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accused of being a male while on SL


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1 hour ago, Bree Giffen said:

Ask the guy why he is so sexually insecure that he will accuse random female avatars of being men. Tell him that he is only showing a fearful and fragile little ego. 

 

Or... a bruised ego, simply assuming that not going along with their advances naturally means you're a guy (like: "I mean, whou could possibly ever resist my rugged handsomeness?!").

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Do you have pictures of yourself? No matter how you look, I am sure someone does this to get you on voice or on camera... it is a power play. If they accuse 100 avatars, maybe it works on some.

this ^^ be who you are, who you want to be, dress as you want and don't fret it i have reached the point in my own SL now where I say yes to everything.  Are you a girl? yes. Are you a boy?

God, it drives me absolutely crazy when those kind show up. One reason why I don't voice. I mean, I absolutely hate voice. It drives my anxiety crazy. I can handle it, for  work and stuff like that (a

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Theresa and Ballpark may have a point...having a Display name, a username, and a "hyper feminine" avatar may make it appear to some people that you are...well, insisting.  You know, "I'm a girl!  I'm a girl!  I'M A GIRL!!!" And then they take that as an indication that maybe you're NOT a girl.

But even so, you're entitled to be whatever and whoever you like in SL, and present yourself in any way you like.  Everyone who is telling you to ignore the naysayers, or needle them in return, is perfectly correct.

Nuts to 'em!

Edited by Lindal Kidd
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Oooh man.. Could I tell you some stories on this!  I'm always told that.  I don't see it as an insult anymore,  when I was younger I did because I was trying to figure myself out.  Now a days I just agree with them and they tend to F off.

My most recent was when I was in an adult sim, and this dude who apperantly likes to just IM and psychoanalyze people all the friggin time decided that because I wasn't going to prove to him that I'm female by voicing that means I'm a dude.   He caught me on a drunk night with that accusation and I was like Fine.  Gimme a second.

I couldn't get my mic to work, I learned why later.  (Front Ports don't like reading anything beyond a gamepad, mouse or my keyboard. I have to plug my headset into the port in the BACK of the machine.  Which is a pain in the arse.)

 

Edit:  I'm always accused of being a man not based off my avatar alone but by interacting with me and when I out right refuse to do something that's that, I'm a man!

Edited by Lavaliere
Forgot to add in what
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I use both female and male avatars , interchangeably, and often. I really do not care what anyone thinks I am on my side of the screen. I don't use SL for dating, and if people need to know what your biological gender is just to treat you with kindness or even civility, well they aren't worth knowing in my opinion.  My advice is don't put too much stock into what someone thinks about your avatar. It's your money and imagination, their opinions don't factor, and that's just my 2 cents. ;)

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It’s an old schtick and one that has died down over the last few years. It probably is enjoying a little resurgence since a lot of people are returning to SL though.

Pretty much anyone with a female avatar has been accused of being a man in SL, just because people tend to have odd beliefs that make them sound like an idiot. Some of my favorites are:

”Real women don’t make avatars that look that good. You must be a man.”

(Your mic is broken or off, someone you talked to many many times before) “Why don’t you want to talk on mic today? Are you a man?”

”Your breasts are too big. Man”

”Your avatar’s too curvy. Man.”

There are many many more.

Even when you do mic up, there will be people that want to see you. Even if you do cam up, there will be people that want more than that. I’m not talking about the obvious, things like your phone number, your Instagram, your real Facebook. It can be a boundaries issue.

The truth is, there’s no way to really tell.

If it’s an issue that people are accusing you of being a man, there are things you can do to minimize that:

Don’t hang out in places where voice chat is the norm. If you’re hanging out at Bob’s Voice lounge and you’re not mic’d up... consider a new venue.

*joke* Put Mic verified, cam verified in your profile. (Seriously, don’t do this)

Put that you don’t mic in your profile and let the chips fall where they may. People that want to talk will see it and avoid you. If they don’t, they’re trolling. Most people really don’t care about that.

I wouldn’t worry too much about it though. The here today, gone tomorrow nature of SL means you’re really not missing out on much either way.

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On 5/10/2020 at 12:35 AM, AdoringMinx said:

Based off the title, i wanted to get different perspectives on this problematic trend. On several occasions while in a sim, some random dude will IM me claiming i'm a guy as if he figured it out. I'll respond to them saying i'm indeed a female, and born with female parts but they insist that i'm not. While I don't feel the need to prove my sex to some random person on the internet, I am however curious as to what about my avi screams "THAT'S A DUDE!!" 

Some guys are terrified that a woman they fancy is really a dude in RL because they think that it makes them gay. And they're so homophobic and terrified that they might accidentally do something "gay".

That kind of behaviour is self-selecting. It warns you in advance who to block and ignore.

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Absolute nonsense! Nobody really knows who is behind an avi and anyone who says otherwise is full of it. They can speculate all they want.

Part of the beauty of SL is that you can represent yourself however you like, regardless of who you are in RL. 

F*ck the haters! You do you babe.

PS - I think your name is cool too. ❤️

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I treat them as trolls, cos some actually are. If they’re not, they get upset and ask why I assume they are, at which point I ask them why they assume my gender.

