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More absurdist theatre from the CDC.

 

Quote

The first cases were reported in December 2020, almost a year after the first cases of COVID-19 were detected in China. At least 36 people are confirmed to have been infected.

The Antarctica research stations of Australia, Norway and Germany have respirators and coronavirus tests; it remains unconfirmed whether the research stations of the U.S. and Britain have them.

(from  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/COVID-19_pandemic_in_Antarctica#Impact_on_scientific_research )

 

Edited by Chroma Starlight
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Here's the setup...

I officiated a young cousin's wedding yesterday. On Friday afternoon I attended the rehearsal, followed by a party at his parent's (older cousins) home. Everyone was outside on the patio, entering and exiting through the patio doors into the dinette and kitchen to get food. The various large dogs in attendance entered and exited the mudroom via a nearby doggie door outside. Two large water bowls had been placed in the mudroom for the dogs. Between the mudroom and the kitchen is the powder room. The mudroom doorway is on the opposite side of the hallway from the powder room. Sound from the mudroom bounces off the powder room door into the kitchen.

Early in the party, I went inside to use the powder room. The door was closed and light was visible under the door. I waited. One of the dogs entered the mudroom and took a drink. I jumped to attention as the sound reflected off the powder room door, making it seem as though whoever was inside was drinking from the toilet.

I hatched a plan...

It took a total of probably 20 minutes spread across the next 45, with me watching the dogs and the people, but it eventually all came together. The groom had to make room for another beer, and entered the powder room. One of the dogs, who'd probably just peed on the lawn to make room for more water, entered the mudroom. The bride and her friend walked in a moment later, and stood with me in the kitchen, in perfect position. I couldn't have asked for a better performance from the thirsty dog as I said, while pointing to the powder room door...

Me: "Do you hear that?"
Friend: "OH... MY... GOD, who's in there?"
Me: "Dave, he's making room for another beer."
Bride: "Are you kidding me?!" Is he drunk??!!"
Me: "I don't know, we'll see when he comes out."

The dog emptied the bowl just seconds before Dave opened the door to three incredulous women (one of them hamming it up for good measure ;-).

Bride: "It sounded like you were drinking out of the toilet?"
Dave: "What?!"
Me: "How could you?!"
Friend:"This is nuts. What's going on here?"

I couldn't stay late, but at the wedding yesterday, Dave approached me to say that, for the rest of the evening, when a dog went into the mudroom to drink, someone would run into the kitchen to hear the aural illusion and chuckle. I do hope I've started a new family tradition.

 

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A man goes out with a lion on a lead. A policeman sees him, can't believe his eyes and tells him, "Take that lion to the zoo!"

The next day, the man and his lion are out and about again. The policeman sees him and says, "I thought I told you to take that lion to the zoo!"

"I did," the man replies. "Today I'm taking him to the cinema."

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Blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog.   He reaches down and grabs the dog by the tail and swings him over his head. 

The bartender says,  "Dude, what are you doing?"

The guy replies, "Ahh, I'm just looking around."

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On 3/27/2020 at 7:44 PM, Beth Macbain said:

As Reader's Digest has told us for eons, laughter is the best medicine. What is tickling your funny bone during these rough days?

Let's try to keep it light, please. Let's see your memes, your cats, your goofy YouTube videos... whatever it is that's making you giggle.

Can we all actually come together on something to help lift our spirits?

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36f96fdaeb786fd601eb4e34b6b38ff7.jpg

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Louisiana Highway Department employees stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. The man in charge told the farmer, 'We need to inspect your farm for a possible new road.'
The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't get out in that pasture over there.'
The Highway Dept. employee flashed out his identification card and said, 'I have the authority of the State of Louisiana to go anywhere I want. See this card? I will go wherever I wish.'
So the old farmer went about his chores. It wasn't too much later when the farmer heard loud screams and yelling.
He looked over and saw several Highway Department employees running for their lives and right behind was the farmer's huge prize bull. The bull was madder than a hornet's nest and was gaining on the Highway employees at every step.
The old farmer yelled out, 'Show him your card, Smart Ass.... Show him your card!

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This old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said “I would like to withdraw $10”. The teller told her “for withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM. 
The old lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her “these are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”. 
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said “please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her “you have $300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow? 
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3000. “Well please let me have $3000 now.” The teller kindly handed $3000 very friendly and with a smile to her. 
The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account. 
The moral of this story is....
Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skill.

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