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Dating someone who hides their alts.


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This is tough advice, but in SL it might be sane advice. Don’t worry about people’s alts. Alts can be generated instantly and are ubiquitous. Trying to keep tabs on “who-is-who” can eat up t

I feel like Second Life has made "alts" into a dirty word when it's really not. In most games, alts are expected, even encouraged- different classes or factions have different abilities, sometime

I'm pretty sure my partner has alts, but I'm sure not gonna press her on the issue. Our relationship is tense enough as it is.

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in general i'd say .. everyone has a alt, even the ones in denial.
The harder they try to hide the sooner you'll find them .. same locations, same style, same avatar shop, same head shop, same clothes, same dances, log off when you come, and fast relog on the bf avi... and so on
 

 

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47 minutes ago, FreyjaDivine said:

Have you ever dated someone who tried to hide the fact that they have alts?  If so, how did you find out they had an alt or more than one alt?

Yes. I had a smashing best friend/fella in Second Life many years ago. He introduced me to two of his alts, and I accidentally found out about another half a dozen, when he was logged in one day testing a bot program with them. It was just unlucky for him that I had logged in unexpectedly, but it just made me feel a bit mistrustful. And then I went and created some alts that I didn't tell him about. And that was part of the slippery slope to us becoming unfriends! The lack of trust.

That lack of trust, of all the things that could have potentially spoiled Second Life for me, is the worst one, and very few people have alts. 

Are you asking because you have a suspicion that your SL nearest and dearest is missing for longer than usual, and therefore you think they may be logging in on an alt account?  You have options:

Accept that an alt might be the equivalent to a partner having a real life shed in which to escape to (we all need to have our own interests and not act like conjoined twins)

Ask them outright (but not in a confrontational way)

Or waste time and energy trying to stalk them, if that's your thing (that's my thing - or was - heck, what a waste of energy and time).

Or move on, if you feel you cannot trust the person you are with.

_____

Anyone can have up to five avatars registered per household. 

Edited by Marigold Devin
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This is tough advice, but in SL it might be sane advice.

Don’t worry about people’s alts.

Alts can be generated instantly and are ubiquitous. Trying to keep tabs on “who-is-who” can eat up time and make you crazy.

I have been to that show and have the tee-shirt.

If people treat you as you want to be treated, give of their time and make you happy; enjoy it.

If someone is an alt-a-holic or is just distracted or disinterested, their presence will fall off and they will fall out of your life in favor of people who want to be there.

Evaluate whether or not someone has earned a place in your world by actions you KNOW are theirs, NOT what they -might- be doing.

In a virtual world, the one thing you can always control is your expectations.

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Edited by AmandaKeen
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4 minutes ago, AmandaKeen said:

Evaluate whether or not someone has earned a place in your world, NOT what they -might- be doing.

I agree.

Everyone needs a little time alone.  Unless they are actively interfering with your relationship, don't worry about the alts and give them the space they need.

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5 hours ago, FreyjaDivine said:

Have you ever dated someone who tried to hide the fact that they have alts?  If so, how did you find out they had an alt or more than one alt?

That only leads to disaster.

If you are pretty sure they have alts, enjoy your time with them based on their actions towards you, but protect your heart.

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12 hours ago, FreyjaDivine said:

Have you ever dated someone who tried to hide the fact that they have alts?  If so, how did you find out they had an alt or more than one alt?

I think it depends on how close your relationship is?... is it both worlds?..If you have not been together a year then just consider it trust has not been built up enough.

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I feel like Second Life has made "alts" into a dirty word when it's really not.

In most games, alts are expected, even encouraged- different classes or factions have different abilities, sometimes different stories. You often want to try them all. It's completely expected you'd have alts. A lot of times, especially in the cases of guilds or groups, you even benefit from having them..

Even in SL, there's a lot of reasons for "alt" accounts that aren't nefarious. I have one logged in full time, runing script APIs as a group manager, for example. I use another to test permissions or scripts that are affected by permissions. Other people might have store models or land management bots. Call them "bots" all you want, but they're still just "alts".

23 hours ago, AmandaKeen said:

If people treat you as you want to be treated, give of their time and make you happy; enjoy it.

At the end of the day, this is the best advice. Either someone has time for you and treats you well, or they don't. The reason doesn't matter, if it's not "alts" it would be something else.

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No one has to tell anyone if they have an alt or not even if dating. If you are so worried or bent out of shape if they have an alt you are doing it wrong. I see nothing wrong with someone having an alt even if dating. Not everyone who is dating intends to take it serious or to rl. Most people who date in sl only date 'here' in sl they dont want it to go to rl. If that is what your looking for and expect with everyone you try and date your going to get hurt.

On 4/6/2020 at 7:21 AM, AmandaKeen said:

Don’t worry about people’s alts.

 Trying to keep tabs on “who-is-who” can eat up time and make you crazy.

