Seicher Rae Posted August 17, 2022 Share Posted August 17, 2022 I dunno. It made ME laugh, probably because I live so close to Canada and most of my friends are Canadian. Sorry your mileage varied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 (edited) Mickey Mouse filed for divorce against Minnie Mouse. In divorce court, the Judge challenged, "Mr. Mouse, I do not see grounds for divorce here. You and Minnie Mouse have been married since 1929. You should be used to her personality traits by now. I see no reason why you should be granted divorce just because you say Minnie is 'bonkers and silly'. How does your counsel respond?" Mickey's lawyer asked to approach the bench. In a low voice he said, "Your honor, if you read the complaint again you will see that it says Mrs. Mouse was 'bonking Goofy'." The judge granted the divorce there and then. Edited August 18, 2022 by Love Zhaoying 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Modulated Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 2 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izdzan Enoch Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 A friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down. 2 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orwar Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 You will roux the day you make your own béchamel! 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garrett Laramide Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 I sometimes wonder what I'd be doing without coffee. Probably 25 to life. 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 "Honey, sit down please. I've got some bad news." "Oh my, what is it, dear? It's not your job? Is your mother ok? Is it the kids?" "Now now, honey. It's none of that, it will be ok. It's just..well the doctor says.." "What is it? Just tell me!" "Ok, ok! The doctor says that I have..intelligentsia!" "But, that can't be! The test has to be wrong! Can't they check again?" "They did, they performed a second test to confirm it." "But what does this mean? How will we face people? The stigma alone! Will the kids get it too?" "The kids will be fine, honey. But, hear me out - there's more." "MORE? How could there be more? I can't take any more bad news, it can't be any worse!" "Well you see dear, I've also been diagnosed with..High IQ." "THAT'S IT! I WANT A DIVORCE!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charolotte Caxton Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 47 minutes ago, Garrett Laramide said: I sometimes wonder what I'd be doing without coffee. Probably 25 to life. They think it’s a joke. 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seicher Rae Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 1 hour ago, Garrett Laramide said: I sometimes wonder what I'd be doing without coffee. Probably 25 to life. 43 minutes ago, Charolotte Caxton said: They think it’s a joke. One of my all-time fave gifs of truth: 1 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charolotte Caxton Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 Those who know me defend my coffee ritual for the sake of the masses. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleMe Jewell Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 4 hours ago, Seicher Rae said: One of my all-time fave gifs of truth: I keep telling myself I need to buy this t-shirt -- but I don't really wear t-shirts: 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 14 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said: I keep telling myself I need to buy this t-shirt -- but I don't really wear t-shirts: I am able to drink 4-5 cups of coffee in the morning, then take a nap. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akane Nacht Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 What do you call a five foot psychic that's escaped from jail? A small medium at large. 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charolotte Caxton Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 52 minutes ago, Akane Nacht said: What do you call a five foot psychic that's escaped from jail? A small medium at large. ha ha ha. *slow clap* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akane Nacht Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 5 hours ago, Charolotte Caxton said: ha ha ha. *slow clap* The best way to know if a joke has matured to a dad joke is when it's fully groan. ps. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making head lines. 2 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindal Kidd Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 An inmate at an institution for the criminally insane escaped yesterday. He first raped a nurse. Seeing this, a man who was cleaning the windows entered and tried to stop him, but the inmate overpowered him, stole his clothing, and escaped through the window. The headline read, LOOSE NUT SCREWS AND BOLTS. BELTS WASHER, STRIPS THREADS 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ardy Lay Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 3 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said: An inmate at an institution for the criminally insane escaped yesterday. He first raped a nurse. Seeing this, a man who was cleaning the windows entered and tried to stop him, but the inmate overpowered him, stole his clothing, and escaped through the window. The headline read, LOOSE NUT SCREWS AND BOLTS. BELTS WASHER, STRIPS THREADS I think my favorite real, local headline has to be: man marries woman. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 3 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said: An inmate at an institution for the criminally insane escaped yesterday. He first raped a nurse. Seeing this, a man who was cleaning the windows entered and tried to stop him, but the inmate overpowered him, stole his clothing, and escaped through the window. The headline read, LOOSE NUT SCREWS AND BOLTS. BELTS WASHER, STRIPS THREADS Reminds me of the old story about why the Panda was barred from the Saloon: He eats, shoots, and leaves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charolotte Caxton Posted August 20, 2022 Share Posted August 20, 2022 On 8/19/2022 at 5:17 AM, Akane Nacht said: The best way to know if a joke has matured to a dad joke is when it's fully groan. ps. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making head lines. ♥️ omg too funny lol. You rock 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garnet Psaltery Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 The joke's on us. London Paddington Station keeping up with the times. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaithLynnSayes Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindal Kidd Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 Did you hear about the huge sale on rowboats? It's quite the oar deal. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaithLynnSayes Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 Funny thing about getting older: Your eyesight starts to get weaker but your ability to see through people's bullsh!t gets better. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindal Kidd Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 Seen on a billboard outside a church: PROPHECY CLASS CANCELLED DUE TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akane Nacht Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 oops 1 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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