Targeting users you don’t like.

[Ashlyn Voir]

I see it a lot in these forums and I think it needs to be addressed. There’s a lot of biased behavior and targeting towards users going on here, and no one really talks about it. When one person is already alienated and made to feel they can’t post on a PUBLIC forum, mind you. That’s what the ignore feature is for, but many users here get away with completely targeting people in order to get them into trouble. 

[Paul Hexem]

I'm not sure how it's possible to target someone on the forums to get them in trouble, short of reporting them. But then that requires actually breaking the rules, and at that point you kind of deserve it.

It's not really even possible to target someone in world, since we have the freedom to teleport out and go somewhere else.

Biased behavior might be a thing you could argue, but even then... If that many people are turning against you, you might have done something to them (this, I know a little something about).

[AyelaNewLife]

2 hours ago, Ashlyn Voir said:

I see it a lot in these forums and I think it needs to be addressed. There’s a lot of biased behavior and targeting towards users going on here, and no one really talks about it. When one person is already alienated and made to feel they can’t post on a PUBLIC forum, mind you. That’s what the ignore feature is for, but many users here get away with completely targeting people in order to get them into trouble. 

A public forum like this, and especially the high-traffic discussion threads, is a shared space. They aren't going out of their way to read your posts, just as you aren't going out of your way to wave your posts under their noses - it's just the nature of the platform. If you post anything anywhere here, it will be read by users, some of whom may choose to reply to said post. That's not really targeting you.

If anyone is taking their concerns to you privately, through a forum message or inworld, that would definitely be targeting you... and would be frankly pretty *****ty behaviour. 

Also, if you don't feel that voluntarily ignoring certain posts is an option for you, then the obligation is on you to use the block/ignore feature on the posters you don't like, rather than expecting those posters to ignore you.

[Syo Emerald]

6 hours ago, Paul Hexem said:

I'm not sure how it's possible to target someone on the forums to get them in trouble

You know how drama llamas always stand in the middle of the drama and complain about it? Same magic working here.

[Tolya Ugajin]

6 hours ago, Ashlyn Voir said:

I see it a lot in these forums and I think it needs to be addressed. There’s a lot of biased behavior and targeting towards users going on here, and no one really talks about it. When one person is already alienated and made to feel they can’t post on a PUBLIC forum, mind you. That’s what the ignore feature is for, but many users here get away with completely targeting people in order to get them into trouble. 

Think of the Forum as a everyone hanging out in a bar and talking (and, at least in my case under lockdown, probably drinking).  You don't necessarily hear everything every person says, but there are some people you likely pay more attention to than others.  People tend to stand in groups based on friendships, likes, etc. but people still can talk between groups or yell across the bar.

Now, imagine any topic of conversation being spoken about loudly enough for most of the bar to hear if they want to listen in:

1. If it's about sports, there will be someone who hates the team someone else loves, and arguing, friendly or otherwise, will ensue.
2. If it's about politics, well, let's hope it stops short of fisticuffs
3. If it's about race, sex, religion, some people will be offended, and things will get heated
4. If it's about horses, some wisebutt (me) will comment how much he wants to try horse.  And camel, for that matter.  I hear it's delicious.  Someone will get mad.
5. If it's about cute kitty pictures, some wisebutt (not me in this case, because it wouldn't be worth the effort) will show a kitty being eaten by an alligator, or something.

Point is, in any large group of people, there will be biases and tribal mentality based on them, and literally any topic of conversation can lead to polite conversation spinning out of hand.  That's life for adults.  We're old and hopefully wise enough to self-moderate and/or walk away when things get heated.  It's not the bartender's (in this case, LL's) job to do more than stop things before it comes to violence and the bar being burnt down.  We also should be prepared for the consequences if we insist on hanging out at the wrong bar; ie. don't expect to badmouth the cops at a bar next to the police station and not have issues.

And, of course, we never really mature past the high school mentality when it comes to cliquish behavior.

Folks who don't like hanging out in such an environment should do what I do, drink at home.  The booze is cheaper, poured promptly, I can hear the dammed television, and I don't have Teddy, who lives in an apartment above the bar, constantly talking to me like I'm his best friend.

[Marianne Little]

Disagreement is not targeting. Or posting laugh reactions to posts. It is an ignore function, but it is not a law that says you should ignore posters you disagree with. A discussion forum is for discussions. To demand you shut up if you don't agree = North Korea.

[Tolya Ugajin]

2 minutes ago, Marianne Little said:

Disagreement is not targeting. Or posting laugh reactions to posts. It is an ignore function, but it is not a law that says you should ignore posters you disagree with. A discussion forum is for discussions. To demand you shut up if you don't agree = North Korea.

Nah, that's a typical college campus these days. In North Korea, people who disagree with the Dear Leader are simply shot - far more efficient and effective, as dead people rarely continue to argue.

[Amina Sopwith]

18 minutes ago, Tolya Ugajin said:

Nah, that's a typical college campus these days. In North Korea, people who disagree with the Dear Leader are simply shot - far more efficient and effective, as dead people rarely continue to argue.

You must admit I managed it quite well.

[Marigold Devin]

19 minutes ago, Tolya Ugajin said:

 

And, of course, we never really mature past the high school mentality when it comes to cliquish behavior.

 

It's simpler even than that.

We all naturally gravitate towards people like ourselves in personality. I guess if someone has fewer 'friends' on a forum it means they are more unique - I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Someone once said to me "Even Mafia bosses need some lovin'."

[Tolya Ugajin]

3 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

You must admit I managed it quite well.

You shot someone?  You don't strike me as the shooting type.

