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MALE playing female? Is it frowned upon?


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4 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Maybe, just maybe, between the threads that were on SLU and the ones here over the years, "they" finally got the message.

.

.

.

Nah. That would be too much of a good thing.

I spoke too soon; I had one this evening, from a week-old newbie with a blank profile. Just "Hi," followed by silence.

So I IMd him back to say welcome to SL and did he need any help or have any questions. We got chatting about SL and it turns out that he really wants to learn scripting so I found some resources for him and pointed him towards the Builders Brewery. He seemed very keen and was extremely grateful for the guidance.

So that's one that ended well. 

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Play whatever you like. That's the point. Be as open about playing cross gender as you like. That's the point. Lots of people do for almost as many personal reasons (and it's not limited to

Yes.   If you are going to be a girl, be a girl.  Don't constantly bring up the fact you are a guy.  And KC Couture has the best shoes at the best prices.

Hello, my name is Sisil String here in SL, I have been off and on the grid for over 10 years now, when I first started playing I presented as female. As the months and years led on I started using voi

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12 hours ago, Matty Luminos said:

I spoke too soon; I had one this evening, from a week-old newbie with a blank profile. Just "Hi," followed by silence.

So I IMd him back to say welcome to SL and did he need any help or have any questions. We got chatting about SL and it turns out that he really wants to learn scripting so I found some resources for him and pointed him towards the Builders Brewery. He seemed very keen and was extremely grateful for the guidance.

So that's one that ended well. 

That's good to hear! I really think residents need to be more open-minded when it comes to unsolicited IMs from other residents/noobs. I realise that sometimes it's SLex pests trying to get lucky, but there's also a lot of socially awkward people out there who feel more comfortable making virtual connections from behind the safety of their screen.  

Not everyone's intro game is that strong! So I'll even give people the benefit of the doubt when their opening line is a "Hi" or a "How are you". 

There's nothing to lose really. It takes a couple of seconds to respond, and if the conversation doesn't develop, goes somewhere unpleasant, or it's clear there is't a connection, then simply say goodbye and block the user if necessary. I think it's worth it for the occasions when it could turn into a friendship/something more. 

I'm aware a lot of people use SL as an escape and are happy to hide away in their skybox listening to music, editing pics, designing, scripting or whatever. And nobody is under any obligation to do anything they don't want. But for me there's an element of etiquette/politeness in not totally ignoring someone, and not approaching every interaction with an eye-roll and a "here we go again" attitude.

Although I identify as an introvert, I'm also a TYPE 9 personality and a social person in both worlds! In RL I live in a big city where everyone is sceptical/fearful/indifferent to each-other so I definitely feel more comfortable initiating a conversation with strangers in SL. If I see an interesting looking avatar or read an interesting profile then often I'll be happy to say hello and comment on whatever it is that captured my interest.

I'd say I spend roughly 50% SL time alone and 50% with friends/other people, and the moments spent with others are generally more rewarding. I'd be curious to hear the ratio for other people and if they agree? 😊

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1 hour ago, MayaSmit said:

I'd say I spend roughly 50% SL time alone and 50% with friends/other people, and the moments spent with others are generally more rewarding. I'd be curious to hear the ratio for other people and if they agree? 

I always prefer to be sociable, but as I am in the UK I am only online before 4pm, so I spend a great deal more time alone in SL than I want to. Probably much more than 50%. If I lived in the US it would be closer to 10%.

Edited by Matty Luminos
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2 hours ago, MayaSmit said:

There's nothing to lose really. It takes a couple of seconds to respond, and if the conversation doesn't develop, goes somewhere unpleasant, or it's clear there is't a connection, then simply say goodbye and block the user if necessary. I think it's worth it for the occasions when it could turn into a friendship/something more. 

In 16 years, it has never happened that way. It's always been some jerk wanting what he isn't going to get. Always.

 

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2 hours ago, MayaSmit said:

I'd say I spend roughly 50% SL time alone and 50% with friends/other people, and the moments spent with others are generally more rewarding. I'd be curious to hear the ratio for other people and if they agree? 

About 99% of the time I'm alone. No, I don't like it. It's just how it is and there's nothing I can do to change it. Apparently, I scare people, but noone has ever been able to tell me why. At 5' 4", 120lbs, I'm hardly intimidating.

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On 2/27/2020 at 8:00 PM, Sisil String said:

Hello, my name is Sisil String here in SL, I have been off and on the grid for over 10 years now, when I first started playing I presented as female. As the months and years led on I started using voice more often and transitioned my avatar to male to avoid explaining why I played a female, or even the thought of explaining to someone so I stopped using voice. I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.