That’s usually when they get upset enough to descend into a full, name-calling, AR-worthy tantrum.

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I find the best come back to these sort of Statements being " Well if something about my profile and avi makes me a man, then you must be a female in RL because you're acting like a insecure lil b*tch right now!"

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On 5/10/2020 at 12:26 PM, Mollymews said:

this ^^

be who you are, who you want to be, dress as you want and don't fret it

i have reached the point in my own SL now where I say yes to everything.  Are you a girl? yes. Are you a boy? yes. Are you a cat? yes. A dog? yes. And a giraffe. And a elephant. Are you telling the truth? yes. Are you lying to me? yes. Do you want to cam? yes. Do you want to voice? yes.  I can't hear you? yes. I can't see you? yes. Are you having me on? yes

Do I love this response? Yes. Will I be stealing it for future reference? Yes. 

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On 5/12/2020 at 1:43 PM, IvyLarae said:

I find the best come back to these sort of Statements being " Well if something about my profile and avi makes me a man, then you must be a female in RL because you're acting like a insecure lil b*tch right now!"

You win the internet today 😎

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I knew someone on second life that wanted girls to voice chat to prove they were a woman and not a man behind the avatar. Honestly unless your going to get really serious with this person then it really doesn't matter. Your there to fulfill a fantasy and nothing more. 

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On 5/9/2020 at 6:35 PM, AdoringMinx said:

While I don't feel the need to prove my sex to some random person on the internet, I am however curious as to what about my avi screams "THAT'S A DUDE!!" 

It can be a form of trolling in-world or a really bad pickup line...someone like that you should just mute in the viewer unless you like jumping down rabbit holes. sometimes when your a newer resident your still learning, polishing up your avatar you might have missing details or incorrectly added parts, that can clue someone your still learning.

Welcome to the Forum Adoring!..have a slice of warm Welcome Pie!.....Enjoy!😘 

 

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Edited by Sassy Kenin
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I would just go with it. Keep a straight face while you tell them that they are an incredible detective and ask them if they want to make sweet, sweet passionate love to you anyway. They will probably desert you at this point and call you some names. 

No matter what this is, it is definitely sexist and an incredibly juvenile way to fish for sexual encounters. I have never been asked once to verify the fact that I am a man, but I have on occasion been accused of being a woman which only makes me smile and click my heels 🙂

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9 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Been there, done that. I have don't have to prove anything to anyone. I don't voice because I have hearing loss like so many others in SL. Some of whom are deaf. Duh.

You are a beautiful, powerful woman.

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Be who you are

Do what you do

As long as you are kind and decent, you're OK in my book. 

But I'm not looking for a husband, wife or lover of any kind so I don't really care what gender people are.  Just, you know, if they're interesting, decent and fun to be around. 

You can't actually have sex with pixels anyway.  Your pixels are being animated to SIMULATE sexual congress of various kinds... it's really all about the imagination.  Were I interested, it would be so much more important that the person had a good imagination and whether the pretty pictures (the avatar they chose) appealed to me.  Their actual gender... not all that much of an issue. 

As a rule, I don't do voice much b/c I am often signed in from environments where either I need to be quiet or where there's a lot of ambient sound that is not under my control. Also, voice feels more personal, so unless I know you well, I would rather keep the distance of typing. 

I use voice with a few people I know really well.  I use voice with my mom, who has difficulties typing due to arthritis, and I have friends with disabilities that make typing difficult.

i cannot really imagine doing sexual things without using voice, but I really am not the right person to have an opinion about this, because sex I cannot experience with my full senses seems utterly pointless to me.  Pron seems like it would be less work and more realistic, but that's just me.

I used to be accused of being a child b/c my avatar was shorter than average (I designed myself to be my actual height when I first joined), but I learned to ignore people whose opinion is NOT WORTH WASTING MY ENERGY or THOUGHT. 

 

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On 5/10/2020 at 6:01 PM, Lindal Kidd said:

Theresa and Ballpark may have a point...having a Display name, a username, and a "hyper feminine" avatar may make it appear to some people that you are...well, insisting.  You know, "I'm a girl!  I'm a girl!  I'M A GIRL!!!" And then they take that as an indication that maybe you're NOT a girl.

But even so, you're entitled to be whatever and whoever you like in SL, and present yourself in any way you like.  Everyone who is telling you to ignore the naysayers, or needle them in return, is perfectly correct.

Nuts to 'em!

Yes, display/user name can affect how people see you... but, I only have this cool name  I really love b/c it's one i evolved to in other parts of the net... when I first online, I came up with some really stupid usernames.  In some cases, they weren't changeable... and I have no idea what people decided about me because of those names.  But I know I have been stumped when looking at a blank sign up window, particularly when for some reason it wouldn't accept the sign up I chose.  I know several people with odd names they aren't fond of because they could not get the name they originally had chosen and chose something dumb on the fly.

Hang out with a different category of people and just block the idiots.  I have found this one thing: when I hang out in meat markets or places with lots of newbies, I get hit on and griefed the most. Idiots seem to show up there b/c all the blood rushes downward.  So i tend to avoid places like that.  YMMV.

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