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Dating someone who hides their alts.


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I have dozens of alts but I don't hide them.  All of mine are published in the tiny empires forum. just look for me, then look down the line at all my subjects, with a few exceptions, those are my alts.

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This is tough advice, but in SL it might be sane advice. Don’t worry about people’s alts. Alts can be generated instantly and are ubiquitous. Trying to keep tabs on “who-is-who” can eat up t

I feel like Second Life has made "alts" into a dirty word when it's really not. In most games, alts are expected, even encouraged- different classes or factions have different abilities, sometime

I'm pretty sure my partner has alts, but I'm sure not gonna press her on the issue. Our relationship is tense enough as it is.

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I have an alt I sometimes use to help draft poses with, as having a second avatar with the rough dimensions (male and female) of most people I'd end up posing with can be really useful. When creating the alt, I made it exceptionally clear that this is purely for use as a mannequin; if anyone sees the name/profile and assumes that "funny business" is going on, they can be answered with the following:

a52.jpg.31f8196e097c93cc7288404549de1380.jpg

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I have  a crapton of alts.. I do not even remember all their names let along login passwords...  It goes something like this... haha I just thought of a funny name.. "makes an alt"  dawns on me, I misspelled it.. makes another alt.. ok, it is not that clever... goes back to tarina.. a few months pass.. Oh I just thought of a funny name... it's like groundhogs day.

 

 To be honest, I can not afford to dress all my avatars in the latest mesh bodies and hair and ... 

 

I wish I could remember them all.... 

 

I have not tried to pass one off as not me though, but then again I have never just blurted out the long list of my alts either.. If I found someone in SL that truly captured my heart I would not be logging on as an alt and hiding.  There has not been anyone in over 7 years that has captured my heart.

 

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On 4/6/2020 at 11:16 AM, FreyjaDivine said:

Have you ever dated someone who tried to hide the fact that they have alts?  If so, how did you find out they had an alt or more than one alt?

how about dating an alt hiding his/her main ?

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As a friendly introvert, sometimes I need the privacy or anonymity an alt provides in order to manage my time, whether I'm crafting a note card, or attending discussion groups, lectures, or classes.  To my way of thinking, it's no different than having call display on my phone.  It's a tool that allows me to participate in the virtual world without the obligatory niceties.  I'd rather my online friends not see me online than feel as though I'm ignoring them or not making them a priority.  In my experience, even my closest friends can't seem to take at face value when I'm trying to get some task completed.  So having an alt helps me to get things done.

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On 4/18/2020 at 3:44 AM, Kweopi said:

how about dating an alt hiding his/her main ?

The first guy I dated in SL did this - he was the alt and I knew nothing about his main at first.  He used his main account primarily for building and his alt for socializing.  After we got to know each other better, he let me meet his main.  Somewhat understandable - I originally met his alt and from his point of view, why introduce the main if we don't continue to hang out. 

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On 4/6/2020 at 3:16 AM, FreyjaDivine said:

Have you ever dated someone who tried to hide the fact that they have alts?  If so, how did you find out they had an alt or more than one alt?

Total dealbreaker.  Most who have them will admit it, but you kind of know when the alt is near (or when the alt wants to partner you after the breakup).

I had a few that I dated that used alts to test my loyalty.  It didn't help when they misspell the same words the same way.  lol

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On 4/6/2020 at 4:16 AM, FreyjaDivine said:

Have you ever dated someone who tried to hide the fact that they have alts?  If so, how did you find out they had an alt or more than one alt?

Recently I had an sl partner for 3 to 4 months before I ended it because RL changed and time schedules.   Her friend had me over his new beach house showing me around and there was a bunch of pics he put up on the wall.  There was an interesting pic at a nude beach.  I made a joke about it and he explained that it was a pic of his female alt and the male alt of the girl I broke up with.  It was someone from my friends list.   Needless to say I did some friends list clean up that day.

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12 hours ago, ballparkdogg said:

Recently I had an sl partner for 3 to 4 months before I ended it because RL changed and time schedules.   Her friend had me over his new beach house showing me around and there was a bunch of pics he put up on the wall.  There was an interesting pic at a nude beach.  I made a joke about it and he explained that it was a pic of his female alt and the male alt of the girl I broke up with.  It was someone from my friends list.   Needless to say I did some friends list clean up that day.

