and-forth on the topic.

I don't want to get into a discussion about gender on this topic.
 

And that is a perfectly reasonable request to make, and exactly what the forums are for! Finding your niche. 

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I would be interested but unfortunately I live in entirely the wrong part of the world and I'm never online at the same time. I wish you the best of luck though. 

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1 hour ago, Maitimo said:

I would be interested but unfortunately I live in entirely the wrong part of the world and I'm never online at the same time. I wish you the best of luck though. 

same! in the uk here.

 

and to everyone who is writing debating gender, just let this person be!!!! gosh.

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On 5/17/2020 at 11:06 AM, syrup37c said:

I would like to find friends on this forum

Hi @syrup37c

Another nonbinary person here :)

I'm also in the UK so our time zones might make it difficult to meet in real time, but I'd be very happy to chat and share resources or ideas with you by message (inworld or on here). Same for any other nonbinary folx* - I'd love to get a discussion going about good inworld nonbinary and intersectional spaces that aren't just about dating.

*Feel free to send me a FR too

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Posted (edited)
On 5/20/2020 at 8:19 PM, syrup37c said:

This statement is not intended to be critical of cisgender people or those who have no understanding of gender.
It's natural that people don't understand.

I don't want to have a critical or misguided conversation about gender, so
I'd like to make some non-binary friends.
It's because in RL I've gotten tired of having this kind of back-and-forth on the topic.

Normally, I think I am a compassionate person.
I have friends of all genders.
When someone criticizes me about my gender, I often spend my time laughing.

I don't want to get into a discussion about gender on this topic.
 

I was not asking for that conversation, I was not asking for definition. I am a pretty accepting person in whole about people. Whatever form they present themselves I do not judge or care. I was just offering to be a friend..

There are many things in life that people can gather a friendship about that has nothing to do with how you identify. Music, Art, Food, Sailing, Collecting..  

But Beth is right . You are looking for something specific because of your own reasons and someone like me just offering honest friendship is not something you want.

 But back up a bit, I actually never asked you about it.... I said I did not know. I was not asking for a explanation. You just assumed..  😉

I am personally just not a label kind of person...  Except if you are a bad person or a good person. That is all that matters to me.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Tarina Sewell

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On 5/20/2020 at 2:55 PM, SimplyNemz said:

So you're basing your conclusion off a sampling of four sources? Sounds legit. I guess I'm just going to have to accept that I'm an unfriendly person.

Aside from drawing more comments to this post though, this track of conversation isn't enlightening or going to assist syrup in finding friends. If you wanna talk more about how you believe gender is irrelevant please do feel free to message me in SL though.

You are an instigator and a drama maker. 

 

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On 5/17/2020 at 6:06 AM, syrup37c said:

I'm not very good at talking in large groups.
I went to In-World clubs and such and didn't get along with others.
So, I would like to find friends on this forum.

I'm good at talking...i like dancing, reading, rock music, soul music, gossiping.

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