If people treat you as you want to be treated, give of their time and make you happy; enjoy it.

If someone is an alt-a-holic or is just distracted or disinterested, their presence will fall off and they will fall out of your life in favor of people who want to be there.

Evaluate whether or not someone has earned a place in your world by actions you KNOW are theirs, NOT what they -might- be doing.

In a virtual world, the one thing you can always control is your expectations.

 

I have to agree completely with these statements. I have known many people with alts and some with more alts that you can count on both hands. did it matter? no. I kept my expectations realistic.

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...and this brings up an interesting discussion about relationships, because frankly some people love too much, and they will give too much of themselves to you, just because they don't want to lose you -- or lose what they perceive you to be, whether rightly or wrongly, and may, therefore have you placed on too high a pedestal. They, in a sense, value you more than themselves when around you, because they wish to be with you so much -- wish to "win" you, win your attentions, your friendship, your love, your life.  You could say it's selfish of them.  It is, and it's touching, it's real, and it's dangerous (in a way). 

When someone gives up too much of themselves it can take a toll on them and they go into their alternates (in real life and second life) for a break, to be themselves again, to catch a breath and not worry about making a mistake in front of others.  For some personality types -- let's, say an introvert who pretends to be an extrovert to win over a lover -- their energy will slowly drain away when around you because they are putting themselves on hold, they are performing as someone else, because they wish to be that way in order to be attractive, and maybe even hope they can learn to become it for real.  I'm speaking generically here, or course, theoretically, conversationally. 

This is probably ONE reason people will have secret alts, to protect their hidden, inner, true selves from discovery by someone else whom they fear will judge them for it.  Real life is full of this condition, and thus, so is second life.  It's a reason one shouldn't actually seriously seek a real life connection inside second life.  It's hard enough to do that in real life.

 

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I'm one who has multiple alts.  Those I'm involved with know I have alts, may meet a few, but will never know all of them.  Most of my alts are not active anymore.  I only pull them in to test things, or to send me inventory or money.   I don't owe anyone an explanation , nor do they owe me one.   We only mix SL & RL to a point.  We're not expecting any more than what it is.

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it gets most murky when your alt starts getting alts of their own

like my builder alt created a test alt. I logged in the test alt myself to test something with them. Logged in a few days later and found a IM from my builder alt, telling me to not be doing stuff with their alt, and do it with them, or there is going to be big trubbl !!

😸

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4 hours ago, DaphneDoodles said:

Am I the only that assumes everybody is an alt and that SL is just two people?  My partner and myself?  It infuriates my partner but somehow he still loves me.  :) 

 

 

Are you sure you're not really your partners alt and there is only one person in all of SL?

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I haven't dated before because of unrelated issues, but I certainly wouldn't mind if the person I was dating had alts. Not all alts are bad. Personally, if there was a point where I was concerned about someone having alts, there would be a bigger issue(lack of trust) at hand. Alts or no alts, if there is a lack of trust, it isn't a healthy relationship and it needs to be fixed before it gets worse.

I have a few alts for various reasons. Not everyone knows of all my alts, but I typically don't mind spilling the beans on my alts.

Reasons why I have a few alts:

  1. BOTS, god I love bots. Bots are fun and require alts.
  2. Not all places accept furries so I use a alt that isn't a furry to go scouting for items that are only in-world, or to scoop up a copy of the region rules and see what it is like before I visit on my main(I am very very skittish around new places).
  3. Sometimes I just need some time alone. Having a alt no one knows of gives you undisturbed building time.
  4. I don't want to break my main account. I have a specific account(chasertester.resident) designed for the sole purpose of being a sacrificial account in case I break it beyond repair, or to the point where I have to contact support. Also helpful for visiting places while representing myself to investigate for the Jira, and not being my main avatar where some places may not permit my type of avatar.

Just for reference, a few of my alts: ChaserTester.resident, Saltyalt.resident, AutomatedTests.resident.

Some accounts I prefer to keep secret or private, such as my first account which I made long ago and I have no idea if I was immature on that account or just silent, my second account which I know I was immature on, and my region scouting account.

Edited by Chaser Zaks
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Here's how the cow bit the cabbage.

If someone has alts and wants you to know, they will tell you.

Don't go looking for a reason to go alt hunting. It will end badly, with you possibly being suspended or banned from the grid for ToS/CS violation(s). 

If you ask and they tell you no or avoid the question, just accept the possibility. If it's not acceptable to you that the person may have alts, move on.

That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

Sorry for being so blunt but we see this all the time. That's not your fault. :)

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On 4/6/2020 at 10:16 AM, FreyjaDivine said:

Have you ever dated someone who tried to hide the fact that they have alts?  If so, how did you find out they had an alt or more than one alt?

Accidents happen. Similar writing style, simultaneous logoffs on net failure, things said on a rush that the alt shouldn’t know...

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