I am married in real life, so I'm not even looking for anything romantic in second life. I love the friends, games, and RP here. Along with shopping and hanging out and meeting people. 

I keep taking breaks because I dont like playing a male avatar and I feel like people might think I'm a freak of I play as a female avatar? Should I go back and play as a female or play as a male but be unhappy with MY SECOND LIFE? Any tips or advice anyone can give me?

Sorry for the long dragged on personal novel. I just had to get it off my chest.

No, it's not frowned upon but I think it made you feel awkward when using voice.

If I were a male avatar and used voice, I'd feel awkward too...like I have to explain myself because I have a female rl voice.  I'd be putting myself in the spotlight so to speak with using voice unless I morphed it or something but I don't use voice at all at this time.  I did once and found the hassle of it all very disappointing because the people could type English but their accent was so heavy I could not understand their spoken English on voice.  I kept having to say things like "sorry, I don't quite understand what you are saying...could you repeat that?"...etc...and etc.  

If you plan to be a different gender and use voice there are tips to make it seem more realistic.  I don't know any of those tips but you might want to search out that information.

 

 

Edited by FairreLilette
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Voice changers have come a long way.  Shop your local guitar or music stores and you can find some that will harmonize with both male and female voices simultaneously with your own.  You can have your own choir if you want :D

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I have a female friend in SL who, in RL is a straight male who is married with children.  He prefers to play as a female for personal reasons I won't go into (not my place, and all that.)

I will say that she said the being a female has opened his eyes to how women are treated, both in SL & RL, and made him a devoted feminist.  

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On 3/14/2020 at 1:45 PM, Rhonda Huntress said:

Voice changers have come a long way.  Shop your local guitar or music stores and you can find some that will harmonize with both male and female voices simultaneously with your own.  You can have your own choir if you want :D

 

Nice. I'll be able to make a band called Luna & The Moonstones. I wonder how much they cost. O_O

 

As for this topic's discussion, voice freaks me out in general. I'd rather type. I can't always articulate very well, what I'm saying, in voice. So, text is far easier. For those that frown upon it, I don't understand why. Not like you're actually going to meet the person. Then again, I'm also paranoid. Yay anxiety. lol

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On 3/14/2020 at 2:45 PM, Rhonda Huntress said:

Voice changers have come a long way.  Shop your local guitar or music stores and you can find some that will harmonize with both male and female voices simultaneously with your own.  You can have your own choir if you want :D

 

You CAN?  How do they deal with the processing lag time??

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On 2/29/2020 at 11:50 AM, Matty Luminos said:

As an experiment, I've temporarily removed references to my RL gender from my profile. I'm curious to see what changes.

After a month of this experiment I think I can safely say that nothing changed.

Apparently no-one reads them anyway.

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You're avatar is whoever you want it to be and I respect that. even if your just a prim cube i will still edit you and be your friend.

Edited by Shansi Kenin
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  • 4 weeks later...
On 2/28/2020 at 3:11 PM, cheesecurd said:

Hell, I play male and female avatars all the time, though dominantly female. And people always say they can tell I’m a guy, and then also say they can tell I’m a girl when I play as a guy, little do they know that there’s 2 people using this account and they’re both wrong and right at the exact same time.

Schrödingers Avatar?

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Using an avatar of the other sex is a great opportunity to learn about societal gender roles, biases, and how they all tend to be BS. I'd recommend that everyone have three avatars: one female, one male, and one fluid. You learn a lot about the world when you experience it through someone else's eyes.

 

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As long as you aren't misleading romantically...I really don't think it's a problem. One of my good SL friends plays a man av and a female av. I think it's awesome personally, ha.

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OP, if you've seen a Dalek in SL it might have been me. But I'm actually human. 

No, it's not the same, I know that. But I fail to see how it is anyone's business as long as you're not hurting anyone. I don't care, and I don't know anyone who does.

Managing one gender is enough for me. If you manage two, you are better at multitasking than I am.

 

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On 2/27/2020 at 11:00 PM, Sisil String said:

Hello, my name is Sisil String here in SL, I have been off and on the grid for over 10 years now, when I first started playing I presented as female. As the months and years led on I started using voice more often and transitioned my avatar to male to avoid explaining why I played a female, or even the thought of explaining to someone so I stopped using voice. I like playing ad a female, because I just love dressing them up and all of the different options we have on the grid to customize.

