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Anyone encountered really mean people on here?


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I was curious as to whether you meant SL, these Forums or both ūüôā

The forums seem MUCH better than the drama-fest they used to be.

Within SL, it largely depends on where you go and what kinds of groups you belong to.

Unfortunately, there is an ideological schism between people who see SL as a ‚Äúgame‚ÄĚ where anonymous internet people trash talk one another, and those who see it as a virtual world populated with real people.

I am fond of Mute/Derender as a response to recreational griefers and Trolls.

I try to get along with those whom I merely disagree with however, as I am sometimes successful in differentiating between candor and trolling.

..and yeah; RL is pretty much just as bad :-)

 

...and the REALLY annoying ones ......

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Of course. People who are like that IRL don't check their racism, homophobia, misogyny/misandry, etc at the login page.

You have much better tools in SL than RL to avoid the mean people.  Block, mute, ban.  TP away.  Don't give them any attention.  Find somewhere else to hang out.  

There are mean people here as in real life.  You've evidently met some of them, and my advice would be to avoid them. 

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Sure, but it¬īs a waste of time and energy to deal with them with the hope, that they would change their behavior. It will never happen really. People who have meanness deeply rooted in their personality don¬īt care about other people and possible sanctions like a ban.¬† Just block and leave them alone simply. It¬īs better to Interrupt any contact to them quickly before it ends a waste drama.

Edited by TSorrow
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On 3/16/2020 at 9:29 AM, Tolya Ugajin said:

First, mean is in the eye of the beholder.  Some people are just whiny cupcakes who cry over every perceived slight, real or imagined.  Perhaps there would be less "meanness" and "bullying" if people stopped being so darned fragile.

Second, SL is an anonymous medium.  People's worst tendencies are accentuated in such media.  That's why Farcebook is such a morass of jassackery.  That's why you see people (myself included) more open about their kinks and perversions here, among other things, while at the same time being extremely cautious of their RL information becoming public.  Meanwhile, the mentality that precious little snowflakes are entitled to an existence where no poopoo heads are ever mean to them is also exaggerated, because, well, the Lab should make everyone be nice.  It's like watching kindergartners cry sometimes.

Third, unlike in RL, you have the absolute ability to restrict who you hear - simply mute and move on.  Take control of your own SL experience rather than letting the jackinapes control you.

When my club was open and running high traffic, it wasn't the griefers and trolls and lag and cost that got me, it was the constant barrage of complaining about "Johnny is being a jerk" by grown adults who should be able to handle interpersonal issues themselves that finally made me close it.  I'm not sure what makes SL worse - the trolls and griefers, or the adult children who expect someone else to solve every little problem.  The world is full of Richards - deal with it.

I was raised on tough love ;) 

I gotta say that the latter is way worse through my experiences.  They whine over every little thing and then say something along the lines of: "Oh you're being insensitive" and whah whah, they wouldn't truly know what something insensitive really was. They just throw just words around willy-nilly.

In a ironic twist, I've found that most trolls are far more mature than most residents are. They just do these things to get a reaction out of these specific people and it works and these people then wonder why: "Why am I being trolled!?" etc etc. Shouldn't it be obvious? These man-children give them ammo for it.

Edited by Simo Vodopan
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7 minutes ago, Simo Vodopan said:

In a ironic twist, I've found that most trolls are far more mature than most residents are. They just do these things to get a reaction out of these specific people and it works and these people then wonder why: "Why am I being trolled!?" etc etc. Shouldn't it be obvious? These man-children give them ammo for it.

Ahem, not that this describes me on the Forum at all, noooooo, not a bit!  Some times, and some people, it's just too darned fun to push their buttons.

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I have, but whatever mean things people say to me is their prerogative and I take them as such. I often find that when people are being excessively mean without the intention of trolling, they do that to deal with their insecurities for whatever reason, and sometimes when we don't take the mean things they say to heart and just treat it like a normal social situation they'll start to open up and we'll see the person behind the mean words :)

The best way to get over people's mean words is to not let them affect you, if you have low tolerance to insults you can block or mute them but learning how to not let them affect you in the first place is the best thing you can do.

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On 3/15/2020 at 11:34 PM, Axelfoxthefoxyfluff said:

I mean like toxic people who don't seem to know or care that when they are acting mean, that they are hurting real people with how they act.

The initial question here was really smart. Many people don't understand that some people are oblivious to how they act. Or they don't understand the ways that others are likely to perceive their actions. Combine someone who's oblivious to how they are perceived with somebody who's certain every slight is deliberate? That's where the really dramatic clashes begin.

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On 3/16/2020 at 1:34 AM, Axelfoxthefoxyfluff said:

I mean like toxic people who don't seem to know or care that when they are acting mean, that they are hurting real people with how they act.

Most of them have me muted, so in a way they are really being nice to me... i guess it's all just a matter of perspective that's all.

 

 

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Some people on here really have problems when they descend into anger, expletives and abusiveness within a few IMs the last I experienced yesterday one of these types of people ended with "I hope you die of Corona virus" because they didn't like what I told them, it's not my fault if a group called "Free Land" has never given away any free land in 11+ years despite the group description saying it would

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Although I hate generalisations, ........................those who descend into juvenile playground insults like "I hope you die of......" know they have lost the argument, and that's their last throw of the dice. I don't hear it very often, but I can just shrug it off, as the words of frustration and anger, and lack of rational thinking.

I'm half Vulcan by the way. :)

 

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Recently I witnessed a vicious and truly nasty spat between a club owner and a DJ in the club's group chat.  I was actually quite shocked even though it was difficult to work out what the row was actually about.

