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A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.
When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
"When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
"You know what?"
"What, dear?" his wife asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."

 

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Charles, laying near-motionless in his hospital bed, was clearly very close to departing this world. Summoning every last bit of his energy, he managed to beckon his wife to come close.

"Daisy....", he croaked. "Daisy....... when I'm....gone..... I want.... you to.....marry......Brian....".

"Brian?", she exclaimed incredulously.

"She continued, "But I thought you hated Brian!"

With immense effort, he once again managed to beckon her close.

"I....... I do!"

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Girl runs into the house and yells,  Mommy, Mommy, little Billy paid me 5 dollars to climb a tree!"

Mom sternly tells her,  "All billy wants to do is see your panties.  don't do that anymore!"

The next day the girls run in and yells,  "Mommy Billy paid me TEN dollars to climb a tree!!"

Mom, somewhat agitated told her, "I told you why he did that, Why did you do it again?"

Girl says,  "But Mommy it's ok. I didn't wear any panties"
 

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Posted (edited)

I was trying on this combo Glasses w/ Head Scarf item:

1800928723_20210529-HeadbandGlasses_MinSize.JPG.d5f5dda53c094450cc5f6f1edad5f5a6.JPG

 

But, it was a bit too large.  No problem, there is a Resize menu.  I tried the various settings for decreasing the size, but it wasn't doing anything.  So, just in case I just wasn't noticing the tiny adjustments, I click on "Max Size" from the menu -- and got this (that is my Linden Houseboat):

961413092_20210529-HeadbandGlasses_MaxSize.thumb.JPG.d5f3a334a55c8899fd7f2a7682b907dd.JPG

 

My avatar complexity went from 18k up to 215k.   🤣

 

Edited by LittleMe Jewell
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20 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

While marijuana is legal in many states now, I still found the following headline hilarious:

image.png.32ad2519b60dae8f94646f0dd3957df9.png

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/washington-state-allows-for-free-marijuana-joints-with-coronavirus-vaccine/ar-AAKPu51?ocid=uxbndlbing

If they get oral Covid vaccines working, maybe they can sprinkle pill dust into bags of Doritos and Oreos and give those away with the pot.

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Quote

WASHINGTON (AP)— The cicadas were flying. The reporters hoping to join the president in Europe were not.

Reporters traveling to the United Kingdom for President Joe Biden’s first overseas trip were delayed seven hours after their chartered plane was overrun by cicadas...

(from https://www.wbay.com/2021/06/09/cicadas-delay-white-house-press-ahead-biden-overseas-trip/)

xD

 

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A couple summers ago I got to babysit my brother's dog as he moved. I brought her to work one day and noticed that she liked to sit by the front door and watch all the people walking by. So I printed out a poster for her...

 

 

IMG-0716.jpg

Edited by Finite
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Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

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   As I grow older, I think about all the people I lost along the way. Perhaps becoming a tour guide was the wrong choice.

   My uncle Frank's last wish was to be buried in his favourite beer mug; he is now Frank in stein.

   I read an article earlier, it says someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds in London. Poor guy.

   My wife and I have long thought about whether we want children, and have arrived at the conclusion that we do not. If anybody does, just give us your contact details and we'll come drop them off tomorrow.

   Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push him out of the plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life!

   During my stay in St. Petersburg I went to see a stand-up comedian who made fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

   I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky, because he stepped on a landmine.

   A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

   What's the difference between a wizard who raises the dead and a vampire? One is a necromancer, the other is a neck romancer. 

   My favourite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

   I'd like to have kids one day. I don't think I could stand them longer than that, though.

   Did you hear about the guy who lost his entire left side in that car crash? He's all right now!

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