I am married in real life, so I'm not even looking for anything romantic in second life. I love the friends, games, and RP here. Along with shopping and hanging out and meeting people. 

I keep taking breaks because I dont like playing a male avatar and I feel like people might think I'm a freak of I play as a female avatar? Should I go back and play as a female or play as a male but be unhappy with MY SECOND LIFE? Any tips or advice anyone can give me?

Sorry for the long dragged on personal novel. I just had to get it off my chest.

It is your second life.  Just be a nice person., whatever pixels you're wearing.  Whether you present as your First Life gender or not, is really not that relevant.  Tell people or don't.  Be male, female or something in between.

I have friends who i know are not the gender they're presenting as in SL and a few I suspect are not. I have one friend who has transitioned since coming into SL -- she presented as male the first time I saw her, but no longer does so and with the new names, she has been able to change her name.  Not sure how far her transition in real life has gone, but I think SL was a chance for her to live the gender she knew herself to be.  Some people are transitioning. Some just enjoy being somewhat different from their real lives.  The point is to be true to your self and enjoy yourself.  People have shared with me their FL gender after a time of me getting to know them, some are just who they are.  I don't think it matters.

I have both male and female avatars and I play them quite differently, though that surprised even me!  It's interesting presenting as male how differently I'm treated. I mostly present as my FL gender (female) but I am not going to explain to anyone why I have a male avatar or why I find myself channeling a more masculine self. 

I too am married and I'm not here for the sex or any kind of relationship other than friendship, so that doesn't enter into it in either gender. I have made friends as my 'man-vi' self who don't know I'm female and I have no reason to enlighten them different.  It would just make some of them uncomfortable and cause a need for explanations I don't come to SL to give.

In real life I'm  a somewhat androgynous Cis, bi female, married to a man and though I'm not in any closets, I am pretty sure there are a lot of people who assume I am straight.  My point is that I'm living my life for me and I am not trying to prove I'm X or Y.

I came to SL to be myself but also to have fun with things like my blue hair.  I am in SL to enjoy my SL.  I don't answer to anyone here even more than in real life.  Real life has some constraints, SL has fewer. As long as I am a decent person, I believe I owe it to myself to be myself.

So... I say, Enjoy!

Blue

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On 3/12/2020 at 9:00 AM, MayaSmit said:

That's good to hear! I really think residents need to be more open-minded when it comes to unsolicited IMs from other residents/noobs. I realise that sometimes it's SLex pests trying to get lucky, but there's also a lot of socially awkward people out there who feel more comfortable making virtual connections from behind the safety of their screen.  

Not everyone's intro game is that strong! So I'll even give people the benefit of the doubt when their opening line is a "Hi" or a "How are you". 

There's nothing to lose really. It takes a couple of seconds to respond, and if the conversation doesn't develop, goes somewhere unpleasant, or it's clear there is't a connection, then simply say goodbye and block the user if necessary. I think it's worth it for the occasions when it could turn into a friendship/something more. 

I'm aware a lot of people use SL as an escape and are happy to hide away in their skybox listening to music, editing pics, designing, scripting or whatever. And nobody is under any obligation to do anything they don't want. But for me there's an element of etiquette/politeness in not totally ignoring someone, and not approaching every interaction with an eye-roll and a "here we go again" attitude.

Although I identify as an introvert, I'm also a TYPE 9 personality and a social person in both worlds! In RL I live in a big city where everyone is sceptical/fearful/indifferent to each-other so I definitely feel more comfortable initiating a conversation with strangers in SL. If I see an interesting looking avatar or read an interesting profile then often I'll be happy to say hello and comment on whatever it is that captured my interest.

I'd say I spend roughly 50% SL time alone and 50% with friends/other people, and the moments spent with others are generally more rewarding. I'd be curious to hear the ratio for other people and if they agree? 😊

I spent the first six months of my time in SL basically alone, exploring and learning how to take pictures of beautiful places, some of which aren't around anymore.  I am so glad I got to do that. I learned a lot and did a lot of the frustrating/embarrassing things by myself...  but it was actually needing help that started to connect me with others.  Two of the first three women I became friends with were people who helped me or rescued me.  I spend a lot of time with people now.  Sometimes I wish I had more alone time, but i would not give up my friends for anything.

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Its not frowned upon, but being up front about it is important like you are doing.  Some aren’t and Some guys would like a biological girl.  Not fake or a trans.  what does a guy know how a girl feels or should act?

Edited by StrykerHawk
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