I don't blame you mate. I would have cleaned mine up too in your situation. lol My general rule of thumb when I was dating is once it starts to get the more serious stage then you may want to come clean with me about any alts you may have before crossing the marriage/partnership threshold because if I find out on my own I will end the relationship on the spot in a heartbeat. I don't care if someone has alts, but I do care if I am being lied to and secrets are being kept. I have absolutely no tolerance for it.😎

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sl marriage is not like real marriage. dont assume it is or that it has the same rules.. you are marring that character, not the person. same with dating, you are dating that account, not the person. you are dating the fantasy of what you think the person is. but most people are too emotional or too immature to understand this so let their emotions get hurt when they find out its now how they thought it was.

no one ever has to tell anyone if they have alts or what they use them for or why they have them.. not ever.. not under any circumstances or situations.. those who cannot accept that are just too immature and too needy and have trust  and control issues.

it is not the right of anyone to know all their alt that they spend time with ever. its totally up to that person to inform you of an alt if they so decide or not.

Edited by Drakonadrgora Darkfold
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Quote

alt-a-holic

Me me me...

I just love to be somebody else from time to time.
Also its good fun to start all over from scratch.

The people I meet on my alts and who are on my friends list, I simply tell them. "Hey, it's yet another Caroline".
This doesn't happen very often, as my ALT's typically live a different Second Life than the main. 

Those who read my blog actually know who they are, I don't make a secret out of it (with one exception).

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28 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

sl marriage is not like real marriage. dont assume it is or that it has the same rules.. you are marring that character, not the person. same with dating, you are dating that account, not the person. you are dating the fantasy of what you think the person is. but most people are too emotional or too immature to understand this so let their emotions get hurt when they find out its now how they thought it was.

no one ever has to tell anyone if they have alts or what they use them for or why they have them.. not ever.. not under any circumstances or situations.. those who cannot accept that are just too immature and too needy and have trust  and control issues.

it is not the right of anyone to know all their alt that they spend time with ever. its totally up to that person to inform you of an alt if they so decide or not.

No offense, but that's a load of crap. There are real people behind those avatars with real feelings and swapping avatars doesn't give someone a license to be a total douche and exempt them from the consequences. Most people in long term relationships on here will tell you so. The only people I have ever personally met singing that little tune are people who have alts and use them to do shady crap on here.😎

Edited by Velk Kerang
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11 minutes ago, Velk Kerang said:

No offense, but that's a load of crap. There are real people behind those avatars with real feelings and swapping avatars doesn't give someone a license to be a total douche and exempt them from the consequences. Most people in long term relationships on here will tell you so. The only people I have ever personally met singing that little tune are people who have alts and use them to do shady crap on here.😎

sorry but your wrong about this.. you are not dating the person behind the screen you are dating their avatar.  its not cheating or being disrespectful either.

no one is entitled to anything from anyone here.

no one has to live by anyone else morals or ethics or ideals or values ever. no one gets to tell anyone that they have to either even if in a relationship with them.

there are a lot of people in long term relationships here that dont care if the other person has alts or if they know about them because they are not insecure and do not have trust issues and often they have alts as well and neither side knows about the others alts.

each avatar is its own individual life. so it is not cheating if someone has multiple alts and uses them for multiple different reasons.

and just because some are in long term relationships do not mean they ever want or plan to take it offline.. which is what some people here foolishly expect to happen. that sl is a dating service.. its not. that everyone has to adhere to their morals or constructs, or values, or precepts, or ideals, or ethics when they dont ever... and its not their fault if that person doesn't understand that.. 

just because there is a person behind the screen does not mean they are taking sl serious or relationships in sl serious, nor do they have to either to make anyone else happy.

sl is a fantasy world platform the rules of rl do not really apply here. people who come here and think it does only get eaten alive..

 

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1 minute ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

sorry but your wrong about this.. you are not dating the person behind the screen you are dating their avatar.

   That depends on the people involved, and where they draw their lines. You're free to have your opinion and your stance on it, but that statement has less reach than your nose does.

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13 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   That depends on the people involved, and where they draw their lines. You're free to have your opinion and your stance on it, but that statement has less reach than your nose does.

and that is why some people will always get upset when things dont go their way.. they expect others to live how they think they should.. when they dont have too.

if the person does not communicate upfront before any relationship begins what they expect out of it then get hurt later that is their own fault. communicate.. be open.. be honest what you expect.. before starting anything with anyone.. if you dont you have no one to blame but yourself.

and it has a lot more reach then you think... its not just my opinion on it, there are a lot of people in literally hundreds or thousands of groups that think the same way.

just because there is a real person behind that avatar does not mean they see sl or relationships in sl the same as anyone else does nor do they have too.

not everyone dating here in sl is looking to take it to rl ever. when the other person expects that but does not communicate that upfront because they are afraid the other person might blow them off or leave them or ghost them that is their own fault and insecurity and fears..

dont ever assume or expect anyone to have the same morals or ethics as you, learn about them first.. communicate.. dont invest any emotional attachment with them beforehand. same rule applies to rl as well, but most never understand or learn it before they get hurt..

