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The Smiths were proud of their family tradition.
Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower and their descendants included senators and Wall Street wizards.
They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren.
They hired a fine author.
Only one problem arose, how to handle great-uncle George, the criminal, who was executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book appeared.
It said, “Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.”

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paraphrasing the internets

"In local news, a Queens-born man made history today for being the first person to be impeached as President of United States, twice. This is a remarkable achievement and we wish him all the best should he go for a three-peat."

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   A man in a restaurant asks the waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, before saying "Nothing special, really. We just tell them they are going to die."

   "I was digging a hole in my garden when I found a stash of golden coins. I ran inside the house to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden."

   Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?"
   Mr Smith: "Very well, thank you. I have been divorced for six months now."

   My girlfriend admitted to me that she used to be a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may appear judgmental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine.

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