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11 minutes ago, Conifer Dada said:

Recently I witnessed a vicious and truly nasty spat between a club owner and a DJ in the club's group chat.  I was actually quite shocked even though it was difficult to work out what the row was actually about.

I'm imagining the scenario at Club Nasty Pants with live screeching by club owner Pantsface Nasty and DJ Inyerface Nasty as they head to their third divorce this year.

Disclaimer: These people are not real.

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20 hours ago, BelindaN said:

Although I hate generalisations, ........................those who descend into juvenile playground insults like "I hope you die of......" know they have lost the argument, and that's their last throw of the dice. I don't hear it very often, but I can just shrug it off, as the words of frustration and anger, and lack of rational thinking.

I'm half Vulcan by the way. :)

 

and half Betazoid , maybe :) ?

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I've only ever encountered a few truly mean/toxic people in my time in SL thankfully. They end up on my block list.

The most commonly toxic person I find are those intent on finding anything and everything to dislike or judge others on if the person does not fit into a certain criteria. Those are the type I encounter most who like to tell me I'm fake because no one can be that nice.

I'm the same person here in SL as I am in RL. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not. I'm sure there are plenty out there who feel I'm not good enough. I no longer worry about it. It's hard not to care what others think, but it's an important life lesson of survival to learn to let it go. 

Edited by LyricalBookworm
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I've ran across more rude people than outright mean/toxic ones. In fact, I have the pleasure of saying no one has been exactly hateful to me. Rude, of course but not toxic. But if they do, well I've been told about this nifty little function called the BLOCK button. 

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it happens... sometimes its just litle things, nothing serious, but once...

 

The last time was with someone i considered a friend. He made all kind of avatar looks. last tme he dressed up as a dirte fat man (one that looks like stealing children with hin van) we had a chat at my place and ended up sunbathing, each of us had a chair.

I excused  myself to be afk for 1 minut but as i returned he jumped my avatar and started to talk sexual, touching my avatar and stuff. 

I honestly was just shocked. i never did anything lie this before, but i banned him from my land, removed him from my friendlist and blocked him.

In my many years on sl this was the first time something like this happend.

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On 3/16/2020 at 5:08 PM, BelindaN said:

Not so many but yes, toxic, poisonous, sexually predatory, mysoginistic‚Ķ‚Ķ‚Ķ..and that was just one...‚Ķ..ūüėĚ

 

Well played, well played!¬†ūüŹÜ

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In all my time on the forum here, I have identified literally only 1 true troll. (She knows who she is). The rest is just, well, regular human. (That doesn't necessarily mean super-good per se, just annoying, bellicose a times, adversarial, grumpy, etc; and, as Pixie said, sometimes remarkably sweet, helpful and kind).

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On 3/16/2020 at 1:34 AM, Axelfoxthefoxyfluff said:

I mean like toxic people who don't seem to know or care that when they are acting mean, that they are hurting real people with how they act.

Not lately on here, although I've met my fair share in the past, just as a lot of places on the internet.. I've just become more experienced in how to deal with them than before.

There are a lot of people that can't handle the internet and tend to let their inhibitions go wild when they feel they are anonymous..

In RL people tend to be a little more cautious than they are on the internet, because they can't be reached out and touched or dealt with so quickly online.

When people think they are safe they can be totally different person than when there might be a price to pay..

I can go to a bar in RL with my girlfriends and will have a bunch of hard legs bother us all night long.. But, If my husband showed up and sat down with us, it would stop on a dime. Because a real threat to them has been entered into the equation.

online, it's best to ignore mean people soon as possible,because they can tend to eat up your time..

 

A funny thing that kind of cracks me up is something like facebook or other social networking places..Even people that know each other,will act differently online with each other, than when they are in front of each other in person..

I wouldn't worry so much about the people online as i would the ones in RL..Just know that more than likely most of the Aholes online, wouldn't say or do most of the mean things in RL as they would online.. Because of the Cojones factor that RL spins on it. Many don't have any RL Cojones.

hehehe

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On 3/20/2020 at 10:44 PM, Soft Linden said:

The initial question here was really smart. Many people don't understand that some people are oblivious to how they act. Or they don't understand the ways that others are likely to perceive their actions. Combine someone who's oblivious to how they are perceived with somebody who's certain every slight is deliberate? That's where the really dramatic clashes begin.

And when the really dramatic clashes begin, we see where the lack of moderation is. Should we be encouraging someone to flame against others? Are we in fact feeding another's N.P.D. by doing so?  What damage to the mental wellbeing is actually being done when mods leave people to their own devices? How bad will Linden Lab look like as a company WHEN someone is driven to suicide because "... words can never harm us"?  

These questions, and more, will (probably) never be answered. 

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4 hours ago, Kokoro Swansong said:

I excused  myself to be afk for 1 minut but as i returned he jumped my avatar and started to talk sexual, touching my avatar and stuff.

With the amount of "afk" sex places and beaches around lately, a lot of mentally challenged guys are taking ANY "afk" typing as..."I'm shy, so I'll pretend not be here while you fk me ok?"! It's all pretty sad but if that's how he thinks then you did good to get rid of him. (You can also avoid such predicaments by buying PG furniture and not ADULT furniture.)
 

 

3 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

I can go to a bar in RL with my girlfriends and will have a bunch of hard legs bother us all night long

I have a small hunch that maybe that wasn't their legs?¬†¬†ūüėź

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