Edited by Drakonadrgora Darkfold
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1 minute ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

sorry but your wrong about this.. you are not dating the person behind the screen you are dating their avatar.  its not cheating or being disrespectful either.

Well I disagree. If we were talking about RP relationships then I'd agree with you. If a person specified that from the start then I'd yet even agree with you. The average relationship on SL starts off in world and eventually grows and some even transition to real life. Even if it never transitions to RL people develop real feelings and real bonds with one another on here and swapping your account doesn't negate that. I believe you are absolutely wrong when it comes to those relationships on that point.😎

7 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

no one is entitled to anything from anyone here.

no one has to live by anyone else morals or ethics or ideals or values ever. no one gets to tell anyone that they have to either even if in a relationship with them.

there are a lot of people in long term relationships here that dont care if the other person has alts or if they know about them because they are not insecure and do not have trust issues and often they have alts as well and neither side knows about the others alts.

each avatar is its own individual life. so it is not cheating if someone has multiple alts and uses them for multiple different reasons.

and just because some are in long term relationships do not mean they ever want or plan to take it offline.. which is what some people here foolishly expect to happen. that sl is a dating service.. its not. that everyone has to adhere to their morals or constructs, or values, or precepts, or ideals, or ethics when they dont ever... and its not their fault if that person doesn't understand that.. 

just because there is a person behind the screen does not mean they are taking sl serious or relationships in sl serious, nor do they have to either to make anyone else happy.

I could rebuttal all of this, but I am not. Your free to have your own opinion and views on it if you like. I only hope you have enough decency to be honest with someone your in a relationship with. Especially about your feelings in this regard if nothing else. Make sure they know they are dating your avatar and you the real life person could give two craps about them. Make sure they are aware of that fact up front first and foremost before dragging them down the path of a mind fork.😎

11 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

sl is a fantasy world platform the rules of rl do not really apply here. people who come here and think it does only get eaten alive..

They get eaten alive because they get taken advantage of by manipulative individuals who use logic much like yours to justify their actions. People aren't here to be play things for others. People deserve common curtsy, honesty, and respect. Nothing you can say will ever change that fact.😎

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1 minute ago, Velk Kerang said:

Well I disagree. If we were talking about RP relationships then I'd agree with you. If a person specified that from the start then I'd yet even agree with you. The average relationship on SL starts off in world and eventually grows and some even transition to real life. Even if it never transitions to RL people develop real feelings and real bonds with one another on here and swapping your account doesn't negate that. I believe you are absolutely wrong when it comes to those relationships on that point.😎

I could rebuttal all of this, but I am not. Your free to have your own opinion and views on it if you like. I only hope you have enough decency to be honest with someone your in a relationship with. Especially about your feelings in this regard if nothing else. Make sure they know they are dating your avatar and you the real life person could give two craps about them. Make sure they are aware of that fact up front first and foremost before dragging them down the path of a mind fork.😎

They get eaten alive because they get taken advantage of by manipulative individuals who use logic much like yours to justify their actions. People aren't here to be play things for others. People deserve common curtsy, honesty, and respect. Nothing you can say will ever change that fact.😎

people deserve nothing from anyone here, the fact they think they do means they dont understand what sl is about.

here is the entire list of what people deserve from others or are entitled too ever from anyone here or in rl.

1.

2.

3.

4.

nada...these are facts of life. even if some want to disagree or dont like them.

the average sl relationship does not grow beyond sl and does not transition to rl.. just because they develop feelings doesn't mean it has to be mutual or ever will be. and yes swapping out accounts does negate that for some people here. for some people each account is nothing more than a completely different character in a book/tv/movie and was never going to be anything more to them. so yes it was all just rp for them and no they are not going to tell others or do they have too. 

you can disagree if you want but it doesn't change facts.

they get taken advantage of because they came here with unrealistic expectations about what was going to happen. it doesn't matter if that person didn't want to be a play thing for someone else. they should not have gotten emotional involved with the other person before learning more about that person first. its their own fault if they do not. not anyone else.

people like to pass the blame back to the other person because they dont want to hold their self accountable for their own foolish actions. they like to assume way too much about things.. then get mad when its not how they assumed.

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2 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

people deserve nothing from anyone here, the fact they think they do means they dont understand what sl is about.

here is the entire list of what people deserve from others or are entitled too ever from anyone here or in rl.

