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I need to VENT!!!  Because I'M PISSED!! 

I went to the WalMart super store to pick up a few things, because everywhere else is OUT of everything.

I'm waiting in the checkout line and I dropped a $20 bill (yep that's me trying to hold everything, because I didn't want a cart). The lady in front of me picked it up. I thanked her and held my hand out, and she said, "The things found on earth are kept by the collector," then she walked away.  I was thought to myself, oh hell NO!! I looked at the person behind me standing in line, they couldn't believe it either. This can't be real life right now, right?!

I took a deep breath and I turned back towards the lady - thief - or whatever you want to call her.  As I approached her, I said, "Do I look like I'm in the mood?!  Let's not play games. Go ahead and give me back my money, NOW."

She had the nerve to ignore me completely and TRIED desperately to walk away from me. So, of course I left everything and followed her into the parking lot as I was calling the police (because somebody was about to go to jail. Not sure who at this point though, her or me).

She was almost running at this point to get away from me, which was the first sign of real intelligence this lady had shown.  When she got to her car, she put her bags on the ground trying to quickly get her trunk open.

I was boiling at this point! I decided that her “finders keepers" rule just presented the perfect opportunity for a great teachable moment.  So, I went into track star mode and ran full speed, and grabbed her grocery bags, and headed to my car yelling, "The things found on earth are kept by the collector!"

I hopped in my car ignoring her every attempt to get my attention. I was out of line I'll admit, but she was too. I was HOT, but I had a sense of satisfaction at the same time.

I got home and open the bags and what did I find?

3 packs of rib eye steaks

3 pounds of wild caught salmon

2 pounds of potatoes

Everything to make a bomb salad

And...

A bottle of Wine

I couldn’t help but think to myself, WOW! Not bad for $20 dollars!

In all seriousness though, this is just a joke to put a little humor out there with all the seriousness of the coronavirus and to see who would read the entire post.

Hopefully I just put a smile on your face, best laugh I’ve had all day!

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1 hour ago, Moxie Quan said:

In all seriousness though, this is just a joke to put a little humor out there with all the seriousness of the coronavirus and to see who would read the entire post.

Hell, I was sitting here saying "You go, Girl - more power to you".

 

 

 

:SwingingFriends:

 

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3 hours ago, Doris Johnsky said:

An optimist sees a glass as 1/2 full.  A pessimist as 1/2 empty. An engineer as poorly designed.

   Whilst the optimist and the pessimist were arguing whether the glass was half full or half empty, the opportunist helped himself to the drink.

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1 hour ago, Orwar said:

   Whilst the optimist and the pessimist were arguing whether the glass was half full or half empty, the opportunist helped himself to the drink.

What did the engineer make of this?

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39 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

The engineer was busy designing a better glass and couldn't be bothered.

Most definitely.  A glass that would never empty and never need refilling.  Exactly the kind of wine glass I have spent ages searching for.

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2 hours ago, Orwar said:

   Whilst the optimist and the pessimist were arguing whether the glass was half full or half empty, the opportunist helped himself to the drink.

Meanwhile, the lawyer was writing up three patent applications and mailing them to himself via a post office in a small town in Utah whose postmarking machine is still not Y2K compliant.

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7 minutes ago, Ardy Lay said:

Meanwhile, the lawyer was writing up three patent applications and mailing them to himself via a post office in a small town in Utah whose postmarking machine is still not Y2K compliant.

And so the story ends as the post office has misdirected all 3 applications which are now sitting in a plastic tub in an even smaller post office in BFI which only delivers.the mail the second Tuesday of each week.

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DRUNK CUCKOO CLOCK

 

The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. 

I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" 

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. 
Around 3 a.m., a bit worse for wear, I headed for home. 

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and 
cuckooed 3 times. 

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I "cuckooed" 
another 9 times. 

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted 
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. 
(Even when totally smashed I knew 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) 

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "midnight".
He didn't seem concerned at all. Whew! Got away with that one! 

Then he said, "Babe, we need a new cuckoo clock." 

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then it said, "Oh *****." cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted. 

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