[Seicher Rae]

Oh, so many thoughts, so few words. I have to say I agree with everyone who has responded, right down the line (and gave you the likes to prove it), and that like never happens, am I right? So few of us ever agree on anything all at once, as Tolya and his analogy of a bar described. Heck, Tolya and I go way back to disagreeing with each other, with the rare burst of agreeing with each other, with a smattering of high spirited jokes inbetween. Targeting? Nah. Not in this iteration of the Forum. Years ago? Oh yeah. But night/day on what was allowed then and now.

Taking things off Forum is a mixed bag. The rules themselves say "Take the personal crap to IM" (I believe that's a direct quote?). Well, that can be fine for a minor tiff, but as someone above mentioned, it can also be some major ******* behavior. Taking it off SL, to say, Flickr is just being an as5hole, and a good way to get banned from Flickr if it is done maliciously AND stupidly (emphasis on STUPID).

Fun fact I just Googled about "crocodile tears" which for some reason came to mind upon reading the thread topic: Crocodile tears is a false, insincere display of emotion such as a hypocrite crying fake tears of grief. The phrase derives from an ancient belief that crocodiles shed tears while consuming their prey, and as such is present in many modern languages, especially in Europe where it was introduced through Latin.

I also recently learned, thanks to another thread, that those sarcastic 😄 that some people get so bent out of shape over? (And others think will just bring folks to their knees when applied?) That the 😄 , sarcastic or otherwise, gives the person receiving the 😄 positive reputation points, which I think is a bit of hilarious karma.

Oh, and being "targeted" makes the target get into trouble? Hahaha, no. If the so-call target gets themselves hand slapped by the mods, suspended, or banned it is only the so-called target's fault for apparently acting like an a55hole. If the one doing the so called targeting walks away smelling like a rose? Probably the target did something to be a target and by getting in trouble just proves it.

Edited May 8, 2020 by Seicher Rae
added a needed space before a comma... the horror the horror

[kiramanell]

I agreed with everyone in my clique.  And a few others.

Seriously, was this about the Photoshop thing?!

[Seicher Rae]

/me targets  @Tolya Ugajin, hoping he'll get himself in trouble by being targeted :::fingers crossed:::

Edited May 8, 2020 by Seicher Rae

[Amina Sopwith]

1 hour ago, Tolya Ugajin said:

You shot someone?  You don't strike me as the shooting type.

Do you feel lucky, punk?

(Although I was referring to my ability to rise from the grave, as demonstrated a little while back. Think I gave you a beer.)

[Beth Macbain]

6 minutes ago, kiramanell said:

Seriously, was this about the Photoshop thing?!

That is part of it, but there is also an entire backstory at play here, along with a metric eff-ton of subterfuge. The story is full of drama, and threatening behavior, stalking residents across multiple platforms away from the forums, and then expecting people to just forget it all happened and assume the role of victim rather than perpetrator. 

It's a bit like being children and doing the "I'm not touching you" thing and poking the air all around a sibling, but not actually ever touching them, then finally getting punched by the sibling and crying foul, as if the first sibling didn't instigate the entire mess by doing the "I'm not touching you" thing. 

And it's asinine. 

[Seicher Rae]

10 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

It's a bit like being children and doing the "I'm not touching you" thing and poking the air all around a sibling, but not actually ever touching them, then finally getting punched by the sibling and crying foul, as if the first sibling didn't instigate the entire mess by doing the "I'm not touching you" thing. 

Oh, perfect analogy.

And it brings back fond memories, sorry Fred.

[Tolya Ugajin]

2 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

Do you feel lucky, punk?

(Although I was referring to my ability to rise from the grave, as demonstrated a little while back. Think I gave you a beer.)

lol A Brit (I think) quoting Dirty Harry?  My my globalization has come far!

[kali Wylder]

I'm gonna need more popcorn

[Amina Sopwith]

11 minutes ago, Tolya Ugajin said:

lol A Brit (I think) quoting Dirty Harry?  My my globalization has come far!

We get Netflix and McDonalds too.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

5 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

We get Netflix and McDonalds too.

Sure, but do you have central heating yet?

(I'm still traumatized by the experiencing of having woken up in a bed in England in early March, admittedly some decades ago, to discover frost on my bed sheets.)

[Marigold Devin]

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Sure, but do you have central heating yet?

(I'm still traumatized by the experiencing of having woken up in a bed in England in early March, admittedly some decades ago, to discover frost on my bed sheets.)

Crikey, I can well remember those awful old days before central heating. There would be ice formed inside the windows, and no amount of blankets kept the chill out. My dad got electric storage heaters, which the cat absolutely loved. There's nothing quite like the smell of warm cat fur!

[Amina Sopwith]

13 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Sure, but do you have central heating yet?

(I'm still traumatized by the experiencing of having woken up in a bed in England in early March, admittedly some decades ago, to discover frost on my bed sheets.)

Yes, but I have to ride my horse over the cornfield and past the cows to get to the cycle-powered generator that powers it.

(Frost on the sheets indoors? Where were you? How many decades ago?)

[So Whimsy]

I don't know what to make for dinner. Send help >.<

[Amina Sopwith]

16 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

Crikey, I can well remember those awful old days before central heating. There would be ice formed inside the windows, and no amount of blankets kept the chill out. My dad got electric storage heaters, which the cat absolutely loved. There's nothing quite like the smell of warm cat fur!

Whoa. When was that? 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

2 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

Yes, but I have to ride my horse over the cornfield and past the cows to get to the cycle-powered generator that powers it.

(Frost on the sheets indoors? Where were you? How many decades ago?)

Oh, I was just a kid. This would have been . . . mid 80s? And I was in Hounslow!