Ya before we even get to that list let me ask you something if I may. What's your longest relationship on here or rl for that matter? 😎

4 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

people deserve nothing from anyone here, the fact they think they do means they dont understand what sl is about.

here is the entire list of what people deserve from others or are entitled too ever from anyone here or in rl.

1.

2.

3.

4.

nada...these are facts of life. even if some want to disagree or dont like them.

the average sl relationship does not grow beyond sl and does not transition to rl.. just because they develop feelings doesn't mean it has to be mutual or ever will be. and yes swapping out accounts does negate that for some people here. for some people each account is nothing more than a completely different character in a book/tv/movie and was never going to be anything more to them. so yes it was all just rp for them and no they are not going to tell others or do they have too. 

you can disagree if you want but it doesn't change facts.

As I said earlier the only people I ever met that use your logic are people who do shady crap on SL. The message you have given me and others reading this is that type of behavior is perfectly acceptable and your totally all right with it. That's the only REAL message that sends out. 😎

9 minutes ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

people like to pass the blame back to the other person because they dont want to hold their self accountable for their own foolish actions. they like to assume way too much about things.. then get mad when its not how they assumed.

Can we say blame the victim much? lol Only foolish to trust someone once their true colors are revealed. Not foolish to trust someone.😎

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39 minutes ago, Velk Kerang said:

Ya before we even get to that list let me ask you something if I may. What's your longest relationship on here or rl for that matter? 😎

As I said earlier the only people I ever met that use your logic are people who do shady crap on SL. The message you have given me and others reading this is that type of behavior is perfectly acceptable and your totally all right with it. That's the only REAL message that sends out. 😎

Can we say blame the victim much? lol Only foolish to trust someone once their true colors are revealed. Not foolish to trust someone.😎

was married for 15 years in rl.  we grew apart and divorced with no fight about it either. we simply grew apart with our likes and dislikes and separated without blaming the other. like mature intelligent adults should do. me and my ex dated/talked for nearly two years before trying or even thinking about taking it any further or more serious. like any rational adult would do.

incorrect yet again, you presume you can judge a person or that they have to care how you wish to judge them. they dont..

im not some insecure emotional needy or unstable individual. I set realistic expectations about my interaction with others, unlike a lot of people who come here and dont and then get hurt over it. their own fault for doing so.

blame the victim.. yes if they were foolish enough to make the mistake or let someone take advantage of them. they are to blame. they dont get to pass the blame back to the other person because they didn't do their due diligence about learning about that person enough before getting emotional attached to them or foolishly trusting blindly..

it is foolish to trust anyone blindly or completely ever. but some never seem to learn this.. because they are still stuck in the childhood and have not grown up.

never assume that just because you have talked to a person for a week, a month or even a year you can trust them or know them enough to emotionally invest in them beyond simple friendship. that is why most rl and sl relationships fail when people do this. they then want to blame the other person and not accept their own blame for doing this.

Edited by Drakonadrgora Darkfold
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Is there a reason my comments now have to be approved on this thread? Lmao!!!!😎

Edit: Never mind I think I can guess why. I responded @Drakonadrgora Darkfold so it will just be a minute until the mod reads it over. One of the words I used flagged it I believe. My bad. lol😎

Edited by Velk Kerang
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When you start a relationship with anyone in SL you should immediately imagine them in bed with someone else when you are not around. If you can’t imagine that then you shouldn’t have relationships in SL. 

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20 hours ago, Bree Giffen said:

When you start a relationship with anyone in SL you should immediately imagine them in bed with someone else when you are not around. If you can’t imagine that then you shouldn’t have relationships in SL. 

That's funny, messed up, and so true for a lot of people more often then not it's sad. Lmao!!!!😂😎

 

On a side note. How long does it take the mods normally to approve a comment on the forums? It's been a day already. lol I don't know if I should try editing it, repost it, or just keeping waiting. lol Any advice? Thanks in advance.👍😎

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Never cared about Alts regardless if we were partnered or just playing SL together for a while.

SL is a game and people can play it any way they like, doesn't affect my real life so why bother.

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PS.. There were also those partners/friends who really used SL as part of a real dating process.

Things were very simple with them, we set an RL date after 1-2 months the proper way and got to know each other.

So once again why bother about SL Alts etc.

Edited by Nick0678
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Every time I’ve had a partnered relationship the guy had a “secret” alt.  For whatever reason the alt would contact me (different circumstances in each situation) & wouldn’t reveal themselves even after I suspected & asked.  A few times they were exposed by someone they were dating on the side which is a favor when that happens imho.  Other times things were slipped by the alt & it would pretty much enrage me.  I can handle just about anything, but I won’t tolerate being lied to.

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