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Is your avatar the gender you identify as?


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I wouldn't doubt if this topic has been brought up before so forgive me if this is a repeat.

The wonderful thing about Second Life is how you can be anything you want. Having said that, I very much doubt the people who choose to be dogs in SL identify as one. Gender is a whole other beast and can be pretty complicated. I've met some people who biologically do not match the sex of their avatar but they do identify as them on a gender level. I'm curious how many people out there are the opposite? I play as a male, I don't correct people when they call me a guy but in real life I am a female and identify as such. Is it wrong to say I find is easier to play as a guy? That is not meant as a dig at guys, it's just how I feel. That and the character I sort of RP as in canonically a male, but that's not really important. 

So, if you want to share where does your gender align with your avatar?

I'm sorry if I used any of the wrong terms at any point, by the way. 

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Kind of?

I am male in RL, I identify as male, and my avatar is, for now, basically still male.  But I present entirely femme now, on a full-time basis.  I use a female mesh head and body with a flat chest and a shape designed to make a female body look more masculine. Broader shoulders, narrower hips. Body thickness and muscles are maxed out and I still look too thin. I use a male body skin (or add-ons to make a female skin flat-chested), female or feminine male face skin, and male "you-know-whats". I wear almost exclusively feminine clothes these days, usually shorts and crop top, or short cute dresses, with high heels.  

It's still changing, though. On occasion, an item of clothing doesn't work at all without breasts, so occasionally I have those too, only as big as they need to be to make the clothing work. It feels like my avatar is undergoing a transition resembling that of male-to-female transition in RL. It's slow-paced, and varies a little depending on my mood of the day. I suspect that at some point I'll settle with an avatar that's fully female, though I am not there yet. 

My preferred pronouns are male ones but honestly at this point I don't even care. Most people use female pronouns for me (until they get to know me and I tell them I'm actually male) but I don't mind either way. I'll answer to any pronouns that I can pronounce. 

Why, when I don't identify as female? Well, it started because I wear a lot of fantasy consumes and take part in weekly themed contests. I decided that I could vastly increase my choices by adding a female body to my collection. And once I started doing that, I just loved it, and I couldn't bring myself to put that male body back on. SL is a lot more fun as a girl; as well as the shopping, it also makes it more social; people of both genders are much more likely to chat with girls than with guys, and as I am a very social and extrovert person, that's important to me too. I'm not roleplaying a character though. I am still basically the same person that I am in RL.

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Edited by Matty Luminos
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Which one? 😉 

Fauve’s ‘voice’ is my RL voice and reflects myself in many ways, so in that respect, yes. But I have male and female and everything in between and no gender at all avatars too. ‘She’ works for everything. 
 

For me, it has been fairly simple to address others too, address them as they present in the avatar, how they have specified in their profile or how they ask me to. 

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I identify Her/She/Female and KITTY! I add Kitty because I am often a neko in world and I have few friends call me Kitty or Kitteh though out of two I do prefer; Kitteh. :) 

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I am female in RL and also in SL.  All my alts are female as well.   I did try to make one of them a male, but I just couldn't wrap my head around being a man.  Sorry guys, but you are complicated too!  😁

@Matty Luminos I really enjoyed reading your post.  Thanks for sharing all that.

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I am and identify as male in RL. Gender doesn't matter as much to me in SL since it can be changed with a literal click of a button (which i do to varying degrees often). I always assume its easiest for people to refer to me in SL by the pronouns that most closely match my look on any given day, which is usually she. However, I don't really have a preference one way or another.  I make my choices on gender more around the fashion/fun side of things than any true gender identity.

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For myself, I am female in RL and identify as such. In SL, I'm the same. I know a number of people whose SL genders do not match their RL genders and identifiers, and some who match one but not the other. I'm privy to the reasons for some, and not others. 

I roleplay with my avi but she is not a roleplay character; she represents aspects of myself though seldom my whole self. I've considered adding a male alt for a variety of purposes, but put more than enough funds into my main account. I hardly need to add another to drain my bank account!

I'll admit to some amusement with the "voice verify your gender" crowd. a) It's not foolproof (my very male ex sounded quite effeminate over the phone, and I have several very female friends with low voices) and b) In a virtual world, I fail to see how it matters. But then, I don't really care in RL either. 

I enjoy seeing others express their gender identities, and the interesting and often quite lovely avatars that can result. People are as endlessly fascinating as they can be exasperating. 

In my, admittedly limited, experience, how one presents in SL is greatly influenced by what one hopes to get out of it.

Edited by Ariel Vuissent
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My main avatar (this one) is the same as my RL gender. However I also have several alts, of which two are female, and both of them very different to myself in appearance. My alts straddle a line between "aspects of myself" and "roleplay characters"; they're not strictly one or the other.  I find it near impossible and very uncomfortable to change the basic look of my main avatar (except for occasionally turning into a werewolf); whenever I want to do something different I use an alt. That's why I have so many of them and so little money. 

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I am female in RL and female in SL... 100% of the way. I love being a girl, I love the femininity, the curves, the lushness, the sweetness.. and all that comes with it. I completely embrace my femininity as much as I can because it has taken a while to really grow into  loving myself as I am, flaws and all.  I think it is great that we have a way to express how we feel and who we are in SL! 

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I'm a nasty ***** in both worlds, because I really do play me in both.  It's not my fault, I was abused as a teenager when Mom wouldn't let my three boyfriends stay over together.

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On 3/25/2020 at 1:15 AM, applevines said:

I wouldn't doubt if this topic has been brought up before so forgive me if this is a repeat.

The wonderful thing about Second Life is how you can be anything you want. Having said that, I very much doubt the people who choose to be dogs in SL identify as one. Gender is a whole other beast and can be pretty complicated. I've met some people who biologically do not match the sex of their avatar but they do identify as them on a gender level. I'm curious how many people out there are the opposite? I play as a male, I don't correct people when they call me a guy but in real life I am a female and identify as such. Is it wrong to say I find is easier to play as a guy? That is not meant as a dig at guys, it's just how I feel. That and the character I sort of RP as in canonically a male, but that's not really important. 

So, if you want to share where does your gender align with your avatar?

I'm sorry if I used any of the wrong terms at any point, by the way. 

Thats a rather personal question that has been asked a brazilian times.. 

In SL i am a whatzit. Male, female, neither, both, double male... Whatever. I am rarely human. I like the weird avs. Just bought a DEep One av an stalked Innsmouth for a while. 

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Yes. 

Even if I do have a Snokra avi I sometimes use, when I want to embrace being agender and/or don't really feel like wearing clothing, due to being able to completely hide all identifying organs and other notifiers.

However, most of the time I'm using my Legacy avi, whom is unmistakably female.

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I am a female in SL, and in RL. But I can understand this question as their are individuals out their who don't show their true selves, in which I don't mind at all, but the fact that some lie about it is a bit absurd. Nothing to be ashamed of, just be honest right?  

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So... if you are female that identifies as a male or male that identifies as a female... or you are in transition...   and you have a metro avatar how does one answer?

And is it gender discrimination if a lesbian refuses to date a male that identifies as female?

I don't want answers. I'm just pointing out things have gotten more complicated than most think. 

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I am male in both RL and in SL. I love that SL does allow people to explore and express gender and sexuality in ways that are often difficult in RL. If someone presents as a certain gender in SL, I respect that for their avatar. I don't care what their RL gender may be.


I have encountered a couple of situations where I could not go to an event because it was female avs only (and that if I switched to having a female av, I could attend). I found that a bit offputting and arbitrary, but I respected the rules of the event and just did not attend. It can certainly be a little complicated sometimes, but it's not hard to respect someone's rules.

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11 hours ago, Nalates Urriah said:

So... if you are female that identifies as a male or male that identifies as a female... or you are in transition...   and you have a metro avatar how does one answer?

These questions would have been difficult for me to answer too, at least up to around 2012/2013. I'm transgender, identify as male but assigned female at birth. I started SL in 2006 with a male avatar and for the first few years, I couldn't answer that question at all. "Do they mean the gender I identify with or the sex of my physical body?" My answer would have been different either way.

Now, it's no longer a problem; I started transition in 2011 (thanks at least in part to support from certain lovely people here in SL) and now the process is complete, my physical sex is male too, even if my chromosomes aren't.

Somewhat ironically, it's only been since the completion of transition that I've been comfortable using a female avatar (I have a couple of female alts). Before and during transition, using a female alt made me very uncomfortable.

10 hours ago, Cristiano Midnight said:

I have encountered a couple of situations where I could not go to an event because it was female avs only (and that if I switched to having a female av, I could attend). I found that a bit offputting and arbitrary, but I respected the rules of the event and just did not attend. It can certainly be a little complicated sometimes, but it's not hard to respect someone's rules.

There's one place I go to on occasion that's female avatars only, and I go with a female alt. I was very hesitant in the beginning and only did so because the person who invited me is one of the land/group officers and she knows who I am on both avatars, and she knows that I'm male in RL. Without an invite from someone in a position of authority there, I would not have gone. That said, the place is transgender-friendly and not specifically lesbian, and has no rule about what your RL gender should be. Places that expect their guests to be "women-born-women" are places I would never set foot in, on any avatar.

 

Edited by Lewis Luminos
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13 minutes ago, Lewis Luminos said:

There's one place I go to on occasion that's female avatars only, and I go with a female alt. I was very hesitant in the beginning and only did so because the person who invited me is one of the land/group officers and she knows who I am on both avatars, and she knows that I'm male in RL. Without an invite from someone in a position of authority there, I would not have gone. 

 

That's why it was a bit offputting to me at first - each time it has been someone who knows me and knows I'm male, so that is why it felt a bit arbitrary to be only allowed in if I put on a female av (not even switched accounts, just had a female av). I ended up not going each time - not out of protest, because I just spent a fortune getting my av all meshed out, I'm not going down the rabbit hole of having a female av to dress too or I will end up broke and